EPIC RAP BATTLES OF LOST
E2: Desmond Hume vs. Charles Widmore

Widmore.
Let's have at it, Des,
Since you've got plenty of time.
You aren't worth a shot of whiskey,
Let alone a rhyme!
You're deserted on an island
And you're drunk and alone;
Your only contact with Penelope's a shoddy old phone.
Your entire life is built upon a string of fails
You might have fixed it many times,
But that ship has sailed!
I'll admit that your attention span's remarkable.
Cheers.
I mean, who else could push a button for three straight years?

Desmond.
That's enough!
Ya better bloody shut up and listen
I'm better than this.
I wish we could be coexistin',
But instead I'm made a victim of your selfish sprees
I'm still struggling to find out-
What's your problem with me?!
Ever since I met my Penny
You've been giving me hell
Are you a villain or a bully?
You're immature and I can't tell!

Widmore.
I tend to hold grudges.
In-laws don't achieve immunity.
Remember, I'm the man who wrecked the Dharma community.
I used to call the shots,
I was the hostiles' frontrunner
You couldn't make it in the race, you failed, but I was an "other".
Penny turned you down,
Now give it a rest!
We both know now that in the end,
Her father knows best.
You can slink back to your Dickens and your liquor on the docks-
Touch my daughter again.
I'll ship you off in a box!

Desmond.
Very funny.
Well, I'm more than just a failure and a fool
I'm an electromagnet paradox
I've broken all the rules.
I'm cursed with dreadful luck,
But I've got something on my side, you see,
I've got a fate, a purpose
So you can't get rid of me!
I'm in love with Penny,
With your blessing or without.
I will spend my life beside her, sir,
There never was a doubt.
I don't care how much you're worth,
I don't care you're with the others!
Shove off! I'll see you in another life, brother.