Hello all! And welcome to a story that will hopefully have you smiling!
First off, I would like to thank npberryhill and davidstarlingm for the chance to do this parody, and I hope I can match their standards.
Now, please note that several chapters from the original will probably be compressed into one here, so this version will have a far faster pace, and also note that I am nowhere near as awesome as david and np, so I can't come up with a schedule (and there is also the various issues of life that I have trouble with as well as managing several other stories) therefore, updates will probably be slow, but I will try.
Lastly, the first few chapters are a little hard to work with, but I promise it will get funnier and longer as we go along.
So without further ado, here's Bringer of Death ABRIDGED!
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball GT. I do not own the story Bringer of Death. Please support the official releases… or beware of Popo…
Claimer: I think I own something here… not sure what, though. :P
Season 1, Chapter 1: Ghost of Saiyans Past
Vegeta, the prince of all Saiyans, was a tactical genius unparalleled by any other warrior. He dominated foe after foe with his keen intellect and escaped impossible odds with dazzling strokes of genius.
Thus the prince developed his brilliant plan to ask...a useless weakling...to shoot a hole through his chest...on the off chance that he would survive...and that the young, distraught boy whose family he had mercilessly slaughtered would choose to heal him. Yeah.
Nonetheless, against impossible odds, Vegeta succeeded! He received a gigantic power boost lifting him beyond his wildest expectations. Confident of victory, he proceeded to attack Frieza…resulting in him getting the stuffing kicked out of him six ways to Sunday.
We now turn to a pause in the battle, just as Vegeta finally realises exactly how dead he really is.
"Nuh uh! Nuh uh! It's not true! It's not true!" declared the Saiyan as he sobbed into the ground, tearing at the grass in frustration.
"Oh Vegeta, don't tell me you're actually crying. Wait, you are crying! Oh, this is too good. Say, can you hold on for a moment? I just need to get my camera," Frieza taunted, hovering just a few yards away.
"I...I'm not crying! I'm...I'm just leaking some of my awesome out through my eyes!"
A red light suddenly encompassed the Saiyan, quickening his pulse and setting his teeth on edge. Was this the end? Was Frieza preparing the very attack that would end his life? Looking up, he saw the source of the crimson light: a tiny indicator on Frieza's smartphone.
"Oh no, don't mind me. Please continue. Let's see here and…record," murmured the icy tyrant. 'If I can just get this on YouTube, I'm sure it'll go viral.'
In another realm, on a small planet containing a rotund deity and a few warriors who used to be important in the series, King Kai watched the unfolding events with great interest.
"Well…phooey. I guess I owe you those five bucks, Chiaotzu. Vegeta broke down and lost; too bad it happened now, though. If he was a good guy, then maybe he would be up here instead of you guys. Oh, how cruel fate is!" the blue being said dramatically.
"Oh, stop stalling and fork over the cash," demanded the small boy… man… clown-thing. Seriously, what the hell is he?
Meanwhile, on Namek…
"Truly, Vegeta, you have no idea how much of a disappointment this trip was…" Frieza rambled on as Vegeta came to terms with what was going to happen.
"First Dodoria died, then Zarbon, then the Ginyus. This whole trip was one big mess." Vegeta wasn't listening. He was going to be killed. No battle, no struggle, simply snuffed out.
"This is just like that whole jockstrap incident, but at least this has a happy ending. Well for me, of course. After I kill you, I think I'll slowly torture the others to death one by one and then blow up every planet in this godforsaken solar system."
With his monologue over, Frieza walked towards Vegeta, ready to deal the finishing blow.
'This is it,' thought the prince. 'I'm about to die and be sent straight to hell. But you know what, I think I can handle it. I mean, I did survive the jockstrap incident with my sanity. Hah! The only thing worse was being stuck with Nappa for all those years! It's not like they'll do that… I mean an eternity… as in, forever… with Nappa…'
The sky darkened as Vegeta was jolted back to reality, a faint whisper in the air, "Vegeeeeta…"
"No!" shouted the prince, his head jerking back.
"No, no, no, no!" The planet trembled as the prince felt his horror building.
A small ding sounded as a faded image of Nappa appeared before the prince. "We're gonna have SO MUCH FUN when you're dead! Isn't that right? Hey! Vegeta, Vegeta, Vegeta, Vegeeeeta!"
"NOOOO!" The prince ascended in a blaze of golden glory, his drive to escape an eternity with Nappa pushing his power to its limits and far beyond.
Back on King Kai's planet, everyone was shocked. "Huh. All right, Chiaotzu: give me back my cash, 'cause this fight just reached Round 2!" the king declared happily.
All looked on at Vegeta as his newfound power flowed around and in him. The prince took a few moments before he was fully aware of himself.
"Yes! Yes, it's true! The transformation does make you taller!"
Vegeta now turned his gaze to the icy tyrant, who looked like he had peed himself a little.
"Why hello there, Frieza! Allow me to introduce myself. I AM VEGETA! The Prince of All Saiyans is now a legendary Super Saiyan! I am now...the Bringer of Cookies!"
A tumbleweed slowly blew by as all remained silent. "Wait, no. I meant the Bringer…of…err...hold that thought."
The Super Saiyan angrily pulled a sheet of papers from his pocket and looked over the speech he had prepared for this precise occasion.
"Okay. Let's see here… speech to Cui… speech to Zarbon… big entrance for birthday party…. Lovely Bunch of Dragon Balls, yada yada… all of you better duck… damn it! I didn't finish this one!"
Shoving the papers roughly back into his pocket, the Super Saiyan thought it over. "Let's see here Bringer of what?"
"Doom?" suggested King Kai.
"Destruction?" offered Gohan in the distance.
"Forgiveness?" asked Frieza hopefully as he began to back away.
"Hmm, not quite feeling that one either. Ah, forget it; I'm just gonna kill you now!" Without further ado, Vegeta appeared above his opponent and hit him with a hard elbow to the tyrant's dome.
And so the intense fight began. Frieza stuck to blasting energy at Vegeta with all his speed, yet the prince effortlessly dodged every single Death Beam while keeping his arms crossed over his chest as he hovered in the air.
The tyrant and warrior then entered hand-to-hand combat, Vegeta dodging each of the monster's blows while simply slapping Friaza around and reading a magazine.
"Ooh, ooh!" The prince was suddenly giddy as he flipped open the first page. "A sneak peak at the two hundredth season of The Space Bachelor, there had better be...ah, yes. And there they are: picture profiles. Hmm, let's see here: implants, implants, ugh...ugly implants, butterface, implants...ooh hey, those might be real..." Vegeta turned the magazine sideways to get a better view.
Frieza was furious. "I DEMAND that you take this fight SERIOUSLY!"
Startled, Vegeta looked up. "What? Oh, right. Yes. The fight."
An instant later, the Super Saiyan delivered a gigantic punch to the ice titan's abdomen, making Frieza bowl over in pain and his face contort into something too horrible for daytime television.
"Co-come now, Vegeta. I was only kidding around. Come on now, let's just calm down and talk this out over at Spacey's! My...treat." Frieza was now bluffing so much that even Goku would have been able to tell he was buying time…okay well, maybe Krillin at least wouldn't have fallen for it.
"Sure thing, Frieza. Just do one thing for me first."
"Say hi to Nappa for me." Without further ado, a punch to the face sent the tyrant over the horizon.
"Man, it feels good to be me right now."
"Go Team Three Star!" declared Krillin from the sidelines.
"Okay, he is definitely dead next."
A/N: Well, that's all this chapter! Till next time, have a great day!