I do not own Supernatural.

.o0Forgive Me0o.

I heard the Winchesters before I saw them.

Looking up from my book, the warm breeze blew the scent of the lawn into the air.

The boys were complete opposites yet somehow exactly the same. Both of them were rowdy, Sam always laughing or talking animatedly about his future with his friends, but being more reserved when faced with strangers. The boy was seventeen and a year ago had been nearly as small as me. But now he was massive, tall with long arms and even longer legs. Each day his shoulders seemed to be filling out, his chest becoming as large as his broadly built brother.

But Dean Winchester was a thing to behold. Huge green eyes were nearly feminine in the thick lashes that tangled around them elegantly. His lips to were curved beautifully even when twisted into their usual cruel smirk. But the rest was all masculine, a hard sharp jaw paired with huge shoulders and a broad chest. His solid waist led down to amusingly enough bowed legs which he had been taunted for in high school, or at least that's what Anna had told me.

"Hey, Cas." Dean nodded as he walked by, barely tossing me a glance. Sam offered a kind smile, his slanted fox eyes somehow both clever and sweet.

"Hello-" I called back, but the Winchesters had already passed into the college, laughing heartily about something Dean had said.

Both Sam and I went to the same highschool, and were in the same program that allowed us to skip a grade into the senior class and take classes at the local college where our siblings attended. Sam had never really been my friend.

No one had really ever been my friend beside my older sister Anna and the strange British exchange student named Balthazar who had left back home a few months ago.

"Gabriel, Lucifer! Dean's coming for dinner." Anna shouted, not even mentioning that Sam would also be included in the invitation. Even our older brothers knew that where one Winchester went, the other followed.

"Alright, you cooking?" Gabriel asked from somewhere downstairs. Anna's muffled answer popped up through my door, but I ignored it. I would stay in my room for the rest of his night, feigning illness to avoid them.

I much preferred my college classes to the ones in high school. To say I was excluded would be putting it lightly, shunned was a more proper term. Children laughed at me, calling me 'Satan's brother'.

Lucifer had recently finished college getting a job as a lawyer, when I had become violently ill last year from the school lunch, Lucifer had sued. I was still confused why children would mock me for trying to upgrade their diets, but when Lucifer had taken it a step further and demanded all the candy, soda, and chips be taken off the menu there had been a revolt. True to his name he had made my high school life a living hell.

"Satan worshiper." Some kid hissed at me in the passing hallways. Anna, Gabriel, Lucifer, and I had all been raised in the same Roman Catholic orphanage. We had shared a room since childhood and come to think of each others as siblings.

When Lucifer was of age, he had adopted both of us, even though Anna was only a few years younger. As vicious and manipulative as Lucifer could be, he was nothing if not loyal. True to his word, he had raised all of us while putting himself through law school.

Our eldest brother Micheal had a turbulent relationship with Lucifer. Anna once hinted to me that there had been a turbulent past between them, although I'm not sure what she meant.

"Castiel." A voice called, and my eyes landed on a strong chest. Looking up I was met with Sam Winchester's deceptively soft eyes.

"Hey, how's it going?" Sam offered, glaring at the kid who had just hissed another insult at me. I frowned, averting my gaze before returning it.

"Um, fine." I said back, meeting Sam's eyes. The Winchester boy grinned, his dimples curving into his tan cheeks.

"Want to sit with me at lunch?" Sam asked, easy going and friendly as ever. Sam wasn't popular but he was well known. Handsome, kind, and athletic many girls had a crush on him. But the boy preferred to spend his time with Kevin, the tiny freshmen who had also been an outcast. Sam seemed to attract strange individuals to him.

"Uh, okay. Yes. I'll sit with you." I muttered following the large boy as he prattled on about a video game.

Sitting with Sam became sort of a ritual after that, even though we didn't talk much. I usually had my head buried in a book, but I would listen to Kevin and Sam argue and laugh and sometimes find myself smiling along with them.

