Disclaimer: Yes, I own Yu-Gi-Oh! All of it! Mwhahahah! [men in black tuxedoes proceed to drag Angelforceus away] Ahhh! Only kidding! I own nothing! Nothing!
Author's Note: This is my first Yu-Gi-Oh fic, although I already have a couple more in the making. I'm new to the comedy genre, having written only one previously, so be kind to me! I hope you enjoy this fic and please r/r!
Yugi scrambled over to the phone, almost tripping over himself, and picked it up, answering cheerfully.
"Hello? This is Yugi Mutou speaking."
"Yugi? This is Ryou," came the reply from the other side.
"Hey Ryou! What's up?"
"Well," the other voice started, sounding a bit disappointed. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel our plans for today; I need to pick up a few things for dad and I've been putting it off for quite some time. I'm afraid the list of stuff has been growing and it might take all day."
Yugi frowned slightly, just as disappointed as Ryou. They had planned for Ryou to come over and watch movies with him, since they didn't get to see each other that often. Both had been really looking forward to the idea.
"Oh. Well, I understand. I really need to pick up a few things for Grandpa, too. Even I may have to do that later," Yugi explained.
There was a laugh from the other end of the phone line.
"Wouldn't it be great if we could get someone else to do the job for us?" Ryou asked.
"Yeah, it definitely wou-"
His sentence was interrupted by a loud scream downstairs.
"Ahhh! Aibou, I told you this oven was cursed! Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!!!"
At that very moment, a vicious idea came across Yugi's mind...
"Hey, Ryou?" Yugi asked slyly. "I've got an idea."
"Really? ...Hey, wasn't that your Yami screaming?"
"What, that? No, that's just him cooking. He enjoys it, really."
"AIIIIBOOOUUUU!!!" echoed another disturbing scream from downstairs.
"...Yes...I can tell," skeptically commented Ryou. "Anyway, what was your idea, Yugi?"
The "innocent" little boy then began to explain his plan to Ryou.
"Ah!" Ryou gasped the moment Yugi was done speaking. "...Are you sure, that's safe?"
"...I like it."
The two little "lights" on either end of the phone began cackling evilly in a most uncharacteristic way, planning the fate of their darker halves.
"All right, I'll explain it to my Yami, then," Ryou said. "Oh, this is great."
"Good luck with that."
Their conversation was once again interrupted by Egyptian curses that could be heard from downstairs.
"I think that's my cue. See you later, Ryou."
"Okay, bye, Yugi."
And the so let the fun begin...
"WHAT?!" literally bellowed Yami into his Aibou's ear. "No, no, no! There is no possible way I can spend my time shopping with that...that....Tomb Raider! That Soul Stealer! That...that....!"
"Yami, calm down!" Yugi pleaded. "It'll only be for today! Not even that long!"
"Aibou, you don't understand! We'll end up killing each other within the first hour!"
"Only kidding! Calm down!" Yugi implored.
"Calm down?! How am I supposed to calm down?! You just sent me on an errand with the devil himself!"
"Pleeeaaaase, Yami? Please, for me?"
Yami crossed his arms and glared at the wall.
"Pleeeeaaase, Yami?" Yugi looked up at him with his big, watery, puppy-eyes and gave a small frown.
Yami made the mistake of looking into those eyes and struggled to hold his ground.
"...I wuv you, Yami," Yugi said in a final blow to Yami's resolute decision.
"AGH! That's not fair! That's considered cheating!"
"I wuuuuv you, Yami," repeated Yugi, sugar-coating every word.
"Okay, okay!" Yami sighed and smiled slightly. "How can I say no when you do that? But only this once, Aibou."
"Yay! Thank you, Yami!" he exclaimed and gave him the biggest hug possible.
Yami sighed. This was going to be a long day.
"WHAT?!" screamed a very angry ancient spirit.
"Please?!" begged Ryou
"No!" shouted Bakura.
"Pl-ee-ee-eeeaaassse?!" Ryou slumped down to his knees and grabbed hold of Bakura's pant leg so he wouldn't get away.
"Ahhh!" Bakura kicked him off. "NO touching the pants!"
He then proceeded to storm off until Ryou grabbed a hold of his ankle, causing him to fall forward and land on his face.
"Oof!" the spirit grunted ungracefully, face-down on the floor. He growled dangerously and sat up to face his Aibou with a cold glare.
"I'm telling you, NO! Why the hell would I want to do your dirty work in the first place? It's not exactly my fault that you were too lazy to take time to go to the store. That, and I'm certainly not going along with that porcupine-haired, good-for-nothing Pharaoh!" he screamed, his eyes fiery.
"Why not?" Ryou whined.
"'Why not'?! 'WHY NOT'?!" Bakura jumped up to his feet and clenched his fist. "I've got a million reasons 'why not'!!"
"He's not so bad, Yami! And besides, if you hate him so much, this would be a good chance show him who's boss!" Ryou said, still on his knees, looking for every possible pathway to get his Yami to agree.
"...Hmm...I suppose that's true..."
"Oh, thank you so much, Yami!" Ryou spoke happily and hugged Bakura around his knees, since he was still sitting and Bakura was standing.
