Usopp stroked his chin with his index finger and thumb, squinting as he read the label on the back of the little red vial. He prided himself at being able to spot a lie in the most honest context, but pretty much all of this stuff looked like bullshit.
They'd stopped at an exceptionally large and populated island, choc-full of just about every shop, service, or entertainment source one could imagine. Usopp simply couldn't resist the slightly cheesy allure that came with the title 'Palace of Magic.' It wasn't a little place either, two floors of full shelves and business booming with all the visitors bustling around. Usopp just walked in to check it out, see if there was anything that looked legit and he could use to make new variations of ammo.
Most of it was good luck charms, cheap tricks that would make the inexperienced and simple minded believe something supernatural was going on, and even some equipment meant for magicians. But on the top floor, above a narrow doorway in which hung a red curtain, a sign read "Love Conjures."
He didn't think much of it at first. Merely glanced, decided he wasn't interested, and moved on to criticize the cruelty of some enchanted tarantula legs. Then, while trying to decide if the eyeballs in the jar really belonged to angelfishes, he just happened to see the sign again from the corner of his eye, turned to look, and then peeled his eyes to snort at the 'crystal balls' which were clearly just round lava lamps.
"Love Conjures." He found himself eyeing it again, and his initial disinterest was plagued after being assaulted by thoughts he did not want to return after seeing those words in the first place. Love Conjures means potions, perhaps, that sort of thing? Like, potions that make you love things, or fall in love? Or make other people fall in love with you…
He turned his head away, eyes locking onto the glow in the dark jalapeno cheese dip, swallowed audibly, and then took a step toward the red curtain.
That's how he ended up learning a dozen different rip-off brands for love potions, all with slightly different effects. Many were innocent, some a little mature, and others downright vulgar and seemed more like date rape drugs than anything related to love. He wondered what high percentage of them contained Ecstasy.
Still, even if he knew it was all a bunch of nonsense, it was the ideas he liked. By ten minutes in he was practically gliding between literal hops and skips around the small room checking out new bottles, jars, and vials. If anyone else had been in the room, he wouldn't have noticed, but they wouldn't have stayed to listen to his amused and/or maniacal cackles.
"Why am I not surprised to find you here?"
Usopp nearly jumped out of his socks and whipped around, back pressed to the shelf behind him, almost toppling some of the bottles with his elbows. "N-Nami!" He barked, and immediately began to sweat. "What are you doing here?"
She had her arms crossed over her chest and a look that went out of its way to express 'not amused.' She clicked her teeth, and her eyes flicked downward.
"I'd be flattered but I don't think that's for me." She pointed, and Usopp immediately looked down to find a very, very apparent tent pitched in the crotch of his brown pants.
He yelped and squeezed his legs together, covering it with his hands as well as trying to inconspicuously stuff it between his legs.
"It's okay, I've gotten over it." She waved him off. The first time she'd walked into the unlocked bathroom and found Usopp daydreaming with a hard on- not even touching himself which somehow made it a little bit stranger- she'd flipped out. She might have killed him with her hellfists had his ill-gotten explanation not amused her so much.
Nami looked around the room critically. "On the other hand, if I catch you trying to use any of these I'll murder you."
Usopp liked to think she was joking so he forced a laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. "No, no, that wasn't what I was going to do…" He still had one small bottle in his hand. "I actually thought maybe I'd buy one and give it to him as his birthday present. It might make him happy, because he could use it on you or Robin-,"
"DON'T DO THAT SHIT!" Nami grabbed the first and most heavy bottle she could find and threw it at Usopp's head. It smacked against his face, smashed his nose into a zig-zag, and he slid down against the shelf behind him until he landed on his butt. The heavy vial landed safely on his stomach so it didn't break, but he gagged and coughed.
"That's why I'm here." She fumed. "I saw him on the lower floor through one of the windows and I made damn clear that this place is off limits." She sighed, and crossed her arms again. "But I'm still guarding him from the temptation."Sanji in a magic shop? Seems out of place…
"Still, it's nice to know even though you're such a liar you want your relationship to be so honest."
Usopp scoffed, rubbing at his face where he got hit. "I'm not that stupid you know. None of this stuff actually works so it wouldn't work on you if he tried. I just thought maybe he'd see it as 'it's the thought that counts' sort of thing."
