I felt tears prickling my eyes again. How pathetic. The moonlight outside my window was overshadowed by moving wisps of clouds. I squeezed my eyes shut. Why did I do this?
"Bella," his husky voice sounded lowly behind me. I took a deep breath and turned. Jacob was looking at me carefully, his brown eyes deep with concern. "Why'd you ask me here?" I bit my lip and dropped my gaze.
"I wanted to talk to you," I sighed.
"About . . ." Jake prompted. I felt my face redden. He shouldn't be here. If Edward ever found out . . . - "Bella," he whispered again, easily closing the short distance between us. "What's wrong?"
"I-" I turned and walked to my bed, easing onto the edge of it. Suddenly, my brilliant plan of patching things up with Jake before the wedding seemed ridiculous. He sank next to me, his hands clasped in front of him. I could see the pain etched deeply on his face. There wasn't a way to fix this. I bit my lip.
"I shouldn't have asked you to come here," a few traitorous tears leaked out of my eyes. I was hurting him again, for no reason.
"No," Jacob kept his voice low, sliding his hand under mine. It was so warm, I didn't want to move it. He must have seen the tear slide down my check before I could wipe it away. He spoke in an unbelievably gentle voice, "Bells, I've been gone . . . awhile. I didn't hear anything from you, for weeks. Now all the sudden you've got Seth and Sam chasing me down like I've committed a murder. I didn't want to come back," he frowned suddenly, his brow furrowing. "No, I did want to come back. But, nothing's changed. This hurts," he emphasized. My tears were quickly turning into sobs. I stifled them as best I could, burying my face against his bare chest. "Hey now," Jake pulled my hair away from my face, running his fingers along it slowly. "Just spit it out Bells, anything's got to be better than this."
It took a moment to calm my agony. I focused on the feel of his finger-tips running through my hair, letting it soothe me enough to finally speak up.
"The day of the fight," I started slowly, barely able to keep my voice from breaking, "the day we . . . kissed. Is it what you had been waiting for? Was it good enough?" Jake's hand dropped from my hair. I glanced over. His face was stunned.
"You dragged me half way across the country for this?" he asked, bewildered.
"Yes," I could barely whisper. "Edward's gone tonight, checking out some honeymoon spot that I'm not allowed to know about. He took Alice with him. He believes you aren't coming back anytime soon. This was the only chance I had. I wanted to . . . clear the air."
"No," Jacob answered stoutly.
"No, what?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the floor. I didn't want to know if he was suddenly going to leave me again.
"No Bella," his voice was softer this time. "It wasn't what I wanted."
"Why?" I asked. This was the real reason I had tracked him down, begged him to come see me. I needed to know how I had failed him. He ran his hand through his chin-length hair, brushing it back.
"I didn't want to have to corner you," he sighed. "I wanted you to want to kiss me. You did, I think, right before I ran off. But it was all wrong. It didn't feel right." I nodded, leaning my head against his shoulder. I needed courage, I needed it more than I had ever needed it before.
"Is there anyway to fix it?" I asked, my voice so soft I could barely hear it. Jacob wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. His heat radiated through my worn t-shirt.
"No," he said in an equally soft voice. "I gave up, Bells. I promised you I was giving up. I won't be the reason you're cut in half anymore. I'm sorry," his voice was bitter. Tears slipped down my cheeks again, though this time I was able to keep him from noticing immediately.
"There must be a way," my voice wavered. "I can't stand this Jake. I can't stand the pain you're in. I can't stand not having you here." I felt his thumb trace down my wet cheek, pushing the steady, stream aside.
"Please, don't cry Bella," he looked horrified. I wiped my other cheek with my hand, taking a deep breath. I had to try. I had promised myself I would try to fix this.
I raised my hand slowly, and gently brushed my fingers along Jake's face. His eyes closed at my touch. I took my chance, and carefully leaned in, pushing my lips firmly against his.
