A/N: I'm incredibly grateful to all who favourite, story alerted and reviewed the first chapter! Currently I'm writing chapters as I go along, but I hopefully will be able to get more written and to be able to post to a regular schedule. Chapter title belongs to Fall Out Boy, all characters belong to Joss Whedon.
Chapter Two: Bang The Doldrums
I had performed at the Bronze many times, but that was the night that changed everything. Everything Angel and I had been arguing about for what seemed like the entire six months I'd been dating him finally came to a head. I tried to look at the overprotectiveness as cute, but the novelty soon wore off when he let the other skanks in the bar drape themselves all over him.
I was expected to brush it off, but it angered me that I was trapped with him while he chatted up every girl in sight. But then, about a month before that evening, my peroxide blonde knight started showing up in the audience. I never saw his face, but there was just something different about him, and it wasn't just his skin-tight leather trousers. It took me a month to gather the up courage to try and communicate with him, until finally; the night came when I walked down from the stage and looked directly at him.
I had hoped Angel would be too busy with his groupies that he wouldn't notice my attention had wavered, but unfortunately, the moment my knight's cerulean eyes locked onto mine, Angel turned back to me. When he noticed who I was looking at, he shouted "After all the love and attention I give you, you're eyeing up him?"
I forced myself to look into his rage filled eyes as he continued.
"Don't you realise, you're worthless to anyone but me. I found you when you had nothing, if you let me go, you'll have nothing again"
This hurt, but was also partially true. Ten months ago, my parents had kicked me out for quitting my job at the Doublemeat Palace to focus on singing full time. Angel had found me at a bar, desperately trying to convince the manager to let me sing. He had a friend who needed a roommate and promised he'd protect me. He was the one who had suggested the Bronze as a place to work. He'd been so caring; I hadn't doubted him for a second.
It wasn't until we became a couple four months later, that everything started to change. It started small, but eventually he controlled what I wore, who I spoke to and where I went. If I was five minutes late to meet him, he accused me of cheating. It got far too extreme but, because I felt like I had no one else to turn to, I let him manipulate me. My freedom consisted of my short sets on the Bronze's stage.
But after six months of being submissive, seeing my knight's eyes inspired me to fight back. "Screw you Angel!" I screamed, and fled out of the door, hoping he wouldn't follow me. When a few seconds passed and he still hadn't appeared, I breathed a sigh of relief and slowed my pace to a walk, barely registering the footfalls that were making their way closer.
I stopped and turned to find a stormy looking Angel racing in my direction.
Too worn out to try and escape, he easily reached me. For a moment, he just stood there in front of me, silently, breathing heavily. He looked me in the eyes, and some of the storm clouds cleared from his face.
"Buffy," he sighed, "You know I only act this way because I want to protect you"
It was the same story every time. But it had been used so often, it had created two sides which warred over whether I should leave him or not. One side wanted his approval, it wanted not to be alone in the world. The other had been pulling away from him for months, having recognised the obsession for what it was, his need to control someone. There was only one thing they agreed on, it was a relationship based on fear, need and want, rather than love.
I didn't know what would happen if I ever left, but I didn't want to find out. His anger had a tendency to fly out of control. I was afraid the man who had cared for me might start hurting me, in ways I didn't want to imagine. There was no way I was leaving this relationship on my terms. I just didn't have the courage.
And that was how, hours later, I ended up alone in bed after a round of sex designed to fulfill his needs, wondering how following a dream had killed me so much inside. I realised I would always be in Angel's debt, he took a chance on a complete stranger, and that maybe, I was partially paying for that debt by giving him everything but my voice.
But there was light on the horizon, my knight had seen me staring. One look into those eyes told me everything I ever needed to know about him. He would never be like Angel, because those blue eyes showed the hurt I had been seeing in my own since the day my parents kicked me out onto the streets. It was hope, and it was enough to get me through another night of jumbled thoughts and twisted feelings.
I opened my notebook, and began writing , pouring out and over exaggerating the emotions I was feeling, until I was too tired to write anymore. I fell asleep , blissfully unaware of the revelations and roller-coaster rides to come.
End note: I know there's a lack of Spuffy at the moment, but all in due course. If anything doesn't quite make sense, message me or post it in a review and I'll try to clarify. I'd really love to know what you think of Buffy's point of view, and any theories or ideas you have about where the story is going. Much love to you all! CJ x