By now, you're probably thinking one of two things. (1) This guy is pairing Bugs Bunny with Yosemite Sam, what the f***?! They're not gay! Or (2) Hell yeah! I've been waiting years for someone to write something like this.
I'm taking a huge risk just by writing this, but that's what 2013 is for me, the year of risk-taking. After playing it safe for my first two years on the site, I'm gonna be trying out a bunch of bold new ideas for fics this year (Tintin and Haddock in America, What-A-Mess and Trash in New York, Balto meets the Doctor, Po and Wolf Boss working together to save China, etc.), but I'm also going to be writing a lot of one-shots this year too. Most of them are slash fics on characters that no one pays a lot of attention to. I noticed that no one has written a slash fic about Yosemite Sam yet (even though the potential is there. He kisses Bugs Bunny in a lot of the shorts he's in, even if it's not by choice), so I decided to contribute the first one in hopes it would inspire at least one of you guys to write one of your own.
I put as much information about this fic in the summary as I could without giving anything away, so don't go posting any reviews about how I scarred you for life because you knew beforehand what this fic was about before you clicked on it. I've gotten reviews (or should I say flames) like that before, and no one ever pays any attention to them. With that having been said, I will warn you guys that this fic is M, which means it contains sex between a man (or at least I think Sam is a man), and a bunny. Yeah, I've written for interspecies relationships before, but never one like this. Even I feel a bit like a pervert when I was writing it, but at the same time I feel like it needs to be written. There's also some pretty strong language (Bugs and Sam abandon their western lingo about midway through).
When I came up with the concept for this, I couldn't think of whether to go with the classic Looney Tunes or the modern sitcom one. I eventually decided on the latter, cause I figured the Old West would make for an interesting backdrop (for some reason, a lot of my stories are about the desert this year) And I also tried to keep Bugs and Sam in character as much as possible.
When you guys are done, I'm looking forward to hearing your opinions. Whether they're positive or negative, I take all reviews at heart. Except for flames, they're just pointless wastes of time and energy.
A Gunslinger's Pride:
The Old West, 1885.
Yosemite Sam, the roughest, toughest he-man stuffiness hombre who ever crossed the Rio Grande… and he wasn't no namby-pamby.
Everyone knew Yosemite Sam hated Bugs Bunny. It was a universal fact. If you lived under a rock all your life, you'd still know Sam wanted to fill that meddling rabbit with lead. The consarned coyote had been a thorn in the midget outlaw's side for years. Always beating him, outsmarting him, making a fool out of him. But Bugs Bunny had gone too far this time. During his last train robbery, the big galoot humiliated him by pulling his pants down in front of a room full of hostages. Oh, the shame. He could never show his face in Dodge City ever again. And it was all because of that rabbit. Which was why he finally gonna do it. He was finally going to kill Bugs Bunny, and get rid of his rival once and for all.
Blissfully unaware of his oncoming fate, Bugs stretched his legs across his seat and closed his eyes. He had just stopped Sam's latest attempt at robbery, and now that the little shrimp was in jail where he belonged he was on his way to Abilene. Traveling by train was a whole lot more reliable than tunneling these days, especially since he always seemed to get mixed up when it came to Albuquerque.
"What is it about that place that's so confusing anyway?", Bugs wondered.
"Reach for the sky rabbit!", Sam snarled.
Bugs froze. The rabbit slowly opened his eyes to see something totally unexpected, Yosemite Sam, in the carriage with him, his hands in his belt, clutching what Bugs knew were his dual guns. "Sammy, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be in jail", he asked nervously.
Sam didn't answer. Instead the midget man turned around, and to Bug's horror, locked the door to his booth. "What are you doing?", the rabbit continued.
"Neither us of is leaving this room until we reach an understanding varmint", Sam growled, turning back to face the hare.
Bugs gulped. This was bad. Sam had somehow managed to sneak up on him and catch him off guard. He hated being caught off guard. But he had to think fast.
As Sam approached him, Bugs slowly got off his seat and moved along the wall of the booth. "Um, Sam, don't you think you oughta?…", he started.
"Quiet rabbit!", the outlaw barked. "I know all your tricks, and I know if I let you talk you'll try to make a monkey's uncle out of me", he said. In a matter of seconds he had cornered the rabbit, finally getting him right he wanted him. Sam laughed manically, and slipped his hands further into his pocket.
