Captain-Commander wasn't everything it was cracked up to be. After the war with the Quincies ended, Kyoraku Shunsui found himself so bored that his lieutenant, Ise Nanao, was hitting him over the head with her heavy book more than ever. Shunsui didn't want to deal with his lovely Nanao-chan abusing him more than putting up with his antics; he missed the days where he could slack off and receive a roll of the eyes from her.
Yes, something had to be done; someone needed to take over his position and suffer hits to the head with heavy tombs on a daily basis like he did.
During the next Captain's meeting which occurred the next day after much abuse on his poor cranium, Shunsui was standing before his fellow Captains.
"So we're all in agreement," Shunsui begun in his bored tone. "Internet porn is now established within the Seireitei."
"Why are all our meetings about porn?" Ukitake Jyuushiro questioned. "Shouldn't we be focused on issues like the repairs Soul Society needs?"
Shunsui ripped his sakkat from his head and threw it on the ground before stomping on it.
"Fine!" Shunsui shouted, about to have an emotional breakdown. He curled up on the ground in the foetal position, rocking back and forth as he fought to keep the tears away. "I can't take the abuse from Nanao-chan anymore, and now my best friend is criticizing my leadership skills! If you hate me that much, then Yamada Hanataro is now Captain-Commander for a day! We'll see who hates whose leadership skills!"
With that said, Shunsui got to his feet and stormed off, leaving confused Captains behind. The majority of the remaining Captains were muttering about Ukitake under their breath, while others mumbled their doubts about Shunsui being the Head Commander. But even then, those few started cursing Ukitake as well. Was the sick Captain the only one who didn't see the significance of porn or was he just a prude? Most likely a prude.
Everyone glared at Ukitake, making him shrink back. The white-haired Captain now realised that he had been foolish to question such a ridiculous notion with these people around.
"Porn is important..." Zaraki Kenpachi muttered as everyone walked out, leaving Ukitake behind, but not without shoulder ramming him to the ground first.
"You prude..." Kuchiki Byakuya said as he walked gracefully past the fallen male without batting an eyelid.
Ukitake's jaw just dropped. Him? A prude? Coming from Byakuya...?
Yamada Hanataro was very confused when the two lieutenants of the First Division walked into the Fourth Division wearing dark shades over their eyes, imitative of FBI agents. He was horrified when a heavy book was raised by the female lieutenant and, before he had time to react, was hit over the head with it.
"Oww!" Hanataro cried, tearing up. "W-what did I do?!"
The two lieutenants raised their eyebrows and shared a glance.
"Captain-Commander Kyoraku said it would work..." the male said.
The female shrugged and raised her book, once again using it as a deadly weapon and knocking Hanataro out.
"There, that's better."
The leg of Hanataro's hakama was grabbed dragged back to the First Division in an unceremonious fashion – but then again, who looked awesome being dragged along the ground unconscious with drool pooling from your mouth? Not Hanatarō.