Word Count: 2849
Pairings: Dramione, Lucius/Narcissa (implied), Hades/Persephone (mentioned)
"So when are we going to meet this bloke you've been dating, Hermione?" Ron asked at lunch one Friday.
Hermione considered this. "Well, um, I suppose you could come by my flat tonight."
Ron nudged Harry. "Told you it would be that easy."
"What would be that easy?" Hermione asked.
"Getting you to introduce us to him," Harry said.
She rolled her eyes. "You two are my best friends. To be honest it just didn't occur to me to set aside a meeting time. We've been working so hard to keep Witch Weekly from finding out that I haven't introduced him to any one."
"What if we don't like him?" Ron asked.
Hermione shrugged. "I guess you can tell me what it is that's so repulsive, I'll ask him to clarify, and I'll decide who has raised more valid concerns."
Harry laughed into his coffee. "You would pick the most logical course of action."
"Relationships get ruined that way, Harry," Hermione said, frowning. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm just looking out for myself."
"So you really like him?" Ron asked.
Hermione nodded. "He's very kind and very devoted."
Harry and Ron exchanged a glance. "We'll be there."
Only Draco didn't show up that night.
Harry and Ron got restless, recommended that she break up with him, and left after waiting for an hour.
"Draco?" she called uselessly. "What's going on?"
No reply came, and she sighed. She wandered into the kitchen and put a kettle of tea on.
"Do make enough for two people," someone said from behind her, and she lurched around. Lucius, the god(dess? Hermione wasn't clear on that yet) of beauty, sat at her table, looking distinctly unimpressed.
She gaped at him momentarily, but numbly added more water to the kettle and took the seat across from him. "I suppose you're here to sneer at me about your son not showing up?" she suggested.
Lucius wrinkled his nose. "Olympus, no. I just assumed you would want to know where he is."
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "I suppose."
Lucius smirked. "Then I have a proposition."
"Okay," she said, waving a hand. "Tell me."
"First," Lucius said, pointing at the stove. "Tea."
As if on cue, the kettle whistled. Hermione hurried over to it, not bothering to wonder how it had happened. She was beyond that by this point. Gods and goddesses always seemed to know when things would happen, or perhaps they made it happen.
Semantics, she supposed.
She handed Lucius a cup and sat down again with her own. "Sugar or milk?" she asked.
He frowned. "No, thank you."
She shrugged and added both. "So what's the proposition?"
"Eros tells me that you mortals celebrate this foolish holiday, um, Valentine's Day," he said. "He is of course enamored with the idea, seeing how everyone remembers him that day, or something." He made a face clearly indicating his distaste.
"Yes," Hermione hedged. "We celebrate it."
"Well, Eros gets really depressed this time of year because apparently he gets worshipped as a diaper-wearing toddler with 'stupid heart-shaped arrows,'" Lucius sighed, making air quotes.
"Also true," Hermione agreed. "So he's holed up in Olympus hovering in between happiness and sorrow?"
"Basically," Lucius said, leaning back with a smirk. "It would really cheer him up if you went to visit him."
Hermione nodded. "Okay, so how do I get there?"
Lucius laughed. "I haven't given you the proposition yet. Complete this list, and I'll take you." He slid a slip of paper across the table at her.
She picked it up and read it quickly.
1. Sort out these M&Ms. Eros only eats the red ones, Narcissa only eats the white ones, and I eat the pink ones.
2. I want a gold necklace with a heart on it. Preferably with some fancy stone. I imagine this will more than make up for all the time you've neglected to pay homage to me.
3. Retrieve a bottle of champagne. Do make sure to pick it up directly from France.
4. Persephone borrowed my make up collection. Retrieve it from Hades.
"When do you expect me to have all this finished?" Hermione asked, looking up from the list with frown.
Lucius was gone. The only evidence that he'd be there at all was the empty tea cup and the slip of paper in her hands.
And a...trash bag? She stood and opened the bag that was sitting where Lucius had been only moments before. It was full of Valentine M&Ms.
"Gods," she whispered despairingly. "How did this happen to me?"
She stuck her head in the fireplace. "Kingsley Shacklebolt," she said very clearly, and waited for her head to appear in his office.
It only took a moment, and then she was facing the Minister of Magic. "Hello, Ms. Granger," Kingsley said pleasantly. "How are you today?"
"Hullo," she said glumly. "I'm all right, but I was wondering if you could help me get permission to apparate to France."
"May I ask why?" Kingsley said, even as he got the paperwork from his desk.
Hermione sighed. "Would you believe me if I said the Greek god of beauty wanted a bottle of champagne?"
Kingsley's quill stilled and he frowned. "No," he said honestly.
"Then I'm calling in a favor, and you know I've never done that," Hermione said. "Although I'm telling the truth."
Kingsley shook his head and started writing again. "It won't be any trouble."
"Thank you," she said. "If you'll just floo me when it's ready?"
"Certainly," he said. "Have a nice evening."
