You guys have been so supportive and your reactions have actually been inspiring. I haven't really written anything in years (except lots and lots of school papers), but now I can't seem to stop. Thank you all. Seriously.
I was so happy, so completely at peace. I was laying there with this perfect girl, lazily kissing her as we each recovered from a mind-blowing orgasm. Our lips parted and we just laid there, looking at each other. It was hard in that moment not to think about everything we had been through and all the things we still had to overcome.
This whole experience had been surreal. Not just the sex, but the other stuff too.
The entire night and everything that had happened had somehow brought us even closer together. We trusted each other. We believed in each other.
We had come so far. I've loved her for years, thought of nothing else, and now here we were. We were naked in bed together, our bond solidified.
I let my thoughts trail off and focused back on her. Her forehead was scrunched in concentration. She was looking at me, thinking about something.
"Emily," I whispered. "What is it?"
I assume she realized then what her face was indicating. "It's nothing."
There was a sudden pain in my chest. Was something wrong? Was she unhappy? She seemed satisfied but maybe it wasn't right for her. Maybe she was regretting everything.
I must have looked incredibly panicked because she brought her hand to my cheek and in a reassuring voice continued, "Don't. Don't think what you're thinking. I'm not sorry. It was perfect. I just... there is so much going on. I don't want to hurt you, Paige. My life is so complicated, such a mess, and you…"
She trailed off, looking at me as the sweetest smile spread across her face.
"…you're so wonderful to me. For me. I just want to be good enough for you too."
She had worked herself up so much she was almost in tears.
I was dumbstruck. Was she serious? How in the world could she ever think she wasn't good enough for me? She was everything I had always wanted. The only thing I cared about in this whole stupid world. The rest of it didn't matter.
I shook my head and propped myself up, looking down at her.
"You're everything to me. Maybe your life is complicated. Your friends, the trial, Nate…Maya…"
I flinched at using the name in this moment, our moment, but took a breath and continued, "I want you. I don't care about any of that. I just want to be here for you. Whatever you want or need. I don't know what tonight meant to you but for me, it was perfect. A dream come true."
She still looked like she was about to cry, but a loving smile came across her face.
"You're perfect, Paige."
I could feel myself blushing. She had this way of making me feel special, like I wasn't such a screw up. She was looking up at me with that look of adoration and suddenly she tugged at me and pulled me into a kiss. This kiss was like the one in the kitchen a little while ago, a sign that she wanted more.
Lips together, tongues meeting. Then all of a sudden she kissed down my cheek to my neck. God, I loved it when she kissed me there. She knew exactly how to make me squirm, how to make me want her even more.
I shifted, her mouth still kissing all over my neck, and positioned myself on top of her. As my body came down to lay on her, she pulled away from my neck and groaned into the crook of it.
It was the sexiest thing I had ever heard.
I leaned up to look at her, my hands on either side of her head. She looked up at me.
"I want to taste you, Paige."
My breath hitched. I actually could not breathe for a second and my cheeks got so warm. All of me did.
She was grinning so big now. She looked almost cocky, so pleased with herself that she had left me so dismantled. Instead of waiting for me to react in any way, she kissed me lightly on the lips and then proceeded to leave a trail of quick kisses across my jawline and down my neck. I turned my head, allowing her to kiss her way to my pulse point. When she got there, she started to suck on the sensitive spot.
I moaned and could feel myself getting more and more aroused. I could feel it rubbing onto her and I think she did too because she pulled back from my neck and started pushing me up into a sitting position until my legs were wrapped around her and our centers met.
We gasped and she promptly attached her mouth to my breast. I was going to explode. I was convinced I couldn't take anymore. There was so much stimulation and then she started grinding into me like before. My eyes rolled back into my head and I let out a noise that could only be described as a hiss. Then, almost immediately after she began she suddenly stopped. Detaching from my breast and looking up at me through hazy eyes. She choked out in a deep voice, "We can stop. Any time. Just tell me if…"
I wasn't listening. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to think. I just took her hand and put it between us, on me. I held it there and we both squealed.
"Jesus…" She shrieked, leaning forward, resting her forehead to my chest. "…you're so wet."
She looked up and our eyes met. She was rubbing me lightly and then abruptly slipped two fingers inside of me. My eyes snapped shut. I whimpered and wrapped my arms around her neck, drawing her mouth to my breasts again.
She was teasing me and sliding into me and I shamelessly started to lift up and began riding her hand. I was forcing her deeper into me and she was moaning too. We were both sweating and moaning, exerting so much effort into our movements.
I felt this tension inside of me. I was tensing all over and had to grip onto Emily harder.
I didn't expect it to happen so soon and it was still such a new feeling that I didn't realize what was happening until it did. My eyes popped open and I tiled my head back, screaming.
It ended and I couldn't catch my breath. I was gasping and I tilted my head back down to see Emily grinning at me. She was still inside of me, but not moving. I kept twitching, reacting to the aftershocks of my orgasm.
She didn't say anything she just kept smiling. I was still trying to calm down when she pulled out of me. She slid out and then moved her fingers to her mouth, wrapping her lips around them. I blushed. It was literally the most sensual thing I had ever seen. She just closed her eyes and sucked, all while making this humming noise. She was enjoying it.
I was shocked. Sweet Emily Fields was literally doing things I never could have imagined she was capable of. My fantasies of her came nowhere near what was actually happening. We had made out more times than I could count and none of those encounters indicated that there was this side to her.
I just sat there, mouth hanging open.
She opened her eyes and popped her fingers out of her mouth. Her eyebrow arched up and she broke out in this playful smirk. "Hi."