You didn't need to be a genius to guess what was coming next, but for once, Bugs couldn't think of anything, he didn't have time. The hare frantically, desperately, combed his brain for any bright ideas or escape tactics, as Sam pressed him against the wall.
The half-pint outlaw stood on the edge of his boots, stretching his body to the limits just so he could at least come close to talking to Bugs face-to-face. "If you've got any at last words bunny, you'd better say them now", Sam warned, his hands wrapped firmly around the contents of his gun belt.
Bugs nodded, understanding. "Just three…pucker up doc", the rabbit replied, to Sam's confusion, before the hare grabbed him by his side and pulled into the air. Sam's arms flailed around wildly, as he found himself locking lips with enemy. This was so wrong. When it was all (mercifully) over, Bugs released him and the cowpoke fell back to the floor, wiping his gloved hand across his lips in disgust. Bugs on the other hand, went from sweaty terror to side-splitting laughter.
Sam snarled, and wiped his lips one last time before he went back to what he was doing. "See?! This is exactly why I came here to tan your hide – all this disrespect. I have reputation you know, and you're ruining it with all your dumb pranks!", he said angrily.
Bugs chortled, and feeling a little more confident, threw his arm around Sam's shoulder. "Aw come on Doc, you gotta lighten up a little. Let you hare down. Get it? Let your 'hare' down?", he snickered.
He shouldn't have done that. Now wasn't the time for a bad pun.
Sam snapped and reached into his gun belt again, this time managing to whip out his enormous six-shooter and shove it right in Bug's face.
The rabbit's eyes bugged, and he realized the time for jokes had passed. Thinking fast again, he shoved one of his fingers into the barrel.
"Move your hand bunny", Sam growled, low and threatening.
"No", Bugs replied, short and quick.
"Move your hand so I can blast you!", Sam barked. It was a miracle no one had heard them by now. Or maybe they had but were just ignoring all the commotion because they saw Yosemite Sam enter the carriage.
"No I will not move my hand. I kinda want to keep my body in one piece", Bugs said stubbornly.
Sam's eyes narrowed. "Fine, I'll just shoot ya anyway", he decided.
Bugs's face turned ghostly white. "But…but you know that'll blow us both to kingdom come!", the gray hare reasoned.
"I don't care", Sam said flippantly.
Bugs head craned back. "Since when did you become a suicidal maniac as well as a homicidal one?", he questioned.
"The day I became a laughingstock among outlaws", the midget replied. "I was already known as 'the shortest cowboy in the west', now I'm the dumbest one too. I've haven't been able to pull off a successful robbery in years, and it's all your fault. If I'm gonna put myself out of my misery, I'm a-taking you down with me", he seethed.
Bugs, again, found himself grasping at straws, trying to think his way out of situation that just kept getting worst and worst. This wasn't like Sam. He was always so predictable; now he was talking about killing them both. And he didn't know how what to do. "Come on Sammy, life's not that bad. Ya still got me", he reasoned, grinning half-heartedly.
But this only made Sam cock the gun.
"WAIT! Wait! Just wait!", Bugs yelled.
Miraculously, Sam listened for a change and eased back on the trigger, possibly out of that 'respect for the dead' stuff he believed in.
"You don't have to kill us man! This is about pride right? Well I'll back off. I'll ease off you for a while, let you build up your reputation as the roughest, toughest whatever again", Bugs suggested.
Sam scoffed and threw his head back. "Am I supposed to believe that?", he asked sarcastically.
"Yes, Yes, because I'm not stupid and I don't wanna die", Bugs countered.
Sam's fixed glare remained unchanged, but after thinking to himself for a while (god knows what went on inside that crazy head of his), he started lowering his arm and Bugs knew he had convinced him. But no sooner had he felt safe enough to remove his finger from the gun than Sam pointed it back at him again.
"If you're lying to me, I will hunt you down and make you regret the day you crossed me", he swore.
"Duly noted", Bugs said.
"Swear to me, on your mother's grave", Sam said.
"But my mother's not dead", Bugs argued, before he mentally kicked himself. "What is wrong with me? I literally can't stop making smart-aleck comments to save my own life!", he immediately thought.
"SWEAR!", Sam bellowed.
"I swear on my mother's grave to keep my end of the bargain", Bugs said obediently, to Sam's satisfaction. He watched in relief, as Sam reluctantly shoved his gun backed into his holster.
