Ch. 3

Miss Simian: Class! Time to hand in your homework!

Darwin: What are we going to do? What are we going to do? If we tell her the truth, she'll flip!

Gumball: Be cool buddy, it'll be fine.

Miss Simian: [grunts as she takes up Sussie's homework, which is wet with spit] Ugh! At least it's on time.

"Now that's disgusting" said Anais

Darwin: I wasn't built to take this much pressure!

Gumball: Relax man, we'll just tell her what really happened.

Miss Simian: Alright you two, what's today's excuse?

Gumball: [clears throat] Our dad ate our homework.

"That's not really a good excuse" said Penny

"But it happened" said Gumball

Miss Simian: [growls angrily, as the shot abrubtly transitions to the outside of Miss Simian's room] Go see the guidance counselor immediately!

Gumball: But, Miss Simian-

Miss Simian: And don't come back until you've learned how to tell the truth! [slams door]

Gumball and Darwin: [groan]

Mister Small: And this, is what the inside of a liar looks like.

Gumball and Darwin: Ew!

Mister Small: Notice, the dark abyss here. That's the corrupt soul of the liar.

Gumball: But Mr. Small we're not liars.

Mister Small: Hmph. You should tell that to the last boy who sat there and lied to me. He's there now!

Darwin: The prison!?

Mister Small: No, next to it.

Gumball: The cemetery!? What happened to him?

Mister Small: He just works there.

Gumball and Darwin: [relieved sigh]

"Well that's a relief" said Richard

Mister Small: Now, let me show you something. [rummages around in his cabinet, he takes out a small hat and blows on it] This, is the lying hat. Now, watch what happens when I put it on. Your mother called!

Gumball and Darwin: Oh!

Mister Small: She says she hates you!

"I don't hate you boys" said Nicole

Gumball: [gasp, tearfully] She does?

Darwin: [glass breaking] I think my heart just broke.

Mister Small: It's okay kids, that was a lie.

Gumball and Darwin: [relieved sigh]

Mister Small: But you see, that's what a lie will do! Hurt your feelings. She hates you!

Gumball and Darwin: Aww.

Mister Small: She loves you.

Gumball and Darwin: Yay!

Mister Small: Hates you!

Gumball and Darwin: Aww.

Mister Small: Loves you.

Gumball and Darwin: Yay!

[he continues to ask this until their voices become so fast that they're indistinguishable, Gumball and Darwin start breathing heavily afterwards]

"That was confusing" said Darwin

Mister Small: So, what have we learned today?

Darwin: Never trust a man in a hat.

Mister Small: Yes, but what else?

Gumball and Darwin: Uhh...

Mister Small: Honesty is the best policy!

"Not always" said Gumball

Gumball and Darwin: Oh.

Mister Small: Say it!

Gumball and Darwin: Honesty is the best policy.

Mister Small: Good, and again!

Gumball and Darwin: Honesty is the best policy. Honesty is the best policy. Honesty is the best policy.

[The scene dissolves with the audio]

Gumball Okay Darwin, remember, from now on, we only tell the truth.

Darwin: Okay! Your face is too big.

Gumball: [offended gasp] Well, when you say 's', your gills whistle!

Darwin: [while whistling his 's's] You smell so stinky, sailor sings sea shanties about your stinkiness!

"My gills whistle, well that's just weird" said Darwin

Gumball: When you're asleep, your face looks like this! [stretches his face]

Darwin: When you're awake, your face looks like this! [squeezes his face]

Gumball: [shouting] You walk like a princess!

Darwin: [shouting] You walk like a pigeon!

Gumball: Okay, that's us covered, let's bring our honesty to the world!

Darwin to Juke: You've got a monobrow!

[Juke makes a sad tape rewinding noise]

Gumball to Alan: You've got no hands!

[Alan deflates]

Gumball: Just being honest.

Gumball to Penny: I love you!

[Penny gasps]

Darwin: But he'll never make the first move.

"That's not true, I'll make a move eventually" said Gumball

"Yeah, sure" said Anais

Gumball: Hmph.

Darwin to Tobias: [points at Idaho] He's having a party on Friday, and he didn't invite you.

Tobias: What?!

Idaho: Sorry man, you're just not cool enough.

"He's right, he isn't cool" said Gumball

Gumball: Whoa! This one is long overdue. Hey Tina!

[Tina looks at them and growls]

Gumball: You smell, and it's not very ladylike!

Darwin: It's like a sweaty watchstrap.

Gumball: Nah, it's more like raw chicken and rancid milk, in a plastic bag.

Darwin: Yeah! That's been left in the sun for a week.

Gumball: Okay, now that we've got your smelliness covered, let's move on to your personality.

[Tina growls angrily and stomps on them]

Darwin: Oww...

Gumball: Yep, truth hurts.

"And you're just realizing that now?" asked Anais

Miss Simian: Oh, Nigel...

Principal Brown: Let's leave all this behind and go live on a desert island.

Miss Simian: But how would we survive?!

Principal Brown: On fruit, water, and love.

