"You so owe me for this, Fabray." Santana grumbled as she as crawled into Quinn's passenger seat with a glare fixed on her face. She, like Quinn, was dressed in black cargo pants, combat boots, and a long sleeve black shirt with her hair pulled up into a regulation high pony. She slung a duffel bag into the back seat and hung her cheerleading outfit up next to her captain's.
Quinn quirked an eyebrow at the irritated brunette as she put her car into drive and headed to McKinley. "Oh please, San, don't even try to act like you aren't chomping at the bit to bruise St. James' oversized ego. I thought you were gonna flip your shit when I told you what he did to Rachel. Who knew you had such a soft spot for divas?"
Santana's eyes narrowed further. "Shut up, Blondie. I can't believe I'm up at 3 freaking AM for this. It better be worth it," she grumbled.
"Oh believe me, it will be. I'm just glad all those hours listening to Rachel drone on about Jesse and his quirks are actually going to pay off," Quinn laughed as she shook her head. "Who would have thought that knowing about Jesse's insistence on using heavy sleeping pills to ensure proper beauty sleep would come in handy?"
Santana snorted. "With the description you gave me of his morning ritual, I'm beginning to think he might be more of a girl than I am."
Quinn turned off her lights before turning into the alley behind McKinley and parking her car. She shook her head and smirked. "Yeah, well I tried to tell Rachel that I was pretty sure he was gay, but she wasn't buying it."
They both got out of the car and made their way to the back entrance of the school. Quinn pulled out her set of master keys and opened the door to the deserted building. They quickly made their way down the hall toward the Coach Sylvester's office.
Once they arrived, Quinn looked expectantly at Santana. "Let's hope your lock picking skills are a great as you claim. I don't want to waste too much time here."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm going. I'm going," she grumbled as she started working on the lock. "Too bad Sylvester has to be so fuckin' paranoid. Shit would be a lot easier if she didn't insist on replacing the school's locks with her own." Santana struggled with the lock, her face getting redder as she continued to unsuccessfully tamper with it.
"You're doing it all wrong, Sanny."
Quinn and Santana both started at the unexpected voice. Quinn turned around with her hand over her heart trying to regain control of her breathing while Santana rubbed her head where she had hit it on the door knob.
"Britt-Britt, what are you doing here?" Santana asked her face screwed up slightly from pain.
Brittany came forward from where she had been sitting across the hall, perfectly hidden in her all black attire that matched the other girls. "Lord Tubbington told me all about your plans for today and I thought you would need my help, even if you didn't think you would. Why didn't you guys tell me about this?"
Quinn's face twisted slightly in shame. "I'm sorry, Brit. I just didn't want you to get your hands dirty and I didn't think you would really care that much about this," she explained apologetically.
"Of course I care! San told me what Jesse did to Rachel. He's not a nice person and I don't want to let him get away with this," Brittany responded indignantly as she waved Santana out of the way. She made her way up to the door and unlocked it within in seconds. Smirking, she turned around and gestured inside the room. "After you ladies."
Quinn and Santana looked at her slack jawed, "What did you... How did.. I don't... How did you do that so fast?" Santana asked in disbelief.
Brittany rolled her eyes. "I keep telling you that you need to listen when Lord Tubbington talks. He totally knows everything."
Quinn smirked at Santana as she made her way into Coach Sylvester's office. "Looks like I recruited the wrong member of the Unholy Trinity to help me," she teased, sitting down at Sue's desk.
She quickly booted up the computer and logged into her coach's school email account. She wrote up an email excusing herself, Santana, and Brittany from all classes that day due to 'Official Cheerios Business' and set it to send out at 7 AM.
Santana looked on in thinly veiled admiration. "I still can't believe you managed to figure out her password. She is gonna kill you when she sees that email, you know that right?"
Quinn shut off the computer and rearranged everything to its original position. "I can't believe that her password is 'Death2Schuester,'" she rolled her eyes. "And I can guarantee she won't do anything to us once she finds out about it. She is going to be so impressed that we pulled it off and wreaked major havoc at another school that she won't do anything but give us a grudging nod when we show up for practice."
The girls made their way back out to Quinn's car and began the drive to Dayton. Once they arrived in town and Quinn started navigating to Jesse's house Santana turned to her curiously.