"You too," Hermione replied, and then pulled her head out of the fireplace. She turned back to her dining room, grabbed her box of gallon bags, and set to work. She used a measuring cup to scoop out handfuls of M&Ms and slowly plowed through.
At about midnight, Ginny Weasley burst through her front door. "I've brought you something," she said, setting an envelope down on the table. "What in Merlin's name are you doing?"
"Sorting colors," Hermione said. She was maybe a quarter through with the task. "Could you do me a favor?"
"Sure," Ginny said, shrugging.
"Take a bag of galleons and buy me a gold necklace with a heart pendant," Hermione said. "With the most ostentatious stone you can find."
"Less than a thousand galleons. Put it under my name if there's not enough in this bag," Hermione said, pointing at the bag she'd pulled out of her charmed safe earlier.
"Who are you buying this for?" Ginny asked, eyes narrowed. "Ron said you'd gotten a boyfriend, but I can't think of a single boy who would appreciate this kind of gift."
"It's for his father," Hermione replied absentmindedly.
"Even stranger," Ginny said. "Can I send Kreacher over to help you?"
"That's really not necessary," Hermione began, but Ginny was already speaking.
"Kreacher," she called, and the house-elf appeared with a small snap.
"Yes, Mistress?" Kreacher said, smiling. "Kreacher can be of assistance?"
"Please help Ms. Hermione sort these M&Ms by color," Ginny said, pointing at the bag. "I'm sure Ms. Hermione will feed you if you get hungry. Just ask."
"Of course," Hermione said quickly, more than a little mortified.
"Not necessary," Kreacher said. He snapped his fingers, and suddenly all of the M&Ms were sorted into several gallon bags. There were about three of each color, and now Hermione had an empty trash bag.
"Oh," Hermione gasped. "Thank you so much, Kreacher. Would either of you like some tea?"
Kreacher glanced at Ginny. "If Ms. Hermione is not minding," he said.
"Just a moment," Hermione said, rising and turning the heat on the kettle up.
Ginny looked on smugly. "I'll go look for a necklace tomorrow. Where are you going?"
Hermione walked back to the table and opened the envelope. "To France. I don't suppose I can make it up to you by bringing you back some champagne?"
Ginny wrinkled her nose. "What's that?"
Hermione blinked at her. "Bubbly wine."
"Oh, a muggle drink," Ginny said. "Sure. I'll just bring the necklace here then, shall I?"
"Sure," Hermione said. "Sounds wondeful."
The kettle started whistling and Hermione gave Kreacher some tea. "Thank you so much, darling," she said.
It wasn't that she liked making house elves do her bidding, but technically this had been Ginny's doing. The least she could do was make Kreacher feel like she appreciated his help.
"Thank you, Ms. Hermione," Kreacher said politely.
Ginny left with the money and a promise to drop by the next day while Kreacher finished his tea. He popped out after putting his dishes in the sink with a small wave.
Hermione sighed as she surveyed the chocolate on the table. "Thank goodness," she mumbled.
The next morning she apparated to Champagne in France. She passed her papers over to the official waiting in the immigrant apparation point.
"How long weel vous be in France?" the man asked boredly as he flicked through her paperwork.
"Just for today," she replied.
"Vereh good. Have a nice day."
So Hermione left the wizarding immigration office and got on a train to the nearest winery to buy a nice bottle of wine. It figured that the first time she ever went to france she wouldn't feel like sight-seeing.
Which drew her up short. What on earth was she doing? Why was she so worried about Draco when she was operating on information given to her by Draco's father, who had clearly stated his distaste for her?
Because Draco didn't show up, she reminded herself firmly. And Draco is in love with you.
But the fact that she was doing this for him seemed to indicate stronger feelings than she realized.
Numbly she picked out two bottles of the most expensive wine she could find, paid for them, and walked back to the station.
She considered cursing Aphrodite for this but then realized he might hear her and that would be the worst thing.
She apparated back to her flat with the champagne after thanking the immigration officer.
"Gods," she muttered again. "Freaking gods."
She stared at the champagne, necklace and candy spread out on her table. "Okay," she said at last. "Lucius? I've done the first three, but I haven't a clue how to get to Hades."
"Oh, Olympus, you didn't think I'd make you figure that out, did you?"
She jumped and whirled.
Lucius was sitting on her counter, legs crossed and eyebrow raised. "You sorted the chocolate! And got the champagne...let me see the necklace."
She started to move toward him, but then he was just there next to her, pulling the necklace out of her hands. She was suddenly grateful for the obvious restraint Draco was using around her. He seemed to be quite careful about not freaking her out, whereas Lucius seemed to be trying for it.
"This is beautiful," Lucius said, wrapping an arm around her. "Hold on tight."
She grasped at his waist just barely in time, because suddenly she was at the River Styx while Lucius patted her head in a very patronizing manner. "I hope you have a coin for the boatsman."
She blinked. "What?"
"Bye!" he said, and disappeared.
She stared blankly at the approaching boat, and then across the shore. "I'm a witch," she said blankly, and tried apparating across the river. She was only half surprised when it worked. She started walking down the stairs that, apparently, led to the realm of Hades.