"Man, can I come over to your house today?" Sam begged Kevin one day. I had eased into my spot as the third wheel happily, enjoying the two boys friendship. The harassment from the other students had eased as well with Sam's 6'3 frame towering over me down the halls. Kevin was also a judo champion who had medals littered around his room.

"Why?" Kevin asked, smacking the chewy cafeteria mac and cheese. He had just buzzed his glossy black hair and it stuck up around his head making him look like a baby chick in my opinion. But his big dark eyes were more noticeable, and his delicate jawline. A few girls had begun paying him attention as well.

"Uh ..." Sam glanced at me, wincing slightly. "Anna's coming over, and we have thin walls." Sam explained. I looked up from his book fully, giving him my attention.

"What does the density of your walls have to do with Anna?" I asked slowly, and Kevin spluttered around his drink, choking with laughter as Sam flushed.

"Nothing! Just forget it." Sam snapped, pushing his shaggy hair from his forehead.

"Please, explain." I pushed. I didn't like not understanding things, but the more I talked to boys my age the more naive I seemed to be. Years of isolation had not done me good.

"He can hear Dean banging your sister." Kevin leered, smile going wide and eyes glinting with mischief. My shoulders tensed and I could feel my eyes narrow. Impossible.

"You're brother is physically abusive towards Anna?" I demanded, Sam must be mistaken. Dean had only ever been gentle and sweet in their relationship, despite all his bravado and haughty talk. Sam's cheeks burned red and Kevin doubled over with more cackles.

"Dude, I can hear them having sex!" Sam hissed. My embarrassment was immediate, I felt my cheeks going red.

"Oh." I said stiffly, lifting the book back up to hide my face and ignoring the boys for the rest of the lunch period. I pretended my stomach was in knots because the thought of Anna having sexual relations upset me.

I rolled onto my back, the room I shared with Gabriel was small so not often did I get the chance to masturbate. Not that I liked too, Gabriel had no qualms about groaning into his pillow. But I had only experimented quietly once or twice before. Neither time had I climaxed, simply fondling the sore flesh before falling into a restless sleep. But lately I had been having wet dreams, waking up with warm slickness on the front of my briefs. Gabriel was staying the night at his friends, and I had awoken myself when I'd loudly whimpered a name in my wet dream.

"Dean." I breathed, flushing brightly. My sisters boyfriend. Spiked hair, cocky smile, leather jacket. Shivers ran up my spine and my toes curled at the thought. I was disgusting. Thinking of him in such ways. But I couldn't stop, the guilt mixed with lust heavy in my gut and I trembled. Quickly I rose from bed, shuffling into the bathroom to take an icy cold shower.

"Damn it." A rough voice snapped from the other side of the library. My shoulders bunched because I would recognize that voice through static and lightening. Dean.

"Shhh." Other students hushed in the college library. I was up, walking towards the muttering voice before I realized. My book clutched to my chest. Dean was sitting by a window in the corner of the library. Leather jacket draped over the back of his chair, and his boots kicked up on the chair across from him. One of his hands was digging into his dirty blonde hair and his other was holding the pencil scratching at the paper in front of him.

"Fuck english." He growled, eyes flickering up to mine, before returning back to his paper then finding mine again.

"Hey, Cas!" He grinned, white teeth flashing against his golden tan. I felt my stomach twist at the nickname I only allowed Dean to call me. I had become ridiculously infuriated when Anna had said it, bitingly telling her my name was 'Castiel'.

"Hello." I choked, shuffling awkwardly in the middle of the large open isle. Dean's smile widened and he nodded his head.

"You're a genius, right? Wanna help me out?" Dean's deep voice urged. I was moving forward, even though my mind told me to decline. To stay away from Dean because he was Anna's. Anna loved him, and he loved her so why was my heart racing in my chest.

"I'm not a genius, but I can help." I whispered solemnly. Dean did not understand the concept of quietness in the library, he spoke in his regular booming voice.

"Ah, sure you are. Man, this is embarrassing. Having to get help from a kid." Dean laughed, leaning in close across the small table. I felt his boot press up against my thigh and I squirmed as the heady smell of aftershave and leather wafted over me. Dean hadn't bothered removing his boots from the bench, I was distinctly aware I was between his legs.

