Title: Already not ready but something

Author: FlawlessCaskett

Summary: Kate Beckett didn't know, what she did to herself by saying these things to him after spending hours cuffed together. "If I ever have to spend a night handcuffed to someone again, I wouldn't mind if it was you either." she had admitted. "Next time, lets do it without the tiger." she had teased.

Set somewhere after Cuffed.

Rating: M

Spoilers: A little 4x10 Cuffed.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, everything except the idea for this story belongs to Andrew W. Marlowe and abc.

A/N: Well, this came to my mind, and I needed to get it out. Uhm, it turned out to be a little angsty, but read it yourself. Reviews are always welcome :)

Already not ready but something

Kate Beckett didn't know, what she did to herself by saying these things to him after spending hours cuffed together. "If I ever have to spend a night handcuffed to someone again, I wouldn't mind if it was you either." she had admitted. "Next time, lets do it without the tiger." she had teased. If him or her, she couldn't even tell anymore. Actually, she wasn't able to tell anything anymore, because every time she tried thinking of something else, these images returned to her mind. Richard Castle handcuffed to her bed, naked beneath her, helplessly exposed to her dextrous hands. She saw them pressed together so tightly, that not even a piece of paper could slip between their heated bodies and if it would fit, it would stick there, because their skin was covered in sweat.

These pictures needed to disappear, Beckett desperately wanted them to, so that she finally would be able to look at her ruggedly handsome partner again without getting too aroused to work properly, to be in the same room with him, the same building, city or country. The sole knowledge of his presence caused her to shiver, every touch turned her into a puddle of want and need. She still felt his strong hands lifting her shirt, running over her back just a second too long to be all accidentally. Something needed to happen. Soon. Before she went all insane. If she wasn't already.

And Kate knew very well what that something was. But she also knew what would come along with it. She wasn't ready for that. The whole Richard Castle package. With a family she secretly already belonged to, with a partner she already had, with a place she already lived in (and moved out again).
Although everything seemed to be there already, she was scared. To drown in it. To lose herself in it. In him. She loved him. Deep inside herself, she felt that familiar thing, she'd only experienced once or twice in her life. But love wasn't enough. Not yet. She needed closure. For her mother. Otherwise sooner or later she'd screw it up. If she hadn't already. He waited. Patiently for her to heal, three months and three years before that. She hoped he'd go on. That he wouldn't give up on her. It would kill her to lose him.

Something else was killing her too. That something. Her heart and her head weren't ready, her body, however, was. For months, for years. If she was being honest with herself, she already wanted him that first time they parted, thinking they weren't going to see each other again. (At least she thought that they weren't going to see each other again. He probably knew they would.) "You have no idea" she had told him. She didn't have any idea as well. Of how hard it would be to resist him. It got even harder as time passed, as they got closer, got partners, real partners, friends, good friends.

All that unreleased tension was driving her nuts. Left her arching. For his looks. His lips. On hers. His hands. On her body. These hands. And lips. On her body. How good they would feel. Once they got to discover her. Finally. These hands. Undressing her. Slowly. Or not. Passionate maybe. (Definitely). Like his eyes did. Every time he thought she wasn't looking. And when he knew she was. Because he knew she liked it. Although she'd never admit to it. It was Beckett after all.

And she wouldn't be Beckett, if she didn't come up with a solution. Just do it. Once. she told herself. Once and not again until she was ready to give him what he deserved. What they deserved. It's so easy. she tried to convince herself. He will understand. And he will do it. she was sure. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. And he was Castle after all, the man that once slept with woman to support his living.

The more Kate thought about it, the more she wanted that idea to be reality. The less of the consequences were running through her head. Then the imagination got clearer. Suddenly, she knew how to do it. No risk. Just this one time. The sexual tension would be gone afterwards.

Her apartment was dark. Completely. Not one beam of light fell through the carefully curtained windows. Kate Beckett was sitting on her bed. Waiting for him. She knew he would come. She had sent him a text with the instructions:

My place. 10 pm. The door will be open. I will be waiting in the bedroom. One time. No light. One night. No talking. One night to break the tension. No morning after. Please, Castle. Give that to me. And then we'll wait together. For the day I'm ready for us.

(She cried after she wrote this. Not much. Just a few tears running down her face.)
She knew he would come.

