Author notes:

This is my first attempt in the world of Harry Potter fanfic. Don't say I didn't warn you. I did. You know it.

So here is my Harry Potter fic. It's supposed to be funny, but I don't think it turned out that way. Sad, really. Anyway, this fic is about a day when a group of Hogwarts students are locked in the Potions Classroom. It involves a game of truth or dare (duh!) and a game of Chinese Whispers. Snape has a bad day. Neville has balls. Harry has a lot of skill in Transfiguration. Seamus has a good phrase. Katie gets the giggles.

Now onward, brave readers! No wait! I forgot to warn you. There is mention of homosexual relationships. And a lot of swearing. Don't say I didn't warn you. I did. You know it.

Oh yeah, don't review unless you have something nice/constructive to say. Don't be horrible. It annoys me. A lot.

Okay, I'll shut up now. If you are very brave, keep reading.

Anyone for a Game of Truth or Dare?

(Aka Snape's Bad Day, and Neville Has Balls After All)

By Silver Wolf


Hermione Granger

Harry Potter

Ron Weasley

Fred Weasley

George Weasley

Ginny Weasley

Katie Bell

Angelina Johnsen

Seamus Finnegan

Dean Thomas

Neville Longbottom

Lavender Brown

Pavarti Patil

Padma Patil

Lisa Turpin

Terry Boot

Cho Chang

Draco Malfoy

Vincent Crabbe

Gregory Goyle

Blaise Zabini

Millicent Bulstrode

Pansy Parkinson

"I have a brilliant idea," Hermione Granger announced to the students in the Potions classroom.

"God I hope so," Cho Chang muttered.

There were twenty-three students in the room. The teachers were having a conference, and had put all the students into different rooms. They would be locked in until Snape had left the conference, something that wouldn't happen for another few hours.

"I think we should play a game." Hermione smiled at the glares she was getting from most of the students.

"What kind of game?" Lisa Turpin asked.

"Truth or Dare."

There were several murmurs from the students. Not many of them had heard of the game.

"I'm game," Lavender Brown said with a grin. "I love Truth or Dare!"

Harry Potter rolled his eyes. "Oh all right. But if anyone asks, Lisa threatened to remove my balls if I didn't."

"And did you threaten to?" Draco Malfoy asked Lisa dryly.

Lisa giggled. "Yep. But only so he'd play."

"How do you play?" Neville Longbottom asked.

Hermione smiled. "The rules are simple. Just pretend I start. I'll ask someone a question, it doesn't matter whom, and they either have to answer the question truthfully, or I get to dare them to do anything I want. After they have answered the question or done the dare, it's their turn to ask whoever they want a question. Is that clear?"

Most people nodded.

"Anyone who doesn't want to play can go sit on the other side of the room." No one moved. "Well in that case, I'll start. Malfoy, are you attracted to anyone in this room? If so, who? Full names, please."

Everyone seemed eager to hear the answer to this question. The only person who wasn't happy was Draco.

"Yes," he answered after a few minutes.

"Who?" Pansy Parkinson and Fred Weasley demanded.

Draco smirked. "Harry Potter, Lisa Turpin, Padma Patil, and Pansy Parkinson."

Everyone was stunned. Well, except the people he had named, who seemed slightly surprised at his answering the question.

"Now," Draco began, "Ron Weasley. Who are you dating?"

"Pavarti Patil," Ron answered. Without waiting a second, he asked, "Ginny, are you dating Hermione?"

Ginny Weasley let out a small squeak and went bright red. She then nodded. "Harry, who are you dating?"

"Draco Malfoy." Everyone stared at him. Except for the three girls Draco mentioned before and Draco himself.

"Your question, Harry?" Draco asked in a bored tone of voice.

"Ummm.Seamus, how long have you been shagging Dean Thomas?"

Seamus blinked. "How did ...I'm not answering that!!!"

"Fine then, I dare you to kiss Vincent Crabbe." Harry smirked in a very evil fashion.

Seamus's jaw dropped. "Gross!!! Fine, I've been 'shagging Dean', as Harry- I'm-so-bloody-eloquent-Potter said, for.umm.three months, I think."

"Funny, I thought it was longer than that." Dean muttered under his breath.

"Now."Seamus trailed off and looked around eagerly. "Harry. Are you keeping a major secret from every single person here?"

"I'm not answering that. Do you think I'm stupid?"


"Shut up and tell me the dare, Seamus."

"I dare you to kiss George Weasley."

"Fine." Harry got up, walked over to the older boy, and kissed him. He turned back to Seamus. "Happy?"

"No," Seamus said sulkily. He had REALLY wanted Harry to answer his question.he had a feeling the other boy WAS hiding something.

Harry looked around the room. "I want to know," he began, "Who Cho is dating."

Cho frowned. "I'd rather a dare," she said.

"All right then." Harry thought for a few minutes. "I dare you to.let Draco curse you with whatever spell he wants. Only one, though."

Draco looked excited, but then he looked disappointed as Cho shook her head. "I don't trust him not to use an Unforgivable. Fine, I'll tell you. I'm dating Lavender Brown."

"I wouldn't use an Unforgivable!" Draco said indignantly.

"Whatever," Cho muttered. "Neville. Why do you live with your Grandmother?"

"I don't think I'm going to answer that."

"I wouldn't, if I were you," Harry advised.

"Okay, then you have to kick Harry in the balls. Because he just told you not to answer. It's his own fault."

"Sorry Harry." Neville complied with the dare. Harry stumbled into a corner and collapsed in pain.

Neville then turned and asked Hermione, "did you ever have sex with Ron?"


Everyone stared at Neville, and then turned to stare at Hermione.

"Well?" Draco prompted, sending a concerned glance to Harry's corner.

