Stale Muffins, a Glee one-shot
I do not own Glee, or the Muffin Man. Requests and reviews are welcome.
Unlike all of the sappy movies, where the happy couple run to each other in the airport, when Blaine travels to New York, he's stuck waiting around. He's eating a bran muffin. It's very crumbly, and pieces keep falling down the front of his shirt.
So glad he spent all that time finding the perfect outfit.
His mouth is full of muffin when Kurt arrives.
"I am so sorry. There was an accident, and I had to go a different way and-"
Blaine swallows what he can and wipes the crumbs off his face. "It's okay."
"I wanted to call, but my phone ran out of battery and-"
"Kurt, really. It's okay." Holding his muffin at arms length, he hugs him.
It's not as satisfying as it should be, so Kurt takes matters into his own hands. Matters being the muffin, which he sets atop the suitcase.
Wrapping him back in his arms, he relaxes. This is so much better.
"I missed you."
"I missed you too." He pulls him closer, and they bump into the suitcase. The muffin falls off.
Not that either of them can seem to care.
(Oh do you know the muffin man?)
Feeling guilty about the muffin massacre, the next morning he leaves a strawberry muffin on Blaine's plate.
"I felt bad about yesterday," he explains.
"Why? It was my fault too." He unwraps the muffin, tossing the wrapper in the trash.
Kurt picks up the milk carton. It is empty.
He cannot fathom why it is so hard for Brody to throw the carton away and buy new milk.
"Rachel, your boyfriend drank all the milk again," he says as she takes a banana off the table.
"Then buy more milk." She sees the look on his face. "Look, he has just as much right to the milk as you do."
He plucks a piece of dry cereal from his bowl.
"Not if I'm the one paying for it," he mutters. She doesn't hear him.
She kisses him on the head as Blaine tries to hide his smile.
Once she's gone, he tears his muffin in half. "Here."
"But that's your muffin."
"You only owed me half a muffin." He extends his arm further.
Kurt would thank him, but it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
(The muffin man?)
With the sun high, his double chocolate chip muffin is melting in his hand. Not so much the muffin, as the chips inside.
He takes a bite.
"You got a little something on you face," Kurt says, joining him on the fire escape.
"Thanks." He wipes at his mouth with his napkin.
He breaks off another piece. "I don't remember you eating muffins this much when we were together."
Blaine shrugs, chewing.
"I got addicted when I worked at the Lima Bean." He had taken up a part-time job to help pay for college. It wasn't the most glamorous way to end his senior year, but it had helped pay for his ticket here.
"Well," Kurt starts, breaking a piece off the muffin, "they are nothing compared to the muffins at Drury Lane."
"Like the nursery rhyme?" Blaine asks. He hands the napkin to Kurt.
Wiping his mouth, he answers. "It's a bakery a couple of blocks away. I can show you this afternoon."
He almost says 'it's a date,' but he thinks better of it.
(The muffin man.)
He returns to Drury Lane the next afternoon without Kurt.
There's a sign in the window. "You're hiring?"
The woman behind the counter, a grandma type with more rolls on her body than in her display case, stands at her full height. Her head barely peeks over the display case. She moves to behind the register.
"Do you have any experience?" She wipes at a purple frosting splotch on her shirt.
"I've worked at a coffee shop." For a whole three months. Minor details.
"Can you work a register?" She points to it as if it isn't obvious what a register is.
He nods eagerly. "Yes I can."
She gives him a once over. He's standing straight, clothes clean, hair gelled. Nothing is out of place.
Stooping down, she takes something out from under the counter. "I'm going to need you to fill this out."
It's an application.
Before he leave, he buys a banana nut muffin. If he gets the job, he's going to have to know the menu.
Starting with the muffins.
(Oh do you know the muffin man?)
Kurt wakes to find that Blaine isn't home. They share a bed, purely for space reasons if anyone asks, and he finds it odd to not wake up with his head in his chest.