"Hey, I never said I'd-"
"THANK YOU, YAMI!" Ryou screamed as loud as he could, gripping onto Bakura's legs like steel pinchers.
"Owww! Get off, woman!"
Ryou didn't move a muscle.
Bakura sighed bitterly and rolled his eyes.
"Fine. I'll do it."
"Yes. Now, what did I say about touching the pants?!"
Ryou immediately let go as Bakura walked out of the room, muttering something along the lines of "damned Aibou" and "too innocent for his own good."
A couple hours later, the doorbell rung at the Mutou residence.
"I'll get it!" chirped Yugi as he ran to the door to find Ryou standing there, with a reluctant and resentful Bakura standing behind him.
"Hey, come on in! ...Uh, you too, Bakura," he added when only Ryou walked inside.
Bakura growled and followed inside.
"Have a seat."
Ryou plopped down on the couch while Bakura insisted on standing silently. Yami had already been seated when they had entered, and not a word had escaped his mouth since.
"All right, you two. Enough glaring at each other. Here, take a look at this." Yugi shoved long piece of paper in Yami's face.
"Grocery list. There's a whole lot of other stuff on there, too," explained Yugi.
Yami glanced at the disturbingly long list with no end.
"What?! All this?"
Yugi smiled and nodded innocently.
"Oh, that reminds me! Here you go, Yami," Ryou said and handed Bakura his own shopping list, the end of the paper dragging the floor.
"Holy crap! How long is it since you've been to the grocery store?!" Bakura asked, eyes widened.
"And here's the second one," Ryou started. Bakura snatched the list away from his Aibou and gaped at it also.
After a decent amount of fighting about who would drive to the store, Yami finally took the wheel and left a sulking Bakura in the back seat.
They had driven in silence, and now were stopped at a red light. Bakura had gotten a strange grin on his face and Yami had noticed it from the rear-view mirror uneasily.
"CHINESE FIRE DRILL!" Bakura screamed loudly and practically jumped out of the car.
"Fire?! Where?!" Yami questioned worriedly, although not really understanding what a Chinese fire looked like. Not sure what to do, he followed suit and exited the car.
"Run, you idiot Pharaoh!" Bakura commanded, pushing Yami out of the way.
Yami stumbled forward, still noticing no fire, but people from other cars staring at him suspiciously instead. He didn't notice when Bakura jumped into the driver's chair, ignoring the traditional go-around lap once around the car. The slammed the door shut and locked it.
"Haha!" he laughed triumphantly.
He stepped on the gas as the light turned green, catching Yami's attention.
"Wha- HEY! Get back here, Tomb Raider!" he screamed while chasing after the runaway car, finding just enough time to jump into the open backseat, which had been forgotten to be closed. He slammed it shut with such a force that the car shook.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Yami asked, temper flaring.
"Driving," came the simple reply of a smug Bakura as he raced well above the speed limit.
"You're driving like a maniac!" the ancient Pharaoh screamed, now more afraid than angry when Bakura sped past a red light. He prayed to Ra he would make it to the store alive.
"AH! Here! Turn right!" Yami pointed to the turn steadily approaching.
The car screeched on its tires as it took an impossibly sharp turn into the parking lot. A loud 'thud' and a 'woah!' could be heard as Yami slid to the left and practically slammed into the door due to the momentum.
"Sorry about that," said Bakura, whose smile told otherwise.
The little white car tore into the parking lot and hastened into a spot, cutting off a man who was taking his time getting there.
Bakura got out of the car to face the angry man who had missed his chance, while a pale-looking Yami stumbled out at the same time.
"Hey, jerk! What the hell do you think you were doing?! That was MY spot!"
"You should have moved faster, old man!"
"I had my signal on!!"
"And I don't give a damn," retorted the spirit who really didn't.
"You had better apologize before I beat you down, kid!" The man's face was now beet red. Yami was afraid the poor guy was gonna have a heart attack.
"Ooo, sounds dirty," Bakura commented.
"What?! Why, I oughta-"
"Ahh...forgive my friend here. He's...drunk! That's why he's driving the way he is," Yami quickly barged in, not wanting to see a fight, although he wouldn't mind seeing Bakura with a few bruises.
"And you let him drive?" questioned the man, who was beginning to calm down, if only slightly.
"Uh, yes...well... I'm drunk, too! Haha, can't you tell? Yep, drunk! Have a nice day!" he stammered, which was something he didn't do often. Grabbing a tight hold of Bakura's arm, he ran into the grocery store, dragging he spirit of the ring with him.
Once inside, he lost the phony facade and glared at Bakura.
"What was that all about?! Are you trying to get us both killed?!"
Bakura shook off Yami's tight grip and started to walk away.
"Don't bust a blood vessel, my King," he added mockingly. "Ha, 'I'm drunk, too'. That was a good one," he scoffed.
Yami growled and followed after him.
It certainly is going to be a very, very long day.
Author's Note: Wow, that was long for a first chapter. ^.^; It's kind of off to a slow start, like most stories do, but please tell me what you think! I promise more action in the next chapter!