"And realize your feelings and fall desperately in love with you?"
"Something like that." Usopp's answer was too casual, and Nami scoffed as he stood up again.
"I still say you should just tell him." Nami shrugged.
Usopp scoffed, flailing his arms. "And I still say it's not that easy!" He looked down at the bottle in his hand- his particular favorite that he'd found. It didn't actually involve the person you wanted, but was supposed to make you experience a sexual encounter with that person in a sort of dream-like state.
"He doesn't like me back." Usopp said. "You've never even tried to deny my certainty of that, and if I told him it would just make things awkward for him. It might even mess him up during fights if I'm around…" He swallowed. "Knowing I have those gross feelings…"
Nami was frowning with her arms crossed. "So why are you are a place like this torturing yourself with it?"
Usopp sighed, and set the bottle he was holding back on the shelf. "Because I'm good at that?" It was more of a question. "I really do… really, really want him. I think about it so much and it's not like I can just pretend…"
"Hey." Nami's voice was closer now, right behind him it seemed. Usopp looked back over his shoulder at her in askance. "I'm hungry. Wanna buy me some dinner?"
Usopp scoffed, and rolled his eyes. "Shouldn't you be the one offering?"
"Like I'd ever." Nami's silly grin was comforting, and it allowed Usopp to smile back with some sincerity.
"Fine, it's a date then." His grin grew to span across his face, and Nami considered socking him, but held back.
Sanji wanted to kick the over-sized cyborg moron's blue head in. What was it with him and always being around Robin-chan lately? All Sanji wanted was a little bit of alone time with one of his favorite girls, and that bastard had to tag along. What's more, he was such a pro at making Robin feel sorry enough for his pathetic being to pay him so much attention. At times during the shopping it was like Sanji wasn't even there!
All his lack-of-focus on the task at hand, which at some point had been gathering food supplies, had brought him into some weird two-story shop. It was full of a lot of bullshit and not a lot of food. But for some reason Franky and Robin had taken an interest in some of the items, and Sanji wasn't about to walk out and leave the poor woman alone with him.
Speaking of poor sympathetic ladies ending up alone with pathetic shitty bastards… did he just see Nami leaving with Usopp? Come to think of it, those two had been spending a lot of time together too. What was this, some kind of new conspiracy against him? The marimo gets to spend two years with an adorable pink-haired vixen, and that bastard Luffy spent all that time on an island completely full of gorgeous women. That 'Soul King' had girls falling over him left and right and now the sniper and the shipwright were hogging the attention of the crew's only beauties… It wasn't fair!
Sanji felt a sudden attachment toward as well as a need to find Chopper so they could share each other's misery… except, Chopper probably didn't even know the difference.
"Love Conjures? Doesn't that sound interesting?" Robin's beautiful voice called all of Sanji's attention.
"Like you'd need any spells to make all the world's men fall for you." Franky waved it off, and Robin merely giggled into her hand. Sanji was just about on fire… because that was his line.
"I think I saw Nami-chan and Nagahana-kun come from there earlier." Robin inquired. "They seem to be spending a lot of time together lately."
Sanji was having his own private panic attack a few feet away from them. Nami and Usopp walking out of what was essentially a love shop together… hand in hand? No, surely it wouldn't go that far, but what was Nami doing there with him? Perhaps he was there to help her choose the perfect potion to make Sanji-kun fall desperately in love with her? Ah, but no, she wouldn't really need one of those…
They were probably just looking around, that's all. Nothing shifty… nothing having to do with Usopp slipping her some kind of drug from that store to make her spend time with him…
THAT'S IT! Usopp had already purchased one of those potions! The culprit always returns to the scene of the crime! Damn it, why hadn't Sanji thought of something like that…? …But no, taking advantage of a lady like that is unforgivable… Sanji would have had plenty of chances to slip something into their drinks or meals, but it was something only an uncultured barbarian would even consider. He had to find that long-nose bastard and teach him a lesson!
"Robin-chan! I just remembered there's something I need to go do." He sheepishly pointed at the store's exit. "Forgive me for leaving you alone with this idiot." With that, he scampered out of the store.