Miss Simian: Oh!

Gumball: [clears throat] Did you ask us in here for a reason?

Principal Brown: Yes, of course Watterson. I've been getting a lot of complaints, what on Earth's gotten into you?

"We've just learned to be honest" said Darwin

"I don't know why everyone's complaining" said Gumball

Gumball: Principal Brown, can I be honest with you?

Principal Brown: I, er, uh,- yes.

Gumball: I can't help thinking that your relationship with Miss Simian could be compromising your professionalism.

Darwin: I completely agree Gumball, and frankly, I fear my education is suffering as a result.

Gumball: And besides Principal Brown, you can do so much better than that!

[Both Principal Brown and Miss Simian growl angrily at them]

Mister Small: Okay, so you got honesty wrong. Perhaps we should try something else! I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. [rustles around in his filing cabinet] Uh, one second. [popping sounds, grunting sounds]

Mister Small: [in a dopey voice] Hello children, I'm the Honesty Bear!

"Okay this is just pathetic now" said Nicole

"Agreed" said Everyone

Gumball: O-kaaay...

Mister Small: I'm here to explain that honesty's not all black and white, but, like my fur, it's more of a grey area. Grey. See that? Grey fur. Now, there are some things that are "too" honest, to say out loud.

Gumball: Honesty Bear, I'm confused, what can we be honest about?

Mister Small: Let me put this in a language you kids will understand, hippity rap!

[The song The Honesty Rap starts]

Mister Small:

Uh uh uh uh, honesty!

[crab scratch] Honesty!

Break it down!

When ya' wanna be honest, just beware!

Truth hurts in this nitrogenic atmosphere.

You gotta wake up, realize and recognize,

The time for truth, has strategeical lies!

But keep them lies of a managable size,

Or tears will arise, and hurt their eyes!

So before you speak, it's best to remember:

Each individual case will require a specific judgement call depending on who you're talking to and the context of the conversation!

[Song ends]

"Okay, if I hear another song like that, I'm gonna scream" said Penny

"I'd probably puke" said Gumball

"I'd probably eat" said Richard

Mister Small: Any questions? No? Excellent! Goodbye. [rudely shoves the two of them out the room]

Gumball: Hmm... Okay, I think I got it. You should always tell the truth unless you have to lie, but if you do lie you should tell the truth about it unless you're talking to someone who's lying because if they tell a lie and you tell the truth it'll be a lie because you were lying about telling the truth inside of a lie so the whole thing's a lie while still being true!

"I'm really confused now" said Darwin before he fainted but woke up from an electric shock from the floor

"Wake up sushi platter" shouted DG through the intercom in the theater

[Darwin's head explodes]

Gumball: [sigh] Man this truth and honesty thing is hard.

Principal Brown: Has anyone seen the nurse?! I think my head may be on fire. Is my head on fire?

Gumball: Umm, would it be a good thing or a bad thing if it was on fire?

Principal Brown: A bad thing of course!

Gumball and Darwin: It's not on fire.

"What are you talking about of course his head's on fire" said Penny

"He said it was a bad thing" said Darwin

Principal Brown: Oh! Hoho, whoo! For a minute there I thought my head was on fire. What a relief. So, how are things with you, Watterson?

Gumball: Uh! Yeah, uh, not bad. You?

Principal Brown: Pretty good. Pretty good. So, no more of that lying trouble I hope?

Gumball: Uhh.. [coughs loudly] No.

Principal Brown: Alright then! Toodle-oo! [the fire alarm starts ringing and the sprinklers turn on]

Mister Small: Hmm, okay... Looks like I'm going to have to introduce you to someone else. [rummages through his filing cabinet] I'd like you to say hello, to the Silence Snake.

Gumball and Darwin: Hello Silence-

Silence Snake: Silence-ssss!

Gumball: But-

Silence Snake: Silence-ssss!

"Okay that's a bit harsh treating my boys like that don't you think?" asked Nicole

[Gumball and Darwin let out a small whimper]

Mister Small: Now, I bet your tiny minds are thinkin' [dopey, childish voice] "But, what if there's something important we need to say?" Well, why don't you ask, the Silence Snake? [Gumball and Darwin let out another scared whimper] Oh go on, he won't bite.

Gumball: Okay... what would,-

Silence Snake: Silence-ssss!

Mister Small: Well it looks like my work here is done, ahh... [he begins to lose his balance] Wha, whoa, woo, ahhhh! Oof!

[Mr. Small falls into the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet and it shuts.]

Mister Small: [muffled] Uh, boys, uh, can you hear me? Say something!

[The Silence Snake is glaring at Gumball and Darwin, which makes them too scared to say anything]

Mister Small: I think my knees are digging into my back, you need to help me. Now, there should be a little gold key, on my desk. Oh, ah, don't worry, I've got it here. Oh gosh, please no! Oh wait, maybe I can just, [a horrible crunching sound] Auuuogh!

"Not that's gotta hurt" said Anais

[Gumball and Darwin shudder]

Mister Small: [urgently] Okay you need to get some help right now! Right now! [Gumball dials the Elmore Police Station]

Doughnut Sheriff: Elmore Police.

