"You want a revelation,
You wanna get it right
But, it's a conversation,
I just can't have tonight
You want a revelation
Some kind of resolution
You want a revelation
No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day,
You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay."
- No Light, No light - Florence + The Machine
I stand off to the side watching Peeta and Haymitch try to master what I had shown them about knife throwing. I wasn't by any means an expert at knife throwing, but I was decent. My archery practice made the aiming part easy. The rest was just techinque.
"Damn it," Peeta mutters when he just can't get it. I let out a sigh as he looks at me almost defeated. "Kat, I'm no good at this. Maybe I should stick to what I know I can do."
"What? Baking and painting?" My voice comes out harsher than intended and he looks at me a little wounded. "I'm sorry. I'm just...frustrated." Peeta walks over to me worry etched into his features. Right. Like he sould be worried about me.
"Katniss, what's bothering you?" We've been training like this all week. Since the day after we found out about the Quarter Quell, and as far as I know no one has caught on to my plan, yet. I place my hand on his cheek sighing as he leans into my touch.
"It's killing me having to prepare you for the arena again. I can't watch you go through that again." I advert my eyes from his swallowing hard.
"We don't have a choice, Kat. If I did, trust me...I'd stay here with you." I meet him blue eyes with mine, as they bore into mine intensly.
"I know, but...ugh." I step away from Peeta grabbing a knife and throwing it harshly into the side of one of the empty houses. Lately I haven't been crying much, I've been more angry than sad.
"Why can't I do that?" Haymitch calls his eyes trained on the knife in the side of the house. While Peeta may have been able to get the knife to stick in the side of the house his aim was off. As for Haymitch, he couldn't even get a stick. I sit on the ground pulling my knees in close to me trying to reign in my frustration. Peeta sits next to me silently, and drapes his arm over my shoulders pulling me close to his side.
"Katniss, why are you even bothering to train again?" Peeta asks me seriously. I look down at the ground. He's been pestering me a lot about this, wanting to know why I was training if I didn't need to. I haven't been able to give him a direct answer either.
"Because," is all I say. I can feel his eyes looking at me expectantly, waiting for an answer he knows he isn't going to get. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up this act without him seeing through me.
I look at Katniss suspiciously. Every time I ask she finds some way to avoid answering me. I've had my suspicions since she said she'd be training with us. The thoughts that run through my mind terrify me. If I were to go into the games with her again there was no chance we'd ever be both getting out alive. Just the thought alone manages to break a little bit of me. I couldn't bare it if I lost her.
"Kat, be honest. What are you up to?" Her head snaps up and she looks at me almost defensively.
"Nothing," she snaps looking away again. I let out a sigh moving my hand up and down the length of her arm. I still can't say I believe her. I press a kiss to her temple before standing up.
"We'd better get back to training." I hold my hand out to her which she takes without hesitation. I help pull her to her feet pressing my lips to hers softly. "I love you, Mrs. Mellark," I whisper quietly so Haymitch doesn't overhear. Any sort of affection we show each other earns us a sarcastic remark from Haymitch.
"I love you too," she whispers a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. I miss her smile. None of us have been too smiley lately with the recent problems that have arised. We get back to training. Training has been going on all week and will continue up until the reaping. We've been working on aim, working out trying to build more strength and an ability to fight back. We eat more, we run more, we sleep less. The nightmares have gotten worse for both of us leaving us with little sleep. Katniss had dark circles under her eyes and I'm sure I had matching ones. Every night my suspicions weave themselves through my dreams and I watch Katniss go into the arena with me. I watch her die in so many ways. One night after a particularly bad dream she asks me, "Peeta, what are your nightmares about? You've never told me." I sighed before answering.
"My nightmares are usually about losing you, but I'm okay when I see you here," I had said. Our nightmares are about the same thing. Losing the other, which as far as I'm concerned losing Katniss would be worse than death. We don't get anymore visits from Seneca, which worries Katniss. I try to tell her everything's fine but she never looks convinced. How quickly our lives went to hell amazes me. One moment we were completely and blissfully happy. Completely and unconditionally in love and the next Snow erases any happy from our life. Although we do try to bring the happiness back. We spend our nights by a fire, wrapped in each other trying to forget about everything. Trying to get that feeling we had the day after we got married. Sometimes we get that, but it doesn't last long after we go to sleep.
"Peeta?" Katniss's voice calls me from my thoughts. "Are you okay?" I give a shrug.
"As okay as I can be in this situation," I say causing a sigh to escape her lips. She sits down next to me in front of the fire curling into my side.