"Hey! What was that?" Franky waved his giant fist.
"For someone so love-sick you sure eat a lot." Nami was watching him from across the table with much distaste for the way he stuffed bread into his face and slurped the spaghetti. With Luffy around she should have been used to it, but it was more of a question of preparing herself, and in this case it was unexpected.
"Sorry." Usopp gave an apologetic laugh between swallows. "I just realized I hadn't eaten anything all day."
"I see." Nami tried to pull her attention away by wrapping spaghetti around her fork, but paused in disgust when she was she saw a strand of his fling across the table and onto her plate.
"You know, Sanji might at least give you a second look if you put a little more thought into your etiquette." She commented. Usopp gave her a cock-eyed look, one-eyebrow raised as he worked on breaking down the current oversized mouthful at hand.
He finally swallowed, and paused his munching to reply. "What do you mean?"
Nami sighed, and pointed her fork aggressively at the tip of his long nose. "He's a cook, right? And he's generally particular about good manners, and good hygiene. The first thing that's going to turn him off is stuffing your face like… well, like Luffy."
Usopp considered. "If he's so worried about being sanitary the first thing he should do is stop smoking while he cooks." Usopp started to chew on the crust of his bread.
Nami sighed. "That aside… you're always acting so depressed over him, yet you're completely unwilling to change your habits for him." She crossed her arms and sat back. "I'm starting to wonder if your feelings are really sincere at all."
She almost regretted it when she saw the heart-shattered look that came over him. Almost. He swallowed everything he currently had in his mouth, and even went as far as to wipe his face. Though on his sleeve rather than a napkin…
"Don't do that." He said. "Stop acting like there's anything I can do. I know there isn't. I'm a guy, even if I were the most attractive guy in the world, even if I were 100% Sanji's type of guy, I'm still a guy and there's nothing I can do about that." He was just staring down at his near-empty plate. "Aren't you supposed to be helping me forget?"
Nami's form shrunk. "Right. Sorry." Then suddenly, she erupted. "That's it!" She slammed her palms down on the table. "In the magic shop! There was a gender bending potion!"
"Stop it." Usopp barked. "I failed to mention that I wouldn't want to change it. I have far too much manly pride and besides… I'd want Sanji to like me for me, like I said before." He scratched the back of his head. "So, like I said. Just. Forget. It." He spat.
Nami pouted and fell hard against the back of her chair again. It wasn't like she thought Sanji and Usopp would make the world's greatest couple or anything, she just felt bad for him. For both of them, really, because it'd be nice if Sanji could stop spinning love circles around her and Robin and look at what was right in front of him.
Speak of the devil…
"Hey!" Sanji himself had suddenly appeared and nearly knocked the table over when he shoved his foot against the side.
"S-Sanji!" Usopp gaped, and flailed to catch a glass that toppled and nearly fell off the table.
"You long-nosed pervert, I know what you're playing at!" Sanji took his foot down and placed it hard against the floor.
"Wha-what?" Had he heard them talking? "It's not like that at all!"
"Don't try to lie!" Sanji looked ready to duel him to the death right here. "I know that you slipped Nami-swan something to make her go on a romantic date with you!"
Usopp already had his mouth open, full-ready with a cover-up lie that would fool even Sanji! …Maybe. But when the cook's words finally registered, he simply frowned, irritation having immediately replaced the former fear.
"What was that?" Nami's hellfist took Sanji down with one hit to the back of his head. "You think I'm dumb enough to fall for something like that?" She barked, standing over his crumbled, defeated body. "I'm letting you know right now for your own good, that I am not." Her deadly fist was still formed and still shaking, like it was daring him to make the accusation again. Usopp suddenly felt a bit more scared than he had a moment ago.
"Never, Nami-swan, I'd never…" Sanji's swoons came out a little deluded with his face smashed against the floor.
Usopp's eyes shifted around at the other tables and the waiters whose attention she'd drawn.
"Excuse me, ma'am." One of them appeared beside Nami. "Is everything all right here?"
"Oh, me?" Nami looked back at him, smiling, and waved him off. "Everything's just great, we're doing fine."
The man returned the smile, and nodded. "In that case enjoy your dinner."
