"Justin, Heather and Harold Review Bad Video Games!"
Rated M for Strong Language
Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama series or anything that's associated with the Angry Video Game Nerd.
Chapter 1: Custer's Revenge
Somehow, the camera seems to be closed up in Harold's room. Somehow, the camera seems to enter what seems to be Harold's basement, where there is a huge library of video games scattered all over the place. All of them are either Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, or Atari 2600 games. We see three certain people from the Total Drama series surrounding a huge definition TV and as the camera closes up to them, Harold decides to speak first.
"Hey..." Harold said as he wheezed a bit, "This is our web show where we review horribly bad video games... and that's pretty much it. I'm Harold... GOSH!"
"I'm Heather. I'm known as the Queen Bee of the group." Heather said right to the camera.
"And I'm Justin! The only reason why I'm on here it's because I add sex appeal to the show. And it's working." Justin said with a wink to the camera.
"And inspired by the Angry Video Game Nerd, we've decided to pull off our horrible video game reviewing show of our own! Sorry, we couldn't come up with a title, since I sorta sneezed on the paper. We were busy drawing the title choices out of a hat and we didn't have time." Harold said as he felt disappointment in his face.
"Next time, I think of the title itself!" Heather exclaimed angrily to Harold, who sniffled.
"Yeah, dude." Justin said to Harold as well, "Let's just put in the game already."
"Fine! Idiot!" Harold exclaimed as he grabbed a Atari 2600 game which happened to be the title called 'Custer's Revenge', one of the first adult-oriented games. The nerd turned right into the camera and showed everyone watching at home the game. "Okay, the first game we're gonna review today is a title by the name of "Custer's Revenge". Of course, it was based on General George Armstrong Custer, one of the most famous generals in the American Civil war, which was fought in..."
"Nobody gives a fuck, Harold! Just turn on the game!" Heather exclaimed as she cut the nerd off rudely.
"Fine, fine! Don't have a bird!" Harold exclaimed with irritation as he put the game right in the Atari 2600.
The game screen appeared onto the TV, seeing what seems to be a naked man with pretty much an erect penis and wearing a general Civil War hat. Justin somehow let out a pretty shocking laugh.
"Holy crap! He's frickin' naked!" Justin laughed.
"What kind of a game is this?" Heather said as she was so much offended by the naked general, "His penis looks like a fuckin' finger!"
"It looks like it to me. It's like the smallest penis in gaming history. GOSH!" Harold exclaimed as he now started to move his character forward while Justin kept on talking as if.
"Okay, get this people... you're General Custer and the only thing you have to do is to just avoid arrows having to rain down right on you. Okay, I've never seen this game in my life, but I'm starting to get the hang of this. All that happens is that you just have to avoid them for as long as you can until you die." Justin said as Harold started to dodge a few arrows through a couple of screens.
"Okay, so far, I'm still in the clear!" Harold exclaimed as he yet dodged a few more arrows and past a couple of screens.
"Is this what this total shit-fest is all about? Just dodging arrows?" Heather complained.
"I'm afraid it is what it is." Justin connected with a smirk as Harold finally got to the final screen where it showed a small nude Native American woman waiting for the general while being tied to a pole. Heather was once again offended as usual.
"My god, is she naked too? What kind of fucking Indian shit is this? It's like a bad Civil War porno!" Heather said with a serious chuckle.
"Heh, I guess kids were knowing to see what digitized sex really looked like in the 80's..." Justin chuckled a bit before Harold's character finally dodged a few arrows before finally getting to the nude Indian woman.
But then, in an instant, both the general and the hot Indian woman started doing it! Fucking like crazy on top of a desert. Both Justin and Harold all had satisfaction on their faces while Heather still looked very much disgusted.
"My god! Who in the hell made this unholy shit-bomb of a game?" Heather raised her eyebrow as she still saw the horny general bang the Indian harder than gangbusters. "I would rather roll up a piece of moldy banana alongside a crusty dog turd and have a diseased hobo smoke it than to watch this filth."
"Since when did you suddenly become so feminist?" Harold said right to Heather as he still focused on the digitized pair just getting it on.
"I'm not that feminist!" Heather said with such accused exclamation. "I just think it's sick that it's just two lumpy digitized human begins doing it. I prefer real sex over this horrible nutbag of a sex game. I can't even believe you guys are actually enjoying it!"
"Dude, how on earth can people say it's a horrible game when this game is really hot?" Justin chuckled once again as the horny general and the hot Indian still kept going at it like gangbusters, "Boy, was this a mistake when everyone trashed this game."
After Justin and Harold were still fixated with the horrible sexrape of a video game, Heather seemed to look right into the 'Custer's Revenge' game box.
"The game's literature states 'if the kids catch you and should ask, tell them Custer and the maiden are just dancing.'" Heather read right at the game box as Justin and Harold were still laughing like horny hard-on wolves. "It sure as hell doesn't look like dancing to me, it's more like humping..."
"Yep! This is a shit-load of fun! I'm calling Geoff on the phone and see if he wants to come over! Not a sexual term if you call it that." Justin said right to Heather as he soon left out of the basement. Knowing that she's already bored with this, Heather turned to the camera and finally gave her opinion.
"So far, 'Custer's Revenge' is a horrible stinkload that it feels like a piece of shit just taking a shit. It just features a general going to have sex with a Native American again, again, and again while trying to avoid digitized strapons that looks too much like pointy arrows. So if you don't want the slightest chance of getting gonorrhea or chlamydia, then I suggest you avoid this game. So far, I give this horrible excuse of Civil War sex 0.5 out of 5 stars. Case closed, now I'm going to the can and taking a dump just to regret what I saw. Harold, you coming?"
Heather suddenly turned to the nerd who was still fixated by blocky video game sex. Heather even tried to wave her hand just to make Harold snap it out from his little dream world.
"Oh, why in the porcupine's butthole do I even bother talking to him...?" Heather spoke to herself as she left the room which still left Harold zombified as fuck on earth itself.
"Boobies..." Harold said in a zombified voice, which closed out the first episode in zombified glory.
Heh, no wonder the Atari 2600 died out 30 years ago! Hmmmm, I wonder why? We'll find out the truth later in the story.
Anyway, which horrible video game you wanna see the trio review next?
American Gladiators for the Super Nintendo
Double Dare for the Nintendo Entertainment System
Make sure you read and review, everyone! I hope the Angry Video Game Nerd is impressed by this!