And he did. He was there on time. Not a minute late. The front door closes with a click.

"Kate?" she heard his voice, rough and insecure, when he entered her bedroom.

Feeling the heat radiating from his body, she was able spot him accurately. Having a perfect picture of him in her head, she knew exactly, where his lips were.
She lifted her right hand, placed her fingers on his mouth.

"Shh, no talking. Please." she whispered.

Then her lips replaced the fingers, kissing him softly. A moan escaped him. She swallowed it with pleasure.

He was there. For her.

Kate cupped his cheeks with both hands whereas his wandered. Down her back coming to rest heavily on her waist.

She missed his kiss. He missed it too, she could tell, although he was hesitating, obviously still not sure what to think of this whole situation.

There was nothing to think of this. There were things to be felt. This was their moment. Their night. Their release. Nothing more. Nothing less.

The first buttons of his shirt were already opened by her swift fingers, never losing contact with his mouth. Delicately biting his lower lip, her hands went further down, taking the shirt with them.
She didn't need to see him. She knew he looked good in it, she knew he looked even better without it.

Dancing tongues, exploring hands.

Castle's hands came up to tangle in her hair just to leave it seconds later to lift the hem of her top touching every inch of bare skin they could find, not sure where to move first.

The kiss broke, both of them gasping for air, her lips starting to follow the line of his jaw, teeth nibbling on the soft flesh of his neck, then going further down, placing small open mouthed kisses on his chest.

Before she realized it, her shirt was gone, so were her yoga pants. She sat down on the edge of her bed to open his belt, the button and zipper of his jeans. Her mouth closed over his belly button while her hands slid down his trousers and boxers which he stepped out of as soon as they hit the floor.
Castle gave her a carefull shove so she came to lay down on her back, he then pushed her up so they both reached the middle of her bed.

It almost destroyed her, how tentative he was, how cautious, how patient. She needed him. That was why she asked him over in the first place. To satisfy that desperate need seething low in her abdomen, to take the tension away, not to build up more.

One hand opening the clasp of her bra, the other one went down her body, running over her soft curves. Beckett's bra hit the floor and soon she felt his tongue trailing a wet line down her chest, leaving random kisses sometimes, until he reached the part of her, that arched for his touch the most. Her panties followed the rest of their clothing on the floor and then his hands were back on her. Fingers running over her most vulnerable point.

A moan rose deep in her throat when he slipped his middle finger in her wet heat, her breathing getting unsteady and shallow. When his lips met her clit she immediately stumbled over the edge, her orgasm shaking her whole body. She was waiting for this too long. Too damn long.

Castle tasted of her, when their lips joined together again, sinking into a rough kiss with loads of teeth and tongue, she bit his at some point, she only noticed when the metal flavour of blood mixed with hers.

His erection was hard and hot in her small hands, the silky flesh pulsing under her touch, as she slowly stroked him. Castle groaned next to her ear, where he was busy biting her lobe and soothing the wonderful pain away with his tongue. Later she won't be able to remember how she knew, but she could tell, when he was close, so she decided, that it was time. For the finale. For now. She led him to her entrance, a muffled scream escaping her mouth as he trusted up in her tightness. He flipped them around and sat, changing the angle of the movement, drawing anew moans and sighs from both their lips. They held each other close, so close, just as Kate had imagined and yet completely new in its intensity. They held onto each other, as if they were drowning, each other being the only way of getting to the shore alive.

When they got even closer than they already were, their rhythm sped up, their hips rushing into the others. They came in unison. The exact same moment. Both of them had never experienced something so intense before in their lives, he fell back, pulling her with him.

Lying there with him, clutched together so tightly, Kate thought about asking him to stay. The urge lasted for an instant. But then she reminded herself, that there was no going back if she did. It would ruin her deliberately build up construction. So she kissed him one last time before getting up and walking towards her bathroom. As she stood at the threshold of her bedroom, she turned, speaking in his direction, voice low and almost breaking.
"Thank you."

When she came back from her shower, he was gone. As she wished. As she wished she didn't wish. She cried. The second time this evening. She thought it would be easier now. Instead, there was a big emptiness surrounding her. From the outside and inside. She cried a lot.
Until her eyes were swollen and red, until she everything she wanted to was to be ready already.

For once. For him. Forever.