Disclaimer: I don't own BTR or any of its characters.
A/N: I thought of this story when I was day dreaming of my crush, the first part at least. I just wanted him to walk through the door and, well I think you can use your imagination. Don't judge me! :3
I looked from the television screen to the door. For the next ten minutes I stared at the door, willing James to walk through.
"Logan?" asked Kendall, raising an eyebrow "That's not going to work" he said suppressing a smile.
"I don't know what you talking about" I said.
"Come on Logan" he said in disbelieve "It's obvious you waiting for James to come home from his date with Blond Jennifer" Carlos nodded his head in agreement.
I felt my cheeks turning red. "No I'm not, I just..." I said trying to think of an excuse "thought I heard something"
"Sure you did" Kendall said unconvinced.
"Logan it's been four years now" Carlos said "Why haven't you told him yet"
"I've been waiting for the right time, that's all"
"You've said that so many times already" Kendall said "Why are you so afraid?"
"Seriously?" I asked, looking at him as if another head had sprouted from his shoulders "He doesn't like me in that way, his breathtakingly hot!" I said loudly.
Just then the door opened and there stood James, looking hot.
"Who's breathtakingly hot?" he asked, walking towards the coach. Carlos and Kendall moved up a bit to allow James to sit next to me. I glared at them, eyes narrowed, but they just giggled. "Hello, anyone home?" James asked waving a hand in front of my face.
"Sorry, what?" I asked, looking at James when my eyes travelled to his lips. James, you have no idea how much I want to kiss you. I shook my head trying to get rid of my thoughts.
"Logan, you feeling ok?" he asked concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine" I said. I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face. He was worried about me.
"Anyway, you didn't answer my question, who's breathtakingly hot?" he asked "If I didn't know any better, I would think you were taking about me"
"N-no, n-not you" I stuttered, panic taking me over. What if he finds out? What if he knows already? Carlos and Kendall laughed loudly and James turned towards them.
"What's so funny?" he asked. I could hear the confusion in his voice. I took that opportunity, that moment of distraction, to run. I ran to the closest room I could find, the bathroom, and locked it. A moment later a heard a knock.
"Logan, are you ok?" James asked even more concerned than before. Then I got an idea. I unlocked the door and put on my best sick face.
"Yeah" I said placing my one hand on my forehead as if to check if I had a fever "I'm fine now. Wasn't feeling that well" I walked towards my room, which I shared with Kendall, with James following "I'm just going to take a quick nap" I said with my hand on the door handle.
"Well, ok, hope you feel better" he said with a warm smile.
"I'm sure I will" I said opening the door and walking in. I closed the door and put my ear to the door, listening to James footsteps. When I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore, I crashed on my bed with my face in my pillow. I screamed into the pillow, which muffled the sound. I'm going to kill Carlos and James. Suddenly I realised something. What if they tell James about how I feel about him? They wouldn't do that, would they?
A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts. The door opened and in walked Carlos and Kendall.
"Hey, Logan" Kendall said rubbing the back of his neck "We sorry we laughed at you"
"Yeah, we really are" Carlos chimed in.
"Thanks guys" I smiled back at them. Even though they said sorry Carlos seemed agitated, as if he wanted to say something else. He kept looking at the ground, not looking directly at me, and fidgeting with his hands.
"Carlos, is something wrong?" I asked.
"It's just. Logan we doing this for your own good"
"Carlos what are you taking about" I said confused, and a little scared. He didn't answer me, so I turned to Kendall for an explanation.
"Are you mad?!" I shouted softly, almost whispering, as if someone might hear us speaking.
"It's really important that you tell him about your feelings. If you don't it could get weird" Carlos said.
"What if I tell him and he doesn't like me in that way. I don't think I will be able to handle be rejected by him" I said whispering the last part.
"Ok, then how about just telling him you gay. That shouldn't be too bad" Carlos said shrugging, as if that was the easiest thing in the world to tell someone.
"Yeah, because it's that easy" I said rolling my eyes.
"Great" Carlos said standing up and dragging me to his and James' room, even though I protested all the way. I got loose and ran for my room, but Kendall was behind me and caught me. Carlos grabbed my hand and dragged me to the door. He stopped with his hand on the handle and looked at me.
