Personal Problems

Fighting Thoughts

A/N: Your turn LankySundown! I posted~ It is a chapter for a chapter, right? Hope you like it!

Disclaimer; I, of course, do not under any circumstances own, nor make any profit, from the Hunger Games trilogy. I do this purely for my own sick enjoyment. And of course for LankySundown my idol in this department.

Haymitch didn't make me much of anything for breakfast, just some soupy porridge, and it's a good thing because I didn't even manage to keep it down. The only thing I succeed in doing was getting puke all over my robe and in my damp hair. Haymitch stifled a laugh and I glared weakly at him in protest.

"Why're y-you laughing?" I hissed with my scratchy, sore voice. He shook his head.

"It's just, if it were really that bad, Sweetheart, you could have said something." A small frown took on my face.

He was laughing and joking while I was covered in my own puke? I sighed feeling drained from the effort of eating and heaving and even dragging myself out of bed to take that half-assed shower. He frowned and grabbed a semi-clean looking towel. He gently wiped my chin off and searched my eyes.

"You're tired." He stated setting the towel down and rocking back on his heels. I just nodded mutely the stench of my own puke permeating every breath I had the absolute pleasure of taking.

"How about a bath and then we get you in bed?" He asked gently. I tilted my head slightly.

"Choice?" I asked hoping the one word would be sufficient enough for him to get my point. He nodded.

"Of course I'm giving you a choice. Before you made your choice and I was making my own. But now that you're trying I'm giving you the power to make your own decisions. I'm not going to go against them." He said softly his eyes shining again. I nodded.

"Okay." The left corner of his mouth raised slightly.

"Then let's get to it, Sweetheart." He said mischievously before scooping me up in his arms, clearly ignoring the puke coating the borrowed robe, and sweeping me back into the bathroom.

He gently sat me on the closed toilet and flicked on the water. He adjusted it and promised to be right back with something I could sleep in. I just nodded mutely again actually a bit happy to bathe myself clean of all the dirt and grime that still clung to my body despite the previous burning hot shower I'd taken.

The door clicked open and Haymitch smiled at me. I waved slightly and glanced at the clothing clutched in his hand. He handed them to me for inspection. It was a pair of cotton boxers and large t-shirt with the top slashed off. I assume this is to make it more comfortable than clinging around the top of your neck. I just shrug and toss them weakly onto the cleared countertop hoping they don't get too dirty from the surface.

Haymitch turned back to me and knelt gently to untie the sash to the robe. I tensed slightly when his fingers brushed the knot. He looked up at me in question, but I averted my eyes and he sighed deciding to continue on. He brushed the robe from my shoulders gently and rose. He held out his hand and helped me into the steamy water. I sighed softly sinking down till my nose brushed the water and made small ripples every time I exhaled.

It was roughly five minutes until Haymitch asked me to dunk my head. I complied slowly shuddering as the warm water incased my hair and face. When I came up, Haymitch already had his hands ready with shampoo, though I knew right away that wouldn't be enough I let him do as he pleased. I needed to relax a little anyway and now would be the perfect time, especially seeing as his hands were working through my hair.

I began to hum softly as he did this in an attempt to keep my thoughts at bay. I didn't want to think. I wanted to relax and it wouldn't happen in the slightest with troubling thoughts running rampant in my mind. At some point my eyes had slipped closed, but I found myself comforted by this. This way I didn't have to worry if he was looking at me like I was disgusting or if he was judging me. This way it was like I was with Octavius, Flavius, and Venia. This way I could handle it. I drew in a shuttering breath and Haymitch stopped.

"Katniss, are you alright?" He asked gently. I nodded mutely again and he sighed, but continued on without questioning me.

He tapped my shoulder gently when it was time to dunk again. I complied gingerly. I was a little sore. I don't exactly get why though. I haven't done much today at all. Functioning couldn't hurt this bad, could it?

I sighed absently wiping a bead of water off my forehead accidentally catching Haymitch's hand in my own. My eyes popped open and I immediately jerked my hand back glaring down at the water. Haymitch chuckled slightly, but didn't say what I knew he was thinking, instead he opted to run conditioner through my hair and gently twist it up before clipping it up. I looked up at him in question. He smiled.

"Your hair could use some conditioning. I'm going to move on and we'll come back to your hair." He looked around and frowned.

He rose silently looking frustrated and wiped his hands off on his pants. His eyes searched the room and he sighed. He pushed a hand through his hair and laughed a little nervously. I cocked my head looking at him confused.

"You don't have any clean washcloths." He said softly and my eyes widened.

"Do you mind if I use my hands?" He asked carefully. I frowned slightly and glared down at the water silently cursing my neglect towards laundry.

"I won't touch you anywhere you don't want me to, Katniss." He said softly, his voice loud near my ear. He had knelt down by the tub again. I swallowed and nodded mutely. It couldn't be that bad…

He grabbed the soap and poured a large dollop into his hand. He squished them together and rubbed a little, though I don't quite know why. It would've been more effective on my body rather than his own, but I was grateful for the small stall.

I still flinched when he touched me, but I was able to relax and let him wash me. Though he barely brushed past the tops of my thighs and around my fifth rib. He took the time to work the tension out of my back, neck, and shoulders. It hurt, but tingled and I wasn't quite sure how to feel about it. He smiled at me as he pulled the clip from my hair.

"Lay back? I'll wash the conditioner from your hair so it doesn't get greasy." He said in that same soft tone that I really wasn't used to, but wanted to be.

I gently descended backwards till the top of my head was submerged. I jumped slightly when his fingers began working their way into my hair, but quickly found that I liked this feeling. It was soft and water laden, kind of affectionate, as close as you could get when you're me anyway.

He helped guide me up and I was grateful because this bath was already weighing on me more than it should. Bathing shouldn't tire me out, yet it does. Again I realize how close I actually am to dying, but Haymitch is right, there's a difference; I'm fighting again.

For a moment, I close my eyes as he towels me off gazing at me in concern as I sway side to side, and I just think about what I was doing to myself. I keep thinking as he helps me dress and then gets me into bed opting to stay with me until I drift off to sleep. And I can't help thinking that maybe it wasn't worth it.