Story Written by Freedom Fighter
Since it's that time of year again... here's a new "Phineas and Ferb" Valentine's Day one-shot special. Or... is it?
Disclaimer: The characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.
Lovey Dovey (02.11.03)
"I GOT IT, MOM!"
Candace ran for the front door and opened it.
"Hi, Jeremy!" she exclaimed, seeing her boyfriend on the other side. "What are you doing here?"
"Um," Jeremy replied, hesitating a little because he was confused. "Didn't you invite me over?"
20 minutes earlier, in Candace's bedroom...
"You should totally invite him over," suggested Stacy, who was calling from her house.
"I should totally invite him over!" Candace exclaimed, in agreement.
"Jeremy will be thrilled to go to your place!"
"Jeremy will be thrilled to go to my place!"
"You can start by hanging up so you can call him!"
Candace hung up. Stacy was stunned.
"Wow, really? Rude much?"
20 minutes later, at the front door...
Candace laughed. "I have no idea what you're talking about. But come in anyway?"
Jeremy shrugged his shoulders. "Well, alright..."
As Jeremy stepped into the house, out in the backyard were Phineas and Ferb, and they were up to their Big Idea of the Day, as usual.
"Whatcha doin'?" questioned Isabella, as she walked in with Buford and Baljeet in tow.
Before Phineas could explain that he and his brother were putting the finishing touches on a device that would make it rain jellybeans and gumdrops, a wave of five pink concentric rings passed through the yard. It passed around the kids, with the first ring being the biggest and each successive one shrinking in size.
The second the wave had moved on to the adjacent yard, the back door slid open, and Candace stuck her head out to see what her brothers were up to.
"A-HA! You guys are so busted!"
She ran out to inspect the machine they were building.
"So, what's this hunk of junk do?"
She turned to Phineas to get an answer. But he seemed to be ignoring her.
"Hello! Phineas? I'm talking here!"
Candace saw that Phineas had a goofy smile on his face. He then did something she believed that her brother would not do for at least a few years.
"I love you, Isabella!"
To accentuate his statement, he then grabbed Isabella's hands with his own. Candace, understandably, was freaking out.
"OMG, this is my worst nightmare AND my best dream come to life at once! Isabella, are you seeing this?"
She turned to look at Isabella. Strangely, she had the same goofy smile on her face as Phineas did.
"I love you, Phineas!" she said in return.
Phineas then released his grip on one of Isabella's hands, and then two began skipping towards the driveway, with hearts in their eyes.
"Hmmm," Candace hummed, as she stopped being happy and started getting suspicious, "aren't they a little young to be in love?"
While she contemplated a response to that question, she seemed to not take notice that Buford and Baljeet were embracing in a big hug behind her, one that they had been in for at least a minute already and there were no signs that they were going to let go of each other anytime soon.
Suddenly, she reached a conclusion.
"I don't know what's going on, but this has Phineas and Ferb's handprints all of it! When I get my hands on them..."
At that point, Candace came to a realization. No, not about Buford and Baljeet...
"Hey! Where's Ferb?"
Three blocks away, Ferb was seen running at full speed towards downtown. He had hearts in his eyes too as he sought out the love of his life as if he were a homing missile.
"It's not like Ferb to just up and disappear," Candace thought aloud.
Suddenly, she felt something, or someone grab her left leg.
She looked down, and to her surprise, Buford had wrapped his arms around her leg. He was lying on his grass, but he did not care, as the only thing he was thinking about that moment was Candace.
"I know this goes against everything I stand for," Buford proclaimed, "but I can't hold it in any longer! Candace Flynn, I LOVE YOU!"
Candace opened her mouth to respond, but...
...her eyes shot over to Baljeet, who now had tears streaming from his eyes.
"My one true love has ripped out my heart and stomped on it many, many times! AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Okay," Candace said aloud, "now this is officially a '10' on the weird scale. And you, GET OFF!"
She tried to break her leg free of Buford's grip, but it was as hard as rock. Unable to extricate herself, she did the only thing she could think of.
Someone heard her cry, but it was Jeremy who stepped out into the yard. Needless to say, he had no words to describe seeing Baljeet bawling his eyes out or Buford clutching tightly to his girlfriend's leg.
"Is this another one of those things your brothers did?" he asked.
"I dunno," Candace replied, "but I'm sure of it!"
Candace turned to the garage just in time to see Phineas and Isabella come out, riding their bikes. They were still holding hands, which made it all the more surprising that they safely made it from the driveway to the sidewalk, and from there, down the street.
"By the way," Jeremy said, "your mom left a note on the fridge. She said she's getting her hair done..."
