5 + 1 More Times Charlie and Emily were Part of the Job (Or Westens Can Find Trouble Anywhere)
Ship: Charlie + Emily - Charlie/Emily
They were sending a birthday gift to Emily's mother. Her father had insisted and Charlie accompanied her to keep her company. Now they were stuck in the post office with a crazy guy with a suicide bomber vest. Charlie could tell that it was an inexperienced, sloppy job. He had already sent a picture of the vest to Aunt Fi and Uncle Mike.
"The Postmaster went postal. Seriously, how cliché?" Emily whined. Charlie checked the man's clothes and she was correct, he was wearing the postmaster's uniform and all of the others workers were acting like they knew him. Charlie needed some sort of plan. Emily held her package close but Charlie knew she'd be willing to sacrifice it if needed. If Uncle Mike asked her to. Charlie checked his phone to see if he had any direction yet.
"We're not in high school, yet," Charlie complained. "This wasn't supposed happen until we got to high school."
"What's your Uncle Michael's ETA?"
"Fifteen. Aunt Fi and him will come in through the back as if they were making out."
"If we stay calm and keep those around us calm," Emily supposed, "Everyone should still be alive when they get here."
The pair of fifteen year olds had walked to the closest license bureau for their temporary drivers permits. The queue wrapped around the office twice. They were prepared for the long wait. They whispered to each other ideas for homework assignments and took notes on their phones. They were smack in the middle of the line when an older gentleman was refused his license renewal and pulled a gun. He was obviously distraught and his hand was shaking.
Emily wasn't sure what he was trying to accomplish: if he got his license in his name the cops would know who pulled the gun in the governmental building and if he had attempted to get his license under a different name, it presumably wouldn't match his other paperwork.
Charlie was ducking behind a grown man to send a text to Uncle Mike. "You'll have a better chance of distracting him than me. Tears?"
"I hate faking tears."
His phone vibrated and Charlie read his text, "Aunt Fi says if we can get ourselves out of the mess by the time they get here, she'll buy us a car."
"Oh, that is so on," Emily promised. She burst into tears on cue.
Emily dug the air popper out of the cupboard, along with the popcorn kernels. She started the old machine with one ear on the argument. The first bowl of popcorn, lightly salted went to Fiona. The second bowl –enough for Grandma Maddie and Emily- was slathered with butter. Grandma Maddie probably shouldn't have any, her health wasn't good, but she'd enjoy it and the argument demanded the peanut gallery should have some. The last bowl was mess of butter, salt and cheddar cheese topping, for Uncle Sam, of course.
Now for the show.
"You failed your driving test." Michael had stopped questioning his nephew and was simply resigned.
"The instructor didn't approve of my defensive driving." Charlie was full on pouting. Emily didn't think it was cute. Except, she did.
"You broadsided another car. On purpose."
"It was Juliette's stalker. Even the instructor could see the guy's road rage and him bullying my friend. Right in front of us."
"You broadsided another car. On purpose."
"I did it safely. Just like you taught me."
"I'm regretting that now."
"The only person hurt was Juliette's stalker and his time in the hospital should give you enough time to safely relocate Juliette."
"Your mother is about to be interned to the earth and you want to use her corpse in your plan, Michael?" Fiona couldn't believe her ears.
"To save two children from their pimps? My mother routinely involved herself in my jobs. I don't think she'd argue with me if I used her body in this one," Michael growled.
"Oh, she'd argue, alright," Sam countered, "because she argued with you over everything. And she'd have words about the funeral home you picked being used by human traffickers."
Uncle Mike conceded the point and then turned at looked at Charlie. "She's your family too. If you say 'no,' I'll find another way."
"No." Charlie shook his head, trying to be an adult even as he wiped away tears. "Grandma was the distraction for my bus hijacking and that was the first time I realized she was a hero. It seems fitting that the last thing she does is save others. Grandma'd like that." Emily tightened her hand around Charlie's free one. She nodded emphatically. Grandma Maddie wasn't hers by blood but Emily had seen more of her than her biological grandparents.
"This is what we're going to do," Michael told them all.
College Freshmen Orientation
The chick with drugged eyes pulled a gun during freshmen orientation at University of Miami. Emily didn't care why, but Charlie must have figured out the cause and decided it didn't matter. His chosen method of distraction was to rant on and on about how he was not going to start his college career with a Isituation/I. Privately, Emily agreed. He distracted the gun woman so effectively that he approached and disarmed her without a shot being fired. Charlie tossed the gun to Emily for her to dismantle. Charlie had the chick on the ground and used his leather ties to hold her in place. That summer job calf roping turned out to be handy, just as Uncle Mike had suggested.
"That's so hot," the ditzy blonde sighed.
"He's taken," Emily snapped.
"I was talking about you, but I wouldn't mind jumping in bed with the both of you."
Emily didn't let the blonde down as gently as she would a guy, but she was a little stunned.
"That's so hot," Charlie teased in her ear, imitating the ditz. Emily punched him. "So does that mean we're not going to have a Iménage à trois/I?"
Emily punched him again. "Idiot."
"No," Emily whined. "We're picking out my engagement ring and our wedding bands." She banged her head against the glass case when she spotted the pair of thieves enter the store, wave around guns and demand cooperation. She sighed, looked at Charlie for sympathy and found…
Charlie looked down right shifty and she could read he boyfriend better than a book.
"You planned this?" she hissed. Emily didn't know if she was surprised or furious or annoyed.
"I saw them casing the place, last week."
"And you decided to be here when they decided to burglar the store."
"I'm hoping to get a great discount out of it," Charlie admitted.
Emily considered it. They could save the shop owner a considerable amount of money, if they play it right. "Then I'm going for my Aunt Fi level of fashion tastes."
Charlie winced. Even with whatever discount they could get, he was still going to have to pay a chunk of change out of pocket. "First we have to save the day."
"We'll see what we can do." Emily echoed Uncle Mike words as he accepted every client.
"Yes, we will," Charlie agreed. "I packed your purse with goodies."