Usopp blinked, unable to belief what he was seeing. She'd beaten a guy into a floor and the guy was asking if she was all right? He could only think of one other person who would do that… guess you reap what you sew.
"All right, idiots, that's enough of this place for one night." Nami sighed. "Usopp, pick up the check, we're going back to the ship." She ordered, picking Sanji up by the back of his collar to drag him toward the exit.
"R-right!" Usopp saluted her, having no desire to also be violently dragged out like that. After all he wasn't borderline invincible like Sanji!
Usopp stayed seated, waiting for one of the waiters or waitresses to come by rather than drawing more attention to himself. He ate the scraps left on his own plate, and sat quietly until the same one who'd spoken to Nami before appeared.
"Your check sir." He presented it to Usopp in a simple, bland black leather folder. Along with it there was a wrapped, heart-shaped piece of candy.
"Ah, I had another person with me, is it possible for me to get two candies?" He asked.
"I'm sorry, that's not possible." The man replied politely, still smiling, bowed, and then turned to leave.
"…Okay then." Usopp sighed. That guy continued to tip the weirdness scale. Usopp checked the bill, shrugged off his initial distaste toward the amount he'd actually spent, and laid down the cash needed. He unwrapped the small treat as he stood up, popped it into his mouth, and bit down.
His face crinkled a bit, thinking that this place should stick to dinner foods and stay away from candy. It was a little sweet but mostly bitter with a stale flavor. He made sure to chew it up quickly and swallow to get it the hell off his tongue.
Usopp made it back to the ship shortly after Nami and Sanji by the way they were still on the deck talking to Chopper when he got there.
"You can't keep injuring them like this, Nami." Chopper reasoned. "I need to focus on other things…"
"Focus on them then, he'll live either way." She waved him off, and turned to leave, spotting Usopp as she did. "Welcome back." She nonchalantly greeted and then disappeared into the girl's sleeping quarters.
"I'm fine." Sanji swatted Chopper's little hooves away as he squatted on the deck. "You might not understand this but I'm very accepting of Nami-swan's passionate attacks." He pressed his palm against Chopper's face to hold him back as he stood, taking a drag with his other hand.
"Usopp!" Chopper waved his arms in greeting. "I haven't seen you all day!"
Usopp laughed, pleased by Chopper's never-failing enthusiasm, and waved back. "Yeah, we were gone a while, sorry you missed me!" He grinned, not lacking in arrogance.
"We did miss you." Sanji added, waving to him as well.
"Eh?" That took Usopp by a little bit of a surprise. First of all, he'd just seen Sanji a moment ago, and second Sanji just must've been in a really good mood to have spoken so openly fondly of him. Unless he was up to something…
Usopp's eyes narrowed as Sanji approached him. "Since you and Nami-san already ate, I take it you're not interested in the dinner I'm about to make for everyone else." Sanji looked at him critically. "I'll be hard on you if you start gaining weight." Sanji's eyes rolled up and down his body as if to assess it, and Usopp squirmed under his gaze.
"Ah, no, in that case I'm all right." Usopp stuttered out, swallowing heavily and trying like hell not to blush.
"See-ya after dinner then." Sanji put his hand on Usopp's shoulder as he walked around him, and let it slide off lazily before he disappeared into the galley. Usopp didn't know whether to be afraid or happy- why was Sanji suddenly paying him so much attention, and what was with that touch just now? Usopp could still feel the warmth on his shoulder from where the hand was… but it wasn't like Sanji had never touched him before.
He decided not to think too much into it. He had a slightly altered formula for pop green to test before they left the island, anyway.
Something was wrong with it- it wasn't working right. He wanted a poisonous gas to come with the attacking plant in this particular version, and while he'd managed to make the plant itself immune to the gas he was failing to keep the gas inside a fixed area. He was lucky he'd thought to keep the dosage mild for the test or he'd have to have made a few visits to Doctor Chopper's by now.
He was cross-legged in the grass on deck next to one of the main staircases. He hadn't seen anyone in a while- he wondered if they were all still eating, though it had been a long time.