[Gumball inhales, but Darwin slaps his mouth closed]

Darwin: Mmm, mm, mm!

[The Silence Snake is still glaring at them, they rush out the door to get help]

Doughnut Sheriff: Hello? Hello? Aw, I'm sick of these prank phone calls!

Principal Brown: Hmm? Oh, it's just not the same.

[Gumball and Darwin rush in making urgent sounds]

Principal Brown: Oh, what now?

[Gumball and Darwin continue attempting to communicate without opening their mouths]

Principal Brown: "Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh?" What's that supposed to mean?

Gumball: Ha, ahh, wha! Ooh!

Darwin: Hnngh, [panting] hnngh!

Principal Brown: What?! Miss Simian's trapped down the old abandoned well? I'm coming, my smoochkins! [falls through a second story window] Ahh! [slams onto the pavement] [weakly] Elbows... don't fail me now...

Miss Simian: So anyway, the plan is to live on fruit, water, and love.

Rocky: Dude, I don't care.

Miss Simian: Well, go back to fixing the toilets then!

[Gumball and Darwin run up and try to talk to Miss Simian]

Miss Simian: What do you want?

[The boys do the same routine again]

Miss Simian: What? I'm trapped down the old abandoned well? Hold on! I'm coming! [falls through a second story window] Ahh! [slams onto pavement] [weakly] Come on chin... don't fail me now...

"You're not stuck in a well, this is ridiculous" said Anais

[Gumball and Darwin run into Rocky in the hall, his crowbars fall with a clang]

Rocky: Whoa! Slow down little dudes.

[They do the routine for the third time]

Rocky: What's that? Mr. Small rocked back smugly on his chair fell into the bottom drawer of his filing cabinet it locked shut and you want to use these crowbars to break him out?

Gumball and Darwin: [gasp] Hmmmm!

Rocky: Aww, see ya! [jumps out the window]

"You didn't need to do that" said Penny

"I know but it's funny" said Gumball laughing

Mister Small: Ah! Oh! Ah!

[Gumball and Darwin rush inside the room]

Mister Small: Boys? I-Is that you? Do something, anything!

[Darwin hits the side of the filing cabinet with the crowbar]

Mister Small: Ow! Well, on the plus side I think that loosened the lock a little, keep going!

[Both start hitting the cabinet with their crowbars]

Mister Small: Can I, crawl out, ooh

[The drawer pops open, Mr. Small inhales deeply before Gumball accidentally hits it again, causing the drawer to shut. Gumball facepalms.]

"That almost worked" said Richard

Mister Small: Ah! Just a thought, but maybe you wanna' lever the drawer open with that crowbar?

[Gumball and Darwin strain to open the door, but the cabinet falls on the floor with a loud thud]

(The Doughnut Police Sheriff bursts open the door)

Doughnut Sheriff: Freeze! Police! [gasps] You're coming with me you little hooligans!

Gumball: But! [Darwin puts his fin on Gumball's mouth to show him that the Silence Snake is watching them, he stays silent.]

Doughnut Sheriff: Why won't you talk? Talk darn it, talk!

Nicole: Officer, there's clearly been some kind of misunderstanding.

Doughnut Sheriff: Well ma'm, looking at their rap sheet . It seems they're not first time offenders. Multiple accounts of antisocial behaviour, vandalizing school property, and setting your principal on fire!

"That's not true, we didn't do that last part" said Gumball

Miss Simian: And all because you lied about your father eating your homework.

Richard: [falls on the floor and begins to sob] Okay! I did it! Take me away!

Miss Simian: But why?

Richard: I thought it was gonna' make me smart!

"Eating something won't make you smart Richard" said Nicole

"Sorry honey" said Richard

Doughnut Sheriff: Well, it obviously didn't. So, I guess you boys didn't lie after all.

Nicole: Oh, I'm so proud of you two!

Gumball and Darwin: Thanks, mom.

Principal Brown: Hmm, one more thing, you don't happen to know where Mr. Small is, do you?

Doughnut Sheriff: The only clue we could find was this sock.

[The Silence Snake hisses and Gumball and Darwin immediately deny that they know where Mr. Small is]

Doughnut Sheriff: Oh well, case closed!

Mister Small: [from inside his room] This isn't funny anymore! Can somebody please open this thing!?

Rocky: Eh? [loud rock music is heard coming from his headphones, he doesn't hear anything] Meh. [walks away]

Mister Small: HEEELLLLLLLLP!

[Episode ends]

(Back in deep 13)

"And Tupple will sing a glorious song about diseases that cats can carry" continued Jack

"Oh will you just shut up Jack" said DG

Jeff pushed a button on the console and the screen faded out

"Jeff, why are we off the air?" asked DG

"I thought we were ready to replace Jacks head" said Jeff

"Just go get the head, I have plans for Jack" said DG

"ah yes, ah aah aaahh aahhhhh" screamed Jack in pain as DG started to cut his head off