For a few stunned seconds, I thought Jacob was rejecting me. His lips stayed stiffly against mine, and his breathing quickened; for an agonizing moment he made no move to return my kiss. Then, he gently began to move his lips. I felt his huge, hot hand press against my face, his arm wrapped around my back and he slid me closer to him. Our lips stroked against one another's in a slow, gentle cadence. His hand drew my face closer still, putting more pressure on my mouth. I carefully parted my teeth, and gently ran my tongue over his smoldering, smooth lips. A moment later, he responded, massaging my tongue with long, soft strokes. My breathing quickened with his. I pushed my fingers through his hair, and wrapped my arm around his back, pulling myself as near as I could get to him. Jake slid his arm under me and moved me smoothly onto his lap. The heat from his chest radiated like fire across my skin. I was drawn closer in to him. His hot breath gasped in my ear for a moment, my lips pressed against his neck. I could feel him quivering beneath me, but I doubted it had anything to do with shifting. I ran my lips carefully up the side of his throat, caressing his russet colored flesh with my mouth. I heard him sigh my name softly.
"Third time's a charm," he murmured against my ear, "this is now our official first kiss." Before I could respond, he caught my lips again with his, and the pattern started over. But there was more urgency to it this time. His fingers twined in my hair as he pressed me harder against him. I shifted slightly, and wrapped my legs around his waist. He managed a soft groan, even while his mouth was busy against mine.
I noticed the heat was spreading across my skin, focusing on an aching throb between my legs. Jake pulled me closer still, wrapping his arm around my hips to slide me further up his lap. I felt his desire for me then. I gasped, a sensual shudder rolled through me. He looked at me, pushing a few stray hairs from my face.
"Bella," his voice was trembling with restraint, his quickened breath barely let him speak. "What about E-"
"No," I put my finger to his lips, shoving away my guilt and shame. I could wallow over those later. "This is about you, and me Jake." Desire, unlike any I had ever seen in him, burned across his face.
"Do you . . .?" he couldn't seem to finish the sentence. I thought about it for the briefest moment. His feverish skin pressed against mine, his dark brown eyes filled with such urgency and longing, my own trembling insides and desires. Yes. I needed him. I caught his eye, and slowly nodded, making sure he saw there was no uncertainty in my face.
He picked me up so gently, I almost didn't notice his touch. With a smooth motion he laid me down on my bed, and carefully stretched out on top of me. His weight felt good, better than I could have imagined. His lips traced along my jaw line, slowly dragging along my neck, tracing the contours of my collar bone to my chest. I sighed; his heat was intense. I pulled my legs around his hips, and slowly began pushing myself against him, feeling his stiff member drag at the fabric of my holey sweats. He groaned, a throaty, deep noise, not unlike the growl I had heard from him so many times. I felt myself flush with pleasure. His mouth covered mine suddenly, his tongue ravenous and wandering. I pulled him down, continuing the steady grinding beneath him. I felt an eruption of heat across my sex, causing my nails to bite into his wide back.
"Ah," he murmured, pulling up to take a deep breath. A smile appeared on his lips, a gentle smile, not quite the one I associated with my Jacob. But somehow it was a better one. I lifted the corners of my mouth, running my nails along his back again. His big, hot hands pushed up my shirt, and his mouth seemed to somehow cover ever inch of my stomach all at once. He returned my grinds with fevered intensity. I gasped as I felt his tongue slipped under the waistband of my sweats, tracing a slow, hot line around my waist. I moaned, my voice trembling with deep need. With a smooth motion, he slipped my shirt off over my head. I felt momentarily bashful as he stopped and gazed down at my bareness, his eyes tracing every line of my skin.
"You're beautiful," he murmured, his voice awed.
"You didn't believe me when I said that about you, once," I reminded him gently. He kissed my forehead.
"I was wrong to doubt you, then," he replied in a whisper. He moved his face down, and pressed his lips between my breasts, slowly working his way around them. I blushed a fiery crimson when he gently sucked at my nipple, slowly teasing it and working it with his hot tongue until it hardened. It felt amazing. I groaned softly as he repeated the process on the other. My hand traveled slowly down his muscular stomach, feeling the definition lines, the smooth, soft skin that so perfectly captured his godly form. I hesitated at his waistband, waiting. He felt my fingers stop, and looked up at me.