"Huh. That explains why she didn't reply to me earlier. But never mind that... PHINEAS AND FERB, YOU ARE SO BUSTED! Come on, Jeremy, let's go after them!"
She tried to move, but again Buford reminded her that he was attached to her leg and he had no intention of letting go. Candace grumbled something, and then looked at her boyfriend.
"Jeremy, have you ever used a crowbar before?"
Five minutes later, Candace was now Buford-free as she biked down Maple Street, chasing after Phineas and Isabella.
"C'mon, Jeremy, before they do something they'll regret for the rest of their lives!"
Jeremy silently followed on his own bike. Buford was tailing them on his own 'cycle, and he was not being quiet about it.
"Come back here, my love! We're meant to be!"
Ferb arrived at his destination, which was the local high school. A bunch of teenagers were hanging out in front of it, for some strange reason, and among them was the person he had been searching for.
He pulled out a white glove and put it on his right hand. He then walked up to the teens and singled out his target. Ferb then proceeded to pull off the same glove he had just put on, and used it to smack his target in the face.
The person he had hit? Johnny.
"Hey!" Johnny barked. "What was that for?"
Ferb's answer was short and to the point.
"I challenge you to a duel."
Upon hearing that, the other teenagers stepped away from the pair. Johnny's eyes narrowed as he stared at Ferb, and he returned the gesture. After thinking about it for a second, Johnny responded to Ferb's challenge.
Candace stopped at an intersection. She had lost sight of Phineas and Isabella and was trying to figure out which way they had gone. She listened for clues as Jeremy came up on his bike, stopping next to her.
"I had a thought, Candace," Jeremy said. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe, and, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, maybe this isn't some crazy scheme from your brothers, and that those two are actually in love?"
"Shhh!" Candace said in response, raising a finger in front of Jeremy's lips. "I think I hear something..."
It was faint, but off in the distance, Candace could hear two preteens singing. About beautiful days and flowers and proclamations that they would never be apart ever again.
"That has to be them! Who else would dare think up a love song in five minutes flat AND sing it aloud, with perfect pitch and everything? Come on, Jeremy! We've got some lovebirds to bust!"
Candace turned left, in the direction of the singing, and Jeremy had no choice but to follow. Thankfully for Candace, they had somehow managed to lose Buford some time ago.
Another wave of pink concentric circles traversed through Danville, and this time, the source was easy to spot. They were coming from the top floor of the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated building. This time, they were not going to travel nowhere near as far as the first wave, because this set was aimed at an angle slightly more perpendicular to the ground, ensuring it would not escape the downtown area.
But what was going on downtown was of no concern to Ferb and Johnny, who were about to engage in a duel in front of the high school. Their backs were to each other and they were now wearing holster belts like ones those in the Wild West would commonly wear to duels.
"We draw on three!" Johnny stated got it.
Ferb nodded, even though Johnny could not see it with his back turned. Regardless, he did not hear an objection, so the duel began, as his friends watched in fear, shook with nervousness, or ate from a freshly popped bag of popcorn. Johnny counted off the steps as the two duelists moved.
"One. Two. THREE!"
On three, they both spun around and drew...
...something on a notepad using a pencil. Five seconds later, they each flipped their pads around so that their opponent could see what they had drawn.
Johnny had drawn a simplistic water pistol with only a half-quart tank. Ferb, on the other hand, drew a multi-barrel water pistol, each of which had its own tank relative to its size, including one tank that could half a gallon of water by itself. The pistol also had a built-in laser sight for the main barrel, a tripod to prop the water weapon on so that the wielder would not get tired holding it, and last but not least, a chrome-plated finish so bright it would blind anyone who looked at it without sunglasses. Luckily, Ferb only had a regular pencil at his disposal, so the faux-chrome he had drawn had no effect.
Seeing that he had lost the duel, Johnny tossed aside the notepad and then fell backwards onto the ground. With his opponent downed, Ferb trotted over to pay his last respects.
If last respects meant him showing Johnny a photo of Vanessa and then shaking his head in disapproval.
"Are you telling me to break up with her? No can do!"
Ferb grabbed Johnny by the coat and pulled him up to eye level. The younger boy stared intensely at him.
"Hey, she broke up with me!" Johnny told him.
Ferb leaned in even closer.
"Whatever. I don't know if she's seeing someone new!"
Satisfied with Johnny's answers, he let go of Johnny. He scurried off, and his friends took off with him. Ferb no longer had interest in them anymore, as he sprinted off once more. This time, he was heading towards downtown.
Speaking of downtown, Vanessa was about to cross the street to get into Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. She was in good spirits, as she was being accompanied by her new, yet still-secret boyfriend, Monty.
