This fic goes entirely to Rhea. Because Rhea is fucking hilarious and omg our chat-thingy is filled of AWESOME. Also you can even say we collabed, on this, coz half of the dialogue is hers. I just wrote the narration. BUT STILL LOVE THE KAGESHIP LOVE IT NOW.
going for broke
Minato slammed the door opened, looking panicked and disheveled.
Tobirama narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms in front of his chest and moving away from the wall he had been leaning against. The Hokage Tower was far neater than he had expected it to be, what with Tsunade being the Godaime. Not counting the massive load of paperwork that was left untouched—and counting by the dust it has been that way for quite a while—everything looked neat.
Not that it mattered.
This youngster looked as if he was about to have a heart attack. Which was goddamn ironic, since, you know, they were dead.
"What's wrong, Minato," Sarutobi asked, lifting his head up from reading a scroll.
Minato looked pained and tortured and as if he was about to confess to stealing the cookies from the cookie jar.
Tobirama's eyes narrowed more.
"Where is Hashirama."
Minato looked away, quickly. "I—"
Distantly, they heard a very loud, very sobby, very feely, "LET ME LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU."
There was a very prolonged moment of silence. Tobirama stared at Minato who stared at Sarutobi who tried to look out the window. The silence continued to fill up the air; Minato swallowed, thickly, fixing the collard of the nin-shirt under his flak jacket and shifting his weight from one leg to the other. Sarutobi stood up from his crouch and slowly—cautiously—made his way to the window.
"Oh my god."
Tobirama didn't want to know.
"You had one job, youngster," he hissed through his teeth.
"I'M SORRY. I SAW A DANGO STAND AND, HEY, NO ONE RECOGNIZED ME OR REALIZED I'M DEAD SO I WENT FOR SOME DANGOS. AND WHO THE HELL DISAPPEARS IN A SPAN OF ONE MINUTE, WHO, ANSWER ME THAT!" Minato breathed erratically, forgetting that there really wasn't a need to actually breathe since, you know, they were dead.
Tobirama made his way towards the window, scowl in place. He all but almost fell over in a faceplant at the sight of the Hokage Monument. Merely because there was a nose missing.
Merely because Tsunade's nose was missing.
"…Her nose…" He trailed off.
Sarutobi leaned forwards. "Her nose fell off."
Minato scurried and looked over their shoulders. "OH SHIT, BROS, HER NOSE FELL OFF."
Slowly, Tobirama turned to glare at him, for what, Minato didn't know. Perhaps it was because he yelled. Perhaps it was because Hashirama was an idiot and Minato let him loose. Perhaps both.
It was probably both.
Hashirama appeared out of nowhere, swinging himself over the ramp. His hair was disheveled, forehead glossy with a thin layer of sweat and his eyes wide and filled with complete panic. "YOU GUYS I BROKE HER NOSE—WHAT DO WE DO—RETREAT RETREAT."
Tobirama twitched, turning to face Minato with another death glare. "You had one job, Namikaze."
"WE HAVE TO FIX HER NOSE—WITH WHAT—GOD—OH—GLUE. SOMEONE FIND SOME GLUE. A BIG TUB OF GLUE. QUICK!" Hashirama wheezed as he began to open drawers in search for glue. He kept muttering to himself, shaking his head and slamming things around.
Sarutobi pursed his lips. "No amount of glue is going to fix that, Hashirama."
"WELL SHIT THIS ISN'T GOOD. WHO THE HELL BUILDS FACES ON ROCKS. OBVIOUSLY THEY'LL BREAK WHEN SOMEONE WANTS TO HUG THE FACE OF THEIR GRANDDAUGHTER."
Tobirama pinched the bridge of his nose. "Brother, would you stop yelling—what are you doing, put that down."
Hashirama came to a pause and silence fell over them again. Minato turned his eyes from one kage to the next to the next and back, gulping and leaning back to stare at the Monument again. He winced, feeling like when the idiot responsible for the felony was caught, a death sentence was in order. Except, you know, they were already dead.
At the moment of peace and lack of chaos, Tobirama sighed.
Except, then Hashirama decided to open his mouth again.
"MAYBE IF WE RIP ALL OF OUR NOSES OFF, NOBODY WILL NOTICE."