The example in this one is not from any story(hopefully). I wrote that and I hope I never have to write like that ever again. Even though I will have to next chapter. Ugh.
Okay. THE GANG GOES TO THE BEACH.
Here's pretty much what happens in one of these.
Rudy said okay guys lets go to the beach and we all went into the van and I was pressed against Jack and he was ripped. We got to the beach and I said Jack will you put lotion on me and he said yes and it felt so good. Then I wanted to tan but Jack said Kimmy lets go into the water and I said no so he threw me over my shoulder and dunked me into the water and when I got up I hit him and he said ow what was that for and I said don't call me Kimmy. Then we leaned forward and started making out and it was great then he said Kim will you be my girlfriend and I said yes. Honestly.
Are you serious?
First of all, nobody in Seaford trusts Rudy enough to give him a car, let alone drive five teenagers in it. If he did, Rudy would probably try to install a pool in it or something. Gee, sometimes I wonder about that man.
IT'S A VAN FOR GOODNESS' SAKES PEOPLE! IT HAS LIKE FIVE BAJILLION SEATS SO WHY IN THE GREASY FALAFEL BALL WOULD I BE "SQUISHED UP AGAINST JACK'S RIPPED ABS"?
Third, I'm a black belt people. If Jack tried to do ANYTHING unapproved by yours truly, he would probably be rolling around on the ground calling for more painkillers. Trust me.
Four. Jack's a black belt too. You don't think he would hit me back at all? You are so wrong it's funny.
It's actually not that funny.
Five guys (HAH THAT PLACE IS DELICIOUS). We're teenagers. Not your little puppets. So don't you think it's a little creepy that we suddenly start leaning in after I whack the dude? Think about it, kiddos.
TO SUM UP EVERYTHING WE LEARNED TODAY:
Grammar and common sense. Use them.