Chapter 4: What Cannot be Said
(Thanks so much to Sariniste (This is one from pretty far back and I am making changes to improve the story, keeping Aizen more in character than in the first version. Glad you are enjoying it...and I will have more Aizen to publish. I can't wait until his birthday in May!), Aurelia Cotta (I'm so glad you like it! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!), Jasper's Girl Forever (Yeah, me angsty these days!), MinaBlueGlass (I missed writing on it too. Thanks for reading!) and Geecee (We always love to see Aizen play with our unsuspecting Bya, don't we?) Enjoy the chapter!)
This is what you longed for…to see my body bowed in torment, my limbs shaking with fear and my lips delirious with anguish. You stayed close so you wouldn't miss seeing me fall apart. Yet, you looked surprised as I broke into pieces, as the walls around me crumbled and you suddenly realized that you never really knew me at all. Your hands moved to put the bits back together, but they only exploded into cold grains of sand…
"You're late, Gin," Aizen said quietly as the silver-haired taichou joined him in the Central 46 chambers.
They walked past the carnage of the massacred councilors and into an office beyond.
"You know," said Gin, "You really ought to clean up that mess you made. They're starting to decay."
Aizen's expression didn't change.
"They were already rotten inside…fouled with arrogance and superiority. And besides," he said, looking back into the blood spattered room, "I like looking as I go by. Some of them died before the belligerence left their faces, before they abandoned their aristocratic expressions and actually showed fear."
Gin paused for a moment, studying Aizen's calm countenance, then glancing back behind him again.
"There is a great deal of venom in what you do, Sousuke. You actually hate these men that you didn't even know. You hated them enough to kill them, not knowing."
Aizen's calm smile wavered.
"I don't hate them so much as what they supported…touting civility and a dependence on laws and morals, but applying them with anything but fairness. There was nothing 'just' in the actions of these justices…holding themselves above and apart…pretending to be protectors of peace, but really they were agents of oppression. And the ones who dared to question were punished for impudence…for being liberal of mind."
He gazed into the dead eyes of the councilors and sighed softly.
"These are the lucky ones, Gin. They have their reprieve. They can't be tormented and made to pay for what they've done."
"You save that fate for the nobles, ne?" Gin went on, "Speaking of which…Kuchiki taichou was rather depressed today. I was nearly able to coax him into fighting Zaraki Kenpachi."
"Really," said Aizen, his eyes meeting Gin's questioningly.
"Zaraki and I merely expressed concern to our colleague that he might be depressed over the death sentence handed down for his sister."
"And what did he say?"
"He said peasants wouldn't understand the feelings of nobles. He was really quite rude, which made Zaraki taichou belligerent, which nearly made them come to blows."
"Hmm…not much can elicit that much emotion from Byakuya. That is odd."
"Yes. It was lucky I managed to drag Zaraki taichou away or someone might have died."
"Just as long as it isn't Byakuya. I want him to live. I want him to witness the uprising of the ones they stepped on, the massacre of the noble families and the throwing down of their wretched, useless king. I intend to make them understand that power is not contained in a noble name, but in a man's destiny. And wherever he comes from, the one who is strong enough will shake the heavens and make that place his own…name or no name."
Gin shook his head softly.
"They really pissed you off by not respecting you for your powers, ne?"
"What do you mean, Gin?" Aizen said with calm sarcasm, "I was made a taichou, was I not?"
"Hmm…only because you hollowfied a few taichous, who then had to be replaced. Otherwise, who knows how long we would have languished as their fukutaichous…"
"Enough…I want you to stay here and manage things for a while. I have something to do."
"Oh, very well," sighed Gin, "I guess you do need to get out on occasion, especially given the dramatic exit you're about to make."
Aizen didn't answer, but disappeared in a flash step, leaving a bemused Gin looking after him. He waited until he was outside, then drew his zanpakutou and made himself invisible to others. He flash stepped through the darkened streets until he reached the sixth division, then slipped in through the doors as Abarai Renji returned from an errand.
"Oi, Taichou, you're still here?" he said, not quite meeting the noble's eyes.
"There was still work to do."
"Would you…like me to make some tea for you, Taichou?" Renji asked, looking a bit worried.
"Yes, Renji…then you may go home," Byakuya answered quietly.
Aizen watched Byakuya pore over the paperwork as Renji made the tea. The fukutaichou returned some time later and set the tea at Byakuya's elbow.
"Here you go, Taichou."
Renji gave him a troubled smile, then prepared to leave. He stopped at the door and looked back at Byakuya.
Byakuya looked up at him.
"Taichou, I'm sorry about…about Rukia's sentence."
Byakuya stared at him in silence.
"Look, I know you won't say anything, but I feel that you must be sad about it too. You don't have to say anything, but…"
He left the words hanging.
