Authors note: Yes, I'm starting a new fic. For any of you reading Blood Red Moon, it's paused for a bit, I've hit a road block with it. If anyone wants to help, PM me.

"There's so much hate for the ones we love?

Tell me, we both matter, don't we?

You, you and me

You and me, won't be unhappy. "

PLACEBO - RUNNING UP THAT HILL

JOURNAL ENTRY

October 1st, 2011

These violent delights have violent ends and in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which as they kiss consume.

Those words that I had to much of a romantic mind and believed that it was actually a good quote. That Edward was my Romeo, and I his Juliet. In the end, I would join him in death. Just a un-dead death. That merely showcased how ignorant I truly was. Romeo and Juliet was a tragedy. Violent passion, always has a violent end. Now my life was one, he left me dead and broken, but it wasn't showing. It was internal, and feirce with it's pain. The numbness that consumed my soul when I wasn't in pain. My life would have had little meaning if it had ended when I wanted it to. Such a naive little girl I was. Yet I'm still here, scawling down bitter words in my therapy journal I was told I should start keeping. Even though I had to lie to her, she was helping me get over some things. After how hurt, simply betrayed my best friend, my boyfriend had caused, I was angry. Violently mad. Like any woman should have been after you find the man you finally think you can fully love in the arms a bleach blonde, carpet not matching the drapery at all whore with fake everything. What set me apart, was after all the anger. I gave up. I wanted to die, to simply end it all. The fighter finally tapped out inside of me. The scars on my wrist's were an everyday reminder of this. Well there it is, my weekly repeating of what I've lived through, of what I can overcome. Maybe I don't like that woman after all.

The Story-

Much like he foretold, my memories began to fade, the pain eased, it took it's damn time but it eased nevertheless. The weeks past, the months past and soon even the years past. I had my distractions. Jacob Black had helped me, so much I could never repay him, but he had wanted more. I gave it to him, it hopes that he wouldn't give up on me. Yet there was a peice still missing from my glued together form. I wasn't perfect, but I don't think I deserved to be fucked around on when I was off in college.

I left Forks, and all the horrible memories, behind after graduating from Washington University. Once it hit me, that I wanted to help people, that I always had, it was easy for me to switch my nothing more than a zombie existence into something productive. I saved money, grants and a small scholarship paid my way through school. I worked hard, took on a small role at the hospital in Forks during my Senior year, and even took summer classes. Plus working at a clinic in Seattle, all while attending the university. I was twenty-one when I became a certified ER nurse. I felt I could help the most there. My fear of blood was gone, long gone, my will power became stronger. I no longer got nauseated.

My move wasn't planned, I was still clinging to a lost hope that one day, they just might come back. I spent my first year at the Hospital in Seattle, before they switched me to Tacoma. Another year spent there and I was looking to move. My bones ached for the heat, I was sick of the grim whether that haunted me. So I started looking, with luck that I rarely had, I found a perfect job. It was my first time on my own, really, really on my own. Semi small town, but enough traffic to keep me busy. Wickenburg Arizona was the place to be. So I packed up my small apartment, abandoning my couch, but the rest fit in the back of my truck.

Not the beast from my teenage years, it unfortunately died on me. I owned an older Ford Ranger my father had helped me purchase. I found a small house, one bedroom, with small features, but it just seemed to fit me. It was solid and made of red brick, plus the rent was cheap. Glendale Arizona has been just a semi short drive to Phoenix. It was a large city that I could easily get lost in. The hospital was always busy, with little break time. I liked it. I had even made a few friends out of the other younger nurses, but the older ones seemed to stay away or shoot me dirty looks. I worked the night shifts, I had trouble sleeping so it was perfectly fine for me to be up all night, catch a few hours in the morning then spend the rest of the day in the bright sun.

My place was as put together as it could be, simple furniture, all of my books, even a smaller television. Simple, neat, dark and as my mother told me very chic for what it was. I sighed as I looked over the file in front of me. Mr. Bane was in here again, I swear he came in just to be a thorn in my side. He was an evil old man that liked to grab my ass and think he could get away with it.

"Bellla!" Zoey came rushing up to me, she had bright pink scrubs on today, always the brightest here. When I stuck with a dark blue or black.

"What's up Zoe?"

"Theres going to be a new night shift Doctor, Laurie-Ann said he's gorgous! And young!" She was squealing like a school girl. I merely rolled my eyes at her, and began walking the circle that was the general admittance for non critical emergencies.