"Ready?" he asked.
I looked at him in disbelieve. He dragged me all this way against my will and now he wants to know if I'm ready. He opened the door and there was James, on his bed, shirtless. I turned around to leave, but bumped into Kendall. James looked up at us.
"Hey, guys, what's up?" he asked.
"Logan has something to tell you" Kendall said from behind me, before grabbing Carlos' hand and leaving. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room.
"So, what did you want to tell me?" James asked "Is it about who you were talking about when I walked in?"
"Yeah, it's just...it's kind of..."
"I like guys" I blurted out, my hand already on the handle of the door. James looked at me surprise evident on his face. I turned the handle and ran out the door, but James grabbed my hand and pulled me back. We were so close, his face mere inches away from mine.
"Logan?" he said, his breath hot on my lips. I didn't trust myself to speak so I just nodded "You know I'll always be your friend whether you like guys or girls, right?" he said.
"Thanks, James, you don't know how much that means to me"
"So, who's the lucky guy?" he asked, smiling, his hand still holding mine.
"Well, you know him very well" I said trying not to give too much away "And I'm in love with him, but he doesn't like me that way"
"Then his stupid, now tell me who it is" he said excitedly. I wonder if he knows he just called himself stupid.
"Sorry, I have to go. Night" I said smiling, breaking his grip and heading out the room, leaving a pouting James behind.
"Morning" I said sleepily, noticing Logan, Carlos and Kendall where talking at the table. There bowls were in front of them, but were empty, the milk sitting on the table. They looked at me and smiled.
I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and took the seat next to Logan, noticing that his face was flushed a light red. I poured the milk and it came out in chunks, sour milk.
"I think I'll skip breakfast" I said making a face. They nodded in agreement.
"So" I said turning towards Logan "What are you going to do today?"
Logan leaned closer "I'm going to go look for a gift for Carlos' birthday later this afternoon" he whispered.
My eyes widened in shock. That's right. It's Carlos' birthday next week. How could I forget?
"Do you mind if I join you?" I asked "I need to get a gift too"
"Sure" he said smiling.
"Great" I smiled back.
We left the apartment at around six, planning to have dinner at the mall. It took us nearly two hours to find gifts for Carlos, not that he was difficult to shop for, but mainly because we were having too much fun. We went to every single shop; we used the excuse that Carlos' perfect gift could be in there.
After dinner we sat outside the mall, bags at our feet, ice cream in hand. Logan had vanilla, his favourite and I had strawberry. I scooted closer to Logan.
"Want to swap?" I asked. Logan shook his head in response.
"Please?" I said pouting. Logan grunted.
"How about one lick?" he asked, not wanting to give up his whole ice cream.
"Fine" I said, leaning forward and licking his ice cream which was still in his hand.
"My turn" he said smiling deviously with a sparkle in his eye that I have only seen on rare occasions. He leaned forward and took my whole ice cream in his mouth, looking up at me. My eyes went wide in shock and I licked my lips involuntarily, tasting vanilla. I wonder what Logan's lips taste like.
Before I could actually register what I was thinking a man stood in front of us, I couldn't see his face because the sun had set a while ago and he was wearing a hoodie, hiding his face from the light of the mall lights. Logan followed my eyes and sat straight up, that's when something caught my eye in the guy's hand, which was shaking. The light shone on it once more and my eyes widened in horror.
"Logan!" I screamed, but I was too late. A loud shot rang out and my ears started ringing. Logan clutched his chest, and dropped his ice cream, trying to stop the bleeding in vain. I ran to his side and lowered him down onto the ground, gently.
I was now lying on the ground with Logan in my arms, his eyes closed and not moving. Tears started staining my face.
"Logan, come on buddy, stay with me" I said slapping his face lightly, hoping, hoping with all my heart, that he would open his eyes.
"Ouch!" he shouted weakly, opening his eyes. I could see the pain in his chocolate brown eyes. I laughed half heartedly, until I saw his shirt was soaked in blood. His eyes started closing again and I shook him softly.