"Now what's the catch of our little deal rabbit? Cause you always have one", the bandit asked impatiently.
Bugs swallowed the lump in his throat. "Glad you asked. It's a pretty simple one, so go getting all trigger-happy again", he warned. "I want you to kiss me", he said before bracing himself for the outburst.
"WHAT?!", Sam exclaimed.
"Whoa, cool your jets there partner", Bugs said, lifting his hands peacefully to remind him to stay calm.
"You're out of mind if you think I'm doing that again", Sam snapped.
"Why not? Don't cowboy dudes like you do stuff like that all the time when you're alone?", Bugs asked. "I think I saw a movie about that once", he added, though it was obvious Sam wasn't amused. Still, at least he wasn't trying to shoot up the place anymore. "Come on doc, I don't see what the big deal is, we've done this plenty of times", he reasoned.
Sam folded his arms. "Why do you even want to kiss me anyway?", he demanded.
Bugs thought about telling him 'because it's fun', but then that would kinda contradict what he said about not being stupid. "In some countries two men kissing is a sign of peace and mutual respect. Look at the French", Bugs replied, throwing his hands into the air for dramatic effect.
"But this isn't some foreign country rabbit, this is America. Grown men don't kiss!", Sam argued, before the outlaw lowered his hat to his chest. "Unless they're intimately involved", he added respectfully before throwing his sombrero-like Stetson back on.
Bugs raised his eyebrow. For a bad guy, Sam seemed to have a lot of respect for not only dead people but different lifestyles. You learn something new every day.
"Come on Sammy, what are you scared of, embarrassing yourself? It's just the two of us in here. No one will ever know, and I'll be out of your hare", Bugs argued (forcing himself not to laugh when he realized he had mixed up the word 'hare' again).
Sam scowled at him again, before the outlaw sighed in aggravation. "Fine", he moaned, rubbing his moustache.
Bug's eyes lit up. He couldn't believe he had actually agreed to that. He must really want him gone.
Sam closed his eyes, apparently so he wouldn't have to see the deed being done this time, but after waiting patiently for at least ten seconds, Bug still hadn't made his move. "Well what are waiting for varmint? Get it over with already!", he ordered, wrenching his eyes open.
"I can't", Bugs replied.
"Why not?", Sam asked, teeth gritted.
"The deal was you kiss me. You've gotta be the one to do it", Bugs explained.
Sam stared at him with disbelief, his mouth opened-wide, before he shook his head. "You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?", he seethed.
Bugs mouthed the word 'nope', and Sam contemplated reaching for the gun again before making his way towards the freakishly tall critter. "Bend over", he said impatiently.
Bugs did as he was told, and bent his legs as the masked bandit approached. With that annoyingly smug grin on his face that Sam knew all too well, he eagerly awaited his little 'fun'.
How did things go this way? Sam came here to kill the rabbit, and now he was going to kiss him. Damn Bugs for being able to turn him around like this. Still, he couldn't argue that relinquishing a little bit more of his dignity was well worth getting rid of him. So, with his eyes open this time (he decided he was going to take this kiss like a man), he puckered his lips and stood on the edge of his leather boots again.
Except, he locked lips with nothing but air. Even with Bugs bending over, he still wasn't tall enough to reach his face, falling short by just a few inches.
"Maybe we should break out the ladder?", Bugs, honestly, suggested – when he felt Sam's hand grab the fur on his chin.
Sam pulled him down to his height and really laid one on him. Seriously. For a guy who claimed to have never kissed a man before, Sam was really getting into this. His gloved hand held Bugs in place, while the bandit pushed his lips against and eventually into his. It was so deep and…what was the word?... passionate. Nothing at all like the slobbery wet ones Bug gave him.
In fact, after a while, Bugs was under the impression Sam was enjoying this just as much as he was, since he still hadn't let go of him, or did his usual mouth-wipe routine. Bugs had done this for fun, for a few laughs between frenimies, but now it seemed to have evolved into something much more. And he liked it.
Bugs pulled away from the midget man, to Sam's frustration, just long enough to pose his question. "Eh, why are we still doing this?", he whispered.
"Isn't this what you said you wanted? You wanna do queer things with me? Yosemite Sam never does stuff half-way", the cowpoke remarked, before he resumed sucking the critter's face.
