A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this...i haven't decided whether I'm going to leave this to stand alone or if there will be another chapter or two but I will decide soon enough
Also to my readers of Wonderland, I'm sorry for the insanely long wait for the update. I lost all my progress on chapter 5 when our computer crashed but now with my laptop i will be working on it hopefully very soon. i've been busy and also haven't really remembered where I was going with the next chapter so once I sort that out i'll be updating it.
I don't own Degrassi but if I did there wouldn't be so many characters leaving at the end of this season...
The day Fiona had always dreaded had come yet again. It's been two years now since she up and left her. No reason. No explanation. Nothing. Not even a goodbye.
She's not going anywhere.
Yeah, she as in Fiona. Fiona was always there for her. Never thought of leaving her not even once. She never said anything about herself staying with her. At the time Fiona didn't even think twice about it but now it was much different. Now she could look back on that and manipulate it to better fit the situation even if it wasn't the true intention of those words or lack of on her part.
2 years. It's been 2 years since she left and Fiona still wasn't over her. She knew deep down that she had to move on but no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't seem to forget her. Over the past year or so she had gone out with a few people but it never lasted long. The longest was probably a couple weeks or so but she broke it off because it didn't feel right. Nothing felt right. It's been 2 whole years and Fiona still can't think of or say her name without the rush of nostalgia washing over her.
Fiona sighed audibly as she looked out the window only to see a delivery guy walking towards her front door with a package. She stared out the window trying to think if she had ordered anything recently. By the time the doorbell rang she had come to the conclusion that she hadn't ordered anything in the last couple weeks but thought that it might be something from her mom or Declan. She got up from where she was sitting and walked to the door solemnly opening it swiftly.
The delivery man smiled at her before handing her the medium sized brown box and held out the clipboard for her to sign. "Thanks," he said taking the clipboard back. Fiona smiled shyly at him in return before he turned around and walked back down the sidewalk.
Fiona closed the door gently and walked into her living room before even glancing at the package. She walked towards the kitchen to grab a pair of scissors setting the package on the coffee table on her way over. Scissors in hand she walked back into the living room and sat down turning on the TV as she did so.
Fiona glanced at the label on the package only to find that it didn't say who it was from. It didn't even have a return address just her name and her own address. She took the scissors slicing the tape on both sides and the top before opening it. The first thing she saw was a letter in all too familiar handwriting that she hadn't seen in years. At first she thought her mind was playing tricks on her but after looking at it again she was sure it was Imogens'. Imogen. Fiona felt the rush of nostalgia come over her. She could hear her laugh. Her voice. She could hear her saying all the weird phrases she came up with. She could see her smile. Her quirky style. Her everything.
Fiona sighed to herself as she took the paper nimbly in her hands almost as if it'd fall to pieces or disappear if she wasn't careful with it. After mulling it over for a minute she decided to read it after she had looked through the rest of the contents of the box. She put the letter down next to the box moving to sit on the floor in front of the coffee table putting the box in her lap. She picked up a yellow envelope opening the top and pulling out handfuls after handfuls of photographs. Fiona looked through a bunch of them and knew almost immediately they were all photographs that Imogen took herself. They ranged from places she had never seen before to pictures of New York and other places she vaguely remembers to have seen somewhere before. She smiled at a few of them that brought back memories of New York or somewhere else she had been before. It took her several minutes to go through all of them and when she was done put them next to the letter.
Fiona pulled out what looked like a small square canvas flipping it over in her hands to see what was on the other side. It was a painting of some buildings in New York at night. Fiona smiled feeling nostalgia rush over her again only this time it brought memories of New York. She missed living in New York but she knew she'd never move there because Toronto really grew on her. She felt much more at home in Toronto. Fiona put the canvas up on the coffee table before pulling out the other canvas that was in the box. This one was much different than the first and was intentionally put in the box last. She flipped it over in her hands and stared at it uncertainly. Fiona looked at it trying to figure out what exactly it was. She stared at the eyes that Imogen had painted knowing she has seen them before but couldn't quite figure out why they were so familiar. Eventually it hit her; they were her own. She realized she couldn't recognize them because they portrayed her as happy. As the happier more lively person she used to be. The eyes the younger girl had painted had sparkles in their eyes like they still had life in them. This life and liveliness that was shown was taken from her so long ago. Her eyes were now dull and defeated and the blue color of her eyes had long since faded to an icy gray. Seeing the painting made Fiona realize how much she lost when Imogen left. She didn't just lose the only person she truly ever loved but she lost a part of herself as well. It was like the color had been taken out of her life. Fiona brushed a tear from her eyes before putting the painting down. She pushed the box to the side sitting there mindlessly staring at the TV for several minutes before she did anything else.