"What are we going to do?" she asks taking my free hand between both of hers. I give her shoulders a squeeze bringing her in even closer.
"We'll get through it," I say placing a kiss on the top of her head.
"How?" She peers up at me with her breathtaking grey eyes.
"Like we always do...together." I give her a small sad smile.
"Hard to do it together if I'm here unable to do anything to keep you safe." Her arms wrap around my torso and she doesn't look me in the eye as she says it. Every time we bring up the subject of her not being involved she can't seem to look anyone in the eyes. I'm starting to catch on. The more she refuses to look me in the eye, and the more she avoids my questions the more my suspicions seem to be confirmed. I know Katniss better than anyone, and I know when she's lying she can't look me in the eye.
"Kat, don't think I don't know what you're doing," I say finally deciding to voice my suspicions.
"What do you mean?" She sits up biting her lip still avoiding my eyes. I sigh cupping my hand under her chin forcing her to look at me.
"I know you more than I know myself. I know when you're lying. You can't look me in the eye. Which you haven't every time we bring up you staying back here. Whatever plan you think you have to go into the arena with me, I'm not going to let you do it." This time her eyes lock with mine.
"Peeta, there is no way in hell I'm letting you - or Haymitch, die in that arena. It's not happening, and if I can be in there to - to help keep you alive I will. Haven't you figure it out yet, Peeta? I would do anything and everything for you. I would lay it all on the line, lay down in front of a train if necessary. Do you not grasp this?" Her eyes are pleading me to understand and I sigh because I do. I do understand because if roles were reversed I'd be volunteering to go in with her.
"Katniss, please. Don't. We're training, I could get out of there alive, you don't know I won't."
"Yeah? And what if you don't?" Her eyes start to shine and I recognize it as tears.
"You find someone else who will make you happy. You carry on with your life." The look she gives me, looks as if I had just slapped her in the face.
"You're kidding me right now. You've got to be joking. It would be literally impossible to be happy without, to carry on with my life. What if rols were reversed and I told you the same thing?"
"What did you plan on saying about you dying in that arena for me, huh?" My voice takes on a desperate edge. Desperate to make her see, desperate to convince her that her plan is stupid.
"I don't know...the same I guess." She looks at me in defeat but I know she hasn't changed her mind.
"You can't be happy without me, so why would I be able to be happy without you?" She takes a while before answering.
"I don't know, I guess - I guess I just assumed there was plenty of other girls here you'd want. I'm sure before me you had some girlfriend, and you two were in love and then you got reaped and it ended."
"Katniss, there's been no one before you. Since we were twelve and in the rain I had a burning need for you. I know, stupid me wanting the president's daughter when she could have anyone in the country. Why would she want me a bakers son? Sure, there were plenty of girls I could've had Delly Cartwright included, but I didn't and don't and never will want anyone but you. So, don't act like our positions are different." I catch a tear on her cheek wiping it away with my thumb.
"You're not changing my mind. I'm going to make damn sure you don't die," she says a stubborn edge in her voice.
"Katniss a life without you would be worse than death don't you get that? Yes, I do have my family but, my mother thinks I'm a worthless waste of space, I never see Matthew, Rye and my dad are really the only two that care. If I were to die, sure my father Rye, and Matthew may grieve but they'd move on. They'd be able to continue their lives. Haymitch? He'd drink away his problems like always. My friends? Maybe they'll be upset but they won't be broken. No one really needs me, Kat."
Peeta's words his me hard. No one needs him? Does he not see me sitting in front of him willing to lay it all on the line for him? Willing to die for him because a life without him would be complete misery?
"I do. I need you, god damn it. I fucking need you. Please see that." I look at him pleadingly as his hands cup my cheeks.
"I need you too, Katniss." His blue eyes take on a new intensity. They burn with love, passion, need, helplessness. Helpless. That's how I've felt since the reading of the card. Helpless. Totally and completely helpless.
"Please, understand then?" My voice comes out hushed in a quiet plead. He sighs.
"Fine. If you're going to volunteer to go in the games, then so will I if Haymitch's name is picked." I feel my stomach drop and twist into uncomfortable knots. What are we doing? Why are we so desperate to die for the other when we know how the other will be affected. I'd be torn apart. Dead, yet alive. He'd be incapable of moving on with life. My father is sick, and twisted and I hate him. I hate him beyond words. I hate him almost as much as I love Peeta.
