I guess Enjolras's death pretty much finalized it: the rebellion happed. People died. My friends died. The dreamworld that I had been living in just kind of decided to block it out, ignore it, hope that it would go away.
So it never really gets easier. There are always nightmares of gunshots, prison cells, overturned furniture. They plague both me and Marius, and it gets to the point where we don't ask each other what it was about. Just try to go back to sleep. I'm here. Basic little soothing sentences eventually lull us back into rest.
Of course, Joly is still here. Cosette is still here. Gavroche is still here. That's another thing that gets us through it. Some people are still here, and they're not going to leave us.
I suppose Marius and I could get married. It's always an option, that is. I've never really seen myself as a marriage person, however. It was always something that other people did, that other people enjoyed. I was never one of those people. Strangely, however, I picture Marius as the type of person to marry, although I never pictured us married. Of course, we couldn't do it now, but I'll keep it in mind for now.
I'm still in Marius's apartment. I suppose I could have gone back to my mother, but it didn't feel right. I still talk to her sometimes, but it's as if my father's ghost bats me away from her, yanking me so far backwards that there's nothing to say to her except that the weather has been lovely lately.
Gavroche sleeps on Marius's couch without complaint. Sometimes I almost feel like we're playing a game that I used to play with Azelma as a child, where we would pretend to be a mother and a father and use an ear of corn for our little boy. That's what Marius and I are doing. Father, mother, boy. We're playing house, but instead of stopping near dinner when our corn child had to be put into stew, it's stretching on from day to day. I wake up next to Marius and smile, thinking that the game could go forever. We could stay in our roles every day, the perfect little family, unconcerned with what reality holds.
So maybe one day, there will be sleep free of nighmares, or a thin ring around my finger. But every day, it's Marius and I, me and Marius, and although it's not how I pictured it exactly, I wouldn't mind if it stayed this way. Just playing house.
FINAL CHAPTERRRR. Thank you EVERYBODY, and I'm aware that I've been putting this chapter off for some time now, so thank you for being patient. Special thanks to I Am Your Singer 24601! I'm starting an Eposette story soon, so follow me if you want to hear about it. But again, thank you to everybody, whether you've just started reading or if you've been following since chapter one!