I am an awful person, for taking this long. I lost my progress in a computer crash… yes, another one! Do forgive me!

On'na - woman

Zoro reeled backwards in shock. 'W-What? What the hell was that?' he thought, his mind spinning as he desperately tried to return to the present. He blinked dumbly at her for a few moments before vigorously shaking his head.

"N-No! Baka on'na!" he sputtered, feeling red heat surge up his neck and cheeks. Damn her. He could get any woman he wanted, and he often did, but this drunken witch had reduced him to a sputtering ninny, which he certainly was not! She whimpered, dragging his focus back to her.

"B-but Zorroo," she complained, peering up at him with large, pleading eyes. "I've been wondering for sssooo d- hic… damn long… about what you would taste like…" she whined, slapping weakly at his chest. Zoro blinked, the heat in his face a constant distraction… until she pursed her lips. Like she really wanted him to –






This was not a train of thought admirable in a master swordsman such as him. He should banish these thoughts of giving in to her, because Roronoa Zoro never gave in to anyone unless by Captain's Order. He would not start giving in now.

When Nami's hands slid up over his shoulders, Zoro reached instinctively for the hilts of his swords; they were his first option for defense. But… but he couldn't very likely slice Nami to pieces, so that was a stupid instinct in this case. Not that it was impossible, but Luffy would have him killed… the Captain's disappointment alone would probably kill Zoro.

"I don't care," Zoro rasped gruffly, reaching around her for the door. Her palms came up to clasp his face, causing his hands to jerk to a halt on the doorknob.

"Zoro… please…" she whispered, stumbling a little into him. Zoro felt something inside him give. He could just give her a small kiss, right? For the sake of keeping the peace and whatnot? This was his fault, anyway. He was the one that had gotten her drunk in the first place.

"I'm a g-good kisser… hic… I promise…" she continued, somehow managed to make her drunken promises sound appealing to the green haired swordsman. "Don't you think I c-c-can make it good for you?"

A muscle he'd rather not identify twitched at her question. He would lay bets on the fact that she could make it good for him… not that he would tell her so. Maybe he should get this over and done with, then. He leaned forward, and his gaze dropped to her lips and stayed. Just a few more inches and he could…

No. No, no, no. He should resist. Luffy would murder him. Sanji would never forgive him, even though he couldn't care less about that… but… poor Chopper would be scandalized! Conscious that he was drawing for any reason to hold back, he straightened, pulling himself away from her and pushing a stubborn set to his jaw.

"No. Now shut up and let me take you to your room, stupid witch," Zoro grumbled, becoming more and more annoyed by the second.

He managed to get the door open this time. He managed to forge on despite her whimpers and pleadings. He even managed to deposit her on her cot. He did not, however, manage to leave. Why? Because Nami began wailing.

If it was just sniffles and a few tears, he could have hastily fled the room, but no. Trust Nami to cause an entire scene. She literally tilted her head back, opened her mouth, and wailed. Wailed. And Zoro like the idiot that he was, jerked to a halt… became a useless statue of a man. What the hell was he to do now?

"Kuso," he cursed beneath his breath when the sound of several pairs of running footsteps approached the room. Sanji. Of course, the stupid ero-cook would be the first on the scene. No doubt he brought along Usopp and Chopper to look on as well.

"ZOOORRROO! BAKA MARIMO!" the cook screamed before he even entered the room. "HOW DARE YOU MAKE NAMI-SWAN CRY?!" Zoro scowled.

"H-How do you even know it was my fault, you stupid cook! I didn't do anything to her!" Zoro defended, folding his arms across his chest and trying not to be too disconcerted by Nami's loud screams. She was literally sitting there on her cot, bawling because he wouldn't kiss her! Of course she was stupid drunk, but still… Zoro couldn't help feel a little pleased that she wanted it that much.

Not that he wanted her to want that. Well, he did, but – No. No, no, no he couldn't seriously be considering this right now. He really couldn't, especially since Sanji's foot was on a direct path to his face.

With a smooth motion, Zoro blocked with the flat of a quickly drawn sword. Sanji's face was literally lobster-like with rage, and his teeth had a jagged cast to them.

"Of course it's your fault, idiot moss head! Look at her! What did you do to her?" the cook interrogated between kicks. Chopper, Usopp and Brook screeched into the room, eyes wide and expectant… well not Brook… since he had no eyes.

"OI, Nami looks SUPER sad, Zoro… what is going on here?" Franky asked, as he too stumbled into the room.

"Zoro, why is Nami crying?" Luffy asked as he trotted into the women's quarters, a large leg of meat still grasped in his fist. Luffy's innocently asked question had Zoro backing up and heat pulsing in his neck. Damn. They were all looking expectantly at him.

"Are you going to answer, Zoro-san?" Nico Robin asked quietly, but firmly enough for Zoro to hear over Nami's continued wails. He hadn't even noticed that she too had entered the room.

The entire crew was staring at him expectantly, some glaring, others curious, and Zoro began to feel a little flustered.

"I-I didn't do anything! I'm serious!" he declared.

"He didn't do anything," Luffy said, nodding his head before biting into the meat in his hands. Luffy believed him. That's all that really mattered. What a relief. "Zoro is my First Mate, so he can't be lying," the Mugiwara Captain declared over a mouthful of meat.

