Lupine Luna Lily
Lily snuggled into his chest contently and whispered, "You know, we've been like this for more than a year now."
He just sighed and held her tight. She was so beautiful. As he lightly kissed her head, he took in her sweet smelling hair, and envisioned her smiling face, round and pretty and framed by her glistening red locks. Emmery loved Lily. He loved her dearly, and from the moment he had laid eyes on her. But he knew they could never be together. He would never burden her with a monster like himself. "Emmery. Say something. Don't you want us to be together?"
"I do Lily. I really do. But you know the dangers." Emmery murmured gently. Lily detached herself from his dark figure and stared into his deep brown eyes. He lost himself in hers, which were a beautiful shade of green. Everyone said her eyes were just like her fathers, but Emmery saw otherwise. He saw a whole new, unique type of green, the only type he had ever seen in her eyes. And he loved the way they sparkled and shone, like windows into her sweet, bright soul. "What dangers? It's been a year and nothing has happened." Lily muttered. Emmery smiled at her impatience and held his hand up to her face, gently brushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. Lily's anger died down a bit, and she relaxed at his touch, but then tensed and gave him an expectant expression. They had had this conversation many times before, and Emmery had always told her sternly the same answer, 'no'. But every time he'd said it, the word sent daggers of pain and misery into his heart, reminding him of how much he truly loved Lily. If only he hadn't been cursed.
"Listen Lily. I love you with all my heart, but we can't be together. I don't want to hurt you, and if I did, I would hate myself for knowing the dangers, but ignoring them and putting you through such pains." He explained softly, hating himself for her sad expression, "But you mustn't let that stop you from falling in love with someone else. Maybe you'll find someone who won't hurt you like I could. I swear, if I didn't love you I wouldn't be telling you this."
Lily's face twisted into anger and hurt. She even looked close to tears, something Emmery hoped would never happen; especially because of him. She hung her head, got up and glanced at Emmery, then softly whispered, "Okay. I- I need to go… goodnight." And she left. Just before she completely disappeared back into the house, he heard a small sob and then a door shutting.
He sighed. If only he wasn't a werewolf. Things would be so much easier, so much better. But his life had to be plighted by his infliction. Holding his head in his hands, he remembered when he'd fallen in love with her…
"Mr Howl, are you willing to take the risks?" Professor McGonagall peered at him from behind her glasses. Emmery Howl looked up and gave his father a worried look. As much as he wanted to go to Hogwarts, he wasn't sure he would be accepted for his condition. Not that anyone would know, but still, what if he hurt someone? His father nodded encouragingly and coaxed him on. Emmery gulped and replied, "Yes. I want to go to Hogwarts."
"Very well Mr Howl. Await your letter including your book lists next week. You will be expected at Kings Cross station at nine o'clock on the first of September." And with that, they had agreed on Emmery's admission to Hogwarts.
On the way back home, Emmery remained silent. He hung his head, allowing his slightly longer than usual hair to drape across his face. His father noticed. "What's wrong Em?"
Looking up, Emmery shrugged and replied, "Nothing."
"Come on. I'm sure there's something wrong. Is it about Hogwarts?"
"Yes- no. I don't know." The boy admitted. His father ruffled his hair and knelt down in front of him, staring him in the eye with a fatherly expression.
"If you're worried about hurting other kids, then don't worry. I have full confidence in you and in the professors at Hogwarts. They'll make sure nothing happens. Now, give your old man a smile." Causing Emmery's sad face to break out into a wide grin. His father grinned back, and together they entered the house.
***1st of September***
Emmery watched his father help him hoist his trunk into the train. He dusted his hands on his jeans and stood straight, "There you go son. S'there anything else we forgot?"
His father smiled, "Don't worry; you'll have a brilliant time."
"Meh, come 'ere." Emmery was engulfed in a huge bear hug, and he gladly returned it. He was going to miss his dad. They had always been close. Now was no different, "I'm gonna miss you son. Make sure you do decent in things. Yeah, so…" and he let go and ruffled his son's hair affectionately. Emmery smiled and felt a little less sick. At least he was now assured that everything would be fine. Then the bell sounded. "Well then, off you go son. See you at Christmas." His father said, and Emmery grinned, replied with a jaunty bye and stepped into the train, dragging his trunk behind him. He walked around for a bit, stealing glances into every compartment in order to see if any one of them was empty. Soon, he came to one with three people in it.
"Hi. Can I sit here?" He asked shyly as he observed them. One was a tall boy with ginger hair and a mischievous grin. The other was a slightly younger boy with sticking up black hair and green eyes and glasses, and as Emmery turned to look at the third, his paused with a jolt. She also had ginger hair like the oldest boy, and she looked about his age. She had beautiful sea green eyes which were almond shaped with plump cheeks that were framed by her short hair. She was so pretty, but she didn't look like she needed to try; it was a natural type of beauty. But what caught his eye was her sparkling smile, which lit up her face and put a small smile on his face too. "Err, I'm sorry, but who are you?" The oldest boy asked quizzically, his eyes looking Emmery up and down as he took in his appearance. Emmery took a deep breath and replied, "I'm Emmery Howl. First year."
