title: redheads' do it better
pairings: steve/tony, clint/nat
dedication: to sara because she wanted sassy pepper and nat bitching about tony. your wish is my command.
Pepper was without a fucking doubt, loosing her mind. It was the only explanation she could come up with that explained what she just saw. The stress of running Stark Industries and looking after Tony had finally caught up to her and it was causing her to slowly loose her grip on reality. It make perfect fucking sense.
"Please tell me I'm not hallucinating" Pepper said to the redhead sitting beside her on the leather couch.
"Nope. You just saw Tony Stark -Iron Man and possibly the smartest man on Earth- just flirt rather horribly, I must say, with Captain freaking America" Natasha stated with a smug smirk on her face.
Pepper silently went over the events in her head, hoping to make sense of what she just saw. She and Natasha were sitting on the couch talking about board meetings and missions- just another normal Thursday get together for the two ladies- when Tony and Steve walked into the living room. Steve was in his workout clothes with a towel slung around his shoulders and Tony, as usual, was covered in grease and oil stains. But what stood out the most was the dusting of pink on Tony's cheeks, the wringing of his hands and the babbling, stuttering way he was speaking to the super solider. She couldn't make out what they were saying but it was obvious what was going on; Tony was flirting with the Captain and Steve had no freaking clue it was happening.
Their conversation doesn't last very long. Tony nods his head towards the elevator down the hall and Steve nods his head in understand before both going their separate ways. Tony, looking dejected and annoyed, going back to his workshop and Steve going to his room to take a shower.
"That man is hopeless, jesus christ" Pepper said shaking her head in her hands.
Natasha hummed in agreement, taking a sip of her martini. "And that isn't even the worst thing I've seen Tony do when it comes to Steve."
Pepper looked up from her hands, worry no doubt written across her face. "He's been worse than that?" she asked pointing at the spot where the two stubborn men just stood minutes ago.
"Oh yeah, Stark's been bending over backwards trying to get Steve to notice him. Flirting, fixing up Steve's bike when there's something wrong with it, upgrading his uniform, buying him the best art supplies, taking him to museums and art shows. It would be adorable is Steve wasn't so oblivious" Natasha said sighing at the sheer hopelessness of her two team mates.
"Has anyone else noticed or am I seriously the last person to put two and two together?" Pepper asked taking a sip of her extra dirty, extra dry, extra olives martini.
"Clint and I noticed the same day, Bruce a few days later and Thor noticed about a week after Bruce. Even Doctor Foster and Darcy Lewis noticed and they're only here every other week" Natasha said.
"Fucking hopeless" Pepper muttered downing the rest of her drink. With the way tonight was going, she was going to need a few more of these.
"It's like we're all stuck in an episode of Friends and they're Rachel and Ross" Natasha exclaimed before downing the rest of her drink as well.
"Which makes you and Clint Monica and Chandler" Pepper said cocking an eyebrow at the super spy, the hint of a smirk showing.
Natasha shot Pepper a look that just said bitch I could kill you a hundred different way with his glass, do not sass me. "We're talking about Tony and Steve right now, let's not get off topic."
Pepper held up her hands in mock surrender, making a note to come back to this little topic of conversation at a later date. Natasha grabbed their empty glasses and walking to the bar, mixing the alcohol for more delicious martinis. She poured their drinks and sat back down, passing Pepper her drink.
"What should we do about them? They need a push in the right direction, or a near death experience. Those seem to work when it comes to Tony" Pepper said plucking the olive out of the glass and popping it in her mouth.
"I'm this close to locking them in a closet. Or summoning Loki to cause some serious mayhem. Hell even a truth spell would work at this point!" Natasha said wondering how that conversation would go down with Thor. It probably wouldn't end very well, no matter how annoying Tony and Steve were right now.
"Closet wouldn't work. Tony would just get Jarvis to open it, loyal that AI is, and Steve would probably end up breaking the door down" Pepper said sipping her martini.