"He-He's LLYYYIINNGGG!" Nami blubbered. "Zoro… Zoro is MMEEAAANN!"

The relief fled. Luffy was fair. He wouldn't believe one crew member over another in a time like this. Shit. And everyone else was already on Nami's side. What the hell was he supposed to do?

"Zoro," Luffy started, cocking his head to the side, with an incredibly serious look on his face. "Nami is our nakama. Why is she crying?"

Zoro scowled at the thought responding. He had to now, didn't he? The Captain was asking it of him. It didn't matter how little respect Zoro had for the other members of the Mugiwara crew, but the person he held with the highest respect was Luffy. Damn it.

"She asked for something unreasonable," Zoro stated, folding his arms over his chest and dodging another of Sanji's vicious kicks.

"SANJI!" Luffy said loudly, the effects of his Haki forcing Sanji to stand down. Oh crap. Zoro felt his heart beginning to race. Damn it! Chopper began whimpering as he trotted over to Nami and began patting her back consolingly.

"Be a gentleman and give what she asked for to her, Zoro-kun," Franky said, folding his arms.

"No," Zoro said plainly. "It was unreasonable." He couldn't tell them she wanted a kiss. He couldn't.

"What did she want, Zoro?" Luffy asked, his face serious, but also curious. Zoro scowled at Nami, which had the rest of the crew scowling at him. Shit. They all thought he'd done something to her, didn't they?

"It's no secret that you hate Nami, Zoro," Sanji said, glowering at Zoro. "What did you refuse her? How could you refuse dear Nami-swan anything?"

"She asked for a personal favor," Zoro hedged. "But it was unreasonable. I won't do it."

"Was it to settle a d-debt, Zoro?" Chopper asked. "N-nami often asks for a lot of money, but sh-she always shares with us," the little reindeer sputtered, tears beading in the corners of his eyes.

"You do owe her a lot of money, swordsman-san," Brooke declared without his customary hoot of laughter.

"H-HE WOULDN'T DO IT FOR… hic … ME!" Nami wailed, glaring petulantly at Zoro and pointing at him with an accusatory finger.

"Baka on'na! I won't do it!" Zoro yelled testily before he could stop himself.

"You will if Luffy orders you to do it," Sanji yelled, literally twitching with the need to attack Zoro.

"Oi, stuff it, Curly," Zoro spat, scowling at Sanji.

"Zoro…" Luffy said, his meat forgotten in his hand. "I order you to do what she asked. She's our nakama."

Zoro's eye twitched.

Oh hell no.

'Well, this is what you wanted anyway, wasn't it?' a little voice in his head taunted. 'And now that Luffy has ordered you to do it, it isn't like you can get out of it now.'

Zoro's fingers jerked and he gritted his teeth.

Nami stopped blubbering and began sniffing and wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands.

The remainder of the Mugiwara crew stared.

Zoro walked over to Nami and stood before her. How she still managed to look attractive was beyond him. He looked back at the crew.

"Well, go on!" Sanji ordered, scowling. "Give the precious lady what she wants!"

Zoro turned back to face Nami who was blinking up at him and shifting restlessly. Now or never. Well… more like now, because Luffy had ordered him to do it. Damn.

Zoro grasped her chin with one hand and pulled her to her feet, pausing for only a short moment before he pressed his lips to hers. They were all watching, so Zoro hoped they were pleased.

When Nami's plump lips softened against his, though, Zoro lost all consciousness of the crew. Her lips parted even before his did, which made his heart thunder in his chest. When she deepened the kiss, Zoro realized something. She'd been right. She was a good kisser.

She swayed against him, one hand fisting in his shirt and the other reaching round to scrape nails at the nape of his neck. Her lips moved against his, even as she explored the inside of his mouth, and he let her. Nami made a soft sound in her throat, a sound which sent shivers down Zoro's spine and a pool of heat to his gut. He threaded his tanned fingers in her soft, fragrant orange hair and smashed his mouth closer to hers.

One arm wound its way around her slim waist, the soft skin there exposed by her cropped top sliding against the skin of his arm. It felt like a little bit of heaven to Zoro. And that soft feminine scent she carried, even despite the obvious smell of alcohol on her, didn't fail to turn his bones to gel.

Pulling himself away for air – he couldn't breathe because he would have had to remind himself and his brain could not handle so many processes at once – Zoro sucked in a breath and opened eyes he had not realized he'd closed. He was falling for her, wasn't he?


No, he wasn't.

Zoro turned to the wide-eyed crew and scowled.

"Happy now?" he asked sarcastically before storming past a wooden version of Sanji… a wooden version with a strange white apparition floating above his head. When his shoulder bumped into the wooden Sanji's, the cook fell to the floor like a log and twitched.

"She got what she asked for," Zoro muttered, stalking from the women's quarters.

'You got what you wanted too,' the voice in his head whispered. 'You got what you wanted.'

SO! That was it! Haha sorry if I disappointed in any way! I am thinking about a follow up three-shot called Inebriated Marimo, where the tables are turned…. But not sure yet. Tell me what you think, and please do review!