"Hi," I replied, gulping. There was this incredible excitement in not knowing what she would do next. "That was, um..." I had to shake my head to clear my thoughts, to try and think straight as she stared me down. I couldn't find the words. There were no words to describe it.
She smiled even wider at my speechlessness.
The look on her face made me shake my head and roll my eyes. "Who are you?" I asked, letting out a small chuckle.
She bit her lip and blushed, momentarily looking away bashfully.
"I don't know… That has never happened before. I've never been so…"
"Never?" I perked up, proud of myself.
Her head tilted down and I couldn't read her expression, but as she began to speak she was serious again.
"Paige, you make me feel… I want you. All the time. Sometimes when something bad happens, all I want to do is…this." She looked up at me now, almost guiltily. "I just want to let go of everything. I don't want to do deal with it."
I wasn't boastful anymore. I was astonished. Again. I just stared at her.
I didn't know what to say. How could I possibly put into words what I felt for her? There was too much. I didn't want to say I love you. Not yet. She'd been through too much. It wasn't the right time, but I needed her to know. I wanted to live up to my promise and give her what she wanted, what she needed. What she needed now was release, a way to let go. If only for a second…
So, I pushed her back onto the mattress and positioned myself between her legs. We were both sticky with sweat and arousal and we were both shivering, cold and shaken up by nerves. The mood had shifted to something bigger, deeper. It wasn't just about sex.
I looked down at her, never breaking eye contact. Neither of us wavered. I leaned down and kissed her, both of us still keeping our eyes opened.
All of a sudden, I started kissing downwards. Her chin, her neck, her chest. I found myself beginning to slide down her body. I kissed between her breasts and down her stomach. She was arching up into me and I could feel her watching me.
"Paige, what are you doing? You don't have to…"
"Shh," I said quietly. I didn't know what it was going to be like. I didn't know exactly what to do even, but I wanted this. I wanted to take this step with her. The smell, her smell, was already all around me as I positioned myself between her legs. I blew out a huge breath and then sunk my head down, slowly running my tongue up her center.
Her body lifted completely off the bed and she screamed louder than I had ever heard her scream. Mild mannered, sweet, nice Emily was screaming. It was unbelievable. Everything since Emily had shown up on my porch that night had been unbelievable.
The scent was strong and nothing like I imagined, but I didn't care. She was letting go. She was aroused and uninhibited as I worked between her legs just as I had planned. She reached back, looking for something to hold onto and found her bed frame.
Her back was slightly arched off the bed and she was squirming but I held her hips down where I needed them to be by wrapping my arms around her thighs and holding her bottom half down. I was looking up at her, watching her every move. I decided this was my new favorite view of her. I loved having her sprawled out in front of me, completely vulnerable and literally open to me.
As I increased the pressure I was applying with my tongue and mouth, she was letting out these groans that came from the back of her throat, deep, guttural. I felt dizzy having her pressed to me like that, but I wouldn't stop. I kept going. She had to let go.
Without stopping what my mouth was doing, I moved my one arm out from under the thigh it was wrapped around and brought my hand to her opening. To her surprise I slipped it inside and she pushed up with such force I had to follow her just to stay on her and inside.
She was getting louder and louder and I was so thankful her mom was not in the house. I pushed in and out of her and continued my assault on her clit. I had never done this before, yet somehow I knew exactly how and learned quickly what she wanted.
She was writhing and filling the whole house with screams of pleasure. She was crying out my name and swearing like I had never heard her before and I was causing it. Even though I wasn't the one receiving, I was completely satisfied. Making her come gave me the same rush as winning a swim meet. I was working hard and then suddenly I got my prize.
She tensed and curled. Her breathing was labored and uneven and she was pushing herself down onto me now.
She let go with a scream and a gush. Finally, she laid still.
I detached and pulled out; I pulled her to me by the thighs so she was more in the middle of the bed. I laid down next to her. Her eyes were still closed as she tried to catch her breath. She had let go of the bed frame and now had one hand threaded through her hair and one reaching out for me. I took it and interlocked our fingers.
We were both a mess, completely disheveled. Still, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
She finally opened her eyes and looked at me. I smiled at her. She removed her free hand from her hair and turned to bring her hand to my cheek. She smiled back at me, stroking my head, tenderly.
Her eyes started to flutter shut so I moved off the bed to pull the covers out from under us, wrapping us up in them as I crawled into bed. She snuggled up next to me, both of us completely drained and exhausted. Tomorrow we could deal with everything.
I woke up only a couple hours later, as the sun finally poured in through the windows. She was stirring too. At some point as we slept she had turned over and I was cradling her from behind. I knew she was half awake so I kissed the back of her neck. I looked over her shoulder slightly and I saw her smiling.
I got close to her ear and whispered a good morning.
She rolled over and looked up at me, smiling like I hadn't seen her smile in a long time.
"How are you?" She asked.
I pushed her messy hair back and replied, "Good. Very good… last night was..."
We both blushed and she buried her face in the mattress. I chuckled.
"Well, that pretty much sums it up," I joked. We were smiling and playful. We both just felt so good.
Then, suddenly I remembered we had school. I had hockey and she still had to face her friends. Her phone was still downstairs but I'm sure they had been trying to contact her.
I clearly got lost in these thoughts because Emily had sat up.
"Paige? Where did you go?"
"I just remembered we have school… and a lot of other stuff. It just occurred to me that we have to go back into the world."
"Can't we just stay here? Right where we are. Just us?"
I was beaming at the thought and sat up and kissed her lightly. Then, I pulled away and planted a kiss on her forehead.
"Trust me," I said. "This will be happening again very soon."