Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  Everything belongs to Joss Whedon.

My Childe

By

Anessa Ramsey

            I can't remember the last time I felt so good.  I never thought that I would have

this again.  Right now, right here, is where I always wanted to be but I never let him

know it. 

            I can't help but look him over as he sleeps, like I've done every night for three

weeks.  He was always so beautiful I could never get enough of him.  I think that's why

Darla hated him so much.  He took me from her.  How could she ever compare to him,

with those hauntingly bright blue eyes and cheekbones that are so sharp you'd think you

could cut yourself on them?  His body is pale temptation.  He is fair, long and lean where

I am dark and more muscular, but he fits perfectly to me when I spoon against him.  I

don't think he knows this, but what I love the most are his eyes and lips.  He has no idea

how revealing his eyes can be.  When we make love I watch him just to see everything he

feels flitting through those blue orbs.  And he's got this pouty lower lip that induces

fantasies of carnal pleasure.

            You probably think I'm a sap, or as he puts it…a poof.  But I'm not.  I love him

and have for over a century.  He never knew.  I never showed it.  Even when we claimed

each other I never gave him any indication that I loved him.  Years have gone by and we

have both changed.  For so long we were apart and now, even though we are together

again, I am not the only one in his life.  You see, while we were apart, he fell in love with

a beautiful red haired witch.

            I never thought I'd ever be in the same bed as Willow Rosenberg.  I certainly

never thought I'd ever make love to her.  After all she's Buffy's best friend.  Yet there

she is, with her red hair spilling lightly across the pillow, her arm draped over Spike, and

her fingers entwined with mine.  She is beautiful in ways I never noticed until recently. 

She loves him and she knows all about my past with him.  We have begun to love each

other just as deeply as we do him.  I find it amazing that the only three vampires in the

world with souls are in love with each other.

            I felt bad for my childe when I learned that he was forced to turn Willow or lose

her.  I'm also proud of him.  He not only had her soul restored but his as well.  I won't

say that it's been easy.  It's been extremely hard.  He has nightmares about the things

he's done, about being the monster that I turned him into.  He had no idea what he was in

for when I cornered him in that alley.  All I talked about was pleasure and eternal love.  I

never mentioned pain, murder, blood, or damnation.  When he wakes up screaming the

only thing that calms him down is us.  We hold him and it seems to bring some measure

of peace.  I know it will get easier.  It's just going to take time.

            It's those times he wakes up screaming, with tears running down his cheeks, that I

think I'm supposed to regret making him, but I find I can't.  I regret Dru because of what

I did to her and the insanity that plagues her because of it, but I don't regret him.  From

the minute I saw him everything about him drew me in.  Dru was an obsession, a crazy

game.  Spike was love.  I didn't play any games with him.  I just seduced him into my

world.  If I'm supposed to feel guilty for that then I'll have to apologize to the Powers

That Be because all the guilt in the world couldn't make me regret having him here by

my side.  He's mine and I'm his and she's ours and we're hers…forever.