I woke up, screaming. My hair plastered to my skin. The sheets wrapped around my legs. Even in my half-conscious mind I still knew something was missing. Peeta, ever since he had come back and we had started rebuilding our lives I had realised more and more how much I needed him to survive. Yes I missed him when he was in the Capitol and I was heartbroken when I found out he was hijacked but now, since we had started sleeping together again I had realised that he was the only person that I need to survive. I thought I needed Prim, I still do need Prim. Even the thought of her name still makes me cry, not just any crying but sobs racking through my body causing every single thing in the world cease to exist. All that I can think of, hear, see and smell is the bomb, exploding, freezing me in that moment. The one moment in my life that will never leave me. That will haunt me for the rest of my days. The moment when I was forced to watch as my little sister turned into a human torch.
Shaking that thought from my head I sat up and swung my legs off my bed. Peeta wasn't in the bed and judging from the smell of pancakes wafting into my room he was probably baking. For a moment I wondered why he hadn't come upstairs when I woke up. To hold me as the after effects of the nightmare left my brain. But I quickly dismissed the thought. He usually went to check on Haymitch about this time. To make sure the old drunkard was still breathing. He probably came back just after I had woken up. Ironic really.
I walked over to the bathroom that was attached to my bedroom. It was probably poor in Capitol standards but to me and the other people in District 12 it was heaven. A bath that could probably hold six of me in it. Plush fluffy bath mats, small lights embedded into the ceiling that caused the whole room to glow a light yellowy colour. But my destination was the shower. One of the only places that I could think properly for some reason.
I slipped my nightclothes off and turned the water on. As the warm droplets of water cascaded down my body my mind wandered back to Peeta. I wasn't sure that I did love him yet. I still wasn't sure if he loved me after the hijacking and everything else that happened in the war. For some reason this thought caused my stomach to churn and I was again faced with the possibility that Snow had damaged him forever.
It was selfish really. I still wanted him to love me but I offered nothing in return. I'm sure in another world, a world that still wasn't picking at its wounds, a world that was safe. I would offer Peeta any affection without blinking an eye. But I didn't have that privilege. I lived in this world. A world that was safe but still one that was still picking at its wounds. What was holding me back then? The thought that this world still wasn't safe? The constant fear that Peeta would leave me? Frustrated I turned the shower off and stepped out, the cold air biting at my skin. I had no choice but to go and see Haymitch but my first priority was the smell of pancakes that was still wafting upstairs from the kitchen.