Not Enough


- Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly -

I'd been staring at her again; I'd tried to train myself to stop and forget about her. I knew she would never care for me the way I did her.

In the summer, I would be married to Crabbe. He was a troll-like boy and that was just it, he was a boy. I'd never liked boys, but it wasn't until two years ago that I'd realised why. It was when we had our first joint class with the Hufflepuffs. That I first noticed her.

Susan Bones.

The small, quiet girl with luscious curves and a perfect rounded face. A splattering of freckles dusted her slightly rosy cheeks and her beautiful red hair was left loose to cascade over her shoulders.

How could I not notice her?

It was never going to work and that's what hurt me the most. In just a few months anything that would have made me happy would viciously be ripped away.

As Astronomy ended, I allowed myself a final glance over at the red-head. Susan returned it with a venomous stare. I snarled back at her but underneath my cool exterior my heart broke painfully.

I watched as she left surrounded by her friends, my scowl turned into a look of despair. That was it now, what was I to anyone?

The girl I was completely in love with hated me and rejected my every hopeful look. My father, who was the only person who understood me, was murdered the previous summer and he had been the only one who could make me feel something. He and Susan were the only ones who made me feel normal and in turn, the only people who I had ever truly loved.

My step-father had sold me into a marriage for power, Astoria was their perfect child, and my mother had made it clear that she couldn't bare even looking at me.

My eyes became blurry and I ducked my head. Instead of following my year mates I climbed further up the astronomy tower. Dropping my bag by the door, I went out onto the balcony and perched atop of the railings, staring out across the grounds of the school I thought one day would provide me with so much.

Tears stained my cheeks as the rain whipped around me. I swung my feet slightly as they dangled high above the courtyard below, the rain soaking through my clothes making them cling to my skin.

Sobs racked though my body as I realised that Susan was never going to return my love and any chance of me loving anyone else would end with a reluctant 'I do'. The life I could have had was truly over.

My shoulders shook as I gripped the railings, the only thing keeping me from falling, if only there was another way. I longed to feel something other than devastation and the burning desire to let go of everything, but nothing else came, just the rejection.

That wasn't enough to save me.