The hare could feel himself getting hot under the collar (if he had a collar), and his skin burned with desire. These were totally new feelings for him. He had never shown any kind of sexual interest to anyone he had encountered before. Sure he had dated girls in the past (including the lovely but talkative Lola Bunny) and he more than admired their curvy physique, but he never got this kind of feeling from them. With women, of both humankind and rabbit-kind, he always had to be so soft, so gentle with them, even when doing something as simple as kissing or holding hands.
But Sam, unsurprisingly, didn't even try to hold back; he was so rough with him, fueled by rage, and adrenaline, and lust. As clichéd as it sounded, Bugs only realized now that he liked the roughness – the rabbit always did love a challenge, maybe that's why he kept gravitating back to Sam every other week, the first hombre who had ever really been a challenge for him (compared to guys like Daffy and Elmer).
Eventually, both men had to breathe (as much as they wanted to keep going their starved lungs demanded they separate), so Sam let go of Bugs' chin, and the rabbit fell back against the wall, gasping for air.
Sam, meanwhile, huffed and puffed like the big bad wolf, though for once it wasn't because of his short temper. His arousal was unmistakable plain, the bulge in his jeans could be seen even in the darkness of the booth – throbbing, pulsing, and begging for somebody, anybody to give it what it needed. Bugs was mesmerized by it.
Sam followed the rabbit's gaze to his below-the-belt area, and uncharacteristically smirked. "Go ahead varmint", he said, folding his arms again confidently.
Bugs, in a zombie-like state, moved towards him, his feet shuffling across the floor. Despite looking all empty and zoned-out, Bugs was vaguely aware that he had lost his mind. He was sitting in a booth, with Yosemite Sam, a certifiable nut-job, and he wanted to have sex with him. And Sam thought he was the master of turning things around.
Still, he always told the kiddies at home to just roll with the mad things that went on in his world, now it looked like he was going to take his own advice. He just hoped those kiddies weren't watching right now.
For once, Sam was the smug one as Bugs stopped in front of him, and slowly removed the gloves from his hands. He then rubbed his now-unprotected hand up and down Sam's shirt, stroking his sweaty chest, before he lowered it down further. He placed his other hand on Sam's back, and pulled the outlaw closer to him, still in that dazed slightly-out-of-it state of mind.
He paused right above the area of Sam's body that was calling out to him; there was still a tiny bit of rational thought left in him that hadn't been consumed by lust, and he was trying to decide whether or not he really wanted to go through with this. He was about to sex with Yosemite Sam, biggest jackass in the west.
But any of that hesitation or 'common sense' was destroyed by three little words on Sam's part. "Do it rabbit", he coaxed, his throat rumbling with a gruff, baritone, and impossibly sexy tone that Bugs couldn't believe he had never noticed before. No longer afraid to take the plunge, Bugs pulled back his bare paw and placed it right on top of Sam's crotch. And then, acting on instinct, starting rubbing the erect muscle.
Sam's eyes rolled to top of his head, and the outlaw shuddered as intense desire mixed with immense pleasure, creating a burning need within him that even the most hardened, gritty of bandits would be unable to resist. "Don't hold back varmint", he ordered.
Bugs nodded. Sam was apparently calling the shots now, and this time he was perfectly contempt with following orders - he needed this just as much as Sam did. His furry, erect penis stood tall and proud between them, poking him in the chest as visible proof of what a wanton rabbit he was.
He did as Sam said, and took things one step further by slipping his hands down Sam's pants, bypassing his troublesome belt buckle and grabbing the snake in his tighty-whiteys. He pulled and tugged on Sam's member, rubbing it and squeezing it as it grew thicker and thicker. Neither him nor Sam had had any kind sex in a while (not onscreen anyway, for obvious reasons), so neither of them would last very long.
Especially since Bugs was determined to make them come as quickly as possible. Not only was stroking him off now, but he had taken his other paw (that used to be on Sam's back) and used it to shamelessly grope Sam's butt through his tight-ass jeans. He moved back and forth between each little cheek, rubbing them and grabbing them in his palm like how an artist would mold clay.
Sam couldn't be more proud of himself. He had finally gotten the better of Bugs Bunny. Sure, not in the way he would have intended, but his rival was practically putty in his hands. And despite all the 'ook', 'eek' sounds that escaped his furry lips as Bugs had his way with both ends of his body, the grin on his face remained smug and triumphant. "He may be a pest, but he's mighty fine at this", the bandit noted.
