When I'm Gone

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters/story lines from Doctor Who. Also a few of these lines belong to the song 'Wherever You Will Go' by The Calling which inspired this piece.

Author's Note: So, as I mentioned, this was provoked by listening to The Calling and having Doctor/River related feels and, yeah, that's about it really. Enjoy…

Dearest Doctor,

If you are reading this then it should mean that I have left you, gone somewhere you cannot follow and that I will not be returning and that this note appeared in your pocket some point after that happened. If that is not the case then please put this back and tell the TARDIS off for being completely useless at hiding letters until the right moment. Do not read on if this is not the right time. You know the drill: spoilers!

I know this is not the conventional way things are done, that most people do not leave letters from beyond the grave but I am not, and you certainly are not, most people. I have had a long time to think over the fact that, inevitably, your life will have to go on without me (and I don't mean that to sound in any way melodramatic or self-pitying, your life should go on without me and it should be a long and happy one) and I felt that maybe a note would be needed to guide you. Please, don't pine over me. That's my first piece of advice- my first request, if you will. I had an amazing life (well, lives I suppose- if we're being technical.) and I wouldn't change a moment of it. And don't blame yourself. I know you will but just remember that whatever happened wasn't your fault. I chose this life, with you, and I always knew that one day it would end. All good things must end and all that.

Now, to the important bit. See, lately I've been wondering- who will be there to take my place? When I'm gone you'll need love to light the shadows on your face. I know that you're probably shaking your head and telling this piece of paper that I don't know what I'm talking about but I do and the paper's not listening and neither am I. I know you, Doctor, and I know that you need someone with you, someone more than just your box and your strays. But I'm not going to let just anyone fill my shoes so read what I have to say and follow my instructions to the letter.

Find someone who's not like me. Find someone who's funny, smart, kind, intelligent- sure. (You can even try and find someone with cleavage as good as mine. I'm not saying you'll succeed but you can try.) By all means find someone who has all the good qualities I had but don't get someone who makes you think of me because the last thing you want is to feel guilty every time you laugh with this new person because you've remembered they're not me.

Don't choose a ginger. You'll only get jealous. It'll never work.

Find someone who believes in fairies or who wishes on stars or who smiles when they see a rainbow. You have been through so much darkness, you need someone to show you the light.

You need someone who isn't afraid to stand up to you, who calls you on your bad choices. Sometimes you need to hear that you're being an idiot.

Find someone who you can teach how to fly the TARDIS. Lord knows you need all the help you can get.

Don't settle. You deserve to be happy.

Find someone who sees themselves as your equal. The last thing you need is more hero-worship.

You deserve to be happy. (I'm pretty sure you didn't believe me the first time so I put it again.)

Please find someone who is wary of your fashion sense because if I find out you have ever gone out in a shell suit and a baseball cap there will be serious trouble. And no I don't care if it's to go "undercover in the 1980s" the answer is still no.

Don't rush into anything- you have all the time in the world (and the human race isn't going anywhere).

Find someone who you can be silent with. Noise is good but sometimes you need a little bit of silence in your hectic life.

Don't try too hard to impress. They will love you. Anyone would.

Teach them Galifreyan. Even just a few words. It'll make so much difference.

Find someone who'll make you smile.

Find someone who'll make you cry when they leave. Because, really, if you don't miss them when they're gone what was the point in having them there to begin with?

The rest I'll leave up to you. You have good taste and I trust you'll find someone. If I can tell you just one more thing it's this: remember me and the times we had, not the times we could have had. Because, really, we had the very best of times. So off you go. Go see everything and do everything and then do it all again. Have a brilliant time.

I love you.

River x