It's always the same routine. Fall asleep back to back and end up waking in his arms. Then the awkward realization that they're just best friends, followed by a quick shower, just to reinforce that thought, and breakfast.
He walks into the kitchen. There on the table is a note taped to the empty milk carton. Brody nods good morning to him, continuing to eat his cereal.
'Kurt, went to work. See you tonight. -Blaine'
He doesn't even know when Blaine got a job. But he's not going to sit here and eat dry cereal and wonder if he said anything those times he got lost in his eyes instead of his conversation.
"I'm going to get more milk." He grabs his wallet and heads out the door.
Rather than going for milk first, he heads to the bakery. He wants a muffin.
He is hit with a wave of surprise when he reaches the front of the line to find Blaine behind the register. "Hello. What can I- Kurt!"
"Oatmeal raisin muffin please." As much as he'd like to talk to him, the line is growing behind him.
Blaine takes the time to select the best muffin of the bunch. "I wasn't expecting you to be here."
Kurt counts out the correct change, mainly to waste time.
"I wasn't expecting you here either." He pours the coins into Blaine's palm.
"There was a hiring sign in the window." He rolls the top of the paper bag down. "And she promised I could take home the leftover muffins."
There isn't another way to waste time, so their conversation ends there.
Coming out onto the street, he opens the bag.
He got the biggest muffin.
(Who lives on Drury Lane.)
The first time Blaine brings home a cranberry orange muffin, he is excited. He's tried every other flavor, but this one always manages to sell out. And now he finally has his hands on it.
"You're drooling over that thing more than Kurt." Santana takes the seat across from him.
"What do you mean?" he asks, pulling back the wrapper.
"Oh don't pretend that you don't stare at your Pretty Pony when he gets out of the shower." She peels a banana.
Taking off a piece, she pops it in her mouth, watching him choke on his muffin.
So glad she cares enough to help.
"Is it that obvious?" he finally responds. There's no use in denying it.
She stands, pushing her chair in. "You're just lucky he's too busy worrying about you catching him staring to notice."
She fluffs her hair and breaks off another piece of her banana. Walking towards the door, she can hear him calling.
"Wait, he stares at me?"
"Who stares at you?" Kurt asks, coming in through the open door.
"Have fun." She winks and leaves.
Things are about to get very interesting.
(Oh yes, I know the muffin man.)
He takes the last bite of his pumpkin muffin. It's a bit stale, having forgotten it yesterday at the shop, but still tastes delicious.
Needing a drink, he opens the fridge.
'Kurt's milk, property of Kurt, with permission of use to Blaine and Santana.'
A crumb falls from his smile. His boyfriend (how good it feels to say that again) is getting a bit cranky about this milk issue. Which he can perfectly understand, seeing as how he pays for the milk and does not want dry cereal.
He pours himself a glass and puts the carton back in the fridge. He is sure to keep the note facing out.
"Why hello there," a pair of arms greet him. He would have aimed for his mouth, but it's not easy to kiss someone while they're drinking milk.
And we all know how he feels about wasting milk.
"Hey. I saw your note." He sets the glass on the counter.
"Think it'll work?" Kurt swipes the fallen crumb from his shirt. He pops it in his mouth.
After swallowing, he finds that he is still tasting the pumpkin.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Blaine's lips are on his.
Hmm. Best to check twice.
Yup, it was him all right.
Fantastic tasting muffin. Shame that it's all gone. And the bakery is so far away.
Maybe just one more taste.
(The muffin man.)
Brody shows up at the bakery the next morning.
"Hello. How can I help you?" Blaine asks, attaching a 'we need one dollar bills' sign onto the register.
"Did I do something to offend Kurt?"
Besides make loud love, drink his milk and use all the hot water in the shower?
No, of course not.
"Brody, I have customers to tend to." He gestures to the line behind him. Not that he wants to be unfriendly, but he doesn't want to lose his job.
"Fine. I'd like an apple muffin." He digs his wallet out of his back pocket. "Did you see the note on the milk?"
