this first chapter will be dedicated to my 2 best friends Sandy ( avonslegion) and Afifah ( selsrusso).

Selena sat down on her messy bed, hair tied up in a tight bun, a silver Macbook on her lap. Her used teacups and empty Aspirin packs were scattered everywhere, a proof that she hasn't been feeling well lately. Selena went on Youtube and found herself already opening one of Justin's Believe Tour performance videos.

She choked, quickly wiping a tear away, wishing that she could wipe away the ache her heart has been dealing with as well. She swallowed a sob and shook her head, recognizing the song he's singing.


Her brown eyes followed a familiar figure of a boy dancing on stage, a genuine, wide grin plastered on his flawless face.

"Let me tell you a story, about a girl and a boy"

And that's when he looked at her in the eye. She was there.

"He fell in love with his best friend, when she's around he feels nothing but joy"

Standing in the crowd, blushing deeply and singing along, Selena herself.

"But she was already broken, and it made her blind"

She looked away from the screen, hot tears streaming down her little face.

"But she could never believe that love would ever treat her right"

Covering her tear streaked face, she curled up into a ball in her bed, trying to contain herself.

"But did you know that I loved you? Or were you not aware?"

She clutches her chest, trying to make the pain inside go away.

"You're the smile on my face, and I ain't going anywhere"

And that's when she lost it.

Selena closes her eyes, breathing in deeply and blows her nose. Every night for the past few weeks, maybe even months, she's been like this. Acting tough and faking smiles all day when inside she feels empty and lost. Breaking down and crying her eyeballs out every night, and no matter how hard she tries, she just can't help but repeat the cycle of her new life.

Ever since the breakup, she was a complete mess. Acting sick, drinking, even almost self harming.

She just isn't Selena anymore.

Her mind flies to the moment they first met. How she fell for that adorable smile, that fetus face, that shaggy and unusual hair.

As the song comes to an end, she slowly drifts into her sleep.

"You can't fly unless you let yourself fall"