"Damn, we could get Bruce to make a truth serum. He is a chemist after all" Natasha suggested.
"That would take too long. Do you really want to deal with more awkward flirting for another few weeks?" Pepper asked knowing full well what Nat's answer would be.
Natasha made a noise of disgust around the rim of her glass, taking small sips. "You're right".
"We could call Stephen Strange. Ask him to cast a truth spell on Tony?" Pepper asked.
"Knowing Strange he would fuck up the spell to mess with Tony. They don't exactly get along. Something about messing with the law of the Universe, I usually tune out when Tony goes off on those rants," she said shrugging her shoulders. "Plus the guy gives me the creeps."
Pepper muttered a "damn" and finished the rest of her drink. She popped another martini soaked olive in her mouth, going over other ideas to try and get Tony to admit his feelings to Steve. Every idea she came up with had to be crumbled up and thrown away due to some issue, some variable that wouldn't work with her plans.
Tony was actually romantically interested in someone sine their inevitable break up last year. Tony was letting someone in, showing them his best and worst, all his secrets, the past fuck ups, showing him and telling him things that only she and Rhodey know about and Steve just couldn't see what was really going on. Bless Steve's heart but all she wanted to do right now was knock Steve over the head and beat some common sense into the man.
Tony was wearing his heart on his sleeve and her best friend was getting it crushed.
"You know, you could just talk to them" a voice said behind them.
Pepper jumped in her seat and whipped her head around, her scream dying in her throat once she saw who it was. Clint was standing behind the couch with his hands up in the air, an apologetic smile on his face. "Sorry you scaring you Pepper, didn't mean to do that" he said rubbing the back of his neck.
"It's okay. I just didn't hear you come in" Pepper said trying to bring her heart rate down.
"He was hiding in air vents above us. He does that a lot" Natasha said glaring at the archer, oh if looks could kill. "You were saying?" she said cocking an eyebrow at the man.
"Why don't you guys just talk to them? Wouldn't that just be easier?" Clint asked taking a seat in the Lazy-Boy beside them.
"Because Tony has an emotional stick up his ass the size of Italy" Natasha said, sarcasm dripping from her voice like acid.
"No shit but the guy can't deny it, we've all seen how he's been acting around Steve. He just needs a swift kick in the ass. Tasha, you could easily do that. Pepper you've known Tony the longest, you know him better than any of us. Whatever you have to say, Steve is going to believe you. Simple as that. Problem solved" Clint said like it was the answer to life, the universe and everything.
"He's got a point" Natasha grumbled nodding her head towards the archer.
Clint smiled wide showing off his pearly white teeth, eyes gleaming with self righteousness. Natasha wanted to both kiss and punch that look off his face. Maybe they were a lot like Monica and Chandler, not like she was ever going to admit that, especially not to Pepper.
"You handle Steve, I'll go and handle Tony. Meet you back here and we can watch all the drama unfold" Natasha said getting up from the couch.
"Of course. See you later Nat" Pepper said getting up, bare feet padding across the hardwood floors towards the elevator.
Once the elevator doors closed behind Pepper, taking the woman up to Steve's room, Natasha walked over to Clint and punch the man hard on his shoulder.
"Hey! What the he-mmpph" Clint's protests were cut off by Natasha's lips covering his own. Clint sunk into the kiss, his chapped lips moving against her silky smooth red ones. Natasha pulled away before anything could go any further, moving back just a bit to take in Clint's dazed expression and his red stained lips.
"Don't hide in the vents next time. You're going to give poor Pepper a heart attack" Natasha said smooth down her oxford shirt and her black skinny jeans.
"Gotcha. Heart attack bad"
"Time to go scare Tony into admitting his undying love for Steve" she said making her way towards the elevator. The doors slid open and she walked in, turning around to face the doors.
"I'll just sit and wait here then" Clint called from the living room.
"You do that" she called as the doors slid closed and started their decent to the workshop.
God, she loved Thursdays.