Eventually she looked down at the letter hesitantly unsure of whether or not she should read it. After a moment or two she decided to because she had already put it off long enough. Fiona took the letter carefully in her hands and began to read it.
I know you probably hate me for doing what I did. Actually I know a lot of people do. It wasn't right of me but you have to understand that I had to get away. I tried several times to get in touch with you but you moved sometime over the past 2 years and I couldn't find you. Actually pretty much everyone we used to know has moved since then. It took me a couple weeks to find out that Eli was the only one to stay in the same house. That's how I got your address but don't tell him I told you that. I really hope that me leaving the way I did didn't trigger your drinking or anything like that and if it did I'm truly sorry.
Fiona stopped reading for a moment letting memories of the day she left fill her mind. When she had found out she was really upset. She wanted so badly to drink just so she didn't have to feel the pain. Fiona was tempted to drink, tempted to go out and buy champagne to numb the pain. The only thing that stopped her was Eli. He had been there for her when she needed him. He stopped her from relapsing countless times those first couple months and could never thank him enough for that. That was a big part of why they had kept in contact over the years. They both watched all the other friends they had in high school drift apart and go there own ways but they stuck together. Always there for each other even if one of them was away. He truly was her best friend.
I didn't intend for this to happen the way it did but you know how things are, they never really do go as planned. I didn't want to leave like that but I needed to get away and I needed to get away fast so I just left. No one knew and I guess I kind of liked that. You're probably wondering why I left and where I went. Knowing you, you went through the rest of the stuff before reading this letter so you know already based off all the pictures that I travelled a lot. I spent a great deal of time in New York but I travelled around the US and some other parts of Canada too. It was actually quite a thrill and I have to say that it was worth it in that aspect. I attended all sorts of college courses in so many different schools that it's crazy. I just thought I'd mention that I guess to prove that I didn't just wander around aimlessly over the past couple years.
You know how my father was when I left. Things were bad and getting worse every day. I couldn't stay there. I fought with Natalie about the arrangements with dad and I just didn't want to stick around. I couldn't. After a couple weeks I started sending letters to my dad only because I knew he would forget more times than not. I knew he was the one person that wouldn't come looking for me or tell anyone else where I was even if he managed to remember. I told him several times not to tell you where I went off too and I know that you probably asked him and Natalie if they knew anything. I know if you found out wherever I was at the time that you probably would have come looking for me. As much as I would have wanted that I needed time by myself to do things that I wanted to and go wherever without worrying or thinking about anyone else. I'm sorry for any trouble I caused. I'm also sorry if that comes across the wrong way.
I had other reasons to leave too but they were less important and they no longer matter to be honest. The important thing is I'm done running away from my problems. I feel bad about leaving you like that. If it counts for anything I thought about you every single day. There wasn't a single night that went by that you weren't in my dreams. When it comes down to it I know you probably moved on or put me in your past but I can't help but say that I still love you. Honestly I don't know why I was so afraid to say it before. I guess I just didn't want to ruin what we have but I managed to do that anyway, haven't I?
Fiona could relate in one way to what she was reading. She knew what Imogen meant about being afraid because she felt exactly the same back then. She also knew that Imogen was wrong about putting her in the past because no matter how hard she tried she would always dream about her. She just couldn't forget her. Couldn't shake the impact she left on her no matter how hard she tried.
