The Novel

By Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: I'm legitimately surprised I haven't done a Seinfeld fanfic. I truly am. So enjoy, everyone.


"Jerry, I'm home!" George Costanza called out as he walked into Jerry's apartment.

Jerry Seinfeld was standing by his refrigerator, turning around to face George. "What do you mean you're home? This is my apartment!" He called out.

George shrugged as he approached Jerry. "I know, but I felt like having a little fun with a play on words."

Jerry eyed George, shaking his head. "What play on words? You literally just walked in and said you're home, even them this is my home."

"Yes, well uh..." George coughed nervously.

There were several seconds of awkward silence as Jerry poured himself a glass of cold water, drinking it as George tossed his arms up in the air.

"Damn it, Jerry, you see how flustered you made me?" George barked in annoyance.

Jerry shrugged as he held the glass in his right hand. "Well you're the one who said it was your home!"

George sighed as he sat down on the far right side of Jerry's blue couch. "Never mind. Anyway, I just finished writing my new novel!"

"...You write?" Jerry stated, astonished as he sat down next to George.

"It's a hobby. Of mine." George stuttered as he nervously rubbed the back of his head. "That I like doing." He coughed. "Occasionally."

Elaine Benes then walked in, holding a bunch of black coats in her arms. "Hey guys, what's going on?"

Jerry waved to Elaine. "Oh hey Elaine. George can write novels."

Elaine dropped her jaw in disbelief as she sat next to Jerry on the far left side of the couch. "Get out! You can write?"

"Err..." George continued to stutter nervously, shrugging. "It's a hobby."

"Jerry!" Cosmo Kramer exclaimed as he popped into Jerry's apartment, standing in the doorway as he looked left and right frantically.

"Kramer, what now?" Jerry groaned as he rolled his eyes to the back of his head.

Kramer made his usual weird movements as he approached the couch, freaking out. "I accidentally flushed one of my vhs tapes down the toilet!"

Jerry, George, and Elaine all looked at each other, then glanced at Kramer.

"Kramer, really? How big is your toilet?" Elaine commented as she gave Kramer an odd facial expression.

Kramer shrugged as he widened his eyes. "Well, it's a regular toilet."

"Then there's no way a tape is going to go down it." Jerry pinpointed as he blinked.

Kramer waved his hands at Jerry. "Yes, but mine did! I saw it!"

Elaine wrapped her arms around the back of her head, turning her head to George. "Anyway, George, tell us this novel."

"Novel? Oh yeah, the novel!" George exclaimed as he snapped his fingers. "Well, it's about-"

Suddenly, everyone's favorite neighbor welcomed himself in, snooping as usual, you see. "Hello, Jerry!"

"Hello... Newman." Jerry growled in annoyance as he glared at Newman, who approached the couch.

"What are you guys up to this time?" Newman asked as he folded his arms, standing next to Kramer.

"George wrote a novel." Elaine said bluntly.

"A novel? By George Costanza?" Newman exclaimed as he started to laugh, wheezing as he placed his right hand on his chest. "Has the world gone mad?"

"I'm already gone mad from your presence." Jerry growled as he folded his arms.

George clapped his hands together, catching everyone's attention. "Let me talk! Anyway, this novel, it's about the details of what I think to myself through a fictional character I created. He looks like me, acts like me, talks like me... only he's not George Costanza." He chuckled as he placed his hands on his lap, feeling prideful. "He's Ceorge Gostanza! Original character, do not steal!"

"I'm in the mood for some steel donuts, now that you mention it..." Kramer muttered, with everyone giving him weird looks.

"...Me too." Newman muttered quietly as he shifted his eyes.

Jerry shook his head in disbelief. "Ceorge Gostanza? George, that is the worst name I have ever heard."

"Wait! I haven't finished!" George exclaimed as he shook his hands. "My best friend is Serry Jeinfeld, my good friends are Kelaine and Eramer, and our odd fifth guy is Oldman." He then looked around. "And it's over a million words and five hundred chapters long! Great, isn't it?"

Jerry, Elaine, Kramer, and even Newman were all shocked as they looked at each other with fright, then cautiously glanced back at George, who was now feeling awkward.

"George... I don't know how to tell you this..." Elaine trialed off as she rubbed her hands together. "But you're a sad, strange little man."

Newman nodded his head in agreement, moving his arms about to give them movement. "Yeah. I wouldn't want to be caught being associated with this. It sounds like crap."

George tossed his hands in the air as he stood up from the couch, getting angered. "THAT'S IT! I'M DONE!" He then stormed out of the apartment, turning around and pointing at everyone. "THE JERK STORE CALLED, THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF YOU!" He then left.

Jerry sighed as he rolled his eyes. "What is the deal with writing? It's nothing but glorified fanfiction!"

Cue laugh track.

THE END