Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Joss Whedon.
I can't remember the last time I felt so good. I never thought that I would have
this again. Right now, right here, is where I always wanted to be but I never let him
I can't help but look him over as he sleeps, like I've done every night for three
weeks. He was always so beautiful I could never get enough of him. I think that's why
Darla hated him so much. He took me from her. How could she ever compare to him,
with those hauntingly bright blue eyes and cheekbones that are so sharp you'd think you
could cut yourself on them? His body is pale temptation. He is fair, long and lean where
I am dark and more muscular, but he fits perfectly to me when I spoon against him. I
don't think he knows this, but what I love the most are his eyes and lips. He has no idea
how revealing his eyes can be. When we make love I watch him just to see everything he
feels flitting through those blue orbs. And he's got this pouty lower lip that induces
fantasies of carnal pleasure.
You probably think I'm a sap, or as he puts it…a poof. But I'm not. I love him
and have for over a century. He never knew. I never showed it. Even when we claimed
each other I never gave him any indication that I loved him. Years have gone by and we
have both changed. For so long we were apart and now, even though we are together
again, I am not the only one in his life. You see, while we were apart, he fell in love with
a beautiful red haired witch.
I never thought I'd ever be in the same bed as Willow Rosenberg. I certainly
never thought I'd ever make love to her. After all she's Buffy's best friend. Yet there
she is, with her red hair spilling lightly across the pillow, her arm draped over Spike, and
her fingers entwined with mine. She is beautiful in ways I never noticed until recently.
She loves him and she knows all about my past with him. We have begun to love each
other just as deeply as we do him. I find it amazing that the only three vampires in the
world with souls are in love with each other.
I felt bad for my childe when I learned that he was forced to turn Willow or lose
her. I'm also proud of him. He not only had her soul restored but his as well. I won't
say that it's been easy. It's been extremely hard. He has nightmares about the things
he's done, about being the monster that I turned him into. He had no idea what he was in
for when I cornered him in that alley. All I talked about was pleasure and eternal love. I
never mentioned pain, murder, blood, or damnation. When he wakes up screaming the
only thing that calms him down is us. We hold him and it seems to bring some measure
of peace. I know it will get easier. It's just going to take time.
It's those times he wakes up screaming, with tears running down his cheeks, that I
think I'm supposed to regret making him, but I find I can't. I regret Dru because of what
I did to her and the insanity that plagues her because of it, but I don't regret him. From
the minute I saw him everything about him drew me in. Dru was an obsession, a crazy
game. Spike was love. I didn't play any games with him. I just seduced him into my
world. If I'm supposed to feel guilty for that then I'll have to apologize to the Powers
That Be because all the guilt in the world couldn't make me regret having him here by
my side. He's mine and I'm his and she's ours and we're hers…forever.