"I'm not a kid." I argued weakly, staring at Dean. Tracing the golden freckles dusting his honey colored skin, the green eyes with flakes of amber in them. God, he was beautiful. Thick lips curled with an amused smirk, as if he knew my thoughts.

"You're a few months younger than Sammy, right?" Dean asked, he was close. Flaxen eyelashes thick smudges against his cheek. His breath puffed over my face, coffee and mint gum.

"Yes." I breathed, eyes wide. Dean's smile dropped slightly, he leaned back in his chair and I withheld the anguished whimper crawling up my throat.

"Sammy's always complaining how you're the smartest kid in school, and it ain't gonna look good on his records coming in second but you're just too damn smart." Dean grinned, almost bragging. I felt myself flush with pride. I nibbled at my lip, watching Dean's eyes follow the movement without interest.

"Sam is also very intelligent." I offer, which is true. But my position as top grades in school was concrete, although Sam was close behind.

"Sure is. I always tell him he's lucky he didn't get a brain like me, nothing going on up here but booze and boobs." Dean grinned, bumping his knuckles against his temple. I scowled, glancing down at his chest. Dean was suddenly laughing so hard that the table shook, he roared with it. Tossing back his head, and kicking his feet under the table.

"Shhh!" Someone hissed, but Dean ignored them. He kept on laughing and I was shocked when my own laughter bubbled up from my chest mingling with Dean's in the air.

"You both need to leave." The librarian snapped, coming up to us with her glasses tipping precariously at the end of her sharp nose. Dean stood, swiping his books from the table into his backpack and tossing his jacket over his shoulder.

"Come on, Cas. Let's grab some grub." Dean smiled down at me, his green eyes damp and even lighter with laughter. I was shocked when he manhandled me out of the chair and tucked beneath his muscled arm. My breath was immediately stolen from my chest.

I had witnessed how handy the Winchester brothers could be. Sam himself constantly needing to touch me, with pats on the back and hand guiding me down the hallway. But to have Dean so close was unbearable. He led me out of the library, winking at the scowling librarian as we passed.

"Man, I can't remember the last time I've laughed that hard." I hoped I wasn't imagining the fondness in Dean's voice, and I hoped he didn't notice when I pressed closer against his chest.

Dean was only slightly more friendly after that, much to my torture. Instead of giving me a courteous nod, or a quick 'Hi'. He would offer a big smile, and call out 'Hey, Cas!'. But not much more. I was however becoming closer to Sam and Kevin, even going to Sam and Dean's shabby apartment to play video games after school. Or at least watch while Sam and Kevin hurled insults at each other.

"You're cheating!" Kevin snapped, kicking Sam with his short legs. Kevin and I were the same height, which when compared to Sam was even more drastic.

"Keep it down, brats." Dean grumbled, sleep ruffled as he came out of his room. My breath punched out of my lungs, leaving me woozy. Dean stretched, revealing a lean strip of tanned stomach beneath the black tee shirt and above the gray boxer briefs. I had always imagined Dean as a boxer man, but the snug fit against his thighs made my stomach ache.

"Dean." I croaked. My face going so red it was nearly purple when I realized I'd uttered the prayer out loud. Dean raised an eyebrow, green eyes half lidded as he passed the couch to get to the kitchen. His short hair stuck up messily.

"Hey, kiddo." He grumbled with a sleepy smile, ruffling my hair to match his own as he passed. I let out a squeak, before clearing my throat when Kevin glanced back at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Dean, pass me the bag of chips!" Sam called, turning his head slightly but eyes still glued to the screen.

"Get em' yourself." Dean grunted, rolling his shoulders and opening the fridge to pull out a beer despite it being only three in the afternoon.

"You missed classes, I'm gonna tell Anna." Sam's voice cracked with puberty as he tried threatening his older brother. Dean's shoulders went taught in the kitchen and he glared.

"You little snitch!" Dean growled. Sam's grin was wide at the screen. Dean suddenly crossed the small apartment, jumping over the back of the couch and jumping onto Sam. The boy squawked while Kevin groaned.

