Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.
A/N: This story came from a prompt/request by Cutegirly19. It started out exactly as she described it to me, but then it kind of went off the rails and became this...(bwa-ha-ha)
Warnings: rated M. No, really. This is seriously meant for mature audiences. So, if you're uncomfortable with obscene language and sexual imagery (especially of the yaoi variety), then please get out while you can. Also, OOc-ness, cliches, humor, pretty much the whole lot. So, yey...
"Asking For It"
A chessboard made of shadows slid across the matted floor, the dark and orange pattern created by the fading rays of a failing sun shining through the bamboo blinds. Two teenage boys sat studying in complete silence, one on a simple futon, the other sprawled out on the floor below. The room they were sitting in was bare, almost spartan in appearance: there was the futon, of course, a bedside table, bookshelves, a wardrobe, a media stand, a computer, and a TV. There was no decoration, no indication of the type of personality that inhabited this space. The walls were a pale off-white. The tatami mats a pale yellow hue. There was a distinct lack of color and vibrancy in the room. A fact which made the orange-haired boy in the blue windbreaker stand out even more. Finally, he sat up from the floor and declared loudly:
"This is making my head hurt. Can't we stop for a while and do something fun for once?" Ichigo slapped his algebra book closed, the sound punctuating the slight whine in his voice.
Ishida, who was sitting on the futon above Ichigo, sighed disapprovingly and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Ichigo noticed the familiar gesture and cut him off before he could start on what would no doubt be a long-winded lecture. "Look, we could watch a DVD or something instead. How about we check out Inception on Blu-Ray? I hear it looks awesome in HD." Ichigo scrambled over the futon, grabbing the TV/DVD remote from Ishida's bedside table. He ignored Ishida's warning of, "Kurosaki, put that down!" and clicked on the flat screen TV. What he saw nearly seared the retinas right out of his eyeballs.
Apparently there was already another DVD cued up on the screen, and it was paused on a choice scene. Ichigo hit the play button, and the moans and dirty talk that filled the room caused the teenager's mouth to drop open. The scene was of two boys going at it in a shower, one tanned and well-muscled with orange hair pounding into another boy with a paler, lankier frame and thick black hair. "Oh my god, you're so tight! I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't stand up straight for a week." The wet, slapping sounds of the two naked bodies echoed through the room, providing background accompaniment to the obscene duet of urgent words issuing from the speakers.
"You feel so good inside me. C'mon, give me more of that big, hard dick of yours!"
"Oh, I'll give it to you, alright. But you've got to beg me for it first."
"C'mon, say it! I wanna hear you beg for it, you cold little bitch!"
"Please! Please, fuck me harder! I want you to f-"
The screen went suddenly black. The room fell silent. Ichigo looked over, with his mouth still open, to see Ishida desperately clutching the remote. His face was redder than a bouquet of fresh roses.
"What. The. Hell. Was. That?" Ichigo asked him. Ishida had gone as still as a marble statue.
"Weeeelllll?" Ichigo prompted after receiving no response. Ishida suddenly bolted up from the futon, brandishing his chemistry textbook in front of him like a Roman shield. The knuckles of his hands were so white that Ichigo half expected the book to rip in two. He also noted, with some irony, that he seemed to be purposefully holding the book right at crotch level.
"I...er...my dad must have left that in here," Ishida answered unconvincingly.
Ichigo smirked. "Yeah, right. Your dad just happened to leave a gay porno in your DVD player in your bedroom. Yey, whatever, man..."
"No, it's true!"
Ichigo's eyebrow shot up. "Fine. If you say so. But let me tell you, if that's true, then that is some seriously messed up shit-"
"-I'm gonna go take a shower," Ishida announced hurriedly. He turned and fled into the adjoining bathroom. The door slammed shut with a shelf-shaking bang! Ichigo just stared idly at the closed door for a few moments. Then he shrugged, calmly picked up the remote again and flipped the TV back on. Low moans and wet slapping sounds filled the room once more. Ichigo settle back on the futon, propping his head up with a pillow so he could get a better view of the screen. Then he casually opened his fly and pulled out his half-erect cock and began stroking himself, his eyelids falling half-mast.