He was adjusting the chemical levels, trying to thicken the gas to make it so it didn't spread as fast and would neutralize before it spread too far. He doubted many could appreciate how difficult it was to come up with the right composition and pack it into such a small piece of ammo. Chopper might've been able to with his rumble balls, maybe even Sanji with the care he put into some of his desserts…
"Whatcha doin'?" The voice came from behind him, and he jumped nearly spilling the tiny vial in his hand. He leaned his head back to look up at the owner of the voice, and snickered at Sanji's curious face looking down at him.
"This is my new idea for an attack." He explained. "I'm still working out the kinks, but I was thinking of calling it-,"
Usopp's train of thought suddenly turned to nothing but a wrecked mess of spinning metal wheels and jumbled cars. Sanji had crouched behind him as he explained, but more than that, Sanji had just kissed him on the cheek.
"What were you calling it?" He rested his head on Usopp's shoulder, and Usopp jumped slightly when he felt Sanji's arms wrap around his waist and hands fold in his lap. Usopp felt his hand start to shake as Sanji pulled Usopp's body back against him. He shuddered, because Sanji felt so warm, and firm, so secure… and so, so close…
"Wh-What are you doing?" Usopp stuttered, it took a lot to find the words because only a small portion of him was still in tune with reality.
"Hm?" Sanji blinked, and then sighed, releasing him. "Right, not while you're working, forgot." He stood up again. Usopp released a captive breath, disappointed that the touch was gone but at least this situation made slightly more sense. He bent his head back to look up at Sanji as he took a drag, and blew the smoke down toward Usopp. It only made it to the tip of his nose before it started to float toward the sky. "This inventing habit you have is such a cock block."
"C-c-c-c-c-c…?" Usopp couldn't get out anymore than that as he gaped up at the blond, put-off looking cook.
"It's not like I make you sit in the corner while I cook." Sanji snuffed. "Geez, you're always like this."
Usopp swallowed, glad that Sanji had stopped talking for a few moments because if he didn't Usopp was sure he'd never be able to find a coherent thought in all this.
"What are you…" He took a deep breath. "…talking about?"
"Huh?" Sanji looked confused for a moment too, then he just rolled his eyes. "Don't act like you don't know. You've been like this so much lately. Like you're not interested anymore. Until I get into your pants that is, after that you can't get enough."
"I… see…" Usopp couldn't believe his ears. Was this a trick? Nami's idea? No way, she couldn't have had time to plan something like this during that short time. Even less likely that Sanji would go along with it.
Then what the hell was happening?
Sanji's voice lowered. "Guess that's the answer then." Usopp could only stare as he loosened his tie, and stamped out his cigarette on the staircase railing. He was frozen, mouth agape as Sanji kneeled down to his face, looking him straight in the eyes. Usopp's breath hitched as he continued to lean in, his eyes flicked down to Sanji's lips… that gorgeous pale, pair of lips that he'd had so many varied and vivid dreams about. They were getting closer, and Usopp couldn't believe it, couldn't stop it even if he wanted to.
He couldn't help closing his formerly gaping wide-open mouth so Sanji could properly kiss him, because god, he hoped with everything he had that that really was what was about to happen. No matter how little sense it made, he wanted it so bad…
Nothing could have prepared him for the real thing. The moment Sanji's lips brushed his, slithers of electricity coursed through him, tingling from his mouth to his fingertips and toes until his whole body felt like puddy. It occurred to him that this was only the second person he'd kissed since those experiments with Kaya. The second person, and it was Sanji, the same Sanji he'd wanted so long was finally kissing him!
Usopp stayed still, let it happen for a while, unable to move or even close his eyes. For one, he might mess it up- he didn't really know what he was doing. Two, he was in a blissful state of shock and probably couldn't have kissed back if he knew how. Three, how in hell was this actually fucking happening?
"Wait." Usopp shoved him back by his shoulders, a little more violently than he meant to. "Why are you doing this?"
Sanji growled. And generally, when a human being growls, it's nothing to worry about. But this wasn't "oh you sound like a doggy" it was more of a genuinely pissed off 'give me what I want or I'm going to maul you."
Usopp wasn't sure he'd mind being mauled… he shook his head clear of those thoughts.
"Seriously. This doesn't make any sense…"
Sanji huffed. "What are you on about? It makes perfect sense! Sheesh, you've never been this resistant before."
"Before!?" Usopp gawked.