"Logan, everything's going to be ok, just stay awake, don't close your eyes. Please I can't lose you, we can't lose you. What will I and the guys do without you?" I asked, tears still falling.
"James, I'm not going to be ok" he said, he voice hoarse.
"Don't say that" I said taking his hand in mine.
"James," he said and I looked him in his eyes "I need to tell you something"
"Logan, this isn't th-" Logan cut me off, his lips enveloping mine. My eyes went wind in shock and he pulled away.
"I love you, James" he said softly before his eyes closed once again. I shook him, but he wouldn't open his eyes.
"Logan!" I screamed, shaking him harder, before I gave up and placed my face in his hair, crying.
"Look what you did" I said angrily, lifting my head out his hair and looking towards the cause of Logan's death, but he was gone.
Suddenly, I realized something. Logan kissed me. He kissed me! And he said he loved me. Could the guy he said he was in love with be me? It has to be, he said he loved me. I was stunned for a while, before I realized I had to call someone. I took out my phone and dialled a number I knew by heart. I put my phone to my ear, and on the second ring he answered.
"Hey, something's happened to Logan"
"James!" I turned around at the mention of my name and found myself being pulled into a hug. He pulled away and looked at me with his green eyes, green eyes filled with pain and puffy from crying.
"Is he?" he asked.
"Y...yes, K-Kendall, his g-g...gone" I stuttered, new tears started welling up in my eyes. The next thing I knew he was hugging me again, his hand rubbing my back.
"It's going to be ok. It's going to be ok" he repeated over and over.
"No" I said crying on his shoulder "It will never be ok. His gone. Logan's gone"
Everything went blurry for a while and the next thing I knew I was lying face down on the coach in 2J. It was a dream?
I sat straight up. Logan never kissed me. I touched my lips and felt a pang of regret, admitting to myself that I wanted to feel the sensation of Logan's lips against mine.
"It's about time" Carlos said from the kitchen, stirring a bowl of batter. Pancakes.
"Yeah, how long was I out?" I asked.
"Well, considering its morning, I would say whole night" he said in mock horror, before laughing "Breakfast?" he asked.
"Sure" I said smiling "Where's Logan?" I asked looking around, when I heard something shatter. I looked to Carlos, he had dropped the bowl and it had shattered into uneven pieces.
"Logan?" he asked, looking like he was on the verge of tears.
"What happened?" Kendall asked, coming into the room, concern all over his face. He looked at me and then at Carlos, and his face softened. He grabbed Carlos and pulled him in for a hug. "Carlos, it's ok. Logan might be gone, but he will always in our hearts" he said.
Carlos pulled Kendall closer to him, sniffling. Kendall whispered in his ear, comforting him. Logan's really gone? No, please. Tears started welling up in my eyes. Logan, please, you can't be dead. I-I...I think...
Suddenly a guy with a hoodie appeared, holding a gun. Even though it was light, I couldn't see under his hoodie.
"You killed Logan, My Logan" I said angrily, tears still falling. He lifted his gun and I charged towards him. I heard the shot before I felt it.
I sat up, sweating and breathing heavily, my hand clutching my side. I'm in bed? Was it really just a dream?
I pinched myself to make sure this wasn't another dream. It wasn't.
I got out of bed and headed towards the kitchen. I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and poured me some water. It felt nice and cold down my throat. I sat down on the coach and went through everything that happened in my dream.
After a while I came to a conclusion, I have feelings for Logan. I smiled. Yeah I definitely have feelings for Logan.
I headed towards Logan's and Carlos' room, wanting to see Logan. I pushed the door slowly open and walked towards Logan's bed. Logan's chest was heaving. I gasped. He looks so different when he sleeps and is not completely entranced in a book. He looks so beautiful. I smile at that thought and then frown. How have I not noticed how beautiful Logan is?
"James" Logan moaned, eyes still shut. His dreaming about me.
And that's when I noticed, a part of his body not covered by the blanket, a dent in his boxers.
My eyes went wide in realization. His was dreaming about me, in that way. I leaned closer to Logan, my hand caressing his cheek, my mouth close to his ear.
