Warnings: strong language. Yaoi in further chapters. This is AU. The characters are OOC.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, I make no money of this fanfiction.
Itachi groaned as his cell phone started vibrating and giving off a malicious sound under his pillow, he didn't know what time it was but he was sure it was not an appropriate time for chatting and that could only mean one thing.
Half sleeping or still sleeping he grabbed the phone and slid the screen open 'Hidan' of course Itachi was right... if its inappropriate it had to do something with the zealous fucker. Itachi grimaced pressing the green button and putting the cell by his ear, brushing his sleep mused black hair over his shoulder.
"What do you want Hidan?" Itachi was using his dangerous intimidating voice, didn't sound much even to him as it came out sleepy and croaky, if anything he sounded wasted.
"Itachi darling, I just had the weirdest dream ever!"
"I'm hanging up!"
"No wait. You were in it!" Hidan's voice was too cheerful, too energetic... must be on drugs.
"I'm hanging up." Itachi repeated. "Do you even know what time it is, because I don't and I don't care of your wet dreams." Itachi was still half asleep, he turned to his side trying his best to find a comfortable position, but he didn't hang up.
"Ah Itachi I know you're a walking wet dream but it's not that. Its three o'clock. So you want to hear about the dream?"
Hidan's voice had three modes that Itachi had noticed. First was the psychotic 'I'ma kill you all' mode that left Itachi cringing and wishing he had a shotgun with him to either dull the sound by firing off or actually killing Hidan.
Second was the annoying mode, the whining and bitchy voice of 'please' and 'c'mon Itachi lets do something stupid and crazy'. The second mode was worse than the first one and had the same effect of Itachi wishing for a shotgun only to raise it and aim at his own brain to stop the suffering.
The third mode however, the one Hidan was using right now... the teasing one, it was the one he couldn't figure out. Oh he was used to it as used he could be knowing Hidan for more than two years, but still every time it made him wonder and Itachi didn't like wondering.
"No Hidan... I'm seriously hanging up now."
He didn't hang up.
"Itachi you had a fucking sword and a long leather coat looking all supercool and badass, sexy too of course."
"Oh really? And what did you have, an axe?"
"No actually a hammer and it was the weirdest thing too, I could change its size at my will!"
"You're a retard Hidan. You were probably dreaming about changing the size of your cock."
And just because it was dark and Itachi was alone he didn't try to stop the tiny smile tugging at his lips.
Hidan barked a laugh on the other side sounding genuinely amused. "No Itachi, it is actually big enough. But we were some sort of demon slayers, imagine?"
Itachi felt heat creep on his face. "No moron, I don't imagine, I am hanging up, don't want you to invade my dreams."
"You mean the wet ones, Itachi?"
Itachi hung up and put his pillow over his face not breathing till his lungs burned, he let his breath out explosively into the pillow biting it afterwards. Hidan was frustrating and always messing with him on purpose, always teasing him and making him imagine. Hidan's favourite word when conversing with Itachi was 'imagine'...and Itachi always did, whether he wanted or not, the word itself triggered his brain into visualizing whatever was said.
He was slipping back into his dream land when the phone went off again, in fear that it might wake his younger brother sleeping in the next room to his he picked it up quickly, hissing.
"The hell Hidan, I am trying to sleep!"
"I was just wondering-..."
"Stop wondering and go to sleep."
"You're a real sunshine Itachi, I was wondering do you really still have wet dreams, ah but you are seventeen so..."
Another thing Hidan loved to use against Itachi was the tiny age difference, two years was really nothing yet Hidan loved to rub it in Itachi's face and patronize him because of it, needless to say it was another thing infuriating Itachi. "Tomorrow at school I am going to kill you Hidan." He said calmly and lowly, annoyed when he heard his best friend snicker on the other side, Itachi could just see Hidan laying there on the bed, rock music in the background and a silver chain on naked trim chest, pale fingers playing with the silver chain and the triangle in the circle, Hidan was always touching that thing and Itachi was so used to it that Hidan would not be Hidan without it.
"It's Friday tomorrow Itachi."
"It is not a reason not to kill you."
"No but it is a reason to drink with me."
Itachi let another small tiny smile grace his lips, he put a pillow under his head, turning on his back, wide awake now. "Don't want to drink with you." He knew his silver haired friend will make him anyway and he also knew that Hidan most probably could hear that tiny smile in his voice.
"But you always do." Hidan was almost chirping, it sounded wrong and Itachi almost started to wonder is there now a fourth mode.
"Well I won't tomorrow."
"Why, you're having a date?"
The teasing again. Itachi was weak against it, he always messed up no matter how he tried to act that he is indifferent to it. "No Hidan, I don't have a fucking date."
"Well then...want a 'fucking date' with me?"
"I'm going to make you swallow your cell phone tomorrow Hidan, stupid idiot." Itachi was growling now firstly because he didn't know how to retaliate and secondly because he never made his threats into reality.
"I think you can find something... better to put in my mouth, Itachi."
Itachi's jaw dropped and he even pulled the phone away from his ear to stare at it, he could hear Hidan cackling madly.
"Sick fuck." Was all he could say at this point blinking rapidly when Hidan sounded like choking desperately trying to stop laughing.
"No Itachi, it would actually be a very healthy fuck, maybe dirty, naughty, perverse, a bit brutal, dirty talk included and maybe I would use bo-..."
"Shut up!" Itachi hissed angrily, squinting his eyes shut tightly, the hand that was not holding the cell was clutching the sheets.
"Itachi I thought you would stop me sooner than that, but I guess you wanted to hear it. Okay see ya tomorrow... you can dream of me all you want, I'll be dreaming of you as well."
The line went dead after that and Itachi numbly put the phone aside staring into the dark with his breathing fastened just the slightest bit.
He should have been long since used to Hidan's ways of joking... and for a while he really was used to it, thinking nothing of it, knowing that it was just Hidan and the guys mad urge to put everyone and especially him on the edge of insanity so Hidan could feel better around him being insane himself and all.
But Itachi knew there were certain lines even to Hidan's behaviour and this kind of teasing was not always present, lately, for the last two weeks or so, Hidan's teasing levelled up tenfold and Itachi didn't know why. He hadn't done anything out of ordinary... as Hidan had put it Itachi was boring (Hidan had used the second voice mode for announcing that) and maybe Itachi even agreed with Hidan.
He wasn't one of the crazy teenagers trying to grab everything life offered. And Hidan was nothing like him... Hidan was the opposite in everything, it was amazing how they could be best friends having so little if any in common.
Itachi smiled turning on his side and pulling his blanket up to his chin, he might as well get some sleep, he had a hard day of teasing ahead of him.