"I guess this is where we part ways," Vanessa told Monty. "Can't risk you-know-who finding out."
"Y'know," Monty replied, "at some point we WILL have to tell them."
"And I'm SO looking forward to that day."
The two laughed in unison. Suddenly, they heard an explosion coming from above. They looked skyward, towards the top of the building. Sure enough, there were small piece of debris flying out from the rooftop balcony.
"Perry and my dad must be up to it again. Maybe we should wait a few minutes."
Monty nodded in agreement. The pair searched for a curbside bench to sit on, but before they could locate one, Candace rode up to them on her bicycle.
"Vanessa! Have you seen my brothers?"
"You mean Phineas and Ferb?"
Candace got off her bike and let it drop to the ground as she waited for Vanessa to respond.
"Sorry. Haven't seen them."
Candace then noticed Monty for the first time, just as Jeremy arrived on the scene.
"Who's this guy?"
Suddenly, Candace gasped as it clicked in her head. Immediately, both Vanessa and Monty panicked.
"You can't tell anyone!" Vanessa exclaimed.
"It's a secret!" added Monty. "You can't tell anyone, ESPECIALLY our dads!"
"Ooh, forbidden secret romance!" cooed Candace. "I likey!"
Candace then turned to Jeremy, who quickly shot down the idea they had just given her.
"It's too late for one of those."
"Drat," Candace said, snapping her fingers. "Forbidden secret romances are the best kind of romance."
"So why the hush-hush?" queried Jeremy. "Are your dads, like, secretly enemies or something?"
"Something... like that," replied Vanessa, even though she knew he was right on the money about that assumption.
Candace heard bicycle bells. She turned her head to the right just in time to see Phineas and Isabella get off their bikes and prop them up against the wall. Amazingly, the young couple was still holding hands.
"THERE THEY ARE!"
Candace's gaze shot to the opposing corner of the intersection, where Phineas and Isabella were heading. Then, out of the corner of her eye, Candace spotted two familiar figures walking towards that same intersection from a different direction.
"It's Mom and Dad, and they're conveniently heading for the exact same street corner! I couldn't have planned this any better, MWA HA HA HA!"
Candace started making her way diagonally through the intersection, laughing maniacally all the way. Monty and Vanessa watched Candace, and then turned to see Jeremy's cool, collected reaction to what was going on.
"What do you see in her?" Monty asked, curiously.
A loud truck horn filled the air, making Jeremy's response inaudible. Meanwhile, Candace had made it safely to the other side, and she was now standing in front of Phineas and Isabella.
"HA! Stop right there!"
Phineas and Isabella did as they were told.
"Don't move a muscle, Phineas! I'll be right back!"
Candace then ran around the corner to get her parents. Phineas and Isabella responded appropriately.
By staring into each other's eyes affectionately.
"MOM! DAD! Phineas made this thing, and now he and Isabella are gaga for each other! I'm sure Ferb has something to do with this too, though I don't know where is... oh, just bust Phineas and now and then we'll find Ferb so we can bust him too!"
Candace waited for her parents to respond, but all they seemed to be interested in doing was staring longingly into each other's eyes.
And then, without warning, Lawrence leaned in and rubbed his nose against Linda's, like Eskimos do, to Candace's dismay.
"EEW, GROSS! You do that in public?"
But they did not seem to see how embarrassed Candace was for them. Or hear her complain about it, either.
"Can you save that for some time and some where I can't see it?"
She then got on the other side of her parents and began pushing them back to the intersection.
"How about after you bust the boys, huh? Ugh, come on!"
It took some doing, but Candace eventually got Mom and Dad to where Phineas and Isabella were standing.
"Oh, brother," grumbled Candace. "You two can't even do being in love right?"
Candace then spun around and nearly lost her lunch when she saw her parents rubbing noses once more.
"You're not helping, Mom and Dad! Now, stop doing... whatever it is you're doing and bust Phineas for being too young to be in love!"
But her parents ignored her. The only thing the two of them wanted to do was rub noses. As for Phineas and Isabella...
Candace smacked herself in the face with the palm of her hand. She tried to figure out how to get what she wanted when she suddenly made another observation.
Or, rather, several observations.
She saw a businesswoman having a conversation with a guy driving a street sweeper. Ten feet away from them, an old lady in tattered clothing was dancing with an off-duty police officer, despite the absence of music. Candace's eyes darted to an opposing street corner, where two teenagers were furiously texting each other love notes even though they were literally separated by less than an arm's length. She then saw animals getting into the act, too. On a third-floor apartment railing overlooking the intersection, a bluebird had a worm in his beak, which he was offering to a robin. In a nearby store window, a bow-wearing cat was rubbing her face against a plush whale doll that was easily more than 20 times her size. Finally, on a TV in the window next to Candace, there was a cartoon on in which a group of gnomes were proposing to a 12-year old girl.
