Summary: Sasuke needed better friends
For my love and her prompt stale cereal. Apparently AU!Sasuke is incapable of talking without cussing. He's so precious. Main ship here is the broship. If you're here for romance, mind the exit.

Sasuke woke with his feet hanging over one edge of the bed and his head from the other. His skull felt like it was splitting in two. Squinting up at the ceiling, his first thought was fuck everything.

Groaning, he forced himself to sit up and realized he wasn't wearing any clothes. He blinked and turned his head a fraction. Sakura was next to him, her hair and make-up a mess. He pressed his lips into a hard line. Well this meant a conversation he didn't want to have. He was trying to remember who gave him that first shot so he could kill them.

He grabbed some boxers and went to slip out of his room. Instead, he walked into a tower of beer cans someone had stacked up right outside his door.

"Mother fucker," he hissed, the cans clanging against the floor and driving into his skull like drills. He heard Suigetsu and Naruto bust out laughing in the living room. Grinding his teeth and glaring daggers, he dragged his feet to the kitchen. The light from the fridge stung like hell fire as he grabbed the open carton of milk.

"Bring me a bowl," hollered Sui from the living room.

"Go fuck yourself."

"Shut up," barked Neji, obviously nursing a hangover of his own.

Sasuke shoved a spoonful of fruity pebbles into his mouth as he went to survey the damage those losers had done to his apartment only to glare bloody murder at his cereal. The shit was stale. How many fucking times did he have to tell them to roll upthe top of the goddamn bag before putting it away?

"I hate all of you," he said, plopping on the couch despite Naruto stretched across it.

"Dude! Laying here!"

Sasuke didn't respond, instead shoving his stale bowl of cereal at Suigetsu and snatching up his controller. He still had his game paused from last night before the merry band of misfits barged in with a liquor store.

It wasn't until he got through the next level that he paused his game and asked, "Where's Kiba?"

Naruto and Suigetsu exchanged a look. Neji was passed back out in the arm chair.

"Sakura's here," he said, slowly putting the pieces together. "Which means Ino was here. So where the hell are Kiba and Ino?"

Suigetsu and Naruto had a staring contest that lasted five seconds before they put up their fists. Naruto lost, rock to paper. He flicked Suigetsu off and said, "Well, uh, you and Sakura-chan took the bedroom, so…"

Craning around, Sasuke looked at the key holder on the wall and instantly saw red. "Where the fuck are my car keys!?"

Silence followed, only to be broken by Suigetsu slowly crunching down on the stale fruity pebbles.

He was going to kill Kiba. And then make the bastard pay to get his baby detailed. Christ, he thought, turning back to his game with his jaw clenched, he needed better fucking friends.