"-uck me right there. Yes, there. Please, yes!"
"Beg for it bitch!"
The dialogue predictably degraded into nothing more than a bunch of low moans and feverish shrieks as the plot (?) of the movie hit its intended climax. Ichigo was quickly reaching a climax of his own and his right hand began working faster/harder/tighter up and down his erect shaft. He closed his eyes and began adding his own low, desperate moans into the suggestive mix. He was getting perilously close to the point of no return when-
"-ICHIGO! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" Ishida's shrill voice yanked Ichigo right out of his foray into paradise, and his penis responding by instantly going limp, its head bowing down in apparent shame over his covert actions. Ishida stood next to the bed in a white bathrobe, his eyes as wide as saucers behind their square frames. His whole body was shaking, possibly with anger, possibly with something else; Ichigo really couldn't tell. Ichigo hurriedly tucked himself back in his pants, zipped up, and blurted:
"Ishida, it's not what it looks like!"
"Oh really? Then what is it supposed to look like?"
"No 'uhms' Ichigo! Go! Now! I want you out of my house!"
"What? No way! You're the one who started this!"
"WHAT?! I did not!"
"Yes, you did! By leaving that filthy DVD in there for me to find!"
"I did not, as you put it, 'leave that filthy DVD in there' for you to find! What an utterly ridiculous accusation!"
"Then why is it in there?"
"Then why is the DVD in there?"
"BECAUSE I FORGOT AND LEFT IT IN THERE AFTER MY LAST JERKING SESSION, YOU MORON!"
Both boys simply stood there looking at each other. Then, as if some sort of starting buzzer had gone off that only the two of them could hear, both boys grabbed one another and started kissing each other furiously. They fell back onto the futon in a tangle of limbs, with Ichigo pulling at the belt on Ishida's bathrobe. Ichigo impatiently tugged the fluffy white material off the other boy's shoulders, kissing, sucking and biting each millimeter of newly exposed skin as it was unveiled. Ishida sat up and roughly pushed Ichigo back into the pillows, climbing up on his knees and straddling his torso. The robe pooled around his body like a big, billowing cloud, exposing him from the waist up like some beautiful marble angel. Ichigo's eyes widened in lust at the sight and he sat up and began kissing Ishida again, pulling him down onto his chest. This went on for several minutes, until Ishida started tapping Ichigo on the shoulder. Once. Twice. A third time. Then-
Both boys went completely still. Suddenly the room was flooded with light, and a voice called out from across the room:
"What the hell, Kurosaki? You went and missed your cue again!"
Ichigo blinked under the unforgiving glare of the lights. "Uh, sorry, Renji. It's just that, well, I was really into it."
"I wasn't," Ishida interjected haughtily, breaking away from Ichigo. "Wardrobe!" Ishida called, and suddenly a young man with bobbed hair in an orange turtleneck appeared by his side, draping his shoulders in an obviously expensive silk robe. Ishida stood up, pulling the robe gracefully into place, shooting Ichigo a nasty look as he went. Then he turned to the young man with the bobbed hair and smiled and said, "Yumichika, will you get me a soy latte from around the corner, please?" The young man nodded and trotted off.
"C'mon, the take wasn't all that bad," Ichigo said placatingly to Ishida.
"It wasn't?" Ishida glanced down pointedly at Ichigo's crotch. Then he turned and said complainingly, "Renji, I can't work with this!"
On the other side of the room was an entire film crew: cameras, boom mics, lighting stands, folding chairs. A man with wild red hair and multiple tattoos came striding forward. He ignored Ishida and spoke to Ichigo instead, "That's the third time in a row now you've missed your mark. You're supposed to lead him into the shower, for Crissakes! What the hell!"
"I tried to tell him," Ishida interrupted. "The problem is, he's horrible at taking direction-"
"Hey, I'm the director here!" yelled Renji. "And I'll give the freakin' directions! Where's that damned script?"
"Right here, Renji," a mousy-looking boy with shoulder length hair parted in the center came running up with a stack of papers. The boy looked frightened as the tattooed director snatched them rudely out of his hands.
