"Why did you do it?"
Blaine burrows closer into the crook beneath Kurt's arm, pressing his lips to the ticklish skin there and breathing deep, wishing the question didn't mean what Kurt's tone says it means. "What?" Blaine asks, pulling up enough that he can look across Kurt's chest, the sharp ridge of his clavicle, into his eyes.
Kurt swallows heavily and blinks once, more beautiful than ever in the low lights of the room, cheeks still flushed, hair still mussed, lips still slick and red from too much kissing. "What did you cheat?"
It's the third time they've done this—had sex—since Eli.
"I don't know." It's Blaine's knee-jerk response even though he only ever really talks to himself about it.
The first time he and Kurt slept together after the break up had been desperate but sweet, a hotel room and a wedding and just pure, aching need. But it had been tied up in so many questions, neither one of them really knowing what any of it meant. The second time had been affirmation, it had been a new beginning and it had been awkward and sexy and fun. They'd talked too much and by the end of it they were boyfriends, living and loving together in New York.
The third time had been reverential. Blaine got Kurt tipsy enough to be pliable and then he'd spent hours going over his body, making him feel every inch of skin and what dwelled beneath. Making Kurt feel everything Blaine felt as he laid claim to it. It had been penance and reward.
"I thought I was losing you," Blaine says.
"You could never—"
"I know." Kurt has started to sit up, the sheets off the bed, the air too cool but the moment too tense to shift. Blaine shifts with him, a thigh over his lap, the rest of him plastered to the curves of Kurt's side, eyes unblinking, begging understanding. Blaine continues, "I needed… something."
Kurt hums and his fingers thread into Blaine's hair, twisting and tugging him up, tilting his head back and bending to kiss him, slow and deep and Blaine can feel the affection in it, the forgiveness as it washes through his body and makes him want to sob. When Kurt pulls back Blaine blinks his eyes open and the tears track down the sides of his face.
"Don't cry," Kurt begs.
Blaine blinks harder and tries to smile. "I'm sorry," he says, voice empty and hollow because in this moment he still can't quite escape the phantom feel of Eli's hands on him. He deserves to cry.
Kurt's fingers dig into his skin. One hand closing around a bicep, one over his hip and Blaine whimpers as Kurt accidently presses down over a bite mark from before. "I know," Kurt says, "I know all of this."
"Please stop asking me," Blaine says and he's crying again. "I don't know, I really—"
Kurt kisses him until he stops. It's long, drawn out minutes of Kurt's lips tracing his, caressing and pressing, licking inside and then drawing back, making Blaine feel it down to his toes, touching him everywhere as he does it, quietly shushing him when they break apart and Blaine gulps down a breath. Kurt kisses Blaine until he's whimpering and he's forgotten.
Kurt pulls back, eyes bright and lips quirking up as Blaine's mouth remains pursed and tries to follow his. Kurt doesn't want to ask but the fourth time they have sex he wants to split a bottle of wine, order some pizza, and do it on the rug in the lounge, he wants it teasing and laughing and staring at each other until their blushes start to burn. So he asks now, and he explains. "I need to know why you did it because I don't ever want you to do it again."
Blaine's expression drops, his happiness dripping away until his eyes are sad again and there's a crease between his eyes. "I'll never do it again," he says and Kurt believes him. "I did it then because I wasn't sure but I'm sure now."
"Of us?" Kurt asks, hands petting Blaine's hair, watching the lines his neck makes as he shifts to nuzzle into the touch.
"I wasn't sure of us. You were gone and I was lonely, I was… miserable and I doubted… I'm never going to doubt you again."
"Us," Kurt corrects, his lips on Blaine's temple.
Kurt's mouth slips lower and he can taste the salt, he has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Stop apologizing. You made a mistake, I—I hate that but I get it. And I forgive you."
It's not the first time he's said that to Blaine but Blaine's body collapses against him as though it is. A deep shuddering breath and a tentative smile and eyes that haven't stopped being irrevocably in love for years now. There's nothing really to say to that.
After a moment, Kurt speaks again, "We're going to work on our communication okay?" he hesitates and then continues. "I'm going to work on listening and you're going to work on talking. And we're going to get better at asking for things and being honest."
Blaine nods and tightens his grasp around Kurt's middle. "This is going to work."
"I know," Kurt tells him. "We're perfect for each other."
Blaine laughs, a huff of hot breath across Kurt's chest that makes Kurt's heart beat faster. "I'm so many miles from being perfect," Blaine divulges in a hushed voice.
"Yeah, well," Kurt tilts Blaine's face up and traces a cheekbone. "I think you're pretty damn close."