"Shut up Moyashi."
"My name is Allen, BaKanda! Or can't you get that through your thick skull?"
And so it begins yet again. They start fighting about the most mundane things. They took every opportunity they could take. They fought about the worth of a human being, who was stronger, what food was better, they fought about their names and nicknames, they fought about who as the more annoying and they wouldn't hesitate to start a fully fledged fist fight if one of them accidentally bumped into the other.
It was all drivel, really. They'd childishly exchange blows just so their fist could make contact, just so they could glare deep into each other's eyes, just so they could talk to each other, even if it was curses and insults. It was childish and obvious and in Lavi's opinion hilarious.
Lavi often wondered how the hell the entire Order hadn't noticed it. It was just so blindingly obvious that it left him gasping for air as he laughed and laughed and laughed in the privacy of his room. It was actually kind of cute, he commented to himself inside his head as he watched Allen sock Yuu-chan in the face and Yuu-chan managed to work in a nick with Mugen. It was just a glancing blow to the side. Nothing too bad.
Lavi had a theory of his. Neither Allen nor Yuu-chan had had a proper childhood so they still responded to crushes the way children did. When children had crushes they would pull at each other's hair and insult and yell at them and look at each other when they thought the other wasn't looking. Except that Allen and Yuu-chan were both strong adults so instead of hair pulling it was sword stabs and roundhouse kicks. It was still cute though.
Occasionally when they hadn't had a fight in awhile, in other words a couple of hours, Allen or Kanda would knock into each other or say something that would piss the other off on purpose so that they could exchange drivel again and glare deep into each other's eyes as tension hung heavy in the air. God, did they have to get laid.
Seriously, the tension was enough to make him feel like a twelve year old going through puberty and two boxes of tissues a week. This was the second part of his secret theory, if they just boned they would be way less tense. If Allen just loosened Yuu-chan's tight ass a bit using methods Lavi was far too straight to even think of performing then maybe he wouldn't try to decapitate him every time he called him Yuu-chan, maybe he'd just try and cut off his legs or something.
"What was that Moyashi!"
Drivel, meaningless drivel all of it.
Maybe he could trap them inside a closet for a couple of hours. Allen and Yuu-chan enclosed in a small space with nothing but their repressed hormones to keep them company would surely result in something happening, possibly a murder or two but oh well. Or maybe he could just outright say that he knew they were most likely having funky dreams about each other.
Oh, what would they do without his infinite matchmaking knowledge? Lavi suppressed an evil grin as he said, "Hey Yuu-chan, Allen? Could the two of you please help me get something from that storage closet I have a key for?"
Lavi marveled at how dense they were as he led them to the closet, the two of them spewing drivel at each other behind his back.