"I want this, Bella," his voice was raspy, uneven. "I want you to feel me, to understand how much I want you. Please," his eyes penetrated mine, cutting me to my core. I wondered if my look of longing was half as intense as his.
I took a shaky breath, and carefully slid my fingers down his cut off jeans. My hand found his throbbing member immediately. It took up a lot of room. "God," he breathed out the word, like an oath. "Don't stop, honey." Embolden by his reaction, my trembling fingers unzipped his pants and gently grasped his manhood. It was huge, bigger than it felt, even. It matched the tone of his skin, feeling silky, and strangely soft while also, surprisingly stiff. I ran my fingers along it gently, tracing my thumb around his wide tip, rubbing the wetness I found there. He shuddered with pleasure. Unsure of exactly what I was doing, I let my hand instinctively cup his throbbing organ, stroking it up and down it, watching his face collapse into ecstasy. A throaty growl of pleasure escaped from his lips.
His fingers skipped up my thigh, and he pressed his thumb between my legs, on top of my sweats, somehow finding the perfect place. He rubbed me in slow, even circles. I felt myself shudder as wetness dripped down my leg. A soft, throaty moan escaped my lips. I moved my hand a little faster along his member, gripping it a little more tightly. He imitated me, causing the sticky, hot sensation to drip all over my legs. His mouth found mine once again. It was passionate now; he drew deep, satisfying kisses from me, like he was drawing the very air from my lungs. I groaned as his mouth muffled mine, the intensity almost too much for me. Gently, I felt his hand slipping my pants down; he paused for a moment to get them free of my legs. I unbuttoned his cut-offs simultaneously. He tossed them on the floor next to mine.
Carefully, Jake suspended himself over me, his eyes locked in mine. I felt him ease himself down, his member poised at my opening. He rubbed his soft tip back and forth, in long, slow, strokes, catching my juices and spreading them up and down my sex, causing me to tremble with pleasure.
"You do want me," he whispered, trailing his finger through my wet, sticky lips.
"Yes Jacob," I was surprised at the tone of my voice, the intensity in it, "I want you." He closed his eyes, as though those words were just as significant as the act we were about to preform.
"I want you, Bella," he whispered back. His eyes held mine again. He slowly pushed my lips apart with his fingers, and traced carefully circle with his hot finger tip around my aching hole. He slipped his finger inside, and gently began moving it in and out. I gasped, but his lips muffled my surprise. It felt strange at first, to feel that part of him slipping through me. It wasn't what I had been expecting. "Relax," he breathed, his hot breath brushed across my face, causing my cheeks to redden with pleasure. I slowly closed my eyes, focusing on his gentle working. My muscles began to contract around his finger; I began to slowly move to meet his gentle thrusts, desiring more of it. Seamlessly, Jake inserted a second finger, carefully working it in the same gentle fashion. After a few moments, I felt myself instinctively responding the same, pulling my hips up to meet his hand, pushing him further in me, urging him to move faster. His fingers stopped. I opened my eyes. Jake's hand was glistening from my juices, a drop sliding down his forearm. I felt myself blush again. He smiled down gently at me, and eased himself against my bare skin again, settling his full weight on my bones.
"I'm honored you desire me as much as I desire you," he said seriously, his voice husky, intense. He was the more mature Jake I knew; the Alpha who could lead his pack, the bloodline leader of his tribe. All traces of his youth where discarded; he was a man now, in my eyes. He felt every bit the powerful, beautiful warrior I had seen traces of over the last few years. The thought washed a deep, hot sensation through me; he wanted me, as a man wanted a woman. And I wanted him, in the same desperate, human way.
"Are you ready?" I had to strain to hear his voice.
"Yes," I murmured. I was almost exploding with desire to feel him. He cupped my face in his big hands, stroking my cheek with his thumb.
"This is going to hurt, Bella honey," he whispered, locking my gaze with his. "I can't stop it from hurting. If you want to stop, you let me know." I nodded, bracing myself for what I knew would come next.
Jake carefully place the tip of his huge member against my hole again. I was throbbing with need, one that could never be satisfied until it was filled up with his entirety. He began to push, firmly. I bit my lip as the muscles parted. My nails clawed into my sheets, clinging to them like they might buffer the pain. His eyes stayed locked on mine, and he pushed again. I squeezed my eyes shut.