I truly am sorry for everything and I'll probably be saying that a lot because I am and because I feel that it needs to be said. I've written letters to you so many times before but they've either been ripped up and thrown out or the few times I actually managed to send them they were sent back with a 'wrong address' stamp or something like that. When did you move anyway? When I got those letters back I cried for hours on end. I guess I thought you'd be in Toronto still and still be in the same loft and everything but getting them back was a huge reality check. I never really thought about the possibility of you moving away or anything like that. Anyway that day I panicked. I guess it was because I thought I'd never see you again. I sought out Eli and some others not long after that but he was the only one I could find. I guess I'm just rambling about my reasons and what not right now but that doesn't matter.
I wouldn't be surprised if you did move on. I guess deep down I'm hoping and praying that you haven't but that would be wrong of me to assume something like that. If you could hear me right now I'd be sighing a lot. I'll just cut to the chase and cut the chit chat and rambling now.
I'm back for good. No more running away from the things I'm scared of. No more running away from my problems. I'm settling down. It feels good actually because although I did love moving around I missed Toronto dearly. I missed you more though. I always thought about you. No matter where I was or what I was doing I always thought "Fiona would love this" or "I wish she was here to see this." I couldn't help but think about you and wish you were there with me. I love you more than I ever could have imagined. I just hope you can forgive me and maybe give our friendship another shot? As much as I want it I'm not pushing my luck with a relationship because I know I've really hurt you and I know that you might've moved on so let's just start from there I guess. I'd be beyond happy with just being friends with you again. I really do hope I haven't screwed everything up. I really do.
Fiona put the letter down in her lap with tear filled eyes completely unsure of what to think. Imogen still loved her and was asking for forgiveness. Fiona knew she wouldn't even hesitate in starting things up with the younger girl because to be honest she had missed her terribly and knew she would never get over her. If over 2 years worth of time she still wasn't over a girl who up and left like that then there must be a reason for it. Fiona let her mind race with possibilities and then something hit her. How am I supposed to find her to tell her everything?
"Some habits just don't change do they?" A familiar yet hesitant voice called shyly from the doorway to her living room.
Fiona looked up from the letter to see the younger girl that she hadn't seen in two years standing there leaning against the doorway. She rubbed her eyes gently not trusting her vision but upon realizing it really was Imogen she was frozen in her place. Fiona examined the girl who seemed very much the same. Her style had toned down a bit since the last time she saw her although it was still quirky but a little less so. Her hair was done in the same way she wore it before she left and everything else, even her glasses, were the same.
"What- Ho- How'd you get in here?" Fiona stumbled over her words trying to think of something to say.
Imogen let out a somewhat nervous laugh before responding. "Like I said, some habits never change. You still leave your door unlocked," Imogen explained without moving from her spot unsure of whether the older girl even wanted her there.
"Yeah. I guess I never did try to get out of that habit. Even Eli has mentioned it," Fiona said still unsure of her own words.
"I bet he has. So was my timing right?" Imogen asked gesturing to the box and letter Fiona had in her lap.
"Perfect timing, as always," Fiona said before inviting her to come in.
Imogen walked into the room hesitantly eventually settling onto the couch that Fiona was leaning up against. Imogen sat with her legs crossed at one end of the couch. Fiona was still sitting on the floor leaning up against the middle of the couch. A silence eventually filled the room when neither girl tried to start a conversation.
A minute or two passed before Fiona pushed herself up onto the couch sitting sideways so that she was facing Imogen with her legs crossed and looked at her for a moment deciding how to put words to what she was thinking. "What are you doing here?" Fiona finally asked.
"Did I really screw things up?" Imogen asked her voice small and hesitant.
"Not necessarily," Fiona said in response not wanting the younger girl to get the wrong idea.
"So, am I forgiven?" Imogen asked quietly.
Fiona took a moment to figure out a response eventually settling upon something Imogen used to say. "How could I stay mad at you when you're such a sad sack?" Fiona said with a smile.
Imogen immediately perked up recognizing where Fiona had gotten that from. She hadn't said that in years and was amazed that Fiona remembered it at all. "I'll take that as a yes then," Imogen said with a smile that slowly slipped from her face moments later. Fiona noticed how she went from smiling back to having a solemn look on her face in a matter of seconds and the smile from her face slowly slipped away as well.