Eventually, Bug's diligence paid off and Sam came, shooting load after load of his seed into his boxers, while yelling out a string of curses and expletives that probably only made sense to him. Heaven knew what the other passengers thought was going on. Not that Sam cared about what those lily-livered pansies suspected, or how his jeans would be sticking to his skin all night. All that mattered to him was that Bugs had succeeded in getting him off, working almost like a pro.
To say that seeing the sight of a macho hombre like Yosemite Sam lose control and come inside his jeans sent Bugs over the edge too would be an understatement. The rabbit writhed erratically, and a white, pearly liquid shot out of his hard cock, the same gooey stuff that was now seeping out of Sam's crotch. Unrestrained by any article of clothing, Bugs' come flew everywhere, sticking to the floor, his chest, and Sam's sweaty shirt.
Bugs let go off Sam and sank to the floor, trying to comprehend what just happened. He talked Sam into kissing him, and somehow it lead to him sticking his hand down Sam's pants.
Speaking of pants, out of the corner of his eye, he could see the bandit throwing his belt buckle to the side and (willingly) dropping his soggy jeans and boxers to his knees. "What are you doing?", Bugs asked (eyes widening); it was the first thing he had managed to say since things started to escalate.
"Getting' ready for the next part", Sam replied, to Bugs' alarm. "I told ya I don't do things half way", the outlaw reminded him. And then comprehension flickered onto his expression, and his lips contorted into another satisfied grin. "Unless you wanna back out?", he suggested.
Bugs frowned. Sam was the only one who had pride. No one accused Bugs Bunny of being a coward. "What's next?", he asked calmly.
"Get down on yer back", Sam explained, untying his yellow bandanna and pulling his (now sweat and come-stained) shirt over his head.
The hare, for some reason wanting to please him, rolled over, his feet facing Sam. The robber spit onto his palms and Bugs watched (feeling a little lightheaded again), as Sam rubbed them on his hardening member. Just like before, it didn't take a take a genius to guess where this was going. Bugs was really starting to doubt Sam's claim about never doing this before.
"Alright varmint, let's do this. Open yer hole", Yosemite growled.
It took Bugs a moment to realize what he was talking about, but when he did he took his gloveless hands and used them to widen the little pucker beneath his tail. It was a small one, no doubt it, just like his tail, but for a guy the size of Yosemite Sam it should be a snug fit.
Bugs lifted his head as Sam approached him, buck naked except for his hat; his rigid dick held tight between his hands as he zeroed in on his target, and a grin the size of Texas dominating his face. Sam's eagerness to fill him made the moment both terrifying and exciting.
Sam got down on his knees and, using his hands to hold himself up, bent over Bug's exposed buttocks. Without a word of warning, Sam shoved his hard cock in-between them, and the rabbit howled like a wild wolf.
"Yeah, ya like that, don't ya?", Sam taunted as he forced himself in.
Encouraged by the rabbit's yelps and twitches, Sam plunged in deeper, slipping in another inch of his dick. Bugs was a virgin, which meant his already small hole would be even tighter, but luckily Sam was good at fitting in tight places. Napoleon complex or not, this was one of those rare days he was glad he was short.
By the time he was half-way in, Bugs had stopped making so much noise and Sam guessed the pleasure was starting to overtake the pain. So he sped things up by inserting himself faster and harder. The rabbit cooed again, and pulled his anus even further apart, giving Sam lots a room.
"Sammy, be honest with me. You've done this before, haven't you?", he asked, panting as Sam continue to pound him over and over again, nearing what Bugs felt was the end of the tunnel (who knew what laid there?).
"Wouldn't you like to know rabbit?", the robber grunted, even more sweat appearing on his chest and brow as he worked harder to make Bugs (and himself) come. After easily pushing his way through some of Bugs' defenses, he reached what he had been looking for, the pleasure center of nearly every living critter – the prostate.
Like always, he didn't hold back, he slammed into the sweet spot, making Bugs writhe and shiver, and dig his claws into the floor of the carriage. There was no way anybody on the train hadn't heard them by now, but Sam still didn't give a damn about them. No one onboard would even think about telling the masses Yosemite Sam was a queer, not unless they wanted to meet the end of his six-shooter.
The midget was close to losing it, and Bugs probably was as well. "Bunny, before this is over, tell me something", he requested, salt water rolling down his face from his forehead.
"What?", Bugs shuddered, as his body rose and fell repeatedly from the rump up.