The ginger girl grinned, "I'm Lily Luna Potter. I'm also a first year. This is my brother James Sirius and my other brother Albus Severus. It's great to meet you!"
"Yeah, what Lily said. So what house d'ya think you'll be in?" James crossed his arms and tested rather menacingly, although later on Emmery found out he never really meant stuff like that. Emmery gulped and whispered, "I dunno. I just don't want to be in Slytherin. Gryffindor is my top choice." And at that, James' probing stare softened and he looked at Emmery in an older brotherly type of way, "Well. See you around then. I'm gonna go and find Fred and the rest. We have some business we need to do." And he left the compartment without another word. Meanwhile, Emmery stood at the door, still unsure whether or not to enter and sit with Lily and Albus. The siblings were chatting together, having completely lost interest in Emmery and were now discussing which house was better, Hufflepuff or Gryffindor.
"I'm sorry Albus, but I don't see much in Hufflepuff that there isn't in Gryffindor. Other than being particularly good finders. I'm not even sure if that's true." Lily crossed her arms and put on a stubborn look. Albus just ignored her and carried on, "Dad says Cedric Diggory was in Hufflepuff and that he was a good guy."
At this point, Emmery wondered whether he should even be here because all of a sudden the compartment flooded with loads of new people, and they all seemed to know each other. Now he was going to feel more left out. So, giving his trunk a hoist and gently shutting the compartment door, he left the friends to themselves, but also felt with a lingering heart tug that he might've possibly fallen in love with that ginger girl in the compartment, a certain Lily Luna Potter…
Emmery sighed as the flashback came and passed. It had been a whole ten years since that had first happened, and he stilled loved Lily as much as he had then, maybe even more. There was just something about her which made him think, "Wow, I want to spend my life with this girl." Then he remembered his father. His good old dad, the man who never let him down no matter what. Emmery's father had died three years ago, and Emmery still missed him today. But Lily had been there for him when it had happened. Lily had been there for him for everything. Especially when she found out. That had been scary. When Lily found out about what he truly was. It felt like he would never be able to face her again. But she had accepted him, and returned his love. But, as much as he wanted to, he just couldn't ask her to be his. The dangers were far too great. Loving him would be like loving a monster. It was loving a monster. Emmery Howl was a monster, and he knew it.
Lily ran upstairs and into her bedroom as fast as she could, not caring when she bumped into her father and oldest brother on the way. She gently shut the door behind her, leaned onto it and slowly slid down to a sitting position on the ground, her head in her hands. Why did Emmery have to be so paranoid? He was afraid of himself, and thought he would hurt her! If she didn't know any better, she would've thought he didn't love her; but that wasn't true, wasn't it? After all, she had shown him affection, she had told him countless times she loved him with all her heart. But he just wouldn't do anything. And that's what hurt, giving all she had to him but knowing she probably wouldn't get anything in return. That's what their relationship had been like since it had started. Always giving, always the one to start. But Lily loved him dearly, and even though it hurt her and annoyed her, she couldn't bear get angry at him; it wasn't his fault.
"I'm just going to go and have a walk outside." Lily told her friends as she donned a warm coat, some trainers and stepped out of the portrait hole. Looking around to make sure there weren't any teachers or Mrs Norris around, she quickly tiptoed out of the castle, onto the grounds and started wandering in the general direction of the lake. There had been no particular reason for this sudden trip, Lily just felt she needed some fresh air and space. Also, the moon was full and bright, and it felt like a treat just staring at it as it reflected of the shimmering black waters of the lake ahead. After about half an hour, Lily sighed and got up. It getting chilly already, and although she hadn't been gone long, she knew her friends would be worrying and soon come out looking for her. So wrapping her arms around herself tightly, she decided to take the short cut past the whomping willow. That's when she saw it. A huge, wolf like figure howling in the distance, yet not so far away. It's appearance was definitely wolf, with its long nose and snarling features. But at the same time it had a certain humanity about it, as if it were just a boy cowering under a ghastly, more menacing side to his nature. Then it hit her. "Werewolf." Of course, what else? And even worse, it seemed to be heading her way. It had caught her scent! But Lily remained rooted on the spot. There were werewolf's at Hogwarts!? How could this be? There hadn't been any recordings of werewolves at Hogwarts since her grandfather's best friend, Remus Lupin. Distracted from her trail of thoughts, Lily realised how close the werewolf was now by the loudness of his howl. If she didn't start running to the castle now then she would never make it. But something kept her rooted on the spot. She just couldn't find it in her to run. "This isn't going to turn out well!" Lily thought to herself panickedly as the werewolf was now only a few trees away, she hiding behind a big oak, "Run, don't run. What do I do now!" her mind screamed, and she mentally kicked herself for not making a move earlier. Now there would be no chance of escape. Then she heard a snap from behind her, causing her heart to stop and her mind to go completely blank. "It's behind me…" Was all she could remember thinking before it was on top of her, and terrified, Lily awaited her gory death…
Except, Emmery hadn't killed her in that encounter. He had stared at her with those large, round woody brown eyes and snarled, as if something were holding him back from literally tearing her apart. He hadn't killed her because he'd loved her, because inside, that shy boy from Ravenclaw had resurfaced out of the monster he cowered behind and stopped it from taking over, stopped it from doing something he knew he would always regret afterwards. After that, Lily had become determined to find out who that werewolf was, she remembered sorrowfully. But now, Emmery seemed to cower under his beastly nature even more! And the fact that they loved each other didn't help. It was just a never ending war between two sides of himself. Lily could see it in his eyes every time they leaned in to kiss. The longing, love and pleasure tinged with pain, misery and hesitance. He didn't want to hurt her, but it hurt her to see him battle with himself, and feel how that affected their love. It wasn't fair. It wasn't his fault.