"Logan" I whispered seductively into his ear. I moved my finger across his lips, while biting my lower lip, trying to fit the urge to kiss him. To taste him. He moaned louder at my touch and I grinned. "I think I might be in love with you, Loggie"
I sat at the table eating breakfast, thinking about the dream I had last night. It wasn't the first dream I had of James that involved him naked and on top of me, and I doubt it will be the last. I can feel my morning wood return at the memory of James' sweaty body, his breath hot on my neck.
I was pulled out of my day dream, or rather fantasy, when James came in flashing his smile, his hair slick from the shower, his half naked body shinning. Why couldn't it be the other half? Although I'm not complaining. I bit my lip, looking from James' beautiful hazel eyes to his washboard abs. My pants tight and uncomfortable from my erection. Damn it! Stop thinking of him like that! Go down, go down!
"Morning, beautiful" he said kissing me on the cheek. I watched him take a bowl from the cabinet, to surprised by the show of affection to remember my 'other problem', while I touched my cheek where he kissed me. What's going on? Is James sick?
I got snapped out of my thoughts when I felt something warm on my hand. James' hand was on mine. I looked him in the eye, confusion and worry clearly evident on my face.
"What's wrong, Loggie?" he said, eyebrows furrowing. I shivered at that name.
"Loggie?" I asked.
"Yes, you are my Loggie Bear" he said taking my hand in his and rubbing circles with his thumb.
"Am I dreaming?" I asked before noticing I said it out loud. James grinned and leaned in closer.
"No, it's not a dream" he whispered huskily, before standing up, leaving me alone and even more confused. That's when I realized he was playing with me. It was just like that day, four years ago.
"Logan!" James ran into my room sounding distressed. Knowing James it probably wasn't anything serious, maybe something to do with his hair.
"What is it now, James?" I asked annoyed, before turning around and seeing the state James was in, his hair in a mess, which in itself is already a bad sign, and he was shaking like a leaf "James, what happened?" I asked concerned, getting up from my desk and heading towards James.
"I-I-I..." he said sitting on my bed. I got on my knees and kneeled in front of James, and looked him in the eye.
"James, please calm down. Breathe" I said. He nodded and started breathing in and out "Now, what happened?" I asked after I saw he was calmer.
"I'm out of Cuda hair spray!" he said eyes wide in horror. I looked at him for a while before I punched him on his shoulder. "Ouch!" he said rubbing the spot where I hit him.
"Don't ever scare me like that!" I scream in his face. I rush back to my homework, shaking with anger.
"Logan, I'm sorry" James said touching my shoulder. I shrugged it off. He spun the chair around and leaned in close to me, his face mere inches away from mine "Logan, please forgive me" he said. I look anywhere but directly at James.
"Logan, please look at me" he said. I shake my head stubbornly and pout, I was really worried about him "Please, Loggie"
I look at him and he smiles. "I'm still not talking to you" I said, turning the chair and guiding it back to my desk.
"You just did" he said, I didn't answer "Loggie, come on, I said I'm sorry" I picked up my pencil and started writing answers to my maths homework, ignoring James "If you don't talk to me I-I'm going to...going to...kiss you" he said proudly. I turned around and got out of the chair, standing in front of James.
"Kiss me" I challenge him. For a moment he looks confused.
"I really will" he said leaning closer to me. I could feel every word on my lips.
"Then do it" I said. Please do it. I want to feel you lips against mine. My eyes went wide in shock at that thought. James leaned even closer, his lips almost touching mine and he wasn't stopping "Fine" I said "You win"
"I win?" he said stopping.
"Yes" I said. I will work out my other feelings later, like why I wanted James to kiss me?
"Great!" he said "Can you ask you mom to take us to the store so I can by more Cuda hair spray?" he asked.
"Where's your mom?" I asked, regretting it as soon as I saw his face drop.
"Work" he answers. I grabbed his hand and lead him out of my room.
"Mom!" I shout.
End of flashback
I stood up from the table and placed my bowel in the sink with James'. I need a shower.
I came out of the shower, a towel wrapped around my waist, another towel in my hand drying my hair. I sit on the coach, remote in my other hand flipping through the channels. James left about an hour ago. When I saw there was nothing good on I switched off the television and got up. Just then the door opened.