"Who's the man you let fuck your ass?", he asked.
"Is…this…really…necessary?", Bugs argued, vibrating now.
"Say it", Sam said, scowling but not stopping.
As Bugs felt his last shred of self-control fading, the rabbit clenched his teeth. "Yosemite Sam", he managed to get out it.
"Roughest, toughest cowboy in the west", Sam declared, satisfied, before he delivered the kill blow. All it took was one last impact from Sam's cock to set Bug's prostate on overdrive. The bunny's back arched, and he shot his seed high into the air, splattering all over Sam's chest and chin.
The cowboy (while still pumping) somehow managed to keep hold of his position with just one hand, using the other one to take his hat off and spin it in the air like he was riding a bucking bronco. "Yee-haw! I've struck gold!", he yelled, as Bug's come continued to spray his chest and get stuck in his chest hair.
The thrill of seeing his rival melt beneath him was just what Sam needed to get off too. When he reached his own climax, his dick exploded with tons of built-up come, filling Bug's ass almost immediately, and trickling onto the carpeted floor (he almost pitied the city-folk who would be riding this carriage after them). When the moment was finally over, Sam threw his hat back on and let himself fall onto Bug's chest, completely exhausted from doing most of the work.
Both of them were hot and sweaty (Bug's fur clung to Sam's skin like metal to a magnet), and they both of reeked of sex, but they paid no mind to how hot or dirty they were (getting a little filthy when you were in the Old West was a given anyway). They were too busy thinking about how they had just had the time of their lives.
Neither man spoke a word, telling each other all they needed to know through their expressions. Sam still hadn't moved off Bugs' chest (the bunny figured he rather liked lying up there), so he threw his arm around the cowboy's back and held him nice and close to him.
In a moment's time they were kissing again, but not out of lust. No, this time was the kiss was because of an entirely different feeling that had come over them, one that neither of them could explain nor understand. They just liked the feeling of kissing each other, it was so soothing (it had even grown on Sam).
While the molding of lips went on, Bugs slowly moved his hands down Sam's back and took the opportunity to squeeze his naked butt again.
Sam pulled away from him (just an inch), eyebrows raised. "You're a real horny toad, you know that rabbit?", he asked rhetorically.
"Yep", Bugs replied, keeping his hands exactly where they were.
The next morning the train arrived in Abilene, and they went their separate ways. Sam's pony was waiting for him at the station. Bugs had no idea how the little horse had beat them there, and again he decided not to question it.
Yosemite was off to rob another bank, but this time Bugs didn't try to stop him. A deal was a deal after all. He had plenty of other weirdoes to pester, like Daffy Duck, or Elmer Fudd, or that creepy Martian guy Marvin he kept running into. Besides, he figured the clueless crook would find a way to sabotage himself three minutes into the robbery anyway.
For now he'd give Sam his space and let him repair his broken reputation. But he would come back for him one day. Because he knew (even if his tiny rival wouldn't admit it), that both of them would die of boredom without their little games now and again. Especially since they had just found a brand new one to play.
About a month later, Yosemite Sam found himself sitting a jail in Tombstone, stripped of his guns, and without a soul to talk to. The sheriff had left for town an hour ago, and left him to count the stars in the sky until he got back. It seemed like another one of Sam's robberies had gone horribly wrong. Or had it?
A door opened behind him, and the outlaw turned around so he could see out the bars of his cell. He sneered when he saw who had come to visit him. "I always knew you'd come looking for me. It was only a matter of time", he said gruffly.
The stranger tipped the end of his cowboy hat and placed a carrot in his mouth, like it was a cigarette. "Eh, I heard you were looking for me too. You knew I was passing through town, so you got yourself locked up here. You're sloppy Sam, but you're not that sloppy", the man countered.
Sam shrugged. "What can I say? Patience was never one of my strong suits. Now are you gonna give me my guns, or stand there in the shadows all night trying to look mysterious varmint?", the bandit asked impatiently.
Bugs Bunny rolled his eyes and reached for gun belt and key chain hanging on the wall. He opened the door and gave the man his precious guns back. "Now why do you wanna me see he?", he questioned.
Sam's cockiness disappeared in a heartbeat, and he lowered his head a little, to Bug's curiosity. "Rabbit, I thought what we did last month was just sex, pure and simple. But over these past few weeks, I've realized life on the trails can be mighty lonely", he said, kicking his boots through the dusty floor. "I've always flown solo, that's the way I like it. But now I reckon…all cowboys need some kind of companionship", Sam explained.