"Good night, Renji," Byakuya said, his voice a shade softer.
"Good night, Taichou."
Byakuya's eyes remained fixed on the door, even after it closed behind his departing fukutaichou. He stared ahead vacantly, unaware of the eyes that watched him, then finally looked back at the papers on his desk. He sighed softly and rested his face against an open palm, trying to focus on his work, but distracted. His eyes rose to glance at his tea, then he sighed and climbed to his feet. He crossed the room and stood by Renji's desk, looking down at it and contemplating for several long minutes. Finally, he loosed another sigh and slipped a hand into the back of one of the drawers and pulled out a glass bottle. He sipped at the tea to make room in the glass, then added the liquid and drank more deeply.
Aizen watched curiously, unable to remember ever seeing Byakuya consume liquor of any kind and curious as to how he might be affected. After he refilled the teacup several times, Aizen realized that Byakuya had no idea how to moderate…or that the effects took time to peak. Worried he might actually hurt himself, the fifth division taichou waited until he set the bottle down, then reached around Byakuya and knocked it over. It fell into the wastebasket and emptied itself into the bottom. It seemed to go unnoticed by Byakuya, who had dropped into Renji's chair and was resting his head on his arms and groaning as the dizziness set in.
He said peasants wouldn't understand the feelings of nobles.
"Okay, Byakuya," said Aizen in the noble's ear, "Why don't you explain it to me now? Why are you so tormented? She's only your sister by adoption…only a peasant you picked up and brought home because she looked like your late wife…a redeeming fact, but not wholly convincing. And yet…Hisana was a peasant. Do you have a soft spot for strays or could it actually be that there is a noble who doesn't think he's too good to find love outside of a noble house?"
Byakuya gave another pained groan and surged to his feet, upsetting Renji's chair. He took a staggering step, then gathered himself and left the division office without turning off the lights or locking the door. Aizen followed him through the darkened streets and back to Kuchiki Manor. They passed through the entry, Byakuya managing to give a normal greeting to the housekeeper, before turning towards his bedroom and informing the scrambling attendant that he wished to be alone. He closed the door behind him and leaned back against it for a moment. Then, his face paled and he flash stepped to the bathroom, falling to his knees and emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet. He fell back against the wall, his face an ungodly white. He put his face in his hands, moaning and slowly sank the rest of the way to the floor.
Shaking his head, Aizen knelt next to the unconscious noble and patted his face. The dark, senseless eyes opened and looked up through him in confusion, then closed again.
Right…you can't see me…
He lifted Byakuya's upper body and slowly removed the kenseiken, then unwound the ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu from around his shoulders. He released the tie at the noble's waist and undressed him the rest of the way, then sat, holding him and gazing down at the lovely, white flesh he had uncovered.
Kami, what I'd love to do to that sweet body! What I did before was just the beginning. I can imagine so much more…
He shook his head and stood. He disrobed slowly, his eyes meandering over the beautiful body that lay senseless at his feet. Fully naked, he lifted Byakuya, coaxing him into semi-awareness enough to set him back on his feet, then turning him towards the shower. He held Byakuya, the noble's back rested against his chest, and let the water bring life back into him. Byakuya shifted slightly and sighed, but still seemed not to connect with the fact that he was being held by someone who he couldn't see. He made no moves, nor sound as Aizen slowly washed the glowing, white skin, then the silken black hair. He stood for a long time after, with Byakuya rested against him, letting his hands explore the noble's body.
Then, the simple exploration started to feel like it wasn't enough…
He let his hand slide down the long, slender torso and wrap around, his fingers moving down and playing over the hardening erection that rose out of a nest of black curls. Byakuya moaned and sagged against him. Aizen rested his face against the noble's and began moving his hand up and down the long shaft, turning his head slightly to brush his lips against Byakuya's face.
Byakuya's body flinched and tensed and he pulled away, staggering, then shaking his head and looking around in confusion. He paused, for a moment, registering where he was, then turned off the shower and stepped out into the bathroom, sighing as he realized he had forgotten to bring in a yukata. He reached for a towel and slowly dried away the moisture, then stepped out of the bathroom and into the dressing area. He slipped into a dark red yukata and opened the doors to the garden.
Aizen dried off and slipped back into his clothes, then followed Byakuya out the garden doors, then down the walkway to a candlelit room that bore a small shrine. The noble knelt before a picture of Hisana and stared at it silently, the fire reflecting in the dark centers of his eyes. Aizen watched quietly as the dark eyes blinked slowly once, twice, then closed.
