Kenta: Okay, this idea has been bugging me for quite awhile, and I thought it would be an interestingly small story. I only plan to have about four or five chapters, since this is a mature comedy fanfic.

Warning: Mature themes and LOTS of out of character moments caused by the variable of the story. There will not be any lemons, but...well, you'll see.


"You guys think you can just walk in here and waltz around like you own the place? DO YA!?" A rogue bandit roared, spitting at the two in front of him.

"Umm...this is a field...outside of town...and who the hell are you guys?" A blonde-haired boy asked, staring at the group of bandits in front of him in confusion. A blue headband was tied around his forehead, and on the headband was a metal plate, an inscription of a leaf marked upon its center.

"YOU...LITTLE..." The bandit spazzed, glaring furiously at the un-caring blonde in front of him. "THAT'S IT! GET HIM!" He roared to his twenty followers. The blonde turned away from the group, now looking at a white-haired man writing on a scroll.

"OI! ERO-SENNIN! CAN I TAKE 'EM?" The blonde suddenly shouted, causing the bandits to skid to a halt. The white-haired hermit didn't even look up from his writing and waved his hand forward, the blonde suddenly turning around and grinning.

"Wh-what? Y-you think you can take ALL of us by yourself!?" The bandit started sweating, the blonde-haired boy grinning brightly as he cracked his knuckles, an evil aura appearing above him. "G-G-G-GET HIM!"

- Five minutes later -

"Oi! Ero-Sennin! I'm done!" Naruto Uzumaki smiled as he sat on top of a smoking pile of bandits, numerous groans of agony echoing from the pile. Jiraiya, Sage of Mount Myoboku, finished the sentence he was working on before rolling up the scroll and nodding.

"All right then, let's get going. We've spent enough time here in this boondock town." Jiraiya said as he began to walk away from the town, the blonde ninja hopping off the pile before running after Jiraiya.

"But you said you were gonna train me! I just wanted to fight 'em so I wouldn't be bored! And don't tell me I need to rest! I didn't even use any Shadow Clones! Come on Pervy Sage!" The blonde complained as he followed after the holy/perverted sage.

The Bandit leader glared after the blonde, rage burning in his eyes. "Y-you...little blonde shit-head...I'll get my revenge...I SWEAR IT!"

- One and a Half Years Later -

Two figures entered a large, bustling city, proceeding through two large gates. The slightly shorter figure had a big smile on his face as he walked around the city, spinning around constantly, trying to take in as much as he could with his bright blue eyes. His excitement built with every spin, the blonde-haired shinobi's smile growing wider and wider until he couldn't take it anymore. Tossing his heavy backpack to the ground, the blonde rushed up a telephone pole, quickly reaching the top before grinning wildly, his eyes looking around at the colorful Village of the Hidden Leaf, Konoha. Taking in a deep breath, the blonde's excitement climaxed.

"HELLOOO KONOHA! IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! THE ONE AND ONLY NARUTO UZUMAKI IS BACK!" Naruto shouted, his voice echoing over rooftops, catching the attention of numerous residents. "YEAH! That felt great!" Naruto beamed as his eyes finally landed on the Hokage Monument, a visible recognition of the Shinobi village's past heroes. Letting his eyes glide over the forms of the First and Second Hokage's, Naruto's eyes landed on the face of the kind, deceased sculpture of the Third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi. Smiling as memories flooded his mind, he turned to the face next to the third's, his hero, the Fourth Hokage. The man who sealed the demon fox inside of him, hoping it would save the village. Naruto then noticed that there was a new face next to the Fourth's, and as he took a closer look at it, he found it to be a woman with a diamond on her head. "OH! HEY, THEY PUT GRANDMA TSUNADE UP THERE! HAHAHAHA!" The blonde smiled brightly as he inspected the rock face before a voice came from his right.

"Well well, all grown up now Naruto?" Naruto turned to see a familiar figure reading on a rooftop.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" The blonde beamed.


In a small hospital room, a pink-haired kunoichi stared down at a book, giggling happily as she read it. The cover was red, with purple hearts on the back. The door to the room suddenly clicked open, a tall woman walking into the room and noticing the book in the girl's hands. Cracking a smile, she slowly crept over to the pink Medical Ninja and softly whispered something in her ear. The book snapped shut in a flash, Sakura Haruno staring at Tsunade in shock.

"Wh-what? What did you..."

"That's right...he's back..." She smiled evilly, the pinkette rushing out of the room and out the door. Smiling in satisfaction, she noticed the book was gone as well. "Brat...could have at least left the book..." The blonde Hokage grumbled as she walked out of the room.


"OH HOW I LOVE RAMEN!" Naruto cried tears of joy, happily slurping up his third bowl of ramen now. Kakashi merely giggled in excitement as he held a green book in his hand, Jiraiya smirking as he sipped a saucer of sake. The three exchanged small conversations over how things had changed, Naruto only asking Kakashi a few questions but otherwise helping himself to more and more ramen. Finally setting down his fifth bowl, Naruto happily turned to Jiraiya, an evil smirk on his face. "Hey Pervy Sage, debt number one, coming right up!" Naruto grinned cheekily as Jiraiya shook his head.