Bugs nodded, following him so far. In fact, what he was saying sounded a lot like that movie he saw, but for the life of him he couldn't remember what its name was.
Yosemite lowered his hat (and this really started intrigued to him). The rabbit knew the tiny man only took off his hat out of respect for the dead, respect for a lady, or plain old nervousness (something that the cocky criminal rarely ever felt).
With his hat now pressed to his chest, Sam continued with whatever it was he had to say. "But I can't picture that companion being any old tom, dick, and harry. Or some namby-pamby wimp. Seeing as how you're the only critter who's ever been brave enough and tough enough to tame me…well…I…I was wondering if you'd like to travel with me rabbit? Just for a little while anyway", he suggested, finally revealing his intentions.
Now it all made sense. Bug's lips curled upwards, and his face glowed. He couldn't resist what he said next. "Oh, I get it now. Basically, you're asking me if you want me to hold your hand? Or cuddle with you on those cold nights on the prairie? Or…", he joked, laughing.
"Damn it rabbit!", Sam snapped, cutting him off and making him straighten himself off. "Here I am making a complete fool out of myself, for you, and you won't even take me seriously long enough to answer my question!", the bandit growled.
Bugs eyes sank to the floor, suddenly feeling like a grade-A heel.
"I don't even know why I called ya here. This whole thing was a mistake", Sam fumed, brushing past the tall bunny and heading towards the door to the sheriff's office.
"Sam, wait!", Bugs said, grabbing Sam's shoulder to stop him.
The midget scowled at him, and Bugs, the eternal man-child, knew it was finally time to get serious and make a grown-up decision. After all, Sam had gone to all this trouble just to ask him out on a date. Imagine that, Yosemite Sam, willing to swallow his dignity to ask another man out on a date. That just doesn't happen. And, to be honest, despite their history Bugs had grown to like the little shrimp – and he couldn't imagine his life without him.
It might be kinda fun to travel with him. Sleeping under the stars, seeing all of the Old West, getting to know him better and finding out all the little things that got under the guy's skin. Having someone to close to you on cold nights didn't sound so bad either. And neither did the idea of being Sam's 'companion' (for the kiddies in the audience that means 'boyfriend'). He remembered he always felt the odd urge to kiss Sam whenever they met, and this was a chance to explore that feeling. How could he pass it up?
"I would love to go with you…partner", Bugs said, shaking Sam's hand (and inadvertently his whole body).
When he realized Bugs' was serious that Texas-sized grin appeared on the cowpoke's face again, and he reached into his gun belt. To Bug's amazement, he actually started firing off rounds into the air (and the ceiling) out of unashamed joy, before he grabbed Bugs' arm. "Come on then partner, what are we still in this place for? It's time to hit the trails!", he said eagerly, before pulling Bugs in the direction of the door.
When they got outside, Bugs found not only his own horse waiting for him (right where he left him), but Sam's pony as well. "But…but how did it?...It wasn't….", he thought, before shaking his head. "Just go with it. Just go with it", he reminded himself.
When Bugs looked back at his new partner, he founded an amusing sight. Sam was, again, having trouble just getting one leg over the pony's back. "Need any help?", he offered.
Yosemite shook off his head. "Nope. I might be short, and I might be queer, but I still have my pride", he replied. He walked off into the darkness for a moment and when he returned he had his trusty ladder tucked beneath his shoulder.
Bugs couldn't stop himself from smirking when saw how he saddled up. There was no doubt about it. Good Ole Sammy was back.
Once they were both on their respective rides, they were off, racing into the desert night in search of fun, adventure, and 'companionship' (that meant romance kids, or as the French would say 'La Amour'). It was going to be hard work keeping the masked bandit out of trouble, but if Bugs knew one thing that could distract anyone from business, it was pleasure.
And that's the end of it. Sorry if Bugs and Sam came off as a bit out-of-character at times, I didn't have much to work with. In the cartoons Yosemite Sam is basically your stereotypical macho man, and Bugs is a relentless one-liner machine. Also, the word 'queer' isn't meant to be offensive here. During the 19th century it was a common word for homosexual acts since 'gay' still meant happy at the time. This fic is dedicated to That Nerd Next Door. People, feel review to review. It won't kill ya after all.