"Okay, so I get how you know what would hurt the boy the most and I get how you know that he uses sleeping pills and I even get that you know like every detail of his morning routine, but how in God's name did you manage to get the boy's address and know exactly which room is his? I mean, stalker much?"
Quinn glanced at Santana with a smug smile. "That my friends, is the best part. I happen to be somewhat close to Shelby Corcoran. Close enough to know that she is livid about what Jesse did to Rachel. I told her about what I was planning and asked for her help. She was more than willing to offer her services seeing as she can't directly do anything to get revenge on one of her students."
Santana whistled, clearly impressed with her captains connections and scheming. "It seems I have underestimated your deviousness my horrible Ice Quinn."
They parked a few houses down from their target and Quinn waggled her eyebrows. "Oh, you have no idea. I even got her to reschedule their morning practice so we could have more time."
They quietly made their way onto the porch of the St. James house and Quinn picked up a potted plant to pull out the spare key that Rachel had mentioned a few weeks ago. As she began unlocking the door Brittany worriedly asked, "Q, what about his parents? They might hear us."
"Don't worry Brit, his parents are like non-existent. Apparently they are like corporate tycoons and are always away on business trips. They will be in London for the next week and a half."
Slowly, the girls crept inside and tiptoed up the stairs to Jesse's room. The door creaked as they pushed it open and Quinn moved the small flashlight she was carrying around the room. It landed on St. Asshole himself, hair a mess, mouth hanging open, drooling, and dead to the world.
"Alright, let's do this," she whispered to the other girls. She started to make her way over to Jesse only to be stopped by Santana's hand on her arm. She turned to look questioningly at her second in command.
"Wait, let's just make sure he really is as knocked out as he looks. We can't very well have him waking up while we do this," she reasoned.
Quinn nodded her head in acquiescence and Brittany immediately clapped her hands once very loudly. They looked at Jesse expectantly, ready to dash out the door if he moved. After 10 seconds of complete silence while he lay there like a log, Quinn shrugged and motioned the girls forward.
She handed Brittany the flashlight as Santana dug into her bag and pulled out a hair trimmer and a trash bag. She offered Quinn the hair trimmer. "Would you like to do the honors?"
Quinn smirked as she grabbed it and maneuvered herself onto the bed to have better access to Jesse's head. She turned it on and moved it straight through the center of his head, catching the hair as it fell and putting it in the trash bag. Two minutes later, Jesse was sporting a beautiful new buzz cut a la Quinn Fabray. She crawled off the bed and slightly angled her head to admire her work.
"Hmm, it's good, but..." she trailed off.
"There's something missing." Brittany finished for her.
They stood there contemplating for a couple of seconds before Santana exclaimed. "Oh! I so gots this!"
She dug around in her bag again and emerged with some shaving cream and a razor. Quinn raised her eyebrow, intrigued by what the devious Latina had planned.
Santana stood between Quinn and Jesse and worked on the boy's head in a very precise manner.
Finally, she moved away and Quinn had to bite her lip to keep from howling with laughter. Still completely dead to the world, was an eyebrow-less and very unattractive Jesse St. James. She snorted a few times and smiled widely at her fiery friend. "God, San, you're a genius."
"Oh, that's not even the best part," she informed them as she turned him to reveal 'douche' shaved into the back of his head. "He more than likely won't even notice this once he sees all of the other damage we've caused," she snickered.
Once the girls cleaned all the hair they could, they moved into Jesse's ensuite bathroom and Quinn smiled as she picked up the the towel Jesse had hanging on a rack. Thankfully it was blue, meaning they would be able to pull off her next plan. She only had red, blue, and green dye available, so she was hoping she would get lucky. She tossed the towel to Brittany and told her to lay it out on the ground and pulled out another from the cabinet, just to be safe. Santana pulled out two packages of blue powdered food dye and handed one to Quinn. The two girls knelt over the towels and sprinkled the dye over the towel, working it as deep into the fibers as they could. When they finished covering it, they shook off the excess into their trash bag and repeated the process on the opposite side.
Satisfied with her work, Quinn carefully put both towels back how she found them so that Jesse wouldn't suspect any foul play. She glanced at her watch. "Holy crap it's almost 6:30 and we have still a poster to make. Let's go, we need to get to Shelby's."
The girls quickly checked the room to ensure they got all of their belongings and made their way out to Quinn's car after replacing the hide-a-key.
