Disclaimer: I always tell you that I don't own the show! Why would I own it now all of a sudden?
It's me again checking in with you! If you're reading this then you should be proud of me! I managed to make it all the way to writing about the 4th person I did this to without getting killed yet! That really shouldn't mean anything though, it just means that they haven't been successful in breaking down my door and getting to me just yet. Though the number of people seems to be decreasing from what I can tell. Harold tried to kick the door and broke his foot and Chef had to carry him to the nurse's station and look at it. That just means it's two less people who are going to beat me to a pulp when they actually manage to get in here, so I guess that's good news, right?
So, you see after that whole gross and weird relationship I had with Heather I decided I should settle down a bit and I went and knocked on Beth's door and brought her red roses and told her that I had the biggest crush on her since season 1 and I've just been too shy to tell her. It was one of the cheesiest things I think I have ever done but If I wanted Beth I would have to be an old school gentlemen and that was something that I wasn't used to doing.
So I played it really cheesy and brought her these red roses and luckily for me that Brady guy dumped her and she needed a shoulder to cry on and I took advantage of that. She invited me into her room and put those stupid flowers in a vase. Why does she even have empty vases in her room?! When you pack a suitcase to go on a reality show, who says 'Hey, I think I'll just take these vases with me.' So, once she put them in water I told her that I would never treat her the way Brady did and that she would love being my girlfriend...I also told her I'd bring her roses like every day...That was a horrible idea! Roses are expensive and I should have remembered that from the whole experience with Courtney! But I already said it so I guess I was going to have to do it. She agreed that she would love to be my girlfriend and that I was 'The sweetest guy ever!'
Dating: When you date Beth you're in for a nightmare if your anything like me! Beth loves arts and crafts! Duncan's do not love arts and crafts which made being a gentlemen and doing them just to be nice to her was horrible for me! (Yes, I just called myself a Duncan.) I'm now the proud owner of 3 badly built bird houses, 2 pencil cup holders made from toilet paper rolls, about 9 friendship bracelets and let's not forget the very large man purse that is an ugly shade of Orange! All of these were poorly thrown together by yours truly and are now taking up space in my room. Did you know that dried up glue in large quantities smells horrible?
Another thing I learned is that girls like Beth don't date very much and when they actually have a man in their life they will do almost anything for that guy. In the week that I dated Beth she did my laundry and made me breakfast, lunch and dinner every single day! She also cleaned my room up for me and made my bed so I didn't have to do it! Which is one of the reasons I stayed with her for a week.
Beth likes compliments. I'm guessing she doesn't get them very often. So when you're dating her, throw some compliments her way. It'll just make her blush and do more stuff for you. Tell her that you love her girl scout vest even when you really hate it! (Seriously, why would she wear that to be on a reality show?)
Okay, so I'm going to confess something that I never will admit to anyone! In the week that I dated Beth I actually did develop a small crush on her. She may not be the best looking chick on the show but someday she's going to be a really good housewife to some guy! That guy however, won't be me. I needed to leave Beth for the simple fact that she has many 'Talents' she's not good at. At least 6 of those talents involve fire and none of them involve being a good kisser.
Seriously, Beth is the worst kisser ever. I went to give her a small peck on the lips and she tried to shove her tongue down my throat. Kissing Beth is like making out with your dog. it's all over the place and you end up with saliva all over your face. I wasn't even about to try having sex with her after that.
Cheating: Cheating is actually the easiest part to do! I felt really bad because of my slight crush on her at that point...Once again, I didn't feel bad enough to not do it, so it obviously wasn't love. I actually told her that I would go to the craft store and get her some more glue. I was gone a good 2 hours and when I came back she actually accused me of cheating! That was nervy of her! I actually did Cheat though, I'm just surprised she noticed. I of course being a professional at this cheated first then got the glue and showed her the receipt and told her it was a long line. She felt like a horrible person! (Tip: when cheating make sure you cheat first then get the item! if you get the item first obviously the time is going to get you caught! So, item last and say the line was long!)
Breaking up: Emotionally, I admit this one was the hardest one for me to do! She was actually a really nice girl and I admit it, I was a jerk. You know how girls have a type? where they like 'The bad boy' well guys have types too! Mine is 'The bitchy, independent, outspoken hottie' and yes, I'm shallow! I'd dump Beth for anyone who is even remotely hotter than her...Which is almost everyone. Beth is a sweet girl who is very predictable and it honestly won't work for me! I need a loud mouthed hottie! So, I actually decided to bring her flowers and knock on her door and sit on her bed and explain to her that me and her could never be long term because we are two different people. Surprisingly, she gave me a hug and thanked me for my honesty and agreed with me and even told me she wasn't mad at me.
So, Beth turned me into a softy and I went back to my room and asked myself how I could possibly fall for someone like Beth! Yeah, we were still friends and shit but I got stuck with all these stupid arts and crafts that I never even wanted along with some bad make out memories that I'm hoping I forget. I needed to get my mojo back! I needed to make sure that whoever I dated next I would be able to dump them without one single regret. That's when I decided that I would try my luck with Izzy, Dating and sleeping with Izzy was by far one of the most wild things I have ever done since I've been here! I guess you'll find out on the next page what happened. I guess you'll also get to hear about how she was the first girl to dump me...Ever!