"Yeah Yeah, I remember." The Sage smirked as he set down the bills necessary to cover Naruto's feast. Kakashi raised an eyebrow, promptly asking what Naruto meant by that. "Halfway through our training trip, he asked me if I had a spare notebook he could have." Jiraiya began explaining. "I figured he wanted to try writing, which he did for awhile, but the most he did was write down how many times I owed him for something, be it getting a girl's attention or running random errands. You'd think that since he was my disciple that he'd just do it..." The sage grumbled as he paid for his meal as well.

"I did plenty!" Naruto grumbled at Jiraiya. "The debts you owe me aren't for small stuff like that...the first debt you owed me was for the Hot spring incedent, where I was the one who was your scapegoat while you escaped..." Naruto lifted up his shirt glaring at Jiraiya, Kakashi lightly raising his eyebrow. "I still have all their claw marks on me, and I'm an extremely fast healer!" Kakashi merely turned to a whistling sannin.

"W-well, anyway, let's be on our way, shall we?" Jiraiya quickly said, getting up and walking out of the ramen stand. Though he was glaring at him, Naruto nodded and got up. Afterall, Tsunade was the person they were going to see. The three were soon walking down the road, Naruto leading the way.

"So, I'll take it the training went well?" Kakashi asked, still engrossed in his book. The sannin smirked as he watched Naruto finally slow down to a small walk.

"You'll see. But I'll tell you this. You'll be surprised at his development." Kakashi raised an eyebrow at Jiraiya.

"Surprised how?"

His question would not be answered as the two suddenly heard a loud "WOAH!" Turning around, Kakashi and Jiraiya found Naruto staring at a kunoichi.


Sakura gasped for air as she rounded the, at the very least, hundred and fiftieth corner since she first started searching. She had been looking for that blonde-haired idiot since Tsunade told of his arrival, but she couldn't find him anywhere! There was no way it could have been this difficult to find him, he wore orange! Then again, he had been gone for nearly three years, so maybe he changed his attire? She had been looking for blue and orange since she started looking...but what if he changed the colors of his outfit?

"Oh! There's still one place I havn't checked! Now that I think about it, it's probably the first place that little Uke would be..." She giggled as she repeated the word. "Uke-Naruto...heehee..." The pinkette giggled as she began skipping towards Ichiraku Ramen. Arriving at the aforementioned restaurant, she found that the blonde wasn't there. "Oh man, I thought Naruto would have been here..." Sakura sighed.

"Hmm? Naruto you said?" Teuchi asked as he looked up from behind the counter. "Ah! Sakura! How are you?" The kunoichi smiled as she bowed to the ramen stand owner.

"I'm fine. Has Naruto come by here? I heard he's back in town!" She smiled as Teuchi nodded.

"Yeah, you and Ayane just missed him." He pointed behind him, smirking as he heard pots clanging. "She's been throwing a fit ever since, though I'm hoping you know the reason?" Sakura blushed brightly as she looked behind the counter, hoping to see Ayane. "Umm...nope!" She laughed nervously, scratching the back of her head. "So, um...do you know where he went?" Teuchi sighed as he pointed down the road. "He was with Lord Jiraiya and your sensei, Kakashi Hatake. I think they were heading towards the Hokage's office." He blinked as Sakura suddenly disappeared from view, a trail of smoke left in her wake.


"Hinata, is that you?" Naruto stared at the Hyuuga heiress in shock. "You look...uh..." His eyes trailed down before quickly shooting back up. "Different!" Behind him, Naruto could hear the squealing of his perverted mentor. He distinctly heard the word 'boobies' and was about to turn around to pile-drive the old man before Hinata SLAPPED the blonde.

"Naruto...I never thought..." She was quiet as a tear left her eye, the blonde's shocked face staring back at her. "You're not the person I thought you were!" She suddenly ran off, leaving a bewildered blonde to stare off after the Hyuuga heiress in shock, a glowing red hand-print on his cheek.

The shock that hit both Kakashi and Jiraiya read like a banner over their heads, though Naruto seemed more hurt than either of the two. He slowly turned around to his teachers, tears flowing from his eyes.

"Ka...Kakashi-sensei? Ero-sennin? What...what just happened?" The blonde sobbed. A loud "KYAAAA!" suddenly screeched from their left, Naruto, Kakashi and Jiraiya turning around to see a pink-wearing kunoichi out-cold on the ground, a trail of blood running down her nose. "Sakura?" Naruto asked as he looked at the unconscious kunoichi on the ground. "OI! What's wrong!? Why are you bleeding out of your nose!? SAKURA! WAKE UP!" The blonde desperately tried to wake up his former teammate, Jiraiya and Kakashi looking at the scene in estranged silence.

"Um..." Kakashi's eye twitched rapidly, sweat pouring down his face. "Correct me if I'm wrong...but...did we see Hinata Hyuuga, the little girl who had such a huge crush on Naruto that she'd pass out in close contact, just SLAP him before running off in tears?"

"I'm still trying to figure out the completely opposite reaction from the two girls..." Jiraiya stared at the scene in shock. "I mean, before I even taught him the Rasengan, I had him try and get a hug from Sakura and she nearly catapulted the kid to Suna...now she's squealing and passing out in the kind of way the other girl would..."

The two Elite ninja stared first at each other, then back to the scene, where Naruto had Sakura on his back, rushing off to get Tsunade, cuz it was obvious that Sakura was in danger. Why else would she be bleeding from anything other than a cut? She obviously had a serious injury!