Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless, any definition from Microsoft Works Word Processor, or the points I recall offhand from the DSM-IV.
"Troubled (adjective): Lacking inner calm, experiencing or prone to emotional conflict or psychological difficulties."
"Schizophrenia" the therapist called it. Apparently his mother had the psychiatric disorder as well, and passed it on to him.
He never informed Soubi of the diagnosis, such seemed unnecessary.
Katsuko-sensei gave him a small packet explaining the condition. An internet search made it seem like a joke, with tests such as "Do you have schizophrenia? Find out here". As with many medical and psychological ailments, a number of the symptoms were general. Many people joked with their friends in forums about which of them was a "schizo" and the like.
From what information he found on medical sites, it unfortunately sounded familiar.
As he walked home from the bus stop after an appointment, his mind was filled with the revelations of the past few months which showed that he was damaged without a doubt.
"Is my Ritsuka back? Do you remember your mom?" Aoyagi Misaki asked as he entered the house.
"Sorry no", he responded tiredly and received a hard slap that reddened his cheek.
"Give him back to me, I want my son!" She screamed shaking him.
His mom had no understanding what psychological damage she added to the lot whenever she spoke such words. He believed that he was the one at fault for remaining in spite of her obvious pain from the loss of both her sons. He walked to his bedroom as his mother raved.
He wished it could be as easy as digging into his skin and freeing the trapped boy, the real Ritsuka. Such a notion was ludicrous, but the blade found his skin pleasing. Taking notice only of emotional pain, he remembered Yuiko's comment, and his mother's daily words.
"It's like you're a completely different person"… "You're not my Ritsuka"… I wonder when will he return?...
When he returned to the situation, he realized how deep the blade was. "Damn it" he said, shaking his head in annoyance. Now he'd likely not be able to mend it on his own.
Never looking forward to visiting the hospital, he wrapped his wrist then wiped the knife and hid it in a box under the bed. He climbed out the window and jumped down then heard a familiar voice, "Sneaking out?"
"Going to the hospital", he responded then bit his lip and looked down. Now that Soubi knew, it all felt more real.
Observing the red bandage on Ritsuka's left wrist and noticing the lack of yelling from inside the house, Soubi easily deduced what happened. He tore the bottom of his dark green shirt. Ritsuka moved to stop him, but he removed the thin bandage, and wrapped the cloth tightly around his wrist.
Grasping his right hand, Soubi said "I'll make sure you get there safely".
As they walked out of the back yard Ritsuka hesitantly said, "Soubi there's something I want to tell you."
On the way to the hospital he explained the diagnosis, and what he learned about Schizophrenia. Soubi listened intently, never releasing his hand.
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