"Is something seriously wrong?" Sanji finally calmed down and sat back on his knees.
"W-we-we-we've done this before?" Usopp's head was spinning. Sanji answered with only a confused head-tilt. "No way! I'd definitely remember that! And this… this doesn't happen! What the hell are you doing!?" He had to have been being messed with. Some how, for some reason. Sanji wouldn't do this just to hurt him, but it was hurting.
"What's all the yelling about?" Franky called down from the railing above. "Oh, it's just you guys again."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Usopp barked.
Franky snorted. "Careful Sanji, I think he might be on his period."
"WHAAAT!?" Usopp pictured himself climbing that goddamn wall like spiderman and unscrewing all that damn cyborg's bolts.
"Usopp just likes to yell." Chopper appeared, and hopped up to hold onto the railing next to Franky, swinging his legs through the miniature pillars that held it up. He had some kind of pastry in his cheek and the rest in his hand.
"Yeah, like every other sentence." Franky agreed. "Good luck with him, chef." He saluted.
"Shut the fuck up, shit heads!" Usopp turned over on his hands and knees so they could get a better look at his well-sported angry face.
"Case closed." Franky said.
"Right?" Chopper, equally calmly.
Usopp huffed and sat back on his knees, scowling death up at the pair. They thought they were safe so far away, they were lucky he'd left his Ginga Pachinko back where he was doing the testing!
From behind him, Usopp heard a frustrated sigh, and he kept still as black-sleeved arms appeared on either side of his head to rest over his shoulders. Moments later, Sanji's legs appeared stretched outward on either side of him, and he could feel Sanji's chest against his back.
Neither of them said anything, Usopp was too confused and maybe just a little too delighted with the situation to care anymore. From the corner of his eye he saw Chopper and Franky leave the scene. What were they doing now, leaving them to their privacy? Why was Franky talking like he and Sanji were a couple? Were they all in on it?
"So? What's up with you?" Sanji asked from behind him, and Usopp's eyes shifted to the cigarette hanging from his fingers.
His hands curled into fists on his knees, and he shut his eyes tightly. "Look…" He started. "…I don't know what's going on, and you probably already know this somehow, but I really like you, so whatever you're doing…" He didn't really know what to do with the rest of this sentence, and released a shaky sigh as he searched for the words.
"I really like you too." Sanji interrupted it. "So what's the problem?"
"Eh?" Usopp blinked.
"Jesus, all this time we've been together and everything I've told you, you don't even know that much?" Sanji sighed, and rested the side of his face on Usopp's back, enclosing his arms around his neck. "You're impossibly insecure."
"W-wait a second…" What the HELL was he talking about? Usopp wondered, had he hit his head on something recently?
"You dropped it." Sanji didn't seem to be listening to him. Usopp looked down to see what he was talking about. Oh right, the new ammo he was working on. He'd dropped it before sealing the top sometime while Sanji was doing all that touching. It was spilled and ruined now…
He felt Sanji bury his face in the back of his hair, then his breath on the side of his neck, then a soft kiss right under his chin.
Usopp was still entirely lost, but he was starting to lose the ability to care.
"Ugh. Get a room." Another voice might have renewed it for him, if it hadn't been for the way Sanji's body tensed at the sound of it, and tightened around him. No, Usopp was still 100% distracted.
"The hell are you doing up?" Usopp felt Sanji scoot closer to Usopp, until the crotch of his pants was snug against his lower back. "Go back to sleep."
"Fuck off, cook. I was just looking for a place with more sun and happened to innocently walk by only to catch you two about to screw in the middle of the-,"
Usopp erupted to his feet. "Sc-screw?!" He shook his head and wagged his hands. "No, no. We weren't, we were just- I mean, it wasn't…"
"I was." Sanji said calmly.
"Shut up!" Usopp barked. Zoro looked mildly surprised, but didn't say anything. "This, all of this is so messed up! I don't know what's going on here but you people are insane!" He backed away from Zoro until his back hit something. He whipped around to find Nami, standing there with concern.
"Nami…" He pleaded. "What's going on? Just a few hours ago you were talking to me about this and now…" His eyes darkened. "What did you do?" His voice was hoarse, desperate, almost threatening.
Nami could only stand there, wide eyed, and completely clueless.