She thought about shouting for Hades, but then she wasn't sure if Lucius wanted her to steal the makeup back, or if she was meant to ask for it. Then she remembered that she didn't want to be a thief. She'd gotten her fill of law-breaking back when she was saving the world from Voldemort.
"Persephene?" she called hesitantly.
And, Merlin, gods and goddesses were annoying. She just popped into existence in front of Hermione like it was totally normal.
"Yes?" she asked, eyebrow raised.
"I'm looking for Lucius' makeup set?" she said nervously.
Persephone frowned. "Aphrodite said I could have it."
Hermione groaned. "He would...To be perfectly honest, I think he sent me on this task just to keep me from his son."
Persephone's eyebrows shot up. "Are you the girl everyone but Lucius likes?"
Hermione shrugged. "I guess so."
"And Aphrodite is assigning you difficult tasks to keep you and Eros apart," she said, stroking her chin.
"Yes," Hermione sighed.
"Well," Persephone clasped her hands together. "Give me the chocolate bar in your pocket and I'll give you the makeup."
Hermione blinked. She kept the chocolate in her pocket in case she ran into a dementor or something equally happiness-sucking, but she hadn't thought gods and goddesses could sense that sort of thing.
"Of course we can," Persephone said airily. "Do we have a deal?"
Hermione tried not to think about how her mind had just been read. "Yes," she agreed. "But it doesn't seem like a fair trade," she said honestly.
"It's terribly difficult to get chocolate down here," Persephone explained, holding out the makeup box.
Hermione wasn't sure where the box had come from, but she pulled the chocolate out of her pocket and handed it to Persephone. "Thank you," she said as she made the exchange.
"Not a problem," Persephone said. "Lovely to see you."
"Could you point me toward Olympus?" Hermione asked.
"Hades can take you," Persephone said brightly. "Hades!"
Hermione stiffened, expecting a dark, angry god—or maybe just a sassy, blue, angry one with flames for hair. But the god who appeared was merely tall, dark, and dare she say it, handsome. He nodded at her. "To Olympus?" he drawled.
He offered an arm and she took it, shutting her eyes.
She came back into existence alone in front of someone's home. She walked up the steps and called out, "Lucius?"
Lucius tapped her shoulder from behind her.
She nearly dropped the makeup box. "Stop doing that!" she demanded. "Merlin!"
"Oh, you were successful," Lucius said, sounding disappointed as he took the box from her. He completely ignored her command, and instead, pointed to the house. "He's in there, moping."
Draco was facedown on his bed, sprawled eagle style.
"What are you doing?" Hermione asked as she entered the room.
Draco sat up, surprised. "Hermione! How did you get here?"
"Hades brought me here," she said.
Draco flickered and then he was in front of her, using that aspect of his god powers for the first time.
She only jumped a little. "What?" she asked.
For lack of a better word, Draco was freaking out. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her close. "You're dead?" he wailed.
"No," she said quickly, shaking her head. "Your dad sent me on a quest to Hades. He wanted his makeup set back."
"Are you sure?" Draco asked. "Because I'm sure something can be done if you're dead. I'm friends with Hades, but Zeus hates me so I'm not sure, but I'd do anything—"
"I'm positive, Draco, calm down," Hermione said soothingly. "Do I feel dead?"
He breathed out a sigh of relief. "No."
"I heard you were upset," Hermione said, carefully reaching up to remove his hands from her shoulders. She held both of them in her own instead.
He sighed and leaned forward until his head was resting on her shoulder. "I'm not a baby," he whined. "My arrows aren't pink or heart shaped, either."
"No, they aren't," Hermione agreed. "But why don't we celebrate that people are remembering you today, instead of thinking about how wrong they are? After all, I know what you really look like."
"You do," he agreed, stepping closer. His hands slid out of hers to rest on her waist.
"I like how you look," she told him.
"I like how you look," he muttered rebelliously.
"And I like you," she finished.
"Really?" he asked, leaning back to look her in the eyes. "Dad thinks you had some sort of revelation while you were in France. He kept telling me weird things you were doing. Why were you sorting chocolates?"
"He made me," Hermione sighed. "And I don't just like you. Is it too soon to say I love you?" The last part came out rushed and she squeezed her eyes shut.
"Hermione," Draco almost whined. "I'm the god of love. Of course it's not too soon." He leaned forward and kissed her, really kissed her for what felt like the first time. It was the first time it was this intense, in any case.
Everything felt soft, in the way his lips slid over hers and caught them between his. His fingers tightened at her waist and then loosened, like he was remembering she was mortal and breakable but he still didn't want to let her go.
She sighed and leaned into him.
Dating the god of love had its perks.
"Are you going to explain why you were doing my father's bidding?" he whispered against her lips.
"No," she answered, and pulled him back for another kiss.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
A/N: Man this just kept getting crackier. Anyway, this is definitely the end of this! Hope you enjoyed it. Written for the 14 days of fic!