"We're in the middle of a game, Dean!" Kevin protested. Sam was already in a headlock, pinned to the floor. He had recently grown an inch taller than Dean, but had yet to fill out the height he had inherited. He groaned, cheeks pink in embarrassment as Dean held him down, arm wrenched behind his back.

"Alright, alright! I won't say anything." Sam whined, bucking back. Dean held him steady, laughing. His briefs at ridden up on his thighs revealing the pale skin, freckles, soft blonde hairs. I panicked, shakily lifting my backpack.

"I'll see you at school." I hurriedly left the apartment, ignoring the boys calling my name as I palmed the front of my jeans.

Avoiding Dean became nearly impossible. Sam was much too determined to break off our friendship, and if you were close to one brother the other was immediately included. My only option was to avoid Dean, to stop the longing looks and little hitches of breath when I managed to catch his eye across the quad. It was too much, my heart couldn't handle it.

"Cas, want to help me with my homework?" Dean sudden voice behind me nearly caused me to choke on the tea I'd been sipping. Spluttering I looked up, before quickly forcing my gaze back to the book. Dean looked especially beautiful today, his hair was even more messy and his cheeks were red from the brisk winds outside.

"I'm, uh- busy." The lie was obvious. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat to try and get away from the heady scent of Dean's after shave and his leather jacket.

Come on, kid. I'll pay you." Dean promised, his gruff tone was deep. His hand slide over my shoulder, large and warm through my jacket. My mind couldn't help but run wild. Imagining Dean propositioning me for sex, goosebumps raised on my forearms.

"Dean-" It was another whimper, I always let them out unintentionally. Dean was usually too far to hear. But he was pressed close against my back, trying to look at what had stolen my attention that was usually so focused towards him. I didn't miss the way Dean's breath snagged, or the way his arm tightened around my shoulder.

"Yeah, alright." Dean got up and left without another word.

I was certain that when I opened the door to the Winchester apartment; I probably would have been less shocked to see Sam and Dean tangled on the couch. As codependent and affectionate as they were.

But the boy pinned beneath Sam was small, with soft pale skin, and large dark eyes. Sam groaned huskily, and buried his face into the baby chick down of Kevin's hair. The lean muscles of his back rippled as he rolled his hips down. Kevin's thighs were pressed against his side, thin ankles dangling in the air.

"Castiel!" Kevin yelped, shoving off Sam who landed with a grunt on the floor. Kevin sat up and I was able to see how thoroughly debauched he was. His red flannel jacket was unbuttoned and had slide down his slim shoulders to land in the crooks of his elbows, his tiny gray briefs had a small bulge that made no mistake as to how much he was enjoying him and Sam's private time.

Dark bruises littered his pale skin, little shadows running up and down his neck, chest and thighs. I remembered a few weeks ago I had inquired about one I had seen peeking out of Kevin's shirt. He had told me it was from Judo.

"Sorry for the intrusion." I said quickly ducking my head. Sam was shirtless and in no better shape, his hair was a mess and he had scratch marks on his back, his jeans were undone and sliding down his narrow hips.

"Cas wait!" Sam shouted, but I had already rushed down the stairs.

I had managed to avoid Sam and Kevin for four days, mostly in part due to the weekend. But on Monday I was stealthily cornered.

"Look, about what happened ..." Sam started, nervously running a hand through his hair in a very similar way as his brother. I shoved that thought away.

"We didn't want you to find out about us ... like that." Kevin finished. I wouldn't admit I was more hurt than upset. I had thought we'd been on a level of friendship that required such secrets to be shared. The thoughts of Dean that I had never shared with anyone bubbled to the surface and I shoved them down.

"I assumed our friendship would allow for you to tell me something so serious." I finally admitted in the silence.

"Cas, come on. You know it's not like that. We haven't told anyone." Sam groaned, puckering out his bottom lip. My eyes widened in realization.

"Not even your brother?" I questioned, tilting my head at him curiously. Sam bit his lip and tossed a glance to Kevin who had remained silent.