"I want you Jake," I gasped, hoping my words would detract from my face. It seemed to work. He pushed a final time, mounting his weight behind his thick organ. His member slipped in, splitting me in half. I inhaled sharply, a few tears rolling down my cheek. The pain was unlike anything I could have imagine. All sensation of want was discarded, my mind only able to focus on the intense, molten tearing, racking stinging agony through my sex. Jake slowly eased himself back out again, his face furrowed with concentration.
"What are you doing?" I gasped, my aching muscles grudgingly relaxed after a moment.
"It can't happen all at once," he murmured apologetically, his fingers brushing my cheek. I nodded, understanding.
"Ready?" he asked after another long moment. I really wasn't, but I nodded anyway. I needed to share this with him. This was ours.
Jake hovered over me, and gently pushed himself in again. He was slow, careful; every throbbing inch caused me to cringe in agony. His lips gently brushed against my cheek,
"Relax, Bella," he whispered once more, his eyes willing me to focus on his face. Slowly, he lowered himself down again, and gently kissed my lips. It was such a soft kiss, an utter contrast to the pain tearing at me, that I paused, and let myself be distracted. I leaned up and pushed my lips against his, just as gently. I felt him pull himself out slightly, and ease back in. "Yes, honey, just relax," his breath blew against my ear. He gazed into my eyes, "It's just you and me Bella," his lips brushed mine softly as he spoke, "it's just your Jake."
My Jake. The words sent a thrill through my stomach. Jake slowly thrusted into me again. I managed not to grimace this time. He seemed to feel a change, one that I couldn't notice with the undiluted pain washing through me. He moaned softly in my ear, pushing into me slowly a few more times. I started to feel my muscles gradually relax with each soft, even stroke of his manhood. Eventually, with his patient persistence, the pain began to fade.
I pulled myself up slightly, covering his lips with mine.
"I'm ready," my voice was unnaturally low. "Take me, Jacob, please," my voice whispered, prepared to truly give myself over to him. He sighed deeply at my words and wrapped his arms firmly around me, his lips meeting with mine again. I felt his tongue ease against mine, massaging my mouth in the most exquisite way. I felt his fingers coil through my hair. His thrusts were getting firmer. My muscles began to slowly contract around his throbbing member. I could feel him now, swollen to the point of bursting, deep inside of me. I didn't realize two people could become so close.
"Ah, Bella," he whispered hoarsely. I felt the wetness returning with a vengeance between my legs, and a deep, aching pleasure from his throbbing manhood slipping easily in and out of me.
"Oh, Jacob," I sighed, jutting my hips up towards his. He grunted; I wrapped my legs firmly around his wide, smooth waist; he slipped an arm under me, all but lifting me to his chest, as though he was trying to combine us into one being. His thrusts became more insistent, more intense. I felt the steady throb of my desire respond, my hips pushing him deeper and deeper, my nails dragging hard lines down his back. He gasped with pleasure. His lips where on mine again, roving and moving around anxiously, unable to stop. I was gasping, trying to fill every aching hole with as much of him as I could reach. His soft, firm skin was pressed so divinely to mine, I felt as though I were literally on fire with him. Maybe that's what we were now. Two flames intertwined on the same log. As much apart of each other as the clouds were apart of the air.
"Bella, Bella, Bella," he chanted. His member was so deep, his thrusts where so hard, I felt myself making indents in the mattress with every ravenous move he made. My toes curled, moans escaping frequently from my lips, echoing his hot, gasping grunts and refrains.
Deep inside, I felt on the verge of ecstasy, my body heating up in a way it never had before. I buried my face into his chest, praying I could keep from screaming out. He gasped, his throaty voice almost growling. Jacob's entire body suddenly trembled; he threw his head back, his spine forming a delicious arch as raw pleasure ripped through him. He brought his eyes back to mine, fixing them on me as he began to release himself. Deep inside, I felt his seed exploded in a thick, warm cloud of sensation, his member throbbing exquisitely against my burning insides. My breaths came out in short, jagged bursts as his explosion pushed me over the edge.