"What's he talking about?" Luffy's voice cut in. "Nami?" He looked to her, but she had no words.
"Usopp…" Sanji got back to his feet. He looked almost as angry and confused as Usopp did. "Why are you acting like you don't know who I am?"
"I know who you are!" Usopp barked, pointing a finger at him. "You are Black Leg Sanji, genius cook of the Straw Hat pirates, lady's man and most certainly and definitely not in any sort of relationship with me!"
At the end of his sentence, Sanji had him by the collar. "What the hell are you trying to pull!" He shouted, eyes filled with a fiery rage that intimidated Usopp, turned his own rage to nothing. "Is this some cowardly way of trying to break up with me? Why can't you just say it!"
Usopp shoved his arm away. "I'm not breaking up with you! We were never together!"
"Usopp, why are you saying this…" Chopper sounded afraid, and the rest of the crew looked beyond concerned.
"Stop it." Zoro's firm voice cut everything else off.
"Screw off, it's none of your business-!" Sanji started, but Zoro shoved him backward to step in front of him, between him and Usopp.
"You two said when you started this kind of relationship that this kind of drama wouldn't be an issue."
Usopp had just about had it. What in the flying plu-perfect fuck was Zoro talking about?
"He's right." Nami's voice was as serious. "What are you trying to do, Usopp?"
Usopp felt targeted, and backed down. "What…? No… I have no idea what's going on. I…" He looked at Sanji, and time stood still. Sanji looked pissed, royally, glaring hard at him. That was scary, but what was worse was when Usopp looked closer… in addition to how angry he was, he looked to be on the verge of tears. Usopp didn't think he'd ever seen Sanji cry, personally… Luffy had gone on about the 'good-bye Baratie sob story, but he almost didn't believe it. He wasn't crying now… but he was getting there.
Could he really fake that? No… and moreover, he wouldn't they wouldn't, and everyone seemed to be on the same page except him… maybe he was wrong.
"I-I'm sorry…" he shielded himself from the concerned faces around him, and adopted Sanji's almost-tears, and let them begin to flow… "I just don't understand, I don't remember any of this… I…" he looked directly at Sanji.
"I love you." He said, and Sanji's face softened immediately. "But… I thought I… you…" He wiped his eyes and tried to find words. "Maybe I hit my head or something, but I don't have any memory of us being together… I thought… I thought it was one-sided."
Chopper gasped. "He must have gotten amnesia!"
"And he only remembers up to the time before they were together." Nami agreed, and then sighed. "I knew romance within the crew was a bad idea, there are some types of drama you just can't keep away…"
"Usopp." Luffy said, having gathered the conclusions of his crew. "You were in love with Sanji by yourself for a long time, but a few months ago something happened and he loved you too." He explained, and Usopp listened. "You forgot that period of time, but it doesn't matter because you know now."
"I guess…" Usopp's face was red, half from the tears, and half from a blush. "But what about all the time we were together… that's stuff I'd like to remember…" their first kiss, the dates, gifts… the first time they…
"I can look into it." Chopper said, sadly and with honesty. "But you never know with amnesia. You could regain it on your own tomorrow morning, or you might never get it back…"
"Doesn't matter." Sanji stepped around Zoro. "I'll tell you everything." He cupped Usopp's face in his hands and stroked his thumbs over his cheeks. "I'll tell you what happened, and we'll do it all again."
Usopp didn't know what to do with himself. Here was Sanji, the object of his affections for so many months, speaking to him like he normally only would a beautiful girl, but with more sincerity than he'd ever felt when watching it with them.
"O-okay…" He managed to say, and then Sanji kissed him, full on the lips, in front of everyone.
A/N – All right… so in case any of my SanUso readers are also ZoSan fans… it came to my attention while beta-ing this chapter that this storyline is somewhat similar at this point to StarkBlack's 'Memories' ZoSan AU.
But I promise that this is going nowhere /near/ that direction after this chapter. It's more supernatural-y and actually memory loss is not a factor at all. That was only Chopper's diagnosis so far, but I dunno how else to convince you this isn't a blatant rip-off without saying he's wrong xD. Some might've already figured out what's actually going on with Sanji (and the rest of the crew minus Usopp) anyway.