A/N: So its been awhile... I don't know where this came from but I figured I'd post it. So here it is. It will be a Two-Shot. Enjoy it for what it is. Was originally meant to be FULL ON Rei/Minako but it took on a life of its own so...yeah. The second half will have more Rei/Minako promise! Inspired by the Matthew Good song. Hahaha. Anyways no beta so mistake are all mine.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. :)
'There's something in the way you look that only casts a shadow...'
"Champions of Nothing" by Matthew Good.
She wishes she could forsake the night.
Sometimes it's the nightmares. The ones about blackness; barren and encompassing the icy emptiness of darkness. The horrific nightmares about her death. About all of them, each one similar and different the perfect contradiction. It's like how each time she wakes up from one it feels as if she left a piece of herself there with them. Surrounded in that hazy heartless pit. She's just left there too suffocate left too lose another piece.
Sometimes it's the past, the one that seemly won't leave her alone no matter how hard she tries. Constantly spitting images of what it really meant to be a leader. The ones about faith and how important it was to believe in the cause no matter the risk. How you were meant to forsake everything you valued for the greater good. She wishes she could forsake the night instead. Wishes she didn't require sleep didn't need it to sustain the mask she wore so well in daylight.
Sometimes it's the dreams. The 'normal' ones the ones given a title - never shall. Dreams about the present about what she wishes were realities. Ones about life the kind of life that everyone else gets to live except her. Normal. She hates those ones the most, they terrify and excite her and she knows - bitterly - that she'll never get to enjoy any of them.
She hates the nights so she tries so hard to forsake them. Whether its by fighting to save the world (since it can't help but not be in trouble!) Or by just trying as hard as she can to not fall asleep for as long as possible.
Tonight Minako settles for late night infomercials in the blue hue of the television.
She understands she's apart of the group.
But even Minako gets tired of trying. Sometimes she doesn't feel bubbly or happy. Their Princess Usagi never seems to be in short supply of either though. Minako wants to be jealous of her, their princess. She gets the happy ending every time and one day she'll get the real one. The one that they sacrificed so much for.
Minako can't though. She can't be jealous. No matter how much it hurts no matter how unfair it really is. The past reminds her of this and the future, the future has to be better than this. No matter what the outcome really turns out to be.
Minako has to hope for something. Anything really just to make it all worthwhile. All those cold empty graves, those hollow places she could have slept so peacefully in…
"Minako did you even hear the joke?"
She smiles, but it hurts too.
"Sorry! Was thinking about something dirty."
It's hollow like every grave she walked out of.
No matter the armour in the end everything eventually falls apart somehow.
Of course the only person who really notices is Rei. All that fiery passion deliberate and powerful as it is, having it all focused on her - almost - makes Minako flattered. But then Rei launches into a fit about how she doesn't need to hide her feelings from the others or from her.
Minako does though for their sake.
She wonders if this is why she is the leader of the Inner Guard instead of someone much more capable, like Rei. Being able to bury your feelings when the chips fall is what keeps you battling no matter the consequence. After all that's what makes Haruka and Michiru so skilled.
Or maybe Minako just isn't strong like they are, maybe destiny felt pity for her.
She closes her eyes and breathes.
"Something's wrong." Rei says to her, softly, delicately, almost like she's afraid Minako will turn into Venus right then and there. Just to remind her of what's important what really matters. Minako thinks it over then opens her eyes and smiles.
A winning smile that - almost - convinces Rei that Minako isn't really falling apart, that it just seems like she is. But really Minako is all powerful and god like and cannot hurt from the petty woes of misfortune.
However, Minako is human and Rei can see the humanity creeping out from behind the mask.
"Your not going to tell me are you?" Minako doesn't even have the heart to argue she drops the smile too.
It's everything… she wants to say it, can even hear her voice saying the words. But they never come. Sailor Venus isn't allowed to express her doubts let alone to a subordinate. Technically Rei is a subordinate. Technically. Minako has to remind herself sometimes that the past isn't the now but its hard when its in her dreams and when it haunts her during the day. When it forces her to confront it over and over again, every day, every night, every single moment.
Why couldn't she be normal?
The words are audible and Rei frowns like Minako just told her the end of the world was coming.
Maybe it is, Minako can't tell.
It happens more often then she'd like.
It almost becomes a routine to Minako after the fifth time. Rei is stubborn though, persistent and far to observant for her own good. Or maybe Minako is just getting tired of putting that mask on day in and day out and she's losing her edge.
She isn't sure but she knows that the strings of destiny are tugging.
She hates it. Hates it so much that sometimes Minako thinks of going as far away as possible just to hide from it. She can't, but she wishes she could.
Rei is there staring at her expectantly. Almost like she knows Minako is this close away from spilling every dirty secret to her. She's not, but Rei is once again, stubborn.
So Minako sips on her milkshake ignoring her the best she can.
But everything eats away at her the same way she sips away at the milkshake. Something in those memories of the past stirs something inside her. It's like déjà vu though Minako is sure she's never had this particular scenario happen to her before.
Venus calls to her like a moth to flame, begging for something. Minako can't quite understand. The ghost that lives inside of her that she refuses to release, is there touching her heart whispering something…
Minako blinks Venus away and looks back at Mars…Rei. Rei.
Amethyst eyes ask Minako why?
Blue eyes respond with nothing but maybe next time.
Maybe next time.
Playing with fire only gets you burned.
Minako can't help it though it's better than feeling nothing but hopelessness. Venus the leader living within her. The one whose faith means everything to her can only watch as Minako burns herself.
It stings too.
Minako can smell molten flesh and hear the screaming, lots of screaming. It makes her skin crawl, but then it dissipates almost as fast as it comes when Rei asks her if she's alright.
Minako responds but it's just an automatic reaction like a muscle memory. Something she's become accustomed to. A question she understands but never answers honestly. It isn't until Rei has her hand on Minako's that the blonde blinks away from her thoughts.
The touch sets her hand on fire and all she can do is look at Rei. As Mars the Senshi of fire burns all her worries away for a moment.
"Are you sure? Your never this quiet unless its serious."
It will be night soon. It will come again like it always does they will find her all over again. The nightmares about death, about life as she wishes it was or maybe tonight will be something from the past the one she can't escape.
"I don't know."
It's honest. Probably the most honest thing Minako has ever said out loud. Rei squeezes her hand and Minako can't bring herself to look away. Like somehow she's trapped in that amethyst gaze and it won't allow her to hide away from this. This one little sentence she has spoken out loud. The one that has damned her soul.
Honesty comes at a price.