"Especially not my brother, he's um- not exactly a gays rights activist." Sam tried to joke, but I could see the pained expression on the younger Winchesters face and felt it mimicked in my own. Dean didn't exactly harbor a hatred for gay men, but once I had seen him wince at a couple kissing on the college campus.

"Not that we're gay! It's just Sam, only Sam." Kevin blurted, nibbling his lip. Sam nodded eagerly as well.

"So you don't have to worry about us like cornering you or something, okay. Cause' we won't." Sam continued, looking worried. I shook his head. I would never assume that.

"Of course." My solemn voice assured them.

"So you won't tell anyone?" Kevin asked hopefully, large dark eyes pleasing. I glared at him for even suggesting it and was swaddled in a hug between the two boys.

I was in the college Cafeteria alone. Kevin and Sam had headed back to the apartment to get some alone time before Dean returned. I was picking at my pizza, when I felt eyes burning into me. Looking up, it was like a magnet had aligned us together as blue crashed with green.

Dean stood in line for food across the large hall, his eyes blazing on me. He too was alone, and for a moment I forgot I was not supposed to stare and my eyes melted with relief at the sight of the older man, it had been days since I'd last seen him.

Dean's gaze was fierce, nearly assessing as he stared at me. I jerked my head down when I remembered myself. For a few moments of tense nothingness all was fine. Dean would get his food and leave.

The heavy boots approaching told otherwise.

"Hey, Cas. What's the word?" But his voice wasn't the usual open carefree tone he took. It was tight, guarded. I didn't like it one bit.

"A shortened version of my name." I answered without looking up, hoping to amuse him. Dean didn't laugh, my dry jokes always made him burst into unnecessarily loud laughter, or a large grin. An eyeroll at least. I felt my heart rate increase.

"So what's the deal, you've been avoiding me like I got a disease or somthin'." Dean said curtly, and his accent slipped out a bit as it always did when he was upset. I noticed everything about the oldest Wincester.

"Not necessarily." I answered shortly, folding my limp pizza in half and taking a bite.

"Cut the crap, what's up with you? Did I make you mad or something?" Dean wasn't letting it go. He wasn't even delving into the cheeseburger that I hadn't noticed they were serving much to my annoyance. I loved cheeseburgers.

"Not at all." I refused to allow my gaze anywhere but my meal, eyes tracing over the green peppers that were only a few shades too bright to be Dean's muted pine color.

"Then fucking look at me!" Dean's outcry echoed in the enormous cafeteria, and the room fell silent. I obeyed, watching Dean's furious face flash with embarrassment before seeping into annoyance. Chatter soon returned, and the other students sent them curious glances and whispers.

"You always look at me, always have. But suddenly you ignore me, did I piss you off?" Dean's voice is tight and very unsteady. I had no idea I had been so obvious in my sight seeing. But what shocked me even more is the fact that Dean noticed it, noticed the heated staring I couldn't help but submit to.

"No, Dean. I am not angry at you." I promise softly. To try and soothe the wild look in his eye.I let my gaze find him for the first time in what seems like centuries. Dean let's out a slow, labored breath. He's about to speak when arms wrap around his shoulders.

"Hey boys." My sister smiles, red hair sliding prettily against Dean's cheek. They look beautiful together. Anna small, with slender wrists and soft features while Dean is all hard lines and smug attitude.

"I'm meeting Sam to study." I lie, quickly finishing my pizza and exiting the cafeteria before my heart bursts from my chest.

Sam is very handsy; and seeing as how Kevin is required at his home on thanksgiving, I am the younger Winchester's only outlet.

"Come on, let's go play video games in your room." Sam whines, bored and full. He's gotten a bit taller, again. He throws an arm around my shoulder and pulls me to his side.

"I told you, I do not have a gaming console." I try to reason as the enormous boy paws at me. The house is full, Lucifer was unable to make it. But Gabriel, Anna, and a few other people from the orphanage had come to visit. Including Samandriel, Uriel, and Hester. Samandriel is perhaps my closest sibling, since the rift had been caused due to my guilt over Dean with Anna.