"Only once," Hermione choked out. "How could you ask that???" she demanded of Neville.

"Easy," he answered smugly. "I opened my mouth and -"

"Okay, Longbottom, that will do," Pansy Parkinson interrupted.

"I thought so," Neville commented.

"Okay, Fred. Have you and Angelina ever had a foursome with George and Katie?" Hermione wanted to know.

"Like I'd tell this lot if we had."

Hermione got a rather evil look. "Then I dare you." she trailed off as she got a better idea. "Harry, could I talk to you and Malfoy for a minute?"

Harry shot her a nasty look from his corner and shook his head.

"I'll talk to you, Granger. You're not all alone," Draco said with a smirk.

Hermione and Draco walked off into Harry's corner to talk.

"So," Padma said. "Anyone got an idea for what we can do?"

Neville grinned. "I do. Chinese Whispers."

"What's that?" Crabbe asked.

"It's a Muggle game where we sit in a circle and someone starts by whispering a phrase in the next person's ear. By the time it gets back to the original person, it's usually much different." Dean grinned. "Who wants to start?"

"I will! Pick me, pick me!" Seamus said, jumping up and down excitedly, and basically acting half his age.

"Okay, fine with me," Neville said.

Seamus leaned over and whispered something in Dean's ear. "Snape eats slimy frog guts."

Dean sniggered and whispered it to Neville. Neville grinned and told Goyle. Goyle grunted and told Crabbe, who told Katie.

Katie started giggling uncontrollably, which is probably where it went wrong. She whispered the phrase to Ron, still giggling.

Ron raised his eyebrows and told Cho what he thought he had heard. "Snape eats grimy frog nuts."

Cho laughed and told Padma. Padma told Pavarti. Pavarti told Lavender. Lavender did a Katie, and managed to choke out the phrase to Terry between giggles.

Terry turned to Fred and whispered his taking of the phrase. "Snape fucks slimy frogs ass."

Fred told George. George told Angelina. Angelina told Ginny. Ginny told Pansy. Pansy told Millicent, who told Blaise. Blaise turned to Lisa.

Lisa whispered the following in Seamus's ear: "Snape fucks greasy frogs ass."

Seamus started laughing so hard he could barely breathe.

"What?" Dean asked. Seamus continued to have hysterics on the floor. Dean turned to Lisa. "What did you tell him?"

Lisa giggled. "Snape fucks greasy frogs ass."

The whole class erupted into laughter. Seamus composed himself enough to tell them the original phrase. "Snape eats slimy frog guts. That's what it was supposed to be."

Hermione and Draco came back just then, leaving Harry in the corner grinning evilly at Fred. Draco had a potion bottle in his hand.

"Fred, I dare you to drink this potion without knowing what it is. As soon as you drink it I'll tell you." Hermione looked positively wicked.

Fred nodded. He didn't want to, but he REALLY didn't want to answer her question.

Draco handed over the potion to Fred. "Bottoms up, Weasley." Draco sounded threatening.

Fred downed the potion and waited for it to take effect.

Suddenly Fred turned into a lizard, causing everyone else to laugh at him.

Draco turned him back, only doing it because Fred had to ask a question next. "The 'potion' was only water," he said.

"So why did I turn into a lizard?" Fred asked.

"Because I transfigured you," Harry called from his corner. He was still sulking about Neville kicking him.

"Oh," Fred muttered. "So Hermione, why a lizard?"

"It was Harry's idea. I didn't know what you were going to be until Harry changed you. My question. When did you get together with Malfoy, Harry?" Hermione asked.

Harry shrugged. "A few months ago." He wandered back from the corner. "Neville, how many times have you had sex, and with who?"

Neville sighed. "I'm not telling. Dare me already."

"All righty then." Harry thought for a few seconds, but was interrupted by Snape opening the door. "Kiss Snape," Harry hissed as the Potions Master walked into the room.

"WHAT???" Neville yelled. "No fucking way, Harry. I'm not fucking suicidal! You want Snape to be kissed, do it your bloody self! You fucking moron! And suck his fucking dick while you're at it!!!"

Snape blinked. He'd walked into his classroom not to find several dead bodies, as he had thought possible with the combination in the room, but to find each and every student sitting quietly.

And then he had heard Neville. Never before had such language come from the shy Gryffindor. Snape wasn't sure what to think.

"Do it or tell," Harry said menacingly. And since Draco was glaring at him from behind Harry, it was twice as terrifying for poor Neville.

"Fine," Neville snapped. He got up, turned around and walked up to Snape. "Professor, this is not something I want to do, but Harry will sic Malfoy on me if I don't."

Snape was confused; 'Harry would sic Malfoy on me'? He knew for a fact that Malfoy wouldn't 'sic' Neville if Harry told him to. Well he thought he did.

Next thing, Neville took a step closer, kissed Snape on the lips, and left the room.

Harry and Draco cracked up, knowing that Snape would be furious. "Longbottom has balls after all," Draco choked out. Harry laughed even harder.

Snape looked at the students. Draco and Harry were having hysterics on the floor, while the rest were staring either at them or after Neville, who was long gone.

Snape sighed. So far that morning Minerva McGonagall had proposed to him (he'd said no, of course. Minerva had become Deputy Head the same year that he started at Hogwarts), Dumbledore had told him that he had been discovered as a spy by Voldemort, Wormtail had snuck into Hogwarts to kill him, he'd had a staff meeting with all the crackpots he worked with attending it, and now Neville Longbottom proved he had balls by kissing him.

What a shitty day he was having.

THE END!!!!!!!!

You're still here??? Congratulations! I can't believe you made it! Tell me so I can be sure you are alive.

So what did you think?

I'm actually writing something mildly more serious. There's something for you to dread. Heh heh heh heh heh! *Wanders off to write something else*