For another few minutes, Lily shut her eyes and leaned her head back against the door in an attempt to clear it. Then, she heard a knock.
"Come in." She hastily wiped her eyes, which had been filling with tears every now and then, and opened the door to see who it was, "Oh! Hi mum."
Her mother, Ginny, was standing at the door way with a concerned expression on her face. Obviously father had told her that something was wrong with Lily. Mother took a look into the room, and then laid her eyes on her daughter, saying, "Are you alright Lily? Is there anything you need to talk about?"
Lily bit her lip. Should she tell her mother? She did trust her with these things. It was one of the brilliant things about Ginny Potter; she understood these matters having gone through them herself. Lily sighed, and whispered, "Emmery won't… he says he can't be together. Too dangerous."
Ginny nodded in understanding and wrapped her arms around her daughter. She remembered feeling the same way when her husband had told her that year ago too. That it was too dangerous for them to be together. She understood how Lily was feeling. "Don't worry Lily. Emmery will come around. It's just a nobility phase he's going through; your father went through it too once." She soothed, causing Lily to giggle in between her silent sobs, "Hush now. I'll go and talk to your dad, see if he can talk any sense into that over protective boyfriend of yours." And with that, Lily's mum left.
Emmery opened the kitchen door to reveal his girlfriend's father, sitting at the kitchen table with a newspaper and a mug of coffee in front of him. He looked up when he heard the door shut, and fixed Emmery with a stern expression. "I'm sorry Mr Potter, is there anything wrong? Is Lily okay?"
Harry Potter shook his head, got up and told Emmery, "Come on Emmery, we're going to have a talk."
"You see!" said a strained voice. Tonks was glaring at Lupin. "Still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"
"It's different," said Lupin, barely moving his lips and looking completely tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely-"
"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front of Lupin's robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times…"
And the meaning of Tonks' Patronus and her mouse-coloured hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumour someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all…
"And I've told you a million times," said Lupin, refusing to meet her eyes, staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor… to dangerous…"
"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," said Mrs Weasley over Fleur's shoulder as she patted her on the back.
"I am not being ridiculous," said Lupin steadily. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole."
"But she wants you," said Mr Weasley, with a small smile. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so." He gestured sadly at his son, lying in between them.
"This is… not the moment to discuss it," said Lupin, avoiding everybody's eyes as he looked around distractedly. "Dumbledore is dead…"
"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world," said Professor McGonagall curtly, just as the hospital doors opened again and Hagrid walked in…
Lily stood at the door outside, listening to the conversation being exchanged between her lover and father. It all made her heart bleed, it was all so upsetting that she simply couldn't hold back the stream of tears which came pouring down her smooth pink cheeks and dripping off her chin. Why did Emmery have to be so protective of her? Many people said that you couldn't love anyone too much, but was that true? Emmery loved her far too much- so much that he didn't want her to love him in the same way. And that wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been a werewolf.
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL FOR HER! I… LOVE… HER!" She heard him shout agonisingly from inside, causing her to choke back a sob and strain her ears to listen for more. But only silence followed, choking, stifling silence. Or at least, it was silence to her. Lily did not hear the soft voices coming from the living room, continuing the conversation. Minutes later, Lily heard footsteps. She quickly turned away and attempted to run, but the door opened too early. She spun around to face whoever it was at the door.
"Lily." He whispered to her as she let out a pained moan and covered her face with her hands to hide her tear stained face. The moment her hands touched her face, she felt another pair gently take hold of hers and pull them to around his neck. "Lily," he whispered again as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him, and she buried her wet face into the crook of his neck, quietly weeping into his shoulder. Then she heard his voice again, soft, reassuring and loving. It wasn't worried, or hesitant. It was laced with affection and adoring. "Lily, I love you…"