As if that were not strange enough, she spotted several members of Isabella's Fireside Girls' troop approaching the street corner that Jeremy, Vanessa, and Monty were standing on. At first, she thought the girls were by themselves. But then she noticed that each of them was holding the hand of a boy.
Two of the boys with them were Buford and Baljeet. Candace was shocked they were no longer upset with their own break-up, as they were now walking with Milly and Ginger, respectively. Adyson was with Django, Katie was with Irving, and Holly was with some boy Candace did not recognize, but seemed to remember seeing him in a ball pit in the past.
All of these sights prompted Candace to scream in pained confusion.
"WHY IS EVERYONE SUDDENLY SO LOVE CRAZY?"
As Candace tried to make sense of it all, Jeremy, Vanessa, and Monty appeared next to her, finally having crossed the intersection to join her.
"I'm starting to feel uncomfortable," Jeremy said, rubbing his arm nervously.
"Whoa!" gasped Vanessa. "Even Norm's getting into it!"
She pointed out Norm, who was trying to kiss the street sweeper. The machine, not the guy driving it.
"Cupid must be making an off-season run," guessed Monty, half-jokingly.
"Or my dad's Lovey Dovey-inator actually works," stated Vanessa.
"WHAT?" shouted Candace and Jeremy, simultaneously.
"NOTHING!" yelled back Vanessa and Monty, in the same fashion.
"Well," Candace spoke up, "this is obviously the work of Phineas and Ferb."
She then squatted down next to her redheaded stepbrother and glared at him.
"I will find a way to bust you!"
To which he responded, "Oh, Isabella!"
And Isabella said in return, "Oh, Phineas!"
"You switched order! That MUST mean you're about to snap out of it!"
"Or you're crazy," mumbled Vanessa.
"Now I just have to find Ferb."
Two blocks away and closing fast... Ferb.
"He'll show up eventually," remarked Candace, "and when he does... HELLO, BUST OF THE CENTURY!"
Before Candace could celebrate, a second explosion rang out from atop the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated building. The four teenagers looked upward, just in time to see a third set of concentric rings heading straight downward, quick followed by a third and final explosion from the roof.
"What's that?" asked Candace, pointing at the rings.
These rings were a lot smaller than the first two sets, yet they were just big enough that, went they hit ground-level, two people ended up getting caught in their radii.
Candace and Vanessa.
Seeing their girlfriends get 'hit,' Jeremy and Monty were about to run over to check on them. Suddenly, a non-descript white van pulled up to the curb, and the passenger's side door flew open, blocking the boys' path. Someone stepped out and closed the door.
It was Carl, and he was looking down at a communicator on his watch.
"Good work, Agent P! You may have destroyed the Lovey Dovey-inator, but the effects last for about an hour. Just to be safe, I'm down here on the street transport you back to HQ. Anyone who was hit by that last blast will fall in love with the first person they see, so we have to be careful."
He then happened to look up at that very moment, and was standing just a few feet away from Candace and Vanessa. Believing he was risking blowing Agent P's cover, he started to run. But the girls grabbed him and, before he knew it, each of them was giving him a kiss on the cheek. Vanessa on his left; Candace on his right.
"WHOA! Girls, calm yourselves!"
Each of them then grabbed the arm closest to them.
"Then again, maybe you can't."
He managed to turn his head around just enough to see Monty and Jeremy standing there. And neither was happy about what was just happened.
He looked forward and, to his dismay, two more people were staring him down. Ferb and... Stacy!
"Man, this just got REALLY weird!"
Candace and Vanessa kept a firm grip on Carl's arms, each appearing ready to fight for him in a tug-of-war. Meanwhile, Monty, Jeremy, Ferb, and Stacy closed in, wanting to beat up Carl for stealing their girl.
"CARL! CARL! CARL!"
I woke up with a start. Major Monogram's voice filled my ears.
"CARL! How many times have I told you NOT to leave the agents chocolates? It makes them have weird dreams!"
Major Monogram had no idea how right he was. That's because I'm a platypus.
"Grgrgrgrgrgr," I chirped.
"Anyway, Doofenshmirtz has made something called a Lovey Dovey-inator, and you know what happened the last time he messed with romance! Put a stop to it before he breaks someone's heart!"
I saluted, then hopped out of my seat and jumped into my flying car. My nemesis was up to something, and I had to stop him.
I just hope chocolate-induced dreams aren't prophetic.
Happy (Crack) Valentine's Day!