"Title: Asking For It. Summary: a high school jock seduces a nerdy acquaintance during an all-night study session. Interior shot: a typical high schooler's bedroom. Opening scene: a chessboard made from shadows slid across the matted floor, the dark and orange pattern created by the fading rays of a failing sun shining through the bamboo blinds..." Renji paused a moment, then said to no one in particular, "Who the hell is writing this flowery fucking shit? Don't they know this is a porno? Jeezus..." There were loud snickers from behind the cameras. The mousy-looking boy leaned up to timidly tap the director on the shoulder.
Renji turned around and glared at the boy, who seemed to shrink four more sizes under his gaze. "What is it, Hana?"
"Forgive me for pointing this out, director, but the book they start out studying with is an algebra book, but later, when Ishida is holding it, it suddenly turns into a chemistry book-"
"So, uh, I thought you might have issues with continuity?"
Great peals of laughter came from Renji's throat. "Are you kidding me? Do you think anyone's even going to notice that in this kind of flick?" At that, Hana turned and slinked off, muttering something about the director Ed Wood under his breath. Ishida just smirked. Ichigo looked perplexed.
"Let's start the take again, this time from the point where Ishida comes out of the bathroom."
Ishida rolled his eyes. Ichigo also looked displeased. "Renji, I think I'm gonna need a fluffer here," he whined. Ishida shot Ichigo another scathing look.
A young man with a shaved head and pink eye shadow came bounding eagerly forward. Ichigo immediately looked horrified. "Hey, uh, Renji, where is Byakuya?"
"Byakuya's got the day off!" Renji barked over his shoulder.
"Oh...nevermind then." Ichigo gave the bald headed guy an apologetic look. He went moping back to the rest of the crew, an unhappy look on his face. Behind him, Ishida just snickered.
"What?" Ichigo asked sharply, narrowing his eyes at Ishida. "Do you have some kind of problem with me? 'Cause if you do, then why don't you just come out and say it?" They glared at each other.
"Oh, I have a problem, alright," said the dark-haired boy through gritted teeth. "I have a problem with actors who can't behave professionally and who constantly forget their marks!"
"Hey, I said it's because I was so into it! You should take that as a compliment! If you weren't so hot then I wouldn't get so absorbed and forget my cue!"
"Hey, Renji!" A young man with spiky brown hair and the number 69 tattooed on his face appeared brandishing a cell phone. "It's Aizen on the phone. He says he won't do that headmaster-disciplines-student-with-a-pointer flick unless you pay him more money! Oh, and he wants Ichigo to co-star."
"Sweet Jeezus Christ!" yelled Renji. "Is everybody out to make my life a living hell today or what? What a fucking diva! Well, you can tell him that he'll do what his contract states, or I'll sue his ass to the Seretei and back!"
"You got it!" The guy with the 69 tattoo began to repeat Renji's answer word for word into the telephone as he walked off the set. Ichigo smirked.
Ishida narrowed his eyes. "What are you smirking about?"
"Well, it's just that I wouldn't mind starring in a flick like that with Sosuke Aizen. He's pretty damn hot, you know."
Ishida lifted his chin imperiously, "Hotter than me, even?"
Ichigo appeared to think on this. In response, Ishida picked up the chemistry book and hit him on the back of the head. Ichigo looked stunned. "What the hell, Ishida?"
"You're such an asshole!"
"And you're such a bitch!"
The two of them glared at one another. Then, without warning, they grabbed each other and started making out again, rolling around in a tangle of limbs on the bed. Renji yelled excitedly, "Roll camera!" The lights dimmed as Ichigo began to lustily pull off Ishida's robe.
Hana tip-toed up to the director's chair. "Uh, Renji-"
"-What?" Renji hissed angrily.
"Uh, that's not the same robe that Ishida was wearing earlier..." Hana paused. "You know what? Fuck it. I give up!" He then threw his hands up in the air and trotted off into the shadows.
A/N: This started out as a serious smut piece but my brain turned it into meta-crack. I hope everybody enjoyed it, though, and got a few laughs from it...:)