They hurried across town to Shelby's house. The door swung open and the three girls were met with stern looking Coach Corcoran. Quinn could hear Santana gulp as the girl was visibly taken aback by the fierceness seen in Shelby's inquiring gaze.
Shelby crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Well?" she asked.
Quinn smiled with a twinkle in her eye. "It's all going to plan," she answered smugly.
Shelby relaxed and smiled at the girls before stepping aside to let them in. "Excellent. Come in. Come in." She lead them back through the house to her study, where her computer had several promotional pictures of Vocal Adrenaline pulled up.
"There are several individual shots of both my leads in that folder. I think you should find an acceptable photograph amongst those," she told the girls as she walked back towards the door. "Send it to my email at school when you are finished and you can use the printer and scanner there."
"Okay, seriously, Q. What the hell? How do you know her? And why is she helping you do this?" Santana questioned as they crowded around the computer.
"Let's just say she is a close family friend of the Berry's." Quinn answered cryptically as she scrolled through several photographs of Jesse and Rachel. She finally found the one she was looking for: Jesse had his signature self-satisfied grin on his face and his arms crossed as he casually leaned against a wall.
She moved the image into photoshop and set to work. Thirty minutes (and some additions from Santana) later, she beamed at her finished product. She had gotten the idea from Friends and thought it was too perfect to pass up. Near Jesse's head she had written "What Jesse isn't telling you..." and along the bottom the poster was titled "Herpes: You never know who might have it."
"God, that's perfect, Q! I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees this." Santana choked out through her laughter.
Brittany cocked her head to the side. "I know that we want to get Jesse back, but what about that chick that was like trying to ruin Rachel's life? Aren't we going to get her back too?"
Quinn's brow furrowed as she realized that she hadn't even considered making Harmony pay for her part in this. "You're right Britt-Britt, she shouldn't get off easy and let Jesse suffer alone." With that she took off into the kitchen where Shelby was cooking them all breakfast.
"Any chance I can bum Harmony's cell number off of you? I'm thinking she deserves a little comeuppance as well," Quinn asked as she sidled up across from Shelby.
Shelby eyes flashed and she slid her phone over the countertop to Quinn and cryptically said, "Rachel's birthday," before turning back to the stove.
Quinn rushed back into the study as she typed 1218 into the phone and immediately went into contacts. She found Harmony's number and added it to the top corner of the poster stating. "Call for a good time. Highly recommended by Jesse, himself. Condoms recommended for your own protection."
Satisfied with her work, she sent it to Shelby's school email and the girls leisurely ate breakfast before heading to Carmel, making sure to arrive just after first period had begun. They entered through the auditorium to avoid being spotted before they were ready and met Shelby in her office.
Shelby had the poster pulled up on her computer, already printing. "Lucky for you girls, we just happen to have a large poster printer available right here in my office, donated by our sponsors." She let out a laugh at Quinn's pleased expression. "That should take about half an hour to finish. I would wait until second period to put it up. There is a fifteen minute break between second and third period, so that would be the ideal time to make your entrance. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go ensure that Jesse shows up to school by threatening to give away his part for nationals and find myself an alibi for the rest of the next 2 hours."
Quinn printed out at smaller copy of the poster she had created and made her way over the copy machine located in the room adjoining Shelby's office. She set it to make 400 copies and the girls patiently waited while it finished.
After second period began, the girls began scouring to school to find the perfect place to put up their poster. They soon found an area that had 4 major hallways meeting and a staircase that ended not far from a large bulletin board. After taping the poster to the board, planting several of the smaller posters on lockers and scattering even more around the hallways, they made their way back to Shelby's office and changed into their Cheerios uniforms, knowing that no one could make an entrance quite like the Unholy Trinity.
Carmel High won't know what hit them.
A/N: I apologize for the long wait. Hopefully, I can be more regular with updates once finals are over. Special thanks to anon for the poster idea, I absolutely loved it and I hope I did it justice.
Thank you to anonymous, mythic-lionheart, anon, JPElles, cburton1995, writing is love, LoveSKINS94, Jaely, Devin Jaste, Nightlancer600, J, LoveLight22, , ichigo111981, sapphirous, DameonCain, and meso30180 for your reviews in the last 2 chapters. If you have asked specific questions I promise I will answer you soon!
Coming up next, Rachel's POV for the big reveal.