"So, um. I have to ask," Imogen said looking down at her hands. "Did you mo- Are you living alone?"
Fiona smiled nervously knowing what Imogen was trying to ask. "Yes I live alone and no I'm not seeing anyone or anything like that," Fiona clarified looking at Imogen who was still looking down but Fiona could still see that she smiled at her response.
"If you live alone then how did you afford this little house? More like why and when?" Imogen asked changing subjects.
"I don't know. I guess I figured I had my fair share of bad memories back at the loft and needed a change of scenery. On a matter of affording it, my trust fund helped out with that. I moved here almost a year ago now," Fiona explained answering all the younger girls' questions.
Imogen nodded her head in response as she thought of what to say next. "So what have you been up to these days?"
"Well I'm still in college and I have an internship at this fashion company which is pretty fun, I suppose. Things have been pretty dull though. I don't do much outside of work and school. Things really haven't been the same since then," Fiona said not really wanting to say too much or blame anything on Imogen because deep down she knew it really wasn't all her fault. She definitely didn't want to scare the younger girl away or ruin the possible chance of having her in her life again because that would just make her absolutely miserable if she had to go through it again.
"Yeah. I can relate," Imogen paused looking up at the girl for a moment before returning her gaze back to her hands and speaking again. "As much as I loved all the freedom and traveling there was always that one thing pulling me down and bumming the hype of it all. It wasn't like I didn't expect it to affect me too, it's just that I didn't realize to the extent that it would affect me, you know?"
Fiona mulled it over for a minute trying to comprehend what the younger girl was explaining and after a while she began to understand. "Yeah, it makes sense to me," Fiona said finally. "Why'd you take so long to come back?" Fiona blurted out before being able to stop herself.
"Well when I went to New York I was involved in all these classes and couldn't exactly bail on them since it'd cost a lot to get into them. Then after that I ended up too far away and too poor to come back. It took months and months to get enough money to move to another town and slowly make my way back to Toronto. It wasn't easy and it took longer than expected but damn it is good to be back," Imogen rambled on hoping that Fiona would get the general gist of what she was trying to say.
Fiona's only way of showing that she understood was by nodding her head every now and then. Imogen rambled on about what she did over the past 2 years and explained to the older girl all the things she had to do to afford moving around and taking college courses in different states. Fiona told Imogen about some of the very few interesting things that she had accomplished over the past 2 years. The girls went on and on taking turns telling stories about what they had done although every story Imogen told was much more interesting and a lot more detailed than Fiona's stories. It made the older girl realize that she had spent the past couple years just existing. She wasn't truly living like it seemed Imogen had been. It made her regret letting the situation get to her as much as it did. She simply let things get a little too out of control and didn't realize it until it was too late.
After nearly an hour of catching up the room fell silent again as both girls thought about what to talk about next. Fiona watched as Imogen took out her phone and sighed loudly enough for her to hear it.
"I gotta get going. I promised to meet Natalie soon and I got a lotta explaining to do," Imogen said putting her phone back in her pocket before getting up.
"I'll walk you out then," Fiona said awkwardly following the girl to the door.
Imogen opened the door for herself and looked back at Fiona for a moment. "I'm glad I've been able to catch up with you. So I guess I'll see you around," Imogen said smiling gently at the older girl.
Fiona nodded her head trying to think of what to say or do. When she didn't make a move to say something Imogen slowly stepped outside. "Imogen, wait," Fiona said quickly stepping outside grabbing the younger girls arm and turning her around. Before either of them said anything Fiona crashed their lips together. The kiss was short, sweet and unexpected but when they pulled apart they were both shocked but smiling nonetheless. "I'll call you," Fiona said quietly and nervously before Imogen nodded her head with a smile. "Ok," Imogen said before she practically skipped down the walkway to the sidewalk. Fiona stood there with a ridiculous smile plastered on her face as she watched Imogen walk down the street. She finally retreated back inside when the younger girl was fully out of sight.
I hope you guys enjoyed it...I wasn't really expecting for it to work out like that it's just that my intentions changed quite significantly towards the end and came out differently than i originally planned. Like I said there may or may not be another update or two...tell me what you think?