"We don't need no Docter drama Zoey."

"Oh can you not always be a cranky-butt?"

"I'm not a cranky but, I just like my work. Staff can't date."

"No, you can't date."

"I date!" I said it a little too loudly, my lying habits were never good. I hadn't dated anyone since Jacob. And that was two years age, but she didn't know that.

"Who? Name someone."

"Um.. I don't need to date, I just need to focus on work for right-"

"Your here aren't you? You've been a nurse for three years B, you can calm down just a bit. At least come out with me this Friday, like you've been promised." She looked at me with those huge puppy eyes and I just couldn't say no to her.

"Fine, as long as you don't make a fool of yourself if Laurie is telling the truth." She rolled her eyes while nodding her head. "Z, say it."

"Finnne! I'll leave him alone." She unhappily crossed her arms around her chest. I laughed slightly, entering Mr. Banes room, sliding open the green curtain.

The sight before me made me want to sanitize my eyes with alcohol, but it was nothing I hadn't seen before. "Mr. Bane!" I switched back the cloth before Zoey could enter, merely shaking my head rapidly. "That's it, I've had it. We need a phyc eval for him. Or security."

"What is he doing now? Posing on the bed waiting for you?" She was on the verge of laughter, and it angered me. She didn't have to view a naked ancient man every week, or now a naked ancient man getting himself off. My whole body shuddered.

"I'm trying to forget what I just saw!" I saw Doctor Cole walking by, a gentle older man who was a very good doctor. Handsome features, but still had a note of plane about him."Sir?" I caught up to his quick pace, leaving Zoey to finish the rounds."Mr. Bane, does he have any family at all? There has to be something we can do to make him stop doing this."

"What's the man done now Swan?" His tone was tired, but not of me, it held no traces of anger, he simply was tired. Blood rushed to my cheeks at having to answer.

"He was uh.. He was naked on the bed, masturbating." His walk jolted before carrying on.

"I'll get a head shrink here, and contact the admin to see if she can get him in a home or something over the night. Might scare him off more so than the guards. "

"Thank you." He nodded, pressing the button on the elevator we had arrived at. He seemed to ponder something before turning to me.

"There will be a knew night shift docter. I won't be here anymore, getting to tiring for me. I'm out of the clear for being a new doc, so I can take some slack. You know, you should sometime. Maybe we could together? Go out sometime?" Making me jump, the elevator door ding'd open.

"Um.. "I quickly turned from him to look at the occupants of the elevator. The back of a pale blonde haired man was facing me, in a nice expensive suit from what I could tell. The administrator, or the boss of this wing was there as well, her name was Janice and she was a bitter old hag. They tend to exist, their conversation finally floating to my ears as soon as I saw the head turning towards me.

I was greeted by a familiar set of molten gold eyes, movie star looks and icy skin. My breathing caught in my chest. Docter Cole, Jonathan, coughed. "I'll talk to you later Swan."

He came walking out, just as flawless of a strut as before, Janice beside him. I could see the shock that was clear, he had always had an expressive face. "Carlisle, this is Bella Swan, the head ER Nurse for this ward. She is relatively new as well. Ms. Swan, this is Docter Cullen."

His hand gracefully reached out towards me. "Bella and I have been acquainted before."

"Hello Carlisle." I said voice breaking only once. Why he would tell her that? I took his hand, smiling a little to large at him, attempting to mask my feelings. The cool grasp was something so familiar, yet so far away. I had tried to block everything out.

"Oh? How?" The gossip whore asked. I briefly thought of answering by, 'Well, I dated his vampire son, that really isn't his son, but we broke up after his other son tried to bite my face off. But it wasn't all that, it was because I just wasn't good enough for vampires.' But instead, Carlisle answered for me.

"We went to school together, I met her on campus."

"Oh! Isn't that nice!" She batted her overly mascara'd lashes that were lined with a gaudy blue, her hand touching his shoulder lightly.

Nothing had changed, everything was the same. Oh no.. Where they all here? Of course they all would be here! I came here for a reason, the big bright sun hanging in the sky. Why were they here?! While I had my inner turmoil, they were turning to leave, showing him around the ward. "Bella? Please, call me. We should catch up." He placed a card in my hand, closing my fingers around it, before he jogged lightly back to the shocked woman.

I shook myself, refocusing on my work. If I thought about that, kept busy, then I wouldn't have to think about my reality.