"Logan!" James called out before he tripped on something and fell on top of me "Hi" he said grinning at me; his breathe hot on my lips. Now, he just needs to lose all of his clothes. I find myself mentally undressing James, wanting to see his tanned torso again and more. I closed my eyes and leaned closer. My eyes opened wide and I pushed James off me.
"I-I have to get dressed" I said practically running to my room. Crap!
I open my door slowly, peeking through the slit, I was alone. I stayed in my room until I heard the faint click of the door opening and closing, but I stayed a bit longer not wanting to bump into James in the lobby. I walked out of my room and grabbed my keys; I needed to clear my head. I locked apartment 2J, not sure where James, Kendall and Carlos are, but Mama Knight and Katie are having a mother and daughter day and will be returning late.
"Logan, how could you?!" I felt my head jerk to the left and placed a hand on my possibly red cheek. Man, she can slap.
"Hey, Camille" I say trying to hide the sadness in my voice.
"Is something wrong?" she asks, practice for a role all but forgotten.
"Besides that my cheek might be on fire?" I laugh, but I don't put my all into it and she can see that. She gives me that look and I tell her everything.
"I don't know what to do, Camille" I said, with a cup of coffee warming my cold hands. The warm sun of the day has been replaced with coldness. When I told Camille about my feelings towards James she practically screamed. I thought I would never hear again. She wrapped me in a hug and smiled, before I told her the whole story.
"I have an idea, but I'm sure you will like it" she says nervously.
"I will try anything" I said, almost pleading.
"Clubbing" she says grinning.
I danced to some random song, with some random girl, grinding my hips to the beat, wishing it was Logan who was dancing with Camille.
I went to the apartment after the 'almost kiss' and found it locked. I tried calling Logan, but it went straight to voicemail, I was starting to get worried, when I saw them. Logan and Camille holding hands, leaving the Palm Woods, if my heart wasn't breaking I would have noticed how hot Logan looked. Ok, fine, I noticed. Where they going on a date or something?
I decided to make a split second decision; I was going to follow them.
The music dies down and a slower song plays, a slow love song. I see Logan place his hands on Camille's waist and Camille place her head on his shoulder. I feel the jealousy burning under my skin. I should be dancing with Logan, I place my hands on the nameless girl just like Logan did and she put her arms around my neck, that's when I heard it. A loud gasp came from Logan and then tears started welling up in his eyes. He ran out. Camille shook her head at me before running after Logan, calling his name. I hadn't noticed Logan had come so closer. I let go of the nameless girl's waist and ran after Logan.
I stop outside the club and slide down the wall, my face in my hands, tears falling from my eyes. I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"Logan?" Camille says.
"I can't anymore, Camille, I'm done. I'm in love with him, I'm in love with James, but he doesn't feel the same. I can't be so close to him and not want to kiss him"
"Do you really feel that way?" I hear James ask. I look up at him in horror.
"James, please don't hate me"
He walks towards me and helps me up to my feet. Before I can say anything further, I feel his lips on mine. I hear a faint happy squeal, but I ignore it. I put my hands around his neck, successfully bringing him closer. He giggles a bit and then puts his hands on my waist. I broke the kiss for air, because I was feeling light headed even though I wanted to kiss James again.
"Who was that girl?" I hear Camille ask and that snaps me back.
"What?" James asks.
"That girl, who was she" this time I'm asking. James' cheeks started turning crimson and I looked at him curious and worried.
"She was no one. I-I was using her to s-spy on you guys" he said his facing turning another shade darker.
"You were spying on us?" I ask surprised.
"Yeah, I saw you and Camille leave the Palm Wood's hand in hand, I guess I got jealous" I placed a small kiss on his cheek "What was that for?"
"It's an I-love-you kiss" I say, my cheeks rivaling with James'. James smiles and kisses me on my cheek.
"That's an I-love-you-too kiss"
A/N: So what do you guys think, good, bad, horrible? I'm-going-to-have-nightmares bad? Please let me know, Review! Please :3 I know James is shirtless a lot in this story, but what can I say?
I have a new idea for another story, Jagan of course. I would really appreciate it if you would tell me if it's a good idea or not.
P.S. I love ice cream! :D