My entire body flushed as a rush of pleasure thundered through me, causing my back to arch, my nails to ravage his flesh, my hips to push him as far in as he would go. The feeling lasted for several, breathless moments. Jake gasped with me, his sensitive manhood feeling my orgasm splay across us. Finally, I felt myself relax, my body melting into a puddle of immense satisfaction. Jake was gasping, his hot body still laid out against mine, his face buried next to my ear. I stroked his hair, brushing my fingers along the back of his neck. Our hearts raced as one through our chests, the beats echoing perfect time where our skin met.
We shifted, locking our gazes for an immeasurable amount of time, our lungs greedily gasping for air. Jake gently pulled himself out of me. Now I could really feel the ache. I groaned reflexively, my insides writhing in pain. He carefully laid himself next to me, wrapping his arms across my naked flesh. His skin seemed to have grown hotter, somehow. I rolled over, slipping closer against his beautiful, hot body. His hand reached out and stroked my cheek again, his big thumb rolling smoothly across my skin. I pressed my lips to his, feeling their complicated, firm movements greedily mirroring each other. He explored my mouth carefully, letting our lips part only after he ended it with an unbearably soft, sweet kiss.
"I will never stop loving you Bella Swan," he whispered. His eyes were red and watery. We had expressed too much emotion to each other through our actions. Now, the emotional pain of our coupling began shredding my insides. My eyes were swimming with tears as well.
"I will always love you, Jacob Black," I whispered, agony stabbing viciously through my chest. Jake leaned forward and kissed me softly.
"Let me keep you, Bells" he said in a gentle, serious voice. I looked deeply into his eyes. The intense longing I found there cut me through my very soul. "We can run away together. I can take you anywhere, we don't have to stay down in La Push. I will devote myself to you. I'll never look at another woman so long as I live. I'll be yours until the day we die, Bella." His words cut me deeply; my chest ached. Us, dying together, old and wrinkled in a tiny house. His lips brushing mine one last time, our hands twined together as we both ventured into the unknown, together.
I felt the tears running unchecked down my face now. I didn't bother to wipe them. Jacob brushed them away. "I can make you happy," he kissed my cheeks, one at a time, "if you'd just let me try."
"Jake . . ." my voice cracked, sobs wracked my body. I couldn't get anything else out. He sighed, tears spilling over his eyes, streaming silently down his cheeks. He picked up my hand and gently kissed it along the knuckles.
"I am here for you Bella, if you change your mind. Think about it," he caught my chin, and forced me to look up at him, "Please." I couldn't stand to see that agony in his expression. I nodded mutely, my breath shuddering from my lungs. He leaned over and kissed me again, softly tracing the lines of my lips with his warm finger. "Thank you, Bella," he murmured. "I didn't deserve this. But you have no idea what it means-," he paused, searching for adequate words, "how grateful I am I got to experience this with you. I will remember it until the day I die."
"I needed you too, Jake," I told him, managing a small smile through the blinding pain that was cracking my heart.
"I know you did," he whispered, his eyes squeezed shut, relishing my words.
He stood, his body leaving behind a horrible, empty, cold. I watched him throw on his cut-offs, not meeting my eyes. Wordlessly, he handed me my holey pajamas. I dressed quickly, and sat on the edge of the bed, trying to hold myself together. He started for the window, refusing to look back at me, protecting me from deep hurt that haunted his face.
"Jake," I stopped him, my hand stretched out to grasp him. He turned slowly to look at me. We both saw what could never be, in each others eyes. I felt part of my heart withering up. "Stay with me," I whispered, wetness spilling down my cheeks once more, "just for tonight. Be my Jacob, please." He caught my gaze, and nodded slowly.
"Sure, sure," he murmured, the casual phrase coming out all wrong for his expression. Jake caught my waist and pulled us back into bed, fanning my quilt securely around us. He laid down next to me, pulling me against his warm body. "At least until dawn breaks," he murmured gently.
(**Though this was orignally meant to be a one-short, short, I have continued the story, with a T rating, under the title Full Moon** - AB)