"We can go play football outback." Samandriel suggested, flashing a small eager smile. Sam shook his head, ruffling my hair.

"Cas can't throw a ball to save his life." He laughed loudly at the table. A few of our many friends laughed. Claire, and Amelia were a family from next door who had also joined us in our large Victorian house. Claire was looking at Samandriel with interest.

"You got that right, little runt can't even pick up a ball." Gabriel joked from my other side, slinging an arm over my shoulder. I hardly payed them any attention. I was too focused on looking anywhere but at Dean who had been ignoring me entirely throughout dinner.

"I think I will go upstairs and read for a bit, feel free to play outside." I murmured, rushing up to my room to get some solace. Dean must be infuriated. I had kept peeking up at the older man only to find his eyes fixed on someone else. It was excruciating.

For a while I sat in my room, just thinking, face buried in the pillow. There were cheers downstairs illustrating everyone had migrated to the living room to watch a sports game. I had just begun dozing off when I heard my door open. I didn't bother raising my head.

"Sam, I don't want to play." I mumbled to my eager, puppy like friend. The door shut and locked. My brow furrowed when I felt the bed dip and hands touch my hips. The smell of leather and aftershave wafted in his nose.

"Guess again." Dean's sharp voice pressed into my ear. He moved behind me, pinning me to the bed with his densely muscled body. I gasped as I felt large calloused hands cup my hips, before sliding slowly beneath him, giving me a chance to object. I was too stunned. To shocked. How could Dean Winchester possibly be in my room, touching me? Perhaps I had fallen asleep.

That wasn't the point. Dean was older, he was a man while I was still a child in the eyes of the law. Worse still he was my sisters boyfriend. I should reject him. But I didn't. Of course I didn't. Dean's hand wormed between my thighs, toughing the semi hard flesh that was rapidly swelling.

"Thought so." Dean breathed, his voice a mixture of relief and lust. I was confused, so confused. But Dean's big adults hands were touching me. His heavy weight was pressed into my back, and his warm liquor smelling breath was against my ear.

Not my sisters, mine. I gasped, stiff as Dean kissed at my neck, he was slowly unbuttoning my worn jeans and pulling them down.

"Breathe." Dean murmured, kissing the back of my neck. I obeyed, raking in a much needed breath.

He kissed the side of my mouth, gelled hair scraping at my cheek. Big calloused hands swiped up the back of my thighs, sliding under my shirt to touch my ribs. I let out a terrible reedy high pitched sound that made Dean curse. I could hear his teeth gritting as he tugged down my pants, just below my bottom.

Dean sucked in a deep breath before pulling my underwear down as well. He touched me, squeezing the pale mounds of flesh like they were breasts and I gasped. Pressing my face tighter into the pillow, my arms crossed above my head as I rocked back.

Dean didn't undress either, just fumbled with his own jeans. He was obviously inebriated. The sound of his zipper going down was loud in the quietness of the room. He pushed into me without a word, the only thing slicking the way was his saliva. He didn't bother with a condom. I felt his hot skin press into me. His breath raspy and shallow in my ear. It was quick and rough, and so very good.

Dean kept whispering 'Shhh' in my ear, his thumb stroking over my lower lip as I moaned and whimpered helplessly into the pillow. It hurt, but the pleasure overrode it. He was nearly animistic in the sounds he was making, grunts and snarls against my neck as he roughly nipped at my pale skin. His forearm slipped under my chest, hauling me up as he pounded into me. I came into my mattress when he pressed a hand into my lower back forcing me to bow under him. He came almost a moment after, a quick grunt lost in my skin.

For a moment everything was beautiful. Dean Winchester had just touched me, just came in me. I was shaking terribly under him. His arm under me was solid and reassuring, so when it slide away I frowned. I heard his jeans zip up. He didn't bother pushing my pants up, just laid back over me.

"Don't tell anyone." He whispered darkly. I nodded into the pillow, unable to look at him. I heard the door open and shut. I hesitantly lifted my jeans back up, before biting my lip and staring at the ceiling.