He picks the closest muffin. "Hard to miss."
Rolling the bag, he takes the twenty dollar bill he is handed.
Clearly someone can't read signs.
Drinking milk may be good for your body, but evidently it's had no effect on his brain.
(The muffin man.)
Brody sets a new carton of milk on the table. His name is written all over it in permanent marker. No matter how you turn the carton, you can't miss it.
"This is getting ridiculous." Rachel says, taking a banana.
"Your Ken doll of a boyfriend using all the milk is what's ridiculous," Santana fights back.
She breaks the stem off the banana. Fumbling to peel it, she stops to defend him. "It's just milk."
"Do you know how expensive milk is?" Kurt asks, spoon clattering in his bowl.
Blaine keeps quiet, eating his lemon poppy seed muffin.
Would now be a bad time to mention to Kurt that the downstairs apartment is available for rent?
They bicker, and he waits patiently. He did not move to New York to argue about milk. Nor did he come to work at a bakery, but he finds that more of a pleasant surprise. Getting a job to pay for school is necessary. Arguing about milk is not.
He gets up to throw out his muffin wrapper. "Kurt, can I talk to you for a minute?"
They excuse themselves from the table.
"This has gotten way too out of hand." Kurt tells him.
"The apartment downstairs is available. I was wondering if you'd like to move in with me. No milk problems, no worrying about noise." Whether it be them trying to tune out Brody and Rachel, or trying to keep quiet themselves.
"It's a two bedroom."
"I'm sure Santana could take the other room." He peers out into the kitchen. She's at the sink, washing her bowl.
Kurt nods. It would be nice to have more room. And he wouldn't have to worry about his milk.
Plus they'd be right beneath them, so it wouldn't be like they're completely out of their lives. They could still see each other, and if it got lonely, they were only a flight of stairs away.
They approach her, taking her into their bedroom. "What do you think about moving in downstairs with us?"
"Do I get my own bedroom?"
"Yes," they agree.
"How soon can we move in?"
(Oh yes I know the muffin man.)
After a heated discussion about what furniture belonged to what person, they move downstairs. They still need to go shopping.
The three of them decide to go to the flea market.
First, they're stopping at Drury Lane.
"Blaine, it's your day off," his boss says when they reach the counter.
"I know. We're getting breakfast before heading to the flea market." Somehow in the grand scheme of things, they had lost custody over the cereal.
Not that they're going to complain. Kurt did get to keep his antique chairs. (Which were thoroughly washed, because Brody had the unfortunate habit of sitting on them missing various pieces of clothing.)
"Hold on a minute." She escapes to the kitchen. Returning, she places three steamy blueberry muffins on the counter. "Fresh out of the oven."
"Thanks Betsy." He takes his wallet out, but she waves him off.
Wrapping them in a bag she says, "Nonsense. You should try one of my muffins fresh. On the house."
After all, he's always eating her stale muffins. As her favorite employee, he deserves better. (She only has two employees, but again, minor details.)
Kurt drops a few coins in the tip jar.
Now to buy some furniture.
(Who lives on Drury Lane.)
Sitting on the new couch, he unrolls the bag of muffins. It was double bagged to protect it from the rain.
He unrolls the inner bag. "You have muffins."
"Betsy's trying a new recipe. Here, have a taste." Kurt pops the bite in his mouth.
Then he runs for the garbage.
"What was that?" He opens the fridge and pulls out the milk. That was disgusting.
"Mincemeat muffins. You don't like them?"
"Did you try one?" He pours a second glass of milk for Blaine.
Tasting it, he spits directly into the bag. The whole bag ends up in the garbage. "See, I told her she should have gone with Pina Colada."
Kurt passes him the glass of milk, which he chugs straight down.
"I should go call her."
"No, you should make it up to me."
"And how should I do that?" he asks, placing his empty cup in the sink.
The other cup gets set with it.
Kurt shows him exactly how he'd like to be reconciled.
Maybe he should bring home bad muffins more often.