EPIC RAP BATTLES OF LOST
E1: Ben Linus vs. Richard Alpert

BEN.
Listen up, guyliner!
Are you done playing nice?
Yes, I'm Benjamin Linus.
I committed mass murder twice!
You tried to be protector,
But instead, you got gypped.
While you were playing dress-up,
I blew up a ship!
I know you tried to do the same,
But you couldn't take the heat.
Your natural long lashes just got beat!

RICHARD.
Are you kidding me, Ben?
You're talking to an immortal.
You're a janitor's son who stumbled through my portal.
No, I'm not a candidate, but neither are you.
You're still an angsty kid to me, you haven't got a clue!
You've been fighting all your life just so you can stay alive
Ever since the 1800s, I've been 35!

BEN.
Your eternal lifespan is a running joke.
Nine times out of ten, you would rather choke!
You have the strength to live forever
And you still want to die
Well, I couldn't care less!
I won't ask you why!
I don't need 200 years to make my mark
You're a sidekick on the sidelines with no bite or bark!
Sure, I've never been loved and my heart still aches
But you remember what I did to your boyfriend Jacob?

RICHARD.
Stop!
You're a brat with beady eyes!
You're an insecure villain, I see through your lies!
You never knew how to take courageous action
You're only lashing out because you lack compassion!
Fool! You betrayed my god!
You're rude, selfish, whining, immature, and odd!
I could do this all day, but I'm done, I'm through!
Ever since we first met, I've been over you.
I forgive you for your faults.
Estamos terminado!
Se puede ir al infierno todamente odiado!