"I don't know what to do," he whispered, "I know that I made you a promise…to find her, and to take her as my sister. I did that, but I haven't been able to do right by her since. I sent her to train in Ukitake taichou's squad. I knew he would treat her with respect…even affection…and that was better than I was able to offer her. It's not that I don't care for her. I care too much. I can't look at her without thinking of you. But even as I tried to do the right thing by placing her in that squad, I set her on the path to the trouble she is in now…and today, I stood by and let her be convicted…sentenced to die. Hisana, I know now why you were taken from me. I never deserved someone like you. I have always had to put nobility and duty before everything…and now, because of that, I'll watch this last part of you die before my eyes…and I'll never forgive myself for letting it happen. But I can't stop it. I cannot go against the law…not even for her. And it's not just because of the clan rules."
He paused and took a breath.
"A long time ago…I broke the rules and I gave myself to someone who I thought cared for me. In doing so, I opened my heart…and for some amount of time, he opened his. It was enough to trigger the Seirei-Joumae. Our spirits were locked together and my body was made ready to conceive the heir. But his heart closed again…and we were discovered. Ginrei nearly took my life, rather than to accept what we had done. I was injured that day…and for a long time I didn't remember. It wasn't until after you were gone that the memory returned and I realized that my disobedience was why you and I were childless. My breaking of the rules cost me the comfort of having a child to hold after you were gone. And now, I will lose this last comfort, this last bit of you…a fate I deserve for failing you so badly. I thought to make your life better by bringing you here and giving you my heart, but this is punishment, because my heart was already given to that other…and fate is working to take away the happiness I don't deserve. I am sorry. Hisana…I didn't know. I didn't know that when he made love with me…that I was made his…and now our fates are tied together. I won't go to this one who despises me…so there will be no heir…no one to carry on my name or to take my place. My father's line will end with me. And as I failed you…I will fail them."
He trailed off and his body shivered and sagged again. He climbed to his feet and turned back towards his room, holding a hand to his head and groaning. He collapsed onto his bed, leaving the garden doors open so that the moonlight streamed into the room. Aizen followed him to his bed, watching him flinch and groan uncomfortably, then sat down beside the senseless shinigami, pondering what he had learned.
A Seirei-Joumae…a spirit link? We opened a spirit link? How is that possible? I knew, of course, of the existence of such a thing, but I've never known it to actually happen. And now he can only bear a child with me…
He gazed down at Byakuya curiously.
He said that he was made mine…
It couldn't work out and he knew it. The damage was already done and everything laid in place for their departure. It was too late to stop…or to consider taking the noble with them. No, things must be left to proceed as they had been planned. But, he thought to himself, I can certainly make sure he lives…so that after the king has fallen, when I have become the ruler of the three worlds, I can make him my consort. And I can give him back what I took when I made love with him that night. And actually, it's better this way. He won't have to be made a traitor. Instead, he'll be rightfully mine when my opposition falls, and he will never be disgraced for being mine.
He smiled and gently tucked the semi-conscious noble into bed, then slid underneath the covers next to him. He kissed Byakuya warmly on the mouth and opened his yukata.
"I misunderstood you, Byakuya. I misunderstood a lot of things, and I think you did too. You belong to me…and I to you…and someday we'll be together. For now, I offer this as a token of my love," he whispered.
He laid his body on top of Byakuya's, parting the noble's thighs and carefully preparing him. Byakuya gazed up at him with deeply hazed eyes, only making a soft incoherent sound of pain as he was entered. He shook softly and his hands tightened on Aizen's arms as the fifth division taichou began to thrust into him. The dark eyes tried to focus, tried to see, but were still misled by the power of his zanpakutou.
"What's happening?" he whispered dazedly.
Aizen kissed away the words and sank deeper into his body, holding him tighter and moved by the distant, lost look in his expression.
"Shh, my love," Aizen whispered, nuzzling the slender, graceful throat, "Close your eyes. You are only dreaming."
But, dream or no dream, Byakuya was moving with him, arching up into his body, closing his eyes and letting the pale hands follow the curves of shoulder and back. He moaned heatedly as Aizen's hand wrapped around his length, moving up and down in time with his thrusts and leaving them both sweating and breathless.
"This is a dream?" Byakuya whispered, blinking slowly and trying again to focus.
"The sweetest of dreams," Aizen answered, kissing the noble's lips and thrusting harder into him.
He waited until they had begun to climax together, then, locked in mutual release, he let the power of his zanpakutou fade. And in that moment of complete bliss, their eyes locked.
"Now I know this has to be a dream…" Byakuya panted, the twinges of pleasure still rocketing through his body, "Aizen Sousuke would never take me while looking into my eyes."
Aizen smiled and placed a hand on his face, sending him off to sleep with a gentle throb of reiatsu.
"Yes, Byakuya," he whispered, kissing the pale, sleep, softened lips, "for now, it is a dream…but we will make it a realty. We will."