Disclaimer: I do NOT own One Piece or any of its characters or locations; they all belong to the wonderful Eiichiro Oda. I do not earn any money on this story nor do I want to. I simply write for the fun of it.
Shattered by Trading Yesterday
He had tried everything to suppress those damn feelings, for nearly three years had he tried covering them up. So why was he sitting there on a rock all alone feeling more broken than ever. He knew seeing the cook again after their two year separation would be painful, painful because memories of that damn cook was the main thing that had helped him keep sane through his training with Mihawk. Just little things, such as the adorable smile he always had when he was around the ladies (oh how many times he had wished that smile to be directed at him), the way he smoked his first cigarette in the morning because he would look so peaceful and sexy while doing so, the way he moved when he was in the kitchen, and his favourite night time memory was definitely from when they were in Arabasta bathing in the palace. He had had the most perfect view of the cook's body, mind you it had been extremely hard suppressing certain urges back then, but the memories had been etched into his brain from then on. Of course they had become more and more vivid for each time, sometimes just imagining Sanji's hands on him was enough, other times he would fantasise about going all the way never caring who was top and who was bottom. He wouldn't care either way if he could just have one night with the blond.
Just thinking about it made him want to curl up and cry, but damn-it he was Roronoa Zoro for Kamis sake, and he didn't cry.
He was glad that he had gotten himself lost this time; he really couldn't face Sanji or any of the others on the crew for that matter right now. He just needed some time for himself where he could be free to sulk and feel miserable without having the crew around him trying to figure out what was wrong. And the truth was there was nothing wrong, not really, everything was exactly how they were two years ago. Except maybe for the thing about him getting undeniably drunk at a bar which ended up with him pouring out about his fucked up love life to the lovely bartender, and how miserable it was to never have that love returned to you. It wasn't until after he was finished with his rant that he realized Sanji stood in the doorway having heard the whole fucking thing and glaring at him with a disgusted look that only screamed "Stay away from me you disgusting freak". He felt so stupid, how the hell could he blurt it out like that, could he have been more of an idiot, seriously. He really wanted to just stab himself in the heart with Wado at that point, anything would be better than having that disgusted look on Sanji's face directed at him.
He knew Sanji wouldn't back down with that glare, but he really didn't want to meet the cook's eyes anymore and so he resorted to doing something he never thought he would do; he pleaded with his eyes for Sanji to leave. He hated that he was so drunk that he would resort to actually looking defeated, but it couldn't be helped, his heart felt ripped apart and all he wanted to do was to disappear from his spot, but he couldn't do anything before Sanji left. It seemed to have worked though because the disgusted glare on the cooks face turned livid with rage and he turned on his heel and left faster than Zoro ever thought was possible.
Alone in the bar again Zoro paid his tab and left, not really registering what he was doing or where he was going, not that it mattered really, he needed to get away from that place and to a place where he could be alone. How he managed to find this secluded place he wasn't sure, but it reminded him about some of the places on the island he grew up, like the place where he went after Kuina died. It felt like that, like a part of him had died. He had sat down, tucked his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, resting his head on his knees, one by one tears started to run down his cheeks and he didn't try to stop them this time, he didn't even have the energy to wipe them away now.
As the images of Sanji's face swam in front of him, the unspoken words between them were as clear as if Sanji had shouted them to him. There was absolutely no chance in hell that anything would ever happen between them. Of course he had known it all the time, ever since he first laid eyes on the blond way back when he was still working on the Baratie; Sanji was as straight as an arrow. Even the chance of them ever being friends was a long shot; they were nakama yes, but friends, highly unlikely. They were rivals and occasional sparing partners, nothing more and now even that bond seemed to have been broken.
If it weren't for his promise to Kuina he would have cut his heart out at this moment. Yes, he knew he had feelings for the cook, feelings that had gradually built up from occasional lust and desire for the other teen to deeper and stronger feelings, but that it would hurt this bad to actually be rejected, he had no idea. He had for so long tried to forget his feelings, to suppress them, bury them deep in his mind so that he could move on, but he couldn't. Not even when he was at Kurigana where he had on occasions indulged in nightly activities with the elder swordsman, could he stop thinking about the blond. He had been tactful not to mention the blond for the elder man though, mostly in fear that it would be used against him, or in fear that the swordsman would refuse to train him if he knew Zoro wasn't completely focused on the training. And then there was that moment at Sabaondy when he had seen Sanji for the first time after two long years, when he surfaced from boarding the wrong ship, he had wanted to smile like a little child, but had managed to keep a straight face during the rest of the day. When they got back to the Sunny however he had hurried to the bathroom to take care of some business that he had been losing more and more control over for the past hours. He had cursed under his breath about the steadily increasing problem of Sanji becoming sexier for each time he saw him. He had been so angry at the cook for that, not that it had been a good excuse to be mad at him, but an excuse non-the-less, and it would work for a while to keep his mind occupied with being angry at Sanji opposed to suddenly losing control around the cook and do something he would later regret. Like now for example, where the blond knew, he knew and he hated Zoro for it.