Lord Voldemort and Sauron Meet Their Match
It was a tense night at the Fantasy Villains Annual Awards Dinner and Virgin Sacrifice. The Best Villain in a Completed Series award had gone to Sauron every year since the publication of The Return of the King in 1955. But this year promised him some serious competition: the famous Harry Potter series had finally come to an end, and Lord Voldemort (né Tom Marvolo Riddle) was eligible to compete.
And so, it was an equally great upset to both when the winner was announced: Lord Cutler Beckett of Pirates of the Caribbean.
When the shock wore off, Lord Voldemort and Sauron (Mouth at his side) huddled together at the reception, gossiping relentlessly.
"I don't know how he gets away with calling himself a Lord," whispered Voldemort confidentially. "Where are his kingdoms of darkness, eh? How many subjects can he claim to rule tyrannically over?"
"Good evening, gentlemen" interrupted a courteous voice. It was the award usurper himself. Beckett carried his award, a golden spike topped with a golden bloody head, under his arm, showing it off for all to see. The bastard.
"Congratulations," sneered the Mouth on Sauron's flaming eye's behalf. "Though I'm not sure how Pirates counts as 'fantasy.'"
"We have undead, cursed pirates, fish men on a ghost boat, a waterfall at the end of the world, and a fifty-foot goddess," replied Beckett calmly. "How would you classify it?"
"How did you do it? asked Voldemort, unwilling to suffer this polite conversation. "You ended up just as dead as us at the end of your series. What do you have that we don't?"
"I killed a child," said Beckett, smiling. "On screen."
This gave both Voldemort and Sauron pause. "I tried," muttered Voldemort.
"And failed utterly. But don't worry, Voldemort. If the remaining movies take enough liberty with your, shall we say, completely idiotic plans, you may have a better chance in a few years."
And with that, Beckett turned on his heels to leave Voldemort and Sauron alone, smoldering (in Sauron's case, quite literally) in their suppressed rage.