"Peeta don't - " he cuts me off as he crushes his lips to mine and I feel everything he's feeling in the kiss. Need. Want. Passion. Sadness. Anger. Lust. Love. Everything. My arms instantly lock around his neck as I pull myself flush against him trying to get as close as possible, which happens to be not close enough. Peeta's hands rest on my hips tightly, holding me to him. I repostion myself so I'm on his lap with my legs wrapped tightly around his waist. His tongue traces the edge of my bottom lips asking for entrance that I quickly grant. His hands slide up from my hips, the motion causing my shirt to rise. The cold air hitting my bare skin has no affect on me. My skin burns with heat where Peeta's hands move making the rest of me feel cold.
His hand travels up more, his fingers exploring the plains of my stomach and side, and back. I groan shivering involentarily breaking apart just pull his shirt over his head. My hands come to rest on his bare chest both of us gasping for breath. Peeta takes this moment to rid me of my shirt before our lips connect again. His lips travel from my mine, along my jaw, down my neck and over my collar bone. I gasp in pleassure running my hands over his bare chest. He stops the kisses just above my breasts which have started aching with need for him.
"Peeta, please..." I don't have to say anymore. He stands up lifting me up with him and walks up the stairs his lips back against mine as he moves. He lays me down on the bed my back coming in contact with the cold comforter, but it does littler to cool the heat radiating through my entire body. Peeta hovers over me his shaggy blonde locks falling into his eyes as he bends down placing a deep passionate kiss to my lips. I slide my arms around his neck losing my fingers in his hair.
His hand rests gently at the waste band of my jeans, his lips moving eagerly with mine. His hand slowly slides up my bare stomach leaving a trail of fire where he touches me. His fingers dance across my skin causing me to shiver in delight. His lips leave mine trailing kisses to right below my ear where he nips the sensitive skin softly.
"Peeta," I breathe. My need for him grows stronger, his hand now sliding to my side and finally to my back. He fumbles for my bra clasp with shaky hands underneath me, quickly unclasping it.
"You sure?" he whispers in my ear almost seductively as he slides my bra off tossing it to the side as I nod weakly.
"Yes," I say breathing rapidly. He nods trailing kisses from my ear to my neck and across my collar bone slowly and tortuously making his way to my breasts which are now aching with a major need for him. "I love you," I whisper as his hand brushes the side of my breast causing me to arch my back slightly.
"I love you too, beautiful," he whispers against my skin just before we spend the rest of the night showing each other how deep our need for each other goes.
I wake up in the morning with the sun hitting my face. My legs are tangled up with Peeta's, his arms wrapped tightly around my bare torso. I look to his sleeping face memorizing every detail. His long thick blonde eyelashes cast small shadows across his cheek bones. His full lips are parted slightly and I can't help tracing them lightly with my index finger. My Peeta. My Peeta that I refuse to let anyone take from me.
I bring my hand to his forehead brushing the blonde locks to the side idly. I have to think of a way to keep him here. Keep him safe. Suddenly an idea forms in my mind, and I know it's probably the biggest long shot and would require an extreme amount of luck. Luck that I'm pretty sure I don't have. I untangle myself from Peeta careful not to wake him. Quickly, I throw on a pair of black jeans and one of Peeta's white shirts, throwing my hair back into a sloppy ponytail.
I make my way downstairs to attempt to make breakfast. Maybe if I were to make breakfast it would lessen the effects I'm sure my plan will have on Peeta. He wasn't going to like it, and if I knew him he would try to talk me out of it. He hasn't exactly liked my plans lately, though I must admit my plans may come off as borderline suicidal plans. I'm not Peeta, but at least I can make eggs and bacon decent enough. By the time I'm down Peeta enters the kitchen fully clothed.
"I believe that shirt is mine." His tone is light and teasing and I can't help but laugh. "Looks better on you anyways," he says with a wink. I flash him a grin setting our plates on the table.
"They're nothing like yours, but I hope they're at least decent," I say as I sit down across from Peeta.
"What brought this on anyways, Mrs. Baker?" He asks arching an eyebrow with a light chuckle. I watch as he takes a bite of egg and am relieved when he doesn't make a disgusted face.
"First, this isn't baking. It's cooking." He chuckles lightly. "Second, because I have something to tell you." I take a bite of my own egg keeping my eyes trained on him.
"What would that be?"
"You're probably not going to like it, but I have to try something." A slight understanding flickers across his face.
"What do you mean?" I know he knows exactly what I mean, but I can tell her doesn't want to believe it. I let out a long breath before speaking.
"I think it's time I payed a visit to my father."
A/N: Wow thank you all. 10 reviews, 17 follows, and 11 favorites on only the first chapter. I'm so glad you guys like this story, and I hope you continue to like it. Although, I may have to change it to an M rating is I decide to write another scene like the one in this. Anyways, hope you enjoyed and please review. :)