"What were you thinking!? No wait, I'll answer that! YOU WEREN'T! Seriously Legolas, you would've been the laughing stock of the council. That cloak doesn't match the shoes you were planning to wear oh no not at all! And your hair, oh god don't get me started on that. That braid was sloppier then a sloppy joe, it wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes. Did you even consider FEEDING the horse before le-"
"The horse has a name"
"I don't care Legolas! What you did was extremely stupid! You're representing the elves for goodness sakes; you could've washed your hair. Now hold still while I do your hair"
Legolas sighed as he rolled his eyes.
"I'm 2500 years old; I think I can choose my own clothes"
"Trust me son, your fashion decisions are quite…..how should I put it….um horrible. Besides, remember the last time I let you choose your own clothes?"
"It was a nice cloak"
"Ugh how many times do I have to tell you? Blue and green should never be seen without something in-between. You looked like a walking ocean"
"It was a beach party though"
"So, it made it alright to look that away"
Thranduil stared Legolas straight in the eyes
"There is never an 'alright time' to wear blue and green together…. And done. Alright hair's done. Now let's go choose an outfit for you!"
Legolas grunted as he reluctantly followed his father
"hhmm what about this one?"
"Oh no no no no! That peach will clash with the tunic"
"fine...um this one?"
"It's the same colour as your pants….hm risky…too risky… no, choose something else!"
"I've got to leave soon father if I want to get there on time!"
"Well let me choose your outfit and you can be on your way."
"I don't want you to! Besides, you critiquing my outfit choices is bad enough as it is, I don't need you choosing everything"
"Well can I advise something?"
Thranduil got up casually and walked majestically to the wardrobe. Legolas gave him the death stare as Thranduil fumbled through the many cloaks before he found it.
"Ah here it is, now doesn't that look nice?"
"It looks like a used potato sack"
"Oh stop it, it doesn't! Try it on and you'll see."
"I think Dobby might like it but I don't. No way am I wearing it!"
"Legolas, it'll be a cold trip, you have to wear a cloak of some sort and this is a perfect one. Just try it on, you'll love it! I promise"
"Can't we try one of the other cloaks…anything has to be better than that"
"Legolas, if you want to go shopping next week, I'd try on that cloak."
Legolas knew he was beat. He loved shopping and the new shopping centre had just been opened and he was eager to scoop it out. Sighing a sigh of defeat he snatched the cloak off Thranduil and pulled it on hesitantly.
"Oh you look fabulous! I told you it would be good on you. Now come on, let's go get the horse ready"
Legolas snuck a look at himself. He looked like a massive potato sack, like he thought he would. Frowning at himself in the mirror, he stomped off to follow his father. He knew what was following next and he knew it was more than getting his horse ready. He also knew that he wasn't going to like it one bit.
"Alright, you know the rules. No talking to strangers unless your life is on the line. Make sure you have your bow at all times. Oh and don't associate with that dwarf um… Guli… gomly… whatever his name is, he looks like trouble. While we're on the subject, don't talk to any dwarf unless your life is on the line"
"Remember, dwarfs are horrible people who can't be trusted. Oh and always look left and right before crossing the road. We don't need you getting run over now do we.
"Wear your cloak at all times! I don't want you coming home with a cold. People don't find it attractive when others are snivelling and sneezing. Wash your hair as often as possible and do it the right way. Work from the roots down and get every knot out. I did not spend half an hour on your hair for you to stuff it up in 5 minutes.
"Are you listening to me!?"
"What time is it?"
Thranduil stared as he gave him a light slap on the head carefully so he wouldn't ruin his hair but hard enough to get the point across.
"You're going to be taken by a pack of orcs if you don't listen"
"Father, I'm only gone for a day. Besides, I won't be going alone!"
"I don't care if you had a whole army with you. Bill was with his father and he still managed to almost end up in a troll stew"
"But his father saved him"
"I won't be there to save you though. Now when you get there, make sure to stick by that Agoon fellow, he can-
"Whatever. Make sure you stick by him, he can keep you safe. I want you back in one piece. That means no fighting unless it's necessary"
"I'll be safe and back before you know it, you'll see. I must be going now, thanks to you I run the possibility of being late. That wouldn't be very elvish of me now would it?"
Thranduil didn't answer as he gave Legolas a massive bear hug.
"Stay safe son. I'm going to miss you..."
"Father, you're embarrassing me! What if someone saw!?
"Well they'll know I love you. I'm sure that they hug their Fathers to"
Thranduil let Legolas go after a while and helped him on his horse.
"Now make sure you use your manners. Good elves always are elegant and polite. Remember what I said!"
Legolas didn't answer as he rode off as fast as he could. He couldn't wait to get away from his father
"I love you Legolas! Stay safe!"
As Legolas rode off in the distance, Thranduil couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness
"He's all grown up" He said as a tear trickled down his cheek.
"Now, what's for breakfast?" he clapped